A/N: Gentlemen...I'm not sorry. I like Felix too much and I had to write this eventually. Tear away at me as you will. No prompt this time, the idea was all original here. Couldn't find a name for the artist who made the cover art, but if you see this story and you want credit (or to have it removed) please tell me so.


You're Not Alone

A lifeless room. One that seemed completely dead and silent, without even the slightest sound of movement or sign of life within.

Yet, this deathly silence betrayed the reality of the inhabitants – inside was a raven-haired boy with nasty eyes, hidden beneath his hair, which cast a shadow over his face. This young man was Natsuki Subaru, the "hero" who had just been the cause of the White Whale's death, and the major leader of the force that had repelled a witch-cult attack, killing an archbishop singlehandedly.

In front of him, laying on a soft, white bed, was a delicate-looking girl with blue hair, dressed down in a light blue gown. She was...nobody.

A simple passing presence that had been cruelly eaten up, spat out, and forgotten about by the rest of the world. Someone with no identity, achievements, or relations left to speak of. Yet another victim of an endless, unceasing Gluttony, that would just cruelly swallow up even more.

However, even lacking all of these, this blue-haired girl meant something to the boy who was sitting at her bedside. He was the one single thing in this world holding her memory, her name, the only living proof of her existence besides the one who had done this to her.

"Rem…"

And currently, the fact that he had that unique position, that implication alone...it was eating away at Subaru's mind, at his very sanity.

"I'm sorry that I'm a failure...failure...failure…" Words spilled from his lips, leaking out into the silence that the room had previously held. He lifted his gaze weakly, his eyes coming into view. Rather than the sharp, lively look that he usually held...they looked completely and utterly lifeless.

The boy sitting at Rem's bedside looked like he had even less life than her, she who was stuck in an inescapable sleep.

"Why...why did things have to turn out like this?" A desperate question came from him, his trembling hands moving up from his lap to feebly grab onto the edge of the bed.

Of course, just like always, there was no answer. Only the endless, crushing silence that continued to press into him his failure.

Subaru wasn't sure how much loops it had been, now. The moment he saw Rem lying there, with everybody having completely forgotten her, he ended his own life with barely any hesitation...only to find out that the limits of his abilities had denied him any chance of bringing her back.

Maybe in some other reality, he would have been able to accept that and force himself to move on, knowing anything else was useless...but something in Subaru snapped once that sick confirmation was granted to him.

He didn't just give up and trudge onward. He tried absolutely everything that he could to save Rem within the impossible world that had been forced onto him.

He killed himself multiple times, even dying right in front of Emilia and Petra in one loop, wondering if he could set the checkpoint backwards if he died early enough.

Finding out where the destruction had occurred, he'd headed over to Crusch and Rem himself to check on them, only to be met with the sight of Rem's comatose body, and Crusch's delirious amnesiac state.

It all failed.

But he couldn't stop.

Worthless, worthless, worthless. How could he be conceited enough to start caring about his life when he couldn't even help Rem, or even help Crusch, who was the entire reason he'd even been capable of getting this far?

Even with all of his guilt, his unsightly struggles, his useless effort...the reset point never changed. He knew that even if he could teleport to Rem and Crusch's location right after he returned, he would still be too late.

Almost as if a cruel joke, the world taunted him by putting him in a place only moments away from being able to do a single thing but torment himself over his failure.

The obvious thing to do would be to move on, obviously. Sitting around, killing himself over and over – it wouldn't accomplish anything productive. But even then, even when he knew what he was doing was illogical, and stupid.

Even then.

Even then…

He had to punish himself by continuing to try, over and over again. That's probably what all of this was in the end – a hellish, self-inflicted punishment that Subaru continued to perpetrate.

His life no longer had any meaning to him. Because each death was what he rightfully deserved.

"Someone like me...doesn't deserve to just move on." He let out a barely-audible whisper, his trembling hand reaching to a table besides Rem's bed. On it was a knife used for peeling fruits, a knife which he had become incredibly acquainted with over the past…

Oh, well. Time wouldn't matter for him for a while, anyways. What worth was counting?

"I'm so sorry for failing you, Rem...but...but, I'll keep trying. No matter what I have to do to myself…" He muttered, his pupils narrowing down into circles as he slowly brought the thin blade up to his throat, pressing it deep into his neck.

Right at his jugular vein – he had learned that was probably the most efficient way to do things.

Something within him gave way, and soon, he felt himself choking on his own blood. The pain didn't even register. Time slowed down, as he fell deep into the dark throes of de-

"Kchkkk-!" Subaru's hands were forcefully brushed away from the knife lodged in his throat, as it was pulled out with a precise, almost surgical movement.

Even so, an open wound was an open wound. And Subaru had already dug the blade deep enough into his throat to the point where simply pulling it away wasn't going to help him.

Blood began to seep from the wound, and Subaru still felt himself choking, but a warmth soon enveloped his neck, that seemed to take all of that away. A bright blue light filled the room – a light that Subaru recognized. It was the sign of healing magic being used.

"What the hell were you doing?!"

A voice berated him, one he was too tired, both mentally and physically to recognize. To Subaru, it sounded like a cute, high-pitched girl…

He weakly turned his eyes to the side, his dead brown eyes widening ever-so-slightly. Of all of the people to be here, he didn't expect the person currently healing him.

Flax colored hair, and yellow, almost amber eyes. A cute blue dress that seemed out of place among the dingy, dark room.

'Felix?'

He tried speaking his surprise, but he felt an immediate sharp pain in his neck the moment he tried to do so.

"Don't even try to speak. I may be able to heal your wound, but you're not going to fully recover from sticking a knife into you throat."

Opposite to Felix's high-pitched voice, the healer himself seemed deathly serious. His eyebrows were knit into an obviously annoyed expression, his eyes filled with a storm of mixed emotions that Subaru could not decipher.

This was the first time in his life that Subaru remembered seeing the demihuman with such a look since his death at Felix's unwilling hands.

"If I weren't busy healing you, I would have slapped you to the other side of this room. Doing such a disgusting thing...and in the presence of someone you supposedly care about, too…!"

The raven-haired boy was left silent at Felix's incensed words. Not only due to the pain still running through him, but also due to the fact that even if he could speak, there was nothing for him to refute.

All he could do was look at Felix with completely dead eyes, eyes that hadn't changed in the past who knows how many loops.

Unbeknownst to Subaru, Felix, looking into those eyes, felt a deep fear. Being a healer – he had seen people in many states in life...hopeful, depressed, angry, frustrated...but never before, had he seen someone with eyes like Subaru's.

He looked like a corpse. All traces of the brave, cheerful boy who had fought alongside him and the others remained. It was like Felix was healing a shell of a person.

"What...what were you even intending to accomplish by killing yourself? That won't bring anyone back! It won't fix anything, or do anything, except waste your life!"

As if to distract himself from that fear, Felix continued to speak. Even with his words acting as more of a self-comfort than anything, every piece he spoke was completely honest.

There was nothing in this world that Felix hated more than people who had absolutely zero regard for their own life. And looking at Subaru's lifeless eyes, he could tell that Subaru fell into that category.

There wasn't even a single spark of anything there that showed a will to live.

It was easy to tell that without looking. After all, what regular person could slowly push a knife into their throat without any hesitation? Even trained soldiers would have difficulty ending their own lives with no warning.

No doubt – there was no doubt in Felix's mind that right now, Subaru was not someone who respected his own life. And that would have prompted nothing but absolute hatred and contempt from him.

Yes, hate...that would have been Felix's feelings towards the boy in front of him...however, for some strange reason, he couldn't help but feel pity for the boy, instead.

After all, he hadn't been sent here to berate and hate the boy, but to check on and monitor his condition, to keep him safe...and Felix now recognized that he had been sent here to keep the boy safe from himself.

'Now I understand why Crusch-sama sent me here, in the first place…'

The cat-eared healer thought back to how he had even ended up coming to this room.


It had been moments after the Crusch and Emilia camp had the short argument over whether their alliance would even remain in place, after what they had set out to achieve was mostly finished.

Of course, Felix had been highly against remaining allies with the people who had brought Crusch to her unwilling fate of becoming an amnesiac in the first place, but Wilhelm's intervention, and Crusch's insistence had swiftly shut that down.

...Not to mention, deep down inside, Felix knew he was being a bit unreasonable. He knew Subaru had fought right there alongside Felix, a human who was arguably just as weak as him, had been charging into the front lines, leading the battle against the White Whale.

It had been his information, his strategies, and his bravery that enabled their camp to even fight the beast effectively.

Without Subaru, Felix, as much as he believed in their camp's strength, wasn't sure they could make it out of a Subaru-less White Whale battle without losing almost all of their soldiers.

Crusch was an amnesiac now...but if she had been hit by the fog of the White Whale, there wouldn't even be a body left behind. She'd just be entirely erased from existence.

He just wanted targets to vent his anger for losing his lady onto. Felix felt ashamed of himself realizing that, as a knight.

If Crusch had her full memories, she would no doubt have shamed him for such behavior.

So he'd relented. It was nighttime, so neither camp could really leave, unless face the threats that came with nighttime travel. After being so mentally and physically battered, none of them were in a spot to do that.

Naturally, Felix wanted to spend the night with Crusch, looking over her and keeping track of her condition.

What surprised him most, however, were the words that came from her mouth as he offered that to her.

"Um...listen, Felix. I'm very appreciative of your offer, but, I feel as if your services are needed elsewhere. Rather than looking after me...could you please check on Natsuki-sama for me?"

Felix had been taken aback by his lady's words. Eyes wide, he immediately refuted her request.

"There's nyo way Ferris can do that, Crusch-sama! Ferris' place is at your side, not looking over that trouble-summoning boy. He's always just fine by himself, after all."

The woman with verdant-green colored hair just shook her head, giving a meek, gentle smile that he was not used to seeing on her face.

"I understand that you're very devoted, it's just...Natsuki-sama's eyes...his demeanor...he almost seemed...a little off. When I went to ask him about it later, he brushed me off, saying he was fine, but I got a weird feeling like he wasn't telling the truth."

The healer's eyes widened. He realized that Crusch, without knowing it, had probably gotten that feeling from her Divine Protection of Wind Indication. But he didn't have time to revel in that thought.

Right now Crusch was vulnerable, weakened, and not even in the correct mindset for her position. If he left alone, it would be completely irresponsible of him as a knight, let alone what his own personal feelings were on the matter.

As if sensing this, Crusch shook her head preemptively, speaking to words that Felix didn't even have a chance to say.

"I've asked Sir Wilhelm to look after me in your absence. That should stem any worries that you may have, right?"

The cat-eared knight practically deflated at how his mistress seemed to practically predict his actions. Even without the memories, she was as sharp as ever.

"R-right…"

And so, reluctantly, Felix had headed off to check on the young man and the girl he was looking after at his mistress' orders.

He hated to admit it, but he believed it was a good idea to check in on Subaru, as well. Nobody had really said anything about it due to being so wrapped up in the moment of all that had happened, but everyone could tell that the boy was lacking some of his usual energy and vigor, despite how barely noticeable it was…

But knowing the boy, Felix didn't expect it to be anything serious. He was probably just a little tired, or burdened with worrying about the mysterious girl none of them seemed capable of remembering.

If he could confirm the boy's mental stability, then he could get in and out.

'Let's just wrap this up quickly so I can return to Crusch-sama's side…'

Felix had entered the room with those kinds of expectations...but how wrong he would be proven, as he stepped through that door…


'Crusch-sama's instincts were right.' Felix's yellow eyes bore into Subaru's dark brown eyes, which almost seemed like an inescapable pit of despair. 'Was Subaru-kun just hiding it this entire time?'

To them, it was a sudden shift, but if the slight off nature he had was persisting through the whole day...it was likely that they had just missed it.

How much pain Subaru was battling with on the inside.

Felix had his hands full with healing and worrying about Crusch – there was no possible way for him to have noticed these minute changes in Subaru, especially when they weren't that close.

That's right, they weren't that close, Felix wouldn't have really even called them especially close friends, more like familiar acquaintances...still, something was off in Felix's mind...and his heart.

The moment he'd walked in and saw the boy trying to end his own life, a maelstrom of feelings had swirled around inside of him.

However, out of all the things he expected to feel...it wasn't gentle sympathy and concern.

His gaze softened, eyebrows slightly raising and body relaxing, an imperceptible change.

Right now, Felix didn't need to be here as a doctor, or somebody judging Subaru as an observer...he needed to be here as someone who genuinely cared about the boy.

If Subaru was incapable of valuing his life right now, Felix needed to act as that person, only if to temporarily stabilize him.

"What I...was trying to achieve, huh?" Subaru's voice fully returned, disrupting the healer's train of thought. "...Nothing."

Thinking about it, Subaru couldn't answer that question with any other answer. That was, unless he wanted his heart to be crushed. In that case, it was convenient – as Subaru was long aware that these meaningless deaths weren't even serving a purpose anymore.

"Nothing…? So you were just about to throw your entire life away for nothing, huh?" Felix frowned, a sigh escaping his soft lips. "We both know that's not what you really mean, Subaru-kun. A life is a precious thing – something I know that you're aware of. I may not know a lot of things about you...but I know you're not the sort of weakling to just throw away his life."

At first, there was silence...then, Subaru chuckled, a chuckle which turned into a full-on laugh, his hands raising up to cover his face.

"Precious?" Another bout of laughter followed this single word, as if Subaru couldn't fully emphasize how ridiculous it sounded with his words alone. "Calling a life like mine precious…?"

To Subaru, there was no funnier joke than that set of words.

His laughter died down into weak coughs, which sounded almost like croaking in Subaru's wearied throat. It was obvious that his voice was completely hoarse.

"Of course. I wouldn't get so angry at you if I thought you were completely worthless. You should know that Ferris isn't that kind!" Felix retorted with a huff, a wry smile coming to Subaru's face at his words.

"You know, Felix...you don't have to force yourself." Subaru looked up at Felix, once more with those eyes that seemed darker and lonelier than anyone else could reasonably comprehend. "I know you'd rather be watching over Crusch right now...tell her that 'Subaru said he's fine'. Her divine protection won't activate if it's worded like that, right?"

Immediately, Felix could feel it. Not so subtly, Subaru was trying to push him away. And the worst part was...he wasn't even wrong.

If he hadn't stumbled onto this scene, Felix wondered if he would have even bothered staying to check on Subaru's mental condition properly. It was a question that he couldn't answer, not without throwing himself into a pit of his own thoughts.

However, Felix was far past juvenile thoughts like those now. There was nobody to pass this onto, and in a way, Felix didn't want to pass this onto anyone else, either.

Looking into those darkened eyes of Subaru's, those brown orbs that, at first glance, seemed scary, but upon a deeper look, were just crying out for someone, anyone to help him…

The demihuman let out a deep sigh, shaking his head.

"I guess Ferris will have to be Subaru-kyun's company for tonight, if you're going to keep saying stupid things like that!"

In one surprising motion, Subaru felt something warm...but it wasn't healing magic, like before, no...it was the warmth of someone's body against his. He looked to his side, only to see that Felix had pulled up a chair besides him, his shoulder's pressed lightly to Subaru's.

"...Huh?"

Felix snickered at Subaru's confusion, giving a cute, cheeky smile that reminded Subaru of the mischievous grin of a cheshire cat.

"Subaru-kyun seems pretty down, so Ferris will take care of him nice and good!~ Or maybe Subaru-kyun is just too embarrassed to have a cute girl like Ferris against him like this, hmm?"

A small light returned to Subaru's eyes, an indiscernible glimmer that just barely lit up the void.

"A-Ah...don't try those kind of teasing tricks on me. I know you're a guy, already. And I don't...I don't swing that way." Subaru replied gruffly, turning away from the boy. However, much to his chagrin, Felix just pulled himself even closer, his face now leering right in front of Subaru's, only centimeters away.

"Is that really so? Ferris was sure that he could feel Subaru-kyun's shy embarrassment from over here, though...but Subaru-kyun shouldn't have any problem if he's really unaffected by Ferris' teasing…Ferris thinks Subaru-kyun sees him as a cute girl, rather than a guy..."

"Aaaah! Alright, alright!" Subaru wanted to jump back, but there was practically nowhere to go.

He definitely knew that he was as straight as a flying arrow, but he felt like nobody could blame him for having second thoughts, with how oddly sensual and tempting Felix could get sometimes.

Honestly, it was hard for Subaru to look at him like a regular guy, when he was so cute...with such a surprisingly nice, soothing voice, such soft skin, and when he was wearing such cute clothes all the time…

"Hmm~?" Felix looked at Subaru with the most smug grin one could ever summon up on his face, making Subaru realize that he had just been staring at Felix the whole time.

"W-Well...anyways…" He cleared his throat, looking to the side. It was as if that entire little interaction had somehow dragged him away from the thoughts that had been tormenting him that entire night.

Still, it didn't mean they had just disappeared. If anything...he just felt like...he wanted to speak about everything that was rampaging around in his mind.

But...would Felix really want to hear all of it out?

They weren't even particularly close. In fact, this was probably the first time that they'd ever spoken this closely, with such familiarity.

"Felix, I-"

"Don't worry about Ferris, and just say what you have to say, Subaru-kun." The doctor dismissed his words near-instantly, a warm smile on his face. "I'm listening."

Those last two words made Subaru feel as if something in him was released. As if the dam within him that was containing and suppressing his emotions finally broke…

This was the first time anyone had offered such simple words to him…

And Subaru couldn't hold it back anymore.

"I…" He paused for a second, as soon as he finally began to speak. It felt like now that he had finally began to speak, his mind was threatening to reverse all of that progress, and drag everything back inside of him.

But seeing Felix's unusually patient gaze, and his warm, waiting smile...Subaru felt the strength to continue talking.

"I felt so...useless...so...damn useless! So many people put their hopes on me, but so many of them aren't even going home today...some of them aren't even gonna be remembered! All I did was think up a few things anyone could've thought of, that's all I did...everyone else were the real heroes…"

Subaru banged both his hands down on the edge of the bed, uncaring of the sharp pain running through his hands every time his palms slammed against it.

"And when it comes to people who have done so much for me, I can't even protect them…nobody but me even remembers Rem anymore...and Crusch...after she helped me out so much, after she was kind enough to actually help me out, all she got in return for it was lost troops and a lost memory."

The boy's hands closed tightly, so tight to the point that blood could be seen dripping from his palms, as his fingernails mercilessly dug into his skin.

"What have I even done that's worth mentioning? What do I have to show it? No, I don't even care about that right now...what am I supposed to say to the people who believed in me? The ones who put their trust in me? Only for me to turn them down like this….like this, like this, like this, LIKE THIS!"

Every bit of strength he had in his body left him, his palms opening as he looked down to the bed with a weak gaze.

"I've failed everyone. We 'won' the battle, but what was the point with this outcome? The very least I thought I could have done was end the life that brought everyone so much pain...but not even that's the solution."

Subaru was completely and utterly lost. He had no idea what to do anymore about the self-hatred and all-consuming depression that was raising inside of him.

However, before he could say anything else, Subaru a weak pull on his side. Not expecting it, he fell to the side, only for his head and shoulders to press into something incredibly soft and warm...it was pretty comforting.

Even deep in the throes of his own despair, Subaru easily recognized what this was.

"A...lap pillow?"

Recognizing what it was didn't make him any less bewildered, however, as his incredibly confused words indicated well. He slowly turned his gaze upwards, finding himself looking right into Felix's understanding gaze.

Usually, he would have complained, especially considering that Felix was indeed, a guy, but...something about this close physical contact was just incredibly comforting for Subaru.

It honestly was just...nice.

"You know, Subaru-kun…" He began to speak, bringing his hands to lightly hold on to Subaru's. The raven-haired boy blushed, but calmed down as he noted that Felix was only healing the surprisingly deep cuts that he had inflicted on himself. "You're not the only one who has felt that way."

Felix's eyes seemed to waver for but a second, the most minuscule traces of sorrow passing through his gaze. "Despite having the title of 'Blue', there's still a lot of people Ferris can't save...diseases that Ferris can't heal...even with this ability, meant to save people...there are still people I can't save."

Subaru could tell that there was probably a deeper story behind those words, but he didn't bother prying into Felix's past, instead hanging onto each of his words like his life depended on it.

"That's why Ferris hates weak people who try to pose as something that they're not. Not just for being weak or helpless, but because Ferris was once that way – he believed he could help everyone, only to be coldly reminded that some lives are just forever out of reach of helping, no matter how much power you have. And it was along that dark path, that I began to develop a hatred for seeing people who are so easily able to throw away their lives, without valuing them at all. Just like you were about to...which would have been a shame, considering how much Subaru-kyun has accomplished. Don't you think so?"

Subaru's eyes widened, with only even more bewilderment entering his eyes as he looked right back at Felix. "How much I've accomplished? But, I just sa-"

"Yes, yes, Ferris heard every bit of your weak, desperate attempt to convince me that you're worth nothing...but even someone like Ferris has to admit, you're much more than a simple weakling, like I first thought." Felix chuckled, remembering how Subaru's presence itself had once annoyed him, only for that to change amazingly over this single day. "Not only did you help us with finding the location of the White Whale, but you were the one who came up with all the strategies and discoveries that helped us take it down. That's leaving out the fact that you even acted as bait for the White Whale, itself. That was something Ferris doesn't think anyone could have replicated! Though it does fit Subaru-kun's recklessness and crazy thoughts well."

The boy looked off to the side, left quiet at Felix's words. He seemed to be reeling from the surprising amount of positivity in Felix's voice when speaking about him.

"Then after that, you went on to crush a Witch Cult attack, and defeat an archbishop all on your own? I have to admit, even though I was a part of the plan, it was still unbelievable just how good you did, Subaru-kun! You didn't just earn Ferris' respect...but the respect of everyone else that day. I'm sure everyone would say the same thing. Even if Crusch-sama and Emilia are rivals, it's not like Ferris would have enjoyed seeing an entire town of people wiped out."

Subaru's remained quiet, thinking that the healer was done...but he still had more, much more to say. He felt Felix lean back, not even looking up at him anymore.

"To be honest, though...I did feel pretty angry towards you, at first. It was easy for me to want to blame you for what happened to Crusch-sama...thinking that our alliance only existed because you brought it up in the first place. But, thinking back on everything I said, it's likely things would have been much worse, a lot, lot worse if we didn't have you on our side. So…"

Felix's hands disconnected from Subaru, instead gently pressing against his cheek. Tenderly, the cat-eared healer moved his hand, tilting his head so that the boy was looking up at him again.

On the demihuman's face was a bright, beautiful smile, one that seemed almost full of guilt, yet one that had a light in it that Subaru couldn't possibly understand.

"Instead of yelling at you...it's only right that Ferris should say sorry to you, Subaru. For not even bothering to notice how much this had bothered you, for foisting so much blame on you, and for leaving everything you've done today for Ferris and everyone else unsaid. For how much Ferris hates weakness, Ferris showed you a pretty unsightly state today...and, well...for how horrible you feel…"

Those deep, vibrant yellow eyes looked into Subaru's eyes.

"Ferris thinks that you've done more than enough. Right? You can give it a rest now. Because...you're not alone. Ferris is here for you."

Something else inside of Subaru snapped, another wall crumbling down like dust, into a nothingness that he couldn't describe...and he felt it...moisture in his eyes, irritating them, causing him to blink.

"H-Huh? Why am I...what's...what's this?"

He kept rubbing at his eyes with his sleeves, but the more he rubbed, the more wetness covered his eyes. Without realizing it, tears had just started falling from his face, dropping uncontrollably. At some point he just gave up, letting the tears flow from him.

Felix didn't really seem to mind, just letting the boy cry onto his dress without much of a care in the world. With him being in such close contact to Subaru, he could have probably stopped his tears altogether...but Felix was emotionally sensitive enough to know that Subaru needed this right now.

Besides, it was easy enough for him to wash one dress out. In a way, it sort of made him a little happy to be relied upon so heavily by Subaru…a feeling he found incredibly odd.

Perhaps it was just because nobody ever really showed him that much vulnerability to him? Crusch usually eased her strict behavior around him, but she never fully let her guard down with anyone. And Wilhelm, while he was as emotionally complex a man as any other, was practically like a stone wall. The first time Felix had ever seen him show large amounts of emotion was when he'd cried after landing the finishing blows on the White Whale.

His friends, Julius and Reinhard definitely would never show him such weakness...Julius was never keen to reveal his feelings, and Reinhard, despite how horrible his situation was, never wished to bring people's attention to himself.

To think of it, Subaru was the first person that Felix had comforted like this, in a very, very long time...and it made him feel a lot closer to the crying young man, who was practically clinging to him.

As for Subaru, he felt oddly close to the cute flax-haired healer as well, a fact which equally surprised him. But unlike Felix, he immediately knew why...it was because there was practically nobody he could have said these things to.

In some ways, Subaru needed someone who wasn't too close to him, someone who wouldn't be capable of judging him based on their preconceived notions of who he was in their mind...and Felix was brutally realistic. When he wasn't teasing, he could almost be as harsh as Ram.

Even if just by Crusch's orders, Felix had brought Subaru the harsh dose of reality that he needed...and the right sort of words he needed to lift himself back up.

A lot was hidden under that incredibly cute exterior of his…

Realizing that he was holding thoughts like this, Subaru let out a sigh.

'I can't believe I'm having thoughts like this about a guy...but does Felix count as a full guy? I mean, why am I even thinking about this right no-AAAAH!'

Subaru's whole body shuddered as he felt a light pressure on his ears, a familiar sensation that Subaru remembered from his previous checkpoint.

"Ahm." Felix nommed down on the young man's ear, pulling him out of any thoughts he was having. Subaru vocalized a yelp as the electrifying feeling from that finished running through his body, with him looking at Felix with outrage in his eyes. The healer giggled, shaking his head at Subaru's expression. "I think you're trying to look mad, but it's hard for Ferris to take you seriously when you're crying and trying your best to do it at the same time!"

"D-Damn it!" Subaru huffed, rubbing away his tears with an embarrassed red spot on both of his cheeks. "This is what I get for trying to get happiness from a lap pillow from you, of all people…"

"And what does that mean?" The cat-eared knight smirked, that smug expression showing on his face again. "Just a while back, Ferris didn't remember hearing any complaints when Subaru-kyun was clinging so tightly to Ferris, letting his tears out on my soft lap-"

"AAAAAH, okay, okay, I get it! Alright, I'll admit it, dangit, you're...ugh...kind of cute…"

"Only kind of?" Felix hummed, bringing a finger to tap Subaru's nose. The boy groaned, knowing that someone as mischievous as Felix would never have let him off with such a simple, vague answer.

"I swear, you go way too far with your teasing-! You're, uh...very cute."

"There, there, was it really that hard for you to admit, Subaru-kyun~?" Felix grinned, his cheeks slightly dusted with color as he ran a gentle hand through Subaru's hair, patting his head. He would never say it aloud, but those words had made the healer just a little bit happy to hear.

"...I still would rather getting this sort of thing from Emilia-tan." He said, as if trying to be rebellious.

"And Ferris would rather giving his lap to Crusch-sama!" Felix replied right away, not even missing a beat.

"Tch." Subaru was forced to give in to Felix's teasing expertise, finding himself completely unable to win the verbal battle. The healer let out a satisfied hum, clearly assured in the knowledge that he could easily beat out Subaru's futile attempts to fight back without even the slightest bit of effort.

Subaru wasn't really in any position to argue anyways, considering the fact that he was currently physically and emotionally in the palm of Felix's hands.

Still, for some reason, even despite the battle between them...Subaru couldn't help but chuckle, just finding something funny about their little interaction. And soon enough, Felix joined in as well, with a lighthearted chuckle that he couldn't suppress, either.

From the darkness that Subaru had been immersed in, to such a fun, ridiculous moment...neither could believe that their moods had been capable of making such a huge change. Never would Subaru or Felix had thought they'd end up in these positions with how the mood in the room was only moments ago.

Slowly, the room once more entered into silence. But it wasn't that previous crushing silence that seemed to sap Subaru of any energy he had, both mentally and physically. No, it was a comfortable silence, one that allowed both of them to recuperate from the stress that had built up in them over the past day.

And for Subaru, he was letting out the stress that had built up from reliving this same stressful day, over and over again…

Even though his body wasn't physically exhausted, the mental exhaustion he had felt like it was enough to knock him out cold by itself. And of course, not all of his worries were fully resolved yet.

There was still the matter of Rem, and how they would go about curing both her and Crusch – so many things to thi-

"I can practically see that overthinking brain of yours, Subaru-kyun." Felix sighed, shaking his head at the boy, as if he could read his thoughts. "I know. I'm worried too, especially about Crusch-sama. But right now, worrying won't do us any good. We need to focus on staying in one piece, staying strong...both for Crusch-sama, and for miss Rem, here."

Subaru was silent again, before eventually nodding, a small smile on him for the first time since Felix had walked into the room.

Once again, a silence reigned over them, before Subaru took the moment to break it, this time.

"Say...would it be fine if we, uh...spent a little more time like this every now and then?"

Felix heard it, Subaru's voice coming out barely above a whisper. The knight could tell that he was probably about to slip into the land of dreams.

"Hmm...Ferris will consider it. If Subaru-kyun promises to keep being a good boy, that is. Especially considering that Subaru-kyun's seemed to develop some special feelings for Ferris~…"

This time, Felix received no response to his teasing. Of course, he knew why immediately – the last remaining threads of Subaru's consciousness had slipped away, sending him right into sleep.

His yellow eyes looked over the boy's sleeping form, his hands continuing to gently stroke his hair without him even meaning to. Considering Crusch's order, Felix had a long night in front of him...he'd probably have to readjust later on whenever he was ready to sleep.

For now, the least he could do was keep watch over the sleeping beauty in the bed in front of them, and the sleeping boy who was passed out on his lap.

Chuckling, Felix once more allowed a small smile to come to his face.

"Ferris doesn't even know what these feelings are inside of him...but at the very least, I can promise you that you're not alone in your struggle, Subaru...let's both get through this together."

The knight looked from left to right, before placing an extremely chaste, gentle kiss on the boy's forehead. He wasn't exactly sure whether this was just a fleeting, momentary feeling, or one that would lead him into a new place he couldn't have expected…

But knowing that he would get to watch over this boy who he had suddenly come to care about made whatever path it would take all the more exciting.

Maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad after all?