Not Afraid Anymore
Chapter 6: To Resurface
As the night progressed Sakura could not sleep, she just kept tossing and turning. The thought of knowing Sasuke was just across the hall unnerved her. It had been so long since she had been this close to Sasuke. He had been gone for so long and changed so much, they all did. She wondered how it would be from now on. What life would be with Sasuke back in the picture. She still loved him. Her love never faded and his return has done nothing more than intensify those feelings she holds in her heart. But at the same time, she thought about his feelings. He must have a lot to sort out in his mind. There was no room for her, she thought.
I should be happy. Satisfied. Sasuke is back. That's enough for me.
His deep dark eyes, jet-black hair, strength, resilience, his shoulders, and speed. Everything that made Sasuke intrigued her. His grace in the battlefield made her heart pound. He was swift, deadly, precise. But despite his cool exterior, Sakura knew better. There was nothing more than a wounded boy, lonely, angry, desperate, and afraid. He can be a lot of things. He was complex. Kind and unkind, loving or hateful, protective or uncaring, hot or cold.
She came to know him better, to see him for what he really was. It was that revelation, of who Sasuke truly was that made her sincerely fall in love with him. To actually wish for his happiness, even if she was not part of it.
Love is difficult. It can be unkind.
Could she ever reach him? Could she ever understand him? I don't think so…but she wanted to.
Just thinking about him made her yearn, yearn for more, to be closer to him than ever. She wondered if her need, her love for him will ever be quenched? Will he ever reciprocate these feelings of hers?
NO. I should not have these thoughts. He needs...space. Love is the last thing on his mind. Sakura thought to herself as she tightly closed her eyes. The hurt becoming too much to bear.
But then suddenly her thoughts bring her back to the battlefield and everything that happened during the war. When Sasuke joined their effort and fought with them side by side, when they risked everything to save the world from Madara, and finally, Kaguya. For a moment there, she thought she did not matter to Sasuke and that to him she was nothing more than a nuisance. He made her believe she meant nothing to him. And to add insult to injury, with an illusion he pierced her heart and sent her into a deep sleep, where she could not interfere. Where she could plunge herself into deep despair and maybe, just maybe, even turn her love into hate.
He was wrong.
Part of her was still upset, but she could never hate him. She knew too much. She's seen too much to ever come to hate Sasuke. Deep down she knows he is not evil, just hurt and angry at what life has given him and has taken from him. At the end of his road, he realized his mistake, because of Naruto who was able to literally beat some sense into him. The Sasuke Uchiha she had known is back, but perhaps still a little lost and still figuring things out, but definitely back. She knows because at that very end, he sincerely looked at her and he apologized for everything and even as she hesitated to accept his apology, she knew she would open her heart to him because it had never been close to him in the first place. It was always filled with the immense love that drove her to the ends of the earth to find him and help bring him back.
As she thought of this, she shuffled out of bed and slowly opened her door and walked across the hall towards his room. She quietly opened his door and looked inside. She knew she shouldn't be intruding but she couldn't help it. She wanted to make sure he was truly there and that it was not a dream. She peeked inside and when she peered at his bed there was no one there. Her eyes widened and before she could react, she was pulled in by her wrist and backed against the wall.
It was Sasuke.
"Sakura." Sasuke said as he held her against the wall.
His eyes bared the Sharingan and Rinnegan as he looked down at her. She was surprise by his quick response.
"Ah…Sasuke-kun...I just wanted to see how you were doing-? Sakura tried to explained nervously as she furiously blushed.
"Do you fear that I'll leave again?" He said calmly as he let go of her wrist and walked towards the window in the room. He could not blame her if that is how she felt. He was the one who left her behind that night, after all.
"I…it's not that!" She sadly exclaimed. "I just…it's been so long since you have been around, I just can't believe you're finally here…and most of all HERE…with me…. I wanted to see you…" She said sadly and quietly apologized as she turned around and placed her hand on the door knob ready to go back to her room, or rather escape to before things got even more awkward for her.
Before she could walk away, Sasuke looked over his shoulder and quickly stopped her from leaving. He held her in place, placing his hand on the door to stop her from opening it and he looked down at her, he could see her emotions playing out in front of him. Her body was tensed and shaking.
"Sasuke…please, just let me go…" She said meekly. While Sakura could be strong and fearless, when it came to love, or rather Sasuke, it is like her strength was being sucked out by the emotion alone. She just wanted to protect herself from the hurt that was about to come. The same type of hurt and rejection she felt years ago when he left home.
Sasuke slowly took hold of Sakura and turned her around and made her face him. Even after all this time and after many confessions he could not understand why she loved him but he was still thankful to her for everything, for being there for him. For her relentlessness and desire to remain at his side even when he pushed her away.
I'm sorry…He thought. Sakura was the last person he ever wanted to hurt. To see her look so meek and afraid, made him feel the worst. He cared for her. He knew that much from their genin days, but circumstances had evolved. They had evolved.
After his fight with Naruto at the Valley of the End, he realized the error of his ways. He pushed away those who cared for him the most in favor of power. He almost took their lives. He almost took hers.
Dammit.
He looked away and moved back, letting Sakura go. They both stood in silence. Neither meeting each other's eyes.
When did things become so complicated between them?
With Naruto, it was simple. They battled it out, exchanged punches, and he finally acknowledged their bond. Things were alright between them.
The weight of his guilt was heavy, but with Sakura, it was heavier.
He was still figuring out his emotions because it had been so long since he had actually acted upon them. At least acted upon good emotions. It had been so long since he has given himself a chance to feel such emotions. As he said to Kakashi once during the war as Sakura laid unconscious. Love was a thing of the past for him.
But what is love for him now, what does this mean for him and Sakura? He had never asked this question, but now that things are said and done for him, maybe…
"Sasuke?" A gentle hand touched his face and he realized how close he had leaned into Sakura while he was in deep thought. Her eyes were wide and nervous and her blush consumed her. Her hand on his cheek was shaky.
"Sakura…go to bed." He said as he turned away with his hand in his pockets as if he was putting away his emotions. Maybe once he gets some sleep, he will think clearly ….
Sakura stood there a little stunned by Sasuke's behavior. She never expected him to act like this, to corner her as he did…
I need to leave….
She quickly turned around and left his room immediately. Sakura climbed into her bed and took deep breaths. Her heart was beating so fast…and the heat that spread across her body had made her hot and sweaty.
She took her clothes off and laid on her bed in her undergarments. Her eyes were lost in flashbacks from what she had just experienced. He was so close…she thought.
What was he thinking…?
I can't sleep now…
Sasuke…kun...
