Not Afraid Anymore
Chapter 12: Kiss it better
As they came down from their high Sakura and Sasuke began to realize what they had just done. Sakura was the first to break away from his gaze. She laid next to him staring at the ceiling in a daze, pulling the what little of the sheet she could use to cover herself. Sasuke too laid at her side. He did not bother to cover his nakedness as he contemplated what to do next.
They had let themselves get carried away and took things further than they had ever imagine it could come to between them. The intensity and intimacy of it all made things complicated.
Sakura remained quiet. Her mind replaying what just had happened. A deep blush adorned her cheeks. She felt like she could not recognize herself or Sasuke in this moment.
What they did…
Sakura quickly shut her eyes. It was too much. Sasuke quietly glanced at her, noticing her frustration.
"Sakura…I…" Sasuke began but he did not know what to say for himself. No matter how you spin it, they really went there and nothing could obscure the reality of it all.
Sakura gathered her courage and turned towards him. She needed to look him in the eyes.
"I know why I did it. But…why did you…?" Sakura probed.
He was silent for a moment. Carefully picking his words. He was not the most tactful, often blunt and to the point. He felt that was not what Sakura needed at the moment.
He turned towards her, finally meeting her gaze.
"To be honest, even I am not sure what came over me. I don't deny that I care for you, that there are feeling, moments, where you cross my mind. But I do not think that they equal the feelings you have for me."
His words stung. Sakura took a deep breath, steeling herself. She did not want to fall apart before him.
He saw her avert her gaze. He knew it was not what she wanted to hear.
He continued. "There are things that I am still figuring out. I want to see the world with different eyes. Take notice of the things I missed before."
He turned towards her on his last sentence.
Sakura felt cheap. She heard enough.
Sasuke saw the change in her demeanor and knew she was done talking.
For Sakura, it was too much to bear. She let her emotions get the better of her and now she felt distraught as she rose from the bed and began to look for her garments. She wanted to run and hide.
Sasuke grabbed her wrist and held her in place. He acted on impulse. He hated being the cause of her pain. Again.
"Sakura…"
"Please, let go…"
I can't. I don't want to…
"You are the last person I ever wanted to hurt. I'm…"
Sakura stood silently, surprised by the sincerity of his words.
He wanted to comfort her.
"I was once driven by revenge. I lived and breathed it. But now, none of that matters anymore. I want to understand this world. To make up for my sins…"
Sakura slowly began to turn around, meeting his gaze with gentle eyes. He was opening up to her.
"I also want to understand you." Sasuke spoke with sincerity as looked up at Sakura, his gaze unwavering, his grip on her wrist firm.
This time he would not run away.
"Sasuke…" Sakura was touched by his words.
Sakura proceeded to sit back on the bed, forgetting that she still remained undressed before him. She needed to know one more thing.
"Then, what are we? What do we do with this? I can't act like nothing happened. I feel like it's impossible to go back to "normal" after this…" Sakura could not get past what they did together. To each other. The very thought of it rattled her.
"Then, let's not go back to normal. I don't regret this. Maybe it needed to happen." Sasuke did not mince words. He wanted her, he wanted more. He wanted to understand her in many ways.
Friend.
Companion.
And perhaps, even lover.
Sakura was stunned by his bluntness. He wanted to have it both ways.
How greedy. She thought. But she was not much different than him in that regard. She also wanted it both ways. How could she go back to normal after she had a taste?
Once love and lust intermingle, it's hard to let go.
Sakura did not protest Sasuke's conclusion.
They couldn't go back.
Sakura leaned in and Sasuke did not hesitate to reciprocate. They share a gentle kiss.
Whether or not they were an item was up for debate, but that they had chosen to become closer was enough, for now. They felt if they became too obvious, that people would begin to question them, and that's the last thing they wanted to happen. They had enough questions to deal with between the two.
It was complicated.
After their intimate moment, they fell asleep on the same bed. No clothes, no boundaries, skin to skin. She slept curled up next to him, while Sasuke slept on his back with one arm entangled with Sakura's own. Perhaps she subconsciously feared his absence, and so, she held on to him.
For Sasuke, it was an unfamiliar feeling to have company at his side, but he did not mind it after everything that transpired. He no longer had the desire to push those that cared away. Although he felt like he needed to atone for his sins for the rest of his life, the least he could do for them is acknowledge that he wants them in his life as much as they want him, even if he feels undeserving.
Sasuke's eyes shifted over to Sakura's sleeping form. They lingered on her until he finally fell asleep.
