Christmas, 1954
"No!" Steve heard James say. "Stop that!" There were sounds of motion, and then noises from Michelle that suggested while she wasn't about to start crying, she was not pleased with the current turn of events.
Steve set down the plate he was drying and stepped into the living room. Michelle had evidently escaped the wall of pillows he had built around her blanket before stepping into the kitchen and was in the process of being dragged back toward them by her older brother.
"What're you doing, Little Buck?" Steve asked. James had his arms looped under Michelle's and across her chest and was dragging her little bottom across the carpet, her legs trailing behind. It wasn't particularly dignified, and she didn't look happy about it, but he wasn't doing anything that would hurt her.
"She's tryin' to get in the Christmas tree, Daddy," James complained. "I told her no but she didn't listen, so I'm movin' her."
Steve smiled. James deposited Michelle back on her blanket, and she rolled and made a break for the tree again. James sighed. "See?"
Steve laughed. "That's okay, buddy," he said, stepping in to block his relocating of his sister again. "She can't get through the fence."
James frowned at the little white fence surrounding the Christmas tree. "Are you sure? The space between the bars is kinda big, and she's little."
"I'm sure," Steve said, still smiling. "See?"
Michelle had reached the fence and was sitting in front of it, leaning her head against the bars and staring in fascination at the lights on the tree.
"She's just enjoying looking at the pretty lights," Steve said. James still looked slightly suspicious, and Steve chuckled. "Don't worry. Both her and the tree are fine. Hey, tell you what," he added, deciding to distract the three-year-old's attention. "We could go ahead and get started on the Christmas fort if you want."
James's face lit up. "Yeah!"
"Alright," Steve said. He and Peggy had built a pillow fort as something of a joke the Christmas before James was born, and for one reason or another, it had become a family tradition. "Why don't you clean up the floor so we'll have room for it, and me and Michelle will go get the pillows?"
"Okay," James said, hurrying to gather up his toys.
Steve scooped up Michelle, who fussed about being taken away from the lights until Steve grabbed the baby carrier off the back of the closet door, slipped it on, and slid her inside. She loved riding in the baby carrier. Steve made several journeys back and forth to the linen closet to fetch pillows and blankets, stacking them on the couch until James had the floor clear. He heard the sound of the front door opening as he picked up the last stack of pillows.
"Hi, Mommy!" he heard James call from the living room.
"Hello, love," Peggy replied. "Is it time for the Christmas fort already?"
"Yeah! Daddy an' Michelle are gettin' pillows."
"Sounds like I'm just in time," she replied. "Hello, darling," she greeted as Steve walked back in. She greeted him with a kiss, then leaned down to drop a kiss onto Michelle's cheek, and the baby burbled happily.
Steve deposited the last of the pillows on the couch while Peggy went to change out of her work clothes. He brought in two of the chairs from the dining room to help hold up some of the blankets—when it had been just him and Peggy, the fort had been made entirely out of pillows, but they'd needed to start using blankets when James came along to expand the real estate and give him room to wriggle around.
"Done!" James declared, hurrying back from putting his last toys away. "Where's Mommy?"
"I'm right here," she said from behind him. "Shall we have some music while work?"
"Christmas music!" James yelled excitedly, and Steve laughed.
"That sounds like a 'yes'," he said. "Why don't you help me unfold this blanket while Mommy picks out a record, Little Buck?" he asked. James was incredibly interested in the record player but was very much not allowed to touch it, but he was happily distracted with the prospect of a task.
While Bing Crosby crooned about a White Christmas, Steve and Peggy tucked blankets into the back of the couch and stretched them over the two dining room chairs, using clothes pins to hold them in place. James danced around to the music and occasionally held things in place for them to pin, and Michelle was happily chewing on one of the wooden pegs. Once the blankets were in place, they stacked up pillows along the sides and laid a blanket out along the floor.
"Lights!" James declared once the outside was done.
Steve eyed the box of Christmas lights warily. "It's gonna take me a while to get those untangled," he said. "Why don't you go upstairs with Mommy and get a bath?"
"I wanna help with the lights," James protested.
"Don't worry; if they're all untangled before you're done, I'll wait for you," Steve promised. If he let James 'help' him untangle the lights, they'd be lucky to have them ready for next Christmas.
James decided this was fair, and he grabbed Peggy's hand and eagerly led her down the hall to the bathroom, telling her about the new adventure he'd thought of for his rubber duck to have. Steve was able to get the lights untangled without too much trouble, even if the baby carrier did put Michelle in a prime position to try to keep snatching them out of his hands to stick them in her mouth. He laid the untangled lights out across the living room floor and went into the kitchen to make hot chocolate and the traditional Christmas fort snacks in lieu of dinner. Michelle was happily engaged with chewing on the rubber end of a spatula while he worked. If he had to guess, he'd say she was going to be getting a couple of teeth in before too long.
"All you want for Christmas is your two front teeth, huh?" he said with a smile, pausing in his fruit-chopping to kiss the top of her head.
She made a noise that sounded like, "blgarth!" and swung her spatula up, narrowly missing smacking him in the nose.
"We're ready, Daddy!" James called from the living room. "Time for lights!"
"Alright!" Steve replied, turning off the stove and moving back to the living room. James was in his little red footie pajamas, damp hair sticking out every which way. Peggy's sleeves were also damp. "Looks like bath time was fun."
"It was very exciting," Peggy agreed.
Steve smiled and stepped over to slide an arm around her, but James popped up between them and declared, "Time for lights!" again, in case they had forgotten in the past five seconds.
Steve chuckled. "Okay." He bent down and picked up the end of the strand of lights. "You have a clothes pin?"
James picked one up eagerly.
"Alright, come pin it right here," Steve directed, holding the light strand against the edge of the blanket.
Steve and Peggy wound the strand of lights through the fort, directing James where to place the clothes pins and occasionally reattaching them for him to make them more secure. Finished at last, Peggy stood up and plugged the end of the lights into the outlet, and James gasped as the soft white lights sprang to life.
"It's so pretty!" he declared.
Michelle cooed happily, distracted from her spatula.
"You want to help me carry the snacks?" Steve asked James.
"Yes!" James agreed, rushing to the kitchen.
Peggy laughed and reached over to lift Michelle out of the carrier. "Let me get started on feeding her while you two get our food," she said.
Steve followed James to the kitchen and found his son bouncing eagerly on his toes by the counter. "Here you go," Steve said, handing him a large bowl of popcorn. "Carry it very carefully so you don't spill, alright?"
"Okay," James agreed.
Steve turned to load up a tray with the cups of hot chocolate, fruit, cheese and crackers, and sausage balls, and laughed when he turned back around. James was taking the directive not to spill incredibly seriously, and was moving at a glacial pace in the direction of the living room, little hands clamped firmly on the popcorn bowl.
Steve skirted around him and set down his tray in front of Peggy, who was sitting back against the couch inside the fort, leaning against a pillow with Michelle tucked against her chest. He waited until James had made it to the fort with his popcorn, then turned off the overhead lights, leaving the room lit only by the Christmas tree and the string of lights in the fort.
James let out a happy little gasp and wriggled excitedly.
"Okay," Steve said, crawling into the fort. He settled himself next to Peggy, kissing her on the cheek and brushing a hand over Michelle's soft hair before handing out the snacks. "Now, this is hot, so be careful, alright?" he said, handing James a half-full mug of hot chocolate. "Use both hands."
"Slide the tray a bit closer, would you, darling?" Peggy asked. Steve moved the tray closer to her and she grabbed a couple of apple slices. For a while, the fort was filled with the quiet sounds of contented eating, with the exception of Michelle, who had always been a very noisy eater.
"You know, you tell me I'm being rude when I make noises like that," James pointed out. "How comes Michelle doesn' get in trouble for eating all loud?"
Peggy chuckled. "Because you're old enough to know how to be polite," she told him. "Once Michelle is old enough to understand, we'll start teaching her some manners too."
"Hmm," James mused. He returned to his handful of popcorn contemplatively, then, after a couple of minutes, looked up at Steve. "So, are you going to tell a story or aren't you?"
Steve laughed. "Speaking of manners…"
James sighed. "Can you tell a Christmas-time story, please?"
"Alright," Steve said. He took a thoughtful drink of hot chocolate. "Do you want a story from me or Mommy about when we were kids, or something from when we worked together?"
"Do you gots any Christmas stories with Uncle Bucky and the Howlies?" James asked.
"Oh, we have several," Peggy said with a laugh. She looked at Steve thoughtfully. "Perhaps our first Christmas as a team?"
"Mm, yeah, okay," Steve said. He looked down at James. "Okay. So, it was 1943."
"How many years ago is that?" James wondered. James enjoyed numbers and counting very much, and had recently gained an interest in the passage of time, though his actual understanding of it left something to be desired.
"Eleven," Steve said, which was chronologically true, even if it was more from his point of view.
"That's very long ago," James declared.
"Yes, it was," Steve agreed. "Anyway, it was 1943, and we were in France. This was only about a month after our team had gotten together. Actually, it was…" He trailed off and looked at Peggy. "What, our third mission after Azzano?" While the team had been put together almost right away, they hadn't gone anywhere for about three weeks—everyone needed rest after the labor camp, and Phillips had had some leadership training he'd wanted Steve to go through before they went anywhere.
"I believe so," Peggy agreed. She shifted Michelle up off of her chest and onto her shoulder to burp her.
"Were you there too, Mommy?" James asked.
"I was." Peggy smiled. "Colonel Phillips sent me on every mission with them for the first two months to make sure they knew what they were doing."
"She kept us in line," Steve agreed. "So, yeah, we were in France, and we'd just finished a mission to get some information from some spies and bring it back. We were supposed to get back to camp in time for Christmas—everybody was really looking forward to it. There was going to be extra food in the mess hall, and were going to get some time off, and there was even supposed to be a Christmas party."
"With real Christmas sugar cookies with icing," Peggy interrupted. "That was important," she added for James's benefit. "Because during the war, sugar was rationed, so we didn't get a lot of it. Lots of people were looking forward to the chance to have some sweets."
"And by lots of people, she means her especially," Steve said in a stage whisper that made James giggle.
"I would too," James agreed. "I like cookies."
"So we were trying to get back for Christmas at camp," Steve said. "But then it started raining. And snowing. It got really cold, and the road got really muddy, and soon the weather was so bad we couldn't see. We realized we were going to need to find a place to stay."
"Like a hotel?" James wondered.
"No, not like a hotel," Steve said as Peggy snorted into her cup of hot chocolate. "There wasn't anything like that around. But we managed to find a farm where the people didn't like Nazis, so they told us we could stay until the weather cleared up."
"That was nice of them," James said.
"Yes, it was," Steve agreed. He remembered the way the door had opened just a crack when they knocked, and the wary look on the farmer's face. He'd been relieved that they only wanted shelter and not any of the little food they had, and he'd directed them to their barn. The barn had seen better days, but it was dry, except for a little patch in one corner that was leaking, and reasonably warm.
"There were too many of us to stay in their house, so they let us stay in the barn," Steve went on. "It was getting dark, and we realized we weren't going to make it back to camp in time for Christmas."
James frowned. "Were you sad you didn't get your cookies, Mommy?"
Before Peggy could answer, Michelle let out a surprisingly large belch for someone so small. Peggy snorted in amusement and craned her neck to look over her shoulder, in case spit up had accompanied the burp.
"You're good," Steve told her.
"'scuse you, Michelle," James said. He blinked up at Peggy. "Were you sad about your cookies?" he persisted.
"I was disappointed, yes," Peggy said, handing Michelle over to Steve so she could eat the rest of her food. Michelle hummed and snuggled against Steve's chest with a sleepy sigh. "Everyone was, really," she went on. "Not just because of the food, but…Well, we were all away from our families, and that can be very hard around the holidays. Everyone was really looking forward to chance to not fight for a little bit and just get to celebrate with our friends. And not being at the camp where that was happening, it reminded us how far away from home we were."
James nodded thoughtfully. "I unnerstand," he said. "I would be very sad if I had to have Christmas by myself." He frowned at Steve. "This doesn't sound like a good Christmas story."
Steve chuckled. "Well, that's because you haven't heard the end yet," he told him. "Like Mommy said, we were pretty disappointed. But we figured, you know what? We're safe, we're not getting rained on, and it's Christmas, so we're gonna have as good of a time as we can."
"That's right," Peggy agreed around a mouthful of popcorn. "We all went through our packs and got out all the food we could to have a feast."
"What did you have?" James wondered.
"Well, there was beef stew," she said. "It was cold, because we were worried we would burn the barn down if we started a fire. But it tasted alright. We found some crackers and pretzels to go with it."
"I like crackers and pretzels!" James declared.
"Yes, we know," Steve said with a smile.
"Your Uncle Dugan had a bottle of bourbon that he decided to share with the rest of us," Peggy went on. "It's a grown-up drink," she added as James started to open his mouth to ask what it was. "It was hard to come by over there, so it was very kind of him to share with us."
"Did you get any cookies?" James wondered.
"I did not," Peggy said. "But your Uncle Gabe found some tinned peaches in his pack, and so we decided to save those for dessert."
"That's why we have Christmas peaches!" James exclaimed. It had started out as a joke, like the fort, but every Christmas dinner, there was always a bowl of canned peaches.
"That's right," Steve agreed. "We do that to remember that Christmas—it was a nice one, and it was the first time Mommy and I had Christmas together."
"What happened after the peaches?"
"After the peaches," Steve said, shifting Michelle a little before she was all the way out and moving her weight so his arm didn't fall asleep. "We sat around real close together to stay warm, and we sang some Christmas songs."
"Like what?"
"Well, we started with 'Silent Night'," Steve recalled. At this point, James insisted that they sing it, so they paused in the story-telling to sing the song. James couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, but his little voice was sweet and earnest, and there was only one of him. None of the Howlies had been very good singers, and some of them were downright awful, but, like James's squeaky little tune, it had been cheerful and heartfelt.
"So, we sang some more songs," Steve said. "And then after that, your Uncle Jim told the story of the Night Before Christmas."
"Can we do that one too?"
It was getting close to bedtime, but Steve looked over at Peggy and she shrugged. It was a special occasion, after all. "You'll have to go get it," Steve told her. "My lap is occupied at the moment." He nodded down at Michelle, who was snoring contentedly in his arms.
Peggy left the tent, followed eagerly by James, and they returned after a minute with the book. James crawled up into Peggy's lap, curling into a contented little ball, and Peggy opened the book and started to read. She held it out where Steve could see it, and they took turns reading the pages until they got to the end.
"And I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight, 'Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!" Steve finished in a stage whisper. James had drifted off to sleep in Peggy's lap, possibly helped along by her fingers tracing soft circles in his hair. He mumbled something that might have been 'g'night', and Steve smiled and shut the book. "Good night, Little Buck," he said softly, kissing his fingertips and brushing them over his son's hair.
Carefully, Peggy shifted back so she could lean against the couch again, and Steve mirrored the action so they could lean against one another. "We've come a long way since then, haven't we?" Peggy mused.
"We sure have," Steve agreed. "You know, back during the war, I always dreamed about this kind of life with you. Afterwards…" He shrugged carefully. "I never thought it was in the cards."
"I didn't really think so either, after you were gone," she told him. "I thought about the future, of course, but nothing…" She sighed thoughtfully, then smiled at him. "But it never really filled me with the same sort of warmth it did when I thought about the future with you."
Steve knew she had dated a little before he came back, but to know he'd had that same kind of hold over her that she'd had over him…It made him sad, because he knew that for all she'd known, he was dead, and she shouldn't have had to live with that hanging over her. But at the same time, it swelled his heart up so full of love he thought it might explode out of his chest, and he leaned in and kissed her soundly.
"It was a good Christmas, that first one," Peggy said softly. "It was the first Christmas since the war began that I'd felt any sort of hope. And the boys and the singing and the stories…It really was lovely," she said. "And you know what else I remember fondly about that Christmas?"
"What?"
"It was after everyone had gone to bed. I was finishing up my turn at watch, and you got up a bit early to spell me. You came over and sat beside me, and you told me that you were sorry I'd missed the proper celebration, and you hoped this would help. Then you reached into your pocket and pulled out the chocolate bar you'd won off Monty when we played poker the week before." She smiled at him, her eyes shining. "Everyone knew you'd won it, and we all thought that if you still had it by that time, you would have gotten it out to share with the peaches, unselfish dear that you are. You didn't, so we assumed you'd eaten it earlier."
"I was going to share it with everybody," Steve said. "But then I remembered how disappointed you were about the cookies, and…" He blushed a little. "I was already pretty far gone on you even then. It was probably cheesy, but—"
"It was incredibly thoughtful," Peggy interrupted. "I almost…Well, I almost cried, actually."
"Really?" In those early days of knowing one another, Peggy had seemed so tough and unflappable, though Steve knew now it had been borne out of necessity. She was still tough and unflappable now, of course—she just let Steve in to see behind that.
"I did," she agreed. "It wasn't because I was so happy to get something sweet like that—although, it remains one of the best Christmas presents I've ever gotten—it was just…Well, I realized that for you to realize how disappointed I was, you'd been paying attention to little things I'd said. That wasn't something I got a lot of back then. And I know I'm not the only one of us with a sweet tooth," she added, a grin twinkling in her eyes as she leaned over and kissed the tip of his nose. "I knew how much you wanted that chocolate bar. And yet, you were kind enough to give it up because you knew it would make a hard time for me a little less difficult…I'd thought so before, but that was when I knew for sure that the serum hadn't changed you at all. You were still that same wonderful man from Camp Lehigh that had stolen my heart."
Steve smiled at her warmly. The way she'd smiled at him back then when he'd handed her the candy bar had made the loss of the treat worth it a thousand times over.
"Then, of course, I had to practically fight you to get you to take a little piece of it for yourself," she went on with a chuckle and a fond shake of her head.
He'd finally accepted three squares, insisting she keep the rest of it for herself, and they'd sat there together in the door of the barn, watching the rain and eating the chocolate. "You know, that was the best date I'd ever been on," Steve told her.
Peggy laughed. "We were cold and muddy and hungry, there were Nazis about, and everything smelled like wet chickens and Dugan's feet. I would say that that's just pathetic, but it was rather lovely, wasn't it?" Peggy agreed. "Although, hopefully, you've had better dates since then."
"I have," Steve said with a smile. "But that one's always going to hold a special place in my heart. The way you were smiling at me…That was the first time I thought maybe you and me could be more than just a dream."
Peggy leaned in and kissed him soundly. "But we are a dream, darling," she said. "A lovely one." She pulled back and nodded at the sleeping toddler in her lap. "You think we can get these two in bed without waking them up?"
"It's a dangerous mission, but it oughta be a piece of cake for the best spy I've ever seen," Steve told her. He looked up at the blanket over their heads. "Let me clear you an escape route." Cradling Michelle as gently as he might hold a live grenade, he got up on his knees and untucked the blanket above him. With a space cleared, he got to his feet and folded the blanket back so Peggy could stand up instead of needing to crawl out with James in her arms. "I'll fix it back up before James gets up and sees it in the morning," he said.
Peggy got to her feet just as carefully as Steve had, and they picked their way around the tray of snacks and the empty cups. Steve moved toward the nursery while Peggy headed to James's room. Delicately, Steve lowered Michelle down into her crib. She made a little snuffling sound, but did not wake, and Steve smiled and draped her little blanket over her.
"Goodnight, little Jellybean," he whispered, brushing the lightest of kisses over her forehead. "Daddy loves you so much."
He crossed paths with Peggy coming out of James's room, but he ducked inside before she closed the door all the way and gave his son a goodnight kiss too. "Night, night, Little Buck." He watched him sleep for a minute before returning to the hall, reminding himself of how lucky he was and taking the moment to soak it in.
He went back to the living room to clear up the dishes and fix the fort, but Peggy had beaten him to it. "Leave the dishes for the morning, darling," Peggy said as he stepped toward the kitchen. She was standing by the record player, and she turned the volume down low and set it playing again. "Dance with me?" she asked, holding her arms out.
Steve moved into them happily, wrapping his own around her and tucking her head under his chin.
"I don't think I've gotten the chance to tell you I love you since breakfast," Peggy said as they swayed to the music. "But I do. More and more every day. I can hardly believe I was lucky enough to have you come into my life in the first place, never mind to get you back a second time."
"Well, I couldn't leave my best girl," Steve told her softly. "I love you too much for that."
Peggy smiled and stretched up on her toes to kiss him. "Merry Christmas, darling."
Steve leaned in and kissed her back. "Merry Christmas, Peggy."
