Not Afraid Anymore

Chapter 9: You and I

Sasuke would have never thought to see himself in an embrace with Sakura. An embrace that he initiated. In the old days, it was Sakura who always sought him out. He had grown accustomed to her touch. It was the way she expressed concern.

He felt at ease in her arms. She was warm and calm. At first, she had tensed up at the suddenness of his action but then fell into the embrace. Her scent was familiar, he thought.

Many thoughts crossed his mind. Thoughts about them and how far they've come. Their encounters, the good and the bad. Their meeting after two years of being apart. The Five Kage Summit. The war…and now this.

While lost in the moment, Sakura slowly pulled away from his embrace and turned to face him while whispering his name.

"Sasuke…"

Sasuke met her gaze thinking that she was about to pull away but instead she held her gaze to his and with some hesitation closed the distance between them and touched her lips to his. It was gentle, cautious.

If Sakura had not been overwhelmed by her emotions, she would have thought that her next move was ludicrous. All the feelings she had locked away were all coming at once. So much pent-up desire. To be in his embrace was one of her deepest desires. To feel his lips against hers was unthinkable. Impossible. A moment that would never be realized, and yet here they are, locking lips as they held one another.

In a different time, Sasuke would have pulled away, perhaps avoided the whole situation. But as her lips met his, warmth spread through his body. It was something he had never felt before. It was exhilarating. The beat of his heart pounded in his ears, pulsing like it was about to rip out of his chest. He felt the heat rising on his face and ears.

What goes up must eventually come down.

Their kiss was brief.

Sakura was the first to pull away. Her lips slowly leaving Sasuke's own. Her heavy-lidded gaze meeting his dark eyes. Nothing around them mattered. Everything was a blur but them.

"Sasuke-kun…I... I shouldn't have…I'm sorry." Sakura shyly expressed as she moved back, her arms interlaced with his, still not letting go. Suddenly her bravado was gone. The realization of what she had initiated suddenly hitting her.

"Sakura…" said Sasuke, keeping her in place. His brow furrowed, conflicted.

"You don't have to apologize."

"I shouldn't have let myself get carried away."

"You weren't the only one."

Sakura's head snapped up at his words and met his gaze. His expression troubled, unsure of how to deal with their current predicament.

Sakura slowly raised her hands to Sasuke's chest and gently pulled away, unlacing their arms and finally breaking their embrace.

"I-We should go home." Sakura quietly said as she walked ahead of Sasuke without looking back.

Sasuke turned to look at her retreating figure as it moved away from him. He felt guilt for being the cause of her anguish.

He stood there for a brief moment and then continued on his own.

The distance between them was profound. There was nothing more for them to say, they could not find the words, so they walked home in silence.


Sasuke could not sleep. Thoughts about what had transpired between Sakura and him invaded his mind.

What a foreign feeling desire was for Sasuke. What he had allowed himself to feel all these years was limited. Love and desire were a distant thought that suddenly has come to the forefront of his mind. He found himself thinking about her touch, her lips, the feel of her body pressed against his own.

He cared about her. She was a precious comrade, a close friend who had filled his existence with love in their genin days. He once steeled himself to not lose sight of his mission in life. His reason for living. But now nothing obscured that which stood before him. She was not an obstacle but a vehicle to something he had lost in the past.

Love.

Was he ready to open up to the possibility?


Sasuke was not the only one to find themselves lacking an appetite for sleep.

Sakura tossed and turned, overwhelmed by her emotions. She felt sad, embarrassed, and frustrated.

She felt guilty the most.

How could I do that? How could I steal a kiss from Sasuke?!

He is in vulnerable place right now and barely mending our relationship and I choose to do THAT?!

She closed her eyes, her brows furrowed.

Abruptly, an image of their lips touching crossed her mind and a deep blush formed on her cheeks.

No. Don't think about that….

But she couldn't help it. She closed her eyes tightly and whispered his name.

"Sasuke…"

Damnit.

Her heart pounded in her ears.

She felt hot.

Warmth began to spread between her legs.

Her breathing started to quickened. She needed release.

Sakura began to reach down, in between her legs, and started to touch herself. Her hand brushing against her skin. She pressed her hand against the heat and started to move her fingers in a slow circular motion.

Aahh…

During their genin days, her thoughts about Sasuke were innocent. A peck on the cheek, hand holding, a love confession, flowers…his acknowledgement. But now things were different. She was not a twelve-year-old girl. She was a woman and Sasuke was a man. She felt things, had occasional lewd thoughts, and also felt the need to explore her body in the privacy of her home.

She wondered if Sasuke too had these kinds of moments.


Sasuke was still awake.

He rose from his futon and decided he needed some fresh air.

He walked across the room and gently opened his door. He did not want to wake her.

As he turned to walk down the hall, his eyes caught sight of Sakura's door slightly left ajar. His eyes could not help but steal a glance as he passed.

He stopped dead on his tracks.

Her legs were moving slightly, squirming. He took a closer look, curious. She wore a frilly nightgown that clung to the curves of her body. Her long neck and shoulders were exposed as she arched her back slightly. Her chest heaving, head thrown back, eyes closed, lips parted, and her hands…

Curiosity killed the cat.

Sasuke realized what was happening and swiftly turned around with soft footsteps and back into his room.

He leaned his back against the door. His heart was beating fast. His breathing not as steady. His mind replaying what he saw. A rare blush crept up his neck. He began to feel hot. He had never felt these feelings. He had never seen her like that.

Their kiss may have been intimate but what he had just seen made the act seem like child's play.

He walked over to his futon and laid down. He placed his arm over his eyes, trying to think about anything but what he just saw.

Damn. He was erect.

His body reacted to the visual stimuli. To see Sakura touching herself roused feelings in Sasuke that he had yet to explore but was not oblivious to. He was human after all.

It felt wrong being aroused at the same time as Sakura. To feel the need for release at the very moment that she is seeking hers. To relief himself at the same time as her felt like he was some kind of pervert.

He tried to bury his thoughts, but despite his best efforts, he was hard. He thought he could bear the uncomfortable feeling, but that was far from the truth. He clenched his teeth and threw caution to the wind. His hand reached down and he felt himself.

That night, Sasuke thought about her. Her parted lips, the curvature of her back as it arched, her heaving chest as she pleasured herself. Their kiss.

Was this lust? Could it ever become love? He cared for her. She wasn't just anyone to him. He liked her company. Appreciated her love and kindness towards him. Could he reciprocate?

He felt guilt. This is not how he wanted things to go. To confuse lust with love.

Sasuke did not sleep that night.