Why So Blue
"Will you stop pouting?" said Shego as they drove to their backup lair—something they had started doing due to the frequent destruction of their main lairs.
"I still can't believe you ditched me for the buffoon," said Drakken as he shook his head.
"Uhg, you were unbearable and again...look what he did," said Shego in shock. "He made a trike into a portable laser canon and..."
"He did it for nachos!" said Drakken angrily.
"Yeah, well, he didn't keep me in the loop," muttered Shego. She glanced at Drakken. She opened her mouth to apologize and just end the argument, but her mind went elsewhere. "You know what's weird?"
"That it's taking you this long to apologize, or the fact you never had any of my stickies?" asked Drakken. He muttered under his breath. "You badger me for them otherwise."
"Oh my... Sorry. There. Are you better now?" scoffed Shego. She rolled her eyes as he nodded.
"Was it that hard?" asked Drakken. He seemed more cheerful now, and she groaned. "What were you saying Shego?"
"It's weird that you being blue is somehow connected with your evil side," said Shego. She looked at him and he raised a brow. "I mean it has to be, because when you weren't blue, the side-kick was."
"That wouldn't make sense, I was evil before I was blue. That was a chemically induced genetic issue," said Drakken. He looked ahead. "Although perhaps the Attitudinator did partially readjust my brain levels and changed some of the chemically altered genetics with it."
"But...he was blue," said Shego. Drakken shrugged. "Ohm, nothing weird with that."
"Well, perhaps he carried a genetic trait like I did, and somehow the chemicals pulled on it," said Drakken. He looked at Shego. "Shego? Do you want to know why I'm blue?"
"Uhg," said Shego. "You know I was just curious why the side-kick turned blue, let's not make this a bonding experience."
"Fine, let Mego know something you don't," said Drakken. Shego's spine twinged and she glared.
"Fine, why are you blue?" asked Shego. She crossed her arms and was startled at the wide grin on his face. "Don't make a big deal about this..."
"It was a Tuesday afternoon," said Drakken and Shego sighed. He glanced at her and his smile faltered. "I'll make it short."
"Doubt it," said Shego. She missed Drakken's devious grin.
"It was a Tuesday afternoon. By Wednesday night, I was blue," said Drakken, and he went silent.
"Look at you, trying to be cute," she stated. He smirked. "...And failing, as always."
"Hey," snapped Drakken. He pouted. "Fine, live in mystery."
"Fine, explain to me, how exactly you became blue," said Shego with a sigh. She raised a finger. "But know that you can't hold this incident of misjudgment against me...ever again."
"...Not even a little?" asked Drakken. Shego raised a brow and he sighed. "Fine, agreed. It was a Tuesday and I had finally gotten enough funds together for my first decent lair. The others were all rentals and weren't exactly legal. There was one, Shego..."
"Losing interest," said Shego with a sigh.
"...A story for another time, you're right. Well, I was working on one of my many early inventions, creating a new artificial energy source..."
"Bebes?" asked Shego with a raised brow. Drakken glared.
"It wasn't for that! Well, it wasn't originally, but...do you want me off track?" asked Drakken. Shego saw his face darken and smirked. "As I was saying, I was working on the new energy source...for nothing in particular, Shego! One of the chemicals turned out to be unstable, a rip-off really. I took the cheap route instead of stealing the better quality one. It exploded obviously. The chemicals I was using were unstable...Shego!"
"What?" asked Shego, shaking herself awake. "Oh man, is it over?"
"...The chemicals triggered a dormant genetic gene which created a form of methemoglobinemia to occur," finished Drakken angrily.
"...Which is?" asked Shego, making a circle with her hand. "You know for someone so eager to tell this story, you're not well rehearsed."
"It's when the blood doesn't make as much oxygen, so the blood affects the pigmentation," said Drakken. "I've grown fond of it, but at first I wished I'd just done another donation for the extra two hundred dollars and gotten the decent chemical."
"Wait, so, wait," said Shego. "You're blue because your body doesn't properly oxygenate your blood. Which is a genetic issue, which I am not aware of occurring...ever. Which was chemically induced by unstable chemicals... Wait, this explains so much. Insomnia, erratic behavior...oh my god. I just thought you had brain damage from too many explosions. Turns out...you're just a cheap idiot with genetic brain damage."
"It is not brain damage. I'll have you know I have always had these quirks, before the incident," said Drakken bitterly.
"Well, if you had the gene, couldn't it have low key always been in effect? The chemicals just finished whatever mutation it needed?" asked Shego. Drakken stared wide-eyed and raised his brow. "Huh, wow, that's actually interesting. You need to work on your story-telling better... But what about the side-kick?"
"A couple of things. He might have a dormant genetic gene...or the Attitudinator just mirrored the chemical closest to my own... Though, that's unlikely. He has to have some form of the genetic abnormality in him," shrugged Drakken. "It's rare, but not unheard of. There's been cases in history."
"Huh," said Shego. She smirked. "Does that mean somewhere down the line, the poor unfortunate soul who bears his child might end up with a blue brat?"
"Unlikely, it's recessive," stated Drakken. He shrugged and then stared at Shego as if waiting for something.
"What?" asked Shego after a minute of thinking about the conversation.
"Nothing, I was just waiting for more...mocking or, never-mind," said Drakken. It was silent.
"Hey Blue Boy," began Shego. Drakken groaned.
"Here we go," muttered Drakken.
"How did you afford your first lair? Bank robbery? Trust fund? I mean if you could barely afford a few extra hundred," said Shego. Drakken raised a brow as if he'd been expecting something other than a question, but he smirked.
"Odd jobs here and there, a few minor inventions for other villains or wannabe villains, henchwork, genetic material donations, small stint at a mechanical factory..." Drakken ranted and Shego paused him by holding up a hand. "Hmm?"
"Genetic materials? What, were you harvesting organs on the black market?" asked Shego with a raised brow. Drakken snorted.
"Shego, it was the eighties, I did what every college kid short on funds did," said Drakken with an eye-roll. "Being a guinea pig for odd tests and donations. I only did it a few times for lair rent, but it paid decently."
"...Wait. Are you telling me...that you? Dr. Drakken. You. Donated sperm?" asked Shego. She looked disturbed. "You might have children?"
"No," said Drakken with a snort and another eye-roll. "I only did it twice, the samples were destroyed... Besides, the questionnaire I submitted, I made it look like a lunatic filled it out. No one in their right mind would have ever gone with it."
"How do you know they were destroyed?" asked Shego with a raised brow.
"Do you honestly think I wanted my genetic material being used by someone else... There was an unfortunate minor explosion shortly after my second trip," said Drakken with a smug smirk.
"Thank god," muttered Shego. Drakken glared. "One of you is enough."
"You know...I could clone myself," said Drakken with a devious look.
"And share your eventual world-dominating glory with all of them?" asked Shego quickly. Drakken glared again.
"You're right, that would be too confusing and...I don't like sharing," he grumbled. Shego let out a sigh of relief, cringing at the idea. "Well, we're here."
"Great, mosquito central," sighed Shego as they landed in some sort of tropical treehouse style lair. "Why did you choose this one again?"
"It was cheap," said Drakken with a shrug as he hopped out.
"Huh, because cheap works out well for you, historically?" asked Shego with a raised brow.
"I could cut your pay..." Drakken began.
"Looks cute, I like the rickety stair ladder. It adds a bit of a unique touch," said Shego as she grabbed the bags and began walking in. Drakken smirked smugly. "Hey Dr. D.? Another question."
"Yes?" asked Drakken as he picked up a bag.
"Care to explain the little device that deflects my powers?" asked Shego as she paused in her steps. Drakken gulped.
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