I can walk... I CAN WALK!

On a rainy afternoon, I was walking through England. There, I entered a town called Herby, in Northwestshire.

In the centre of the town, a man with long, curly brown hair and a leather jacket was taking his friend out for a walk. His friend was a heavy balding guy in a wheelchair.

'Look Andy, that's a Furret!' the brown-haired man said.

'Yeah I know!' the man in the wheelchair snapped.

'She's cute, right?' Lou asked.

'I wanna catch the Furret,' Andy said with a monotonous voice.

'You wanna catch her? But I thought we went out because you wanted to catch a Pikachu, Andy. After all, you said Pikachu's electrifying Thunderbolt would bring you the luck you need to win eight Badges and defeat England's champion Austyn.'

'Yeah I know! Stop repeating everything I said! I want that one! Gimme the Poke Balls and let me borrow your Magikarp so I can battle Furret!'

'But Andy, my Magikarp only knows Splash. He is way too weak to battle Furret...'

'Yeah I know! Just gimme your Magikarp's Poke Ball so I can try to battle Furret!'

While those two men kept arguing, I decided to walk away. I had no desire to become Andy's Pokemon. And so, I decided to walk onwards.

From a distance, I could hear Lou and Andy still arguing about me.

'Aww, Andy. Now Furret got away...' Lou muttered.

'Don't like her. I didn't want her. I want a Pikachu!' Andy stated, despite saying he wanted to catch me earlier.

One day later, I was walking through a seaside town called Old Haven. There, I saw two very unconvincing transvestites walking around, Emily and Florence.

Years ago, before he joined Team Rocket, I met Team Rocket's Meowth, who showed me some Little Britain episodes with Emily Howard. Some people believe the Little Britain scenes about Emily are making fun of trans people. However, Emily Howard is not trans. She just wears drag. There is a huge difference between being trans and just wearing drag. Emily is doing the second and is not very good at it.

'Look Florence, a Furret,' Emily said. She was a lady wearing a frilly pink dress and a black wig, looking more like a Victorian woman than like a modern one.

The other lady, a short, heavy bloke with a mustache, looked at me. 'Aww, she's a fabulous lady Furret!'

'Hi Furret, I'm Emily. And I am a lady!' Emily said.

'Furret Furret!' I said, saying she is indeed a fabulous woman. Of course I did not mean that. She is a rubbish transvestite, but giving someone a compliment is never wrong.

'Would you like to be my Pokemon?' Emily asked. 'I already have a male Gardevoir, a male Mr. Mime named Madam Mime, a male Bellossom, a male Vaporeon and a fabulous male Jigglypuff. You can be my first female Pokemon, Furret.'

Florence liked the idea of me joining Emily's team. 'Furret is a fabulous lady. Just like you, Emily!'

However, I did not feel like joining Emily's team, so I ran away. Emily is friendly, but I prefer being a wild Pokemon. I want to be free. Why? Because I can walk!

A day later, I arrived in Llandewi Breffi, a small town in Wales. There, I encountered a heavy man wearing a shirt with rainbow colours. It was Daffyd Thomas. I knew him from when I used to watch Little Britain.

'Furret Furret!' I said while waving at him.

'I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it!' he shouted.

'That's good! I support gays. And I'm a bisexual Furret myself,' I said to him, saying 'Furret Furret Fur Fur Furret!'

'Furret, you are a gay icon, just like Lady Gaga, Judy Garland and Cher!' Daffyd said.

'Furret Fur!' I said, thanking him.

Then, a heavy woman named Myfanwy appeared. She was the owner of a pub which Daffyd often goes to.

'What are you waiting for, Daffyd? Why don't you catch that Furret?' she asked, with a heavy Welsh accent.

'No, I can't, Myfanwy. I can't catch a Pokemon, I'm gay!'

'Why not? You have some Poke Balls with you, and you have a fabulous Clefairy who can battle Furret before you throw a Poke Ball. Why don't you and Clefairy battle Furret?'

'I can't battle a Furret, I'm gay!'

'My friend John, who lives close to the pub, is gay. He has a Furret and is a good Pokemon Trainer!' Myfanwy said.

'John isn't gay! He's just a little bit effeminate.'

'He and his boyfriend were doing it in the pub yesterday!'

'That cannot be! I am the only gay in the village and that's that!'

And so, I decided that I had enough of listening to this conversation. Daffyd was obviously being a dick. Denying someone's homosexuality... What a bloody wanker! I had nothing left to do in Llandewi Breffi. And so, I walked onwards.

The next day, I arrived in Darkley Noone, another British town. There, I saw a heavy woman with blonde hair and a pink tracksuit.

'Furret Furret?' I asked, meaning 'Are you Vicky Pollard?'

'Yeah but, no but, yeah but, no but, this whole thing just happened that I don't even know nothing about. So I just saw Dawn and Zoey lezzing out while Ash fucked Misty like an animal. And then Drew fucked May, who is actually wearing a push up bra to hide the fact that she actually has super small tits, even though her fanboys will deny that. And I saw Tracey fucking Misty's sister Daisy in the ass. And yesterday, Brock and Lucy were doing it at the beach and I saw it. Lucy has big tits and Brock has a small cock. Anyways, don't go giving me evil, you stupid ferret, because I swapped one of my many children for an old Sugababes album... And when I did that, I saw Cilan shagging Iris. Oh, and did you know Professor Oak is shagging Delia Ketchum behind Ash's back? Everyone knows they are doing it, aside from Ash. Professor Oak is old but he can still get it up. Oh, and Professor Oak was totally hitting on me when I stole one of his Bulbasaur. He was totally staring at me before he got the Bulbasaur back by making Ash's Bayleef use Vine Whip.'

I just kept staring at Vicky. What the fuck was she talking about?

'Why are you staring at me like that? I so can't believe you just did that! You are such a slut, Furret! I bet you fucked Team Rocket's Meowth. Oh, and Jigglypuff as well. And that wild Spoink from Hoenn who always loses his pearl.'

She was right about Jigglypuff and Spoink, but not about Meowth.

'Yeah but, no but, yeah but, no but, yeah but, no but, because this whole thing just happened that I don't even know nothing about...' she said, while putting her hand in her trousers.

Then, she started to moan, so she must have jammed her hand in her Cloyster... 'Oh yeah, Justin Bieber! Justin! Justin! Yeah but, no but, yeah but, no but, Justin...'

'Furret Furret?' I asked, wanting to know whether she was fantasizing about the worst singer in the world.

'Oh, you are so lame, Furret! Justin Bieber is the best singer in the world! And I love One Direction, *NSYNC, Westlife, Backstreet Boys, Blue, Boyzone, Take That, Jonas Brothers, New Kids On The Block and other amazing bands like that!'

I was sick of Vicky's rambling. And I definitely did not want to see her masturbate. And so, I walked away. I left the town where Vicky lived and started to walk back to Johto. I put on my headphones and listened to Venus In Furs by The Velvet Underground, Lou Reed's old band, on my phone. Time for some real music. Good stuff, unlike Vicky Pollard's crappy preferences. I like Lou Reed, Iggy Pop and David Bowie.

After listening to Venus In Furs and Iggy Pop's song The Passenger, I listened to Space Oddity by David Bowie and started humming along. Ground Control to Major Furret...