Will I ever be enough?

She follows her with her gaze, watching attentively the way she twirls so elegantly, the way she leaps so gracefully or poses with such delicacy.

Claudine can't help but feel how easily she takes her breath away with every movement she does, before a burst of applauses brings her back to reality; the cruel reality in which this girl just took away her chance to become the top star with just the swift of her hand.

It only took her a mere second to eclipse her and burn her with her radiance.

Claudine bites her lip, drawing blood out of it in an attempt to control the feeling of impotence bubbling inside her and swallows the lump stuck in her throat. She clenches her fists tightly as she tries hard to control the tears that threaten to spill down her eyes like a torrent with every watery gaze she witnesses in her classmates' eyes, with every gasp and praise she hears being murmured next to her.

She can only intake a sharp breath of air trying helplessly to ignore their praises, trying not to crumble down in front of the newborn and worshipped goddess in front of her as she watches her bowing elegantly and begin to walk towards her bag with a proud smirk on her face, basking in the compliments thrown at her.

Their eyes meet for a split second, the slyness glinting in a pair of amethyst eyes contrasting with the growing insecurity swirling inside a pair of deep magenta eyes.

And Claudine can't help but quickly avert her gaze not caring in the slightest if she has lost the staring contest. In all honestly, she feels as if she has lost everything the moment the brunette stepped onto the floor and started to dance.

She lost it all along with each one of the brunette's movements: her own pride, her own radiance, but especially, the confidence she had in herself.

Maya keeps up the smug smirk on her face as she passes by the ash-blonde on her way to retrieve her bottle of water from her bag.

- It looks like I'm better than you – she whispers faintly in her ear, and Claudine feels her heart clenching with those words, an ugly pressure settling in her chest that makes it hard for her to breathe, suffocating her.

And yet she manages to look at her squarely, doing her best to ignore the hurt of her words and plaster a tight unfazed smile on her face. She doesn't dare to answer her though, afraid that if she does it her voice would crack or she'd end crumbling down in front of her.

Maya's smirk widen upon noticing this and satisfied continues her way until she finally reaches her bag and pulls the bottle out of it to take a big gulp of it.

Claudine tries to maintain her composure for the rest of the practice, taking deep breaths and giving conceited smiles here and there before their teacher finally announces the end of the practice and bids her farewell, walking out of the room.

As soon as she's out, Claudine turns around to gather her things in a rush and darts out of the room to start running at full speed towards the dorms to hide inside the quietness of her dark bedroom, closing and locking the door behind her.

She quickly makes her way towards her bed and curls up under the safety of her blankets, letting all the hurt, impotence and rage bottled up inside her flow in the form of tears running down her precious face until they fall on her mattress and wet it.

She keeps her crying quiet though, not wanting to be heard by anybody while she tries to give the impression she isn't at her room so nobody has to bother in coming to check on her, not even when she skips dinner.

She keeps crying silently, alone, plunged into the most absolute darkness until she ends up falling asleep out of exhaustion, Maya's words haunting her dreams, turning them into nightmares until she eventually gives up and spends the night sleepless and listening to music trying to quieten the demons inside her head.

Claudine wants to admire Maya, but she hates her. She wants to hate her, but she admires her.

She's full of contradictions about the brunette, and driven by the mad desire of wanting to surpass her, to crush and ruin her the same way Maya is doing it to her.

Claudine just wants to shine, to be the top star and be good enough, even if the other girl made sure to remind her that it won't happen.

So she tries to demonstrate Maya the contrary.

Every day, she gives her best in each practice, in every dance she has to perform along with Maya.

She memorizes the accuracy of the brunette's twirls, the position of her hands and body in every movement, in each pose, her expressions and the emotions she conveys, the feelings she holds inside herself...

And then, when she's alone in the practice room, she repeats each one of their routines over and over again trying to put into practice the things she learnt and memorized about her rival to become better, trying to reach for that perfection, trying to take a step closer to that dazzling radiance, but her fingers never once graze it. Her feet never once catch up with her, only ending up tripping and making her land on the hard floor, blinded, her body painted in nasty bruises and bleeding scrapes, her ego wounded and her soul exhausted.

The only thing Claudine manages to do is break her own heart into tiny pieces with every attempt she does.

She sighs distressed resting against the cold floor as she pants hard with one of her arms draped over her eyes to shield them from the blinding light, letting herself be consumed in her own darkness and thoughts, wondering if she should just listen to her demons and give up and quit.

- Don't tell me you're already tired, Saijou-san?

A knock on the practice room door's frame, followed by the voice of the person she least wants to see at that very moment brings her out of her misery.

- I was merely catching my breath – she grumbles, slowly taking her arm away of her eyes to squint, looking at the infuriating and arrogant brunette at the door to see her looking down at her with a smirk playing on her lips while she leans her body against the door's frame with her arms crossed over her chest.

Claudine lets out a bothered huff before she props herself up onto her forearms to then stand up back on her feet, ignoring the ache in her body.

- In that case and if you have already finished, would you mind if I join you? – Maya says with her usual smug smirk on her face, and even though it infuriates the ash-blonde to the point of wanting nothing more than wipe it off her rival's beautiful face, she simply can't come to do it.

- Do as you please – Claudine simply mumbles, turning around to put some distance between them and go to stretch somewhere else in the room before her hand it's taken forcefully yet delicately and she's spun around to find herself in Maya's arms, coming face to face with her and her infuriating smug smirk.

She feels the brunette's free hand snaking around her waist to place it on her hip and pull her closer before she begins to lead them in an impromptu dance.

Claudine quickly pulls herself back together and follows her with ease.

- What do you think you're doing, infuriating woman? – she asks her grumpily.

- I'm merely testing if your dancing skills have improved so you can keep up with me – Maya says conceited, irking Claudine – Just proving that no matter how hard you try, I'm still better than you will ever be.

Those words and that smug smirk, the same that haunts Claudine in her dreams to the point of choosing to skip sleep, just freezes her in her spot, bringing Maya to a halt with the sudden movement.

Maya furrows her brows confused by this, before she notices Claudine breaking their position to promptly let her go, a few tears managing to escape her magenta eyes before she quickly catches them with the hem of her jacket and gazes at Maya with an unleashed rage swirling at full force in her eyes.

The sound of a slap resounds across the practice room before rushed footsteps can be heard getting away, leaving a shocked brunette behind, touching her sore cheek in the middle of the empty room.

Claudine runs as fast as her feet allow her to the safety of her bedroom, locking herself inside of it to hide in its comfort and under the shelter of her blankets before she finally lets her tears flow.

She soon starts to fight to keep under control her raged breathing and the fast and distressing beat of her heart threatening to leap out of her chest before she could end up hyperventilating.

She barely manages to control it before her trembling hand reaches out to take the bottle of pills in her nightstand's drawer and swallows a pill, knowing its effect will soon help her to breathe as usual again and erase fleetingly the hurt she's feeling until the next day.

Just as she predicted, the pill kicks in, calming her enough to feel her eyes starting to flutter, feeling them heavy, before she ends up shutting them to fall asleep and be able to escape from the nasty reality of knowing that she won't ever be enough to be the top star, to reach Maya and stand next to her on the same stage and under the same spotlight proudly...

After the incident in the practice room, they don't cross a word anymore. They don't look at one another any longer. They even go as far as asking to not be paired together anymore, not even for any performance nor any show.

Claudine simply stops fighting for any lead role. She simply loses her strength, motivation and radiance, slowly fading in the background while unknowingly dragging Maya with her, consumed by the guilt of being the one causing that.

Maya also slowly loses her desire and motivation to shine and stand at the top if she can't push Claudine to become better together and stand next to each other on the same stage, under the same spotlight illuminating them radiantly.

She doesn't want the lead role if Claudine isn't sharing it with her.

Both top stars simply end up losing themselves in their own pain.

Claudine can't help but feel empty and somehow numb, stripped of any emotion that isn't a strong feeling of discouragement and apathy. Deprived of all strength to keep moving forward and enjoying what she loves the most: dancing and performing.

Maya can't help but look at her with great sorrow, pain swirling inside her knowing that she and her hurtful words are the responsible of it.

She clenches her hands into tight fists, determined to change that and return the sparkling glint to Claudine's eyes again, the blazing spark she stole with her hurtful words.

So one evening, Maya finds herself standing alone on the empty stage, her firm steps echoing around it as she waits sword in hand for her companion and rival to join her in their particular private show.

Maya waits for what it seems an eternity until she finally hears heavy steps reverberating across the silent stage, announcing the long coveted arrival. And soon enough, an ash-blonde emerges from the shadows and into the light.

- What do you want? – Claudine says heavily, languidly, with hoarse voice and red eyes, and Maya's stomach churns at the sight. She never once wanted to cause that.

- I want to fight against you – Maya answers sternly, trying to keep at a bay the lump in her throat as she gazes intensely at Claudine, noticing the paleness of her skin, her thinness and the emptiness in her eyes.

- Why would you want to do that? Didn't you already prove you're better than me? Can't you already tell you'll win this stupid revue? – Claudine says tossing her sword to the floor, hearing its clanking reverberating across the empty stage before she turns to leave – Enjoy your victory, you're better than me anyways.

She whispers painfully as she takes a step towards the side of the stage to leave before Maya quickly runs and blocks her way.

- Please don't.

Claudine's empty eyes widen slightly at her plea, surprised that the great Tendou Maya will go that far for a stupid revue.

She chuckles to herself. She's pretty sure the brunette is only doing this for herself and to find satisfaction in humiliating her further and keep dragging her down.

Then, she notices Maya handing her the sword she just tossed away.

- Please, Claudine.

Another plea using her name to emphasize it.

Claudine can't help but stare into those mesmerizing amethyst eyes for a trace of mockery, but she can only see Maya silently begging her to stay, to fight against her as her rival on the same stage and under the same spotlight.

She can also perceive something she can't quite put a finger on swirling inside of them, but she isn't sure if she wants to know about that feeling, afraid it could shatter her heart even more.

So Claudine pleases Maya with her stupid request and revue.

- I guess I won't go easy on you, even if I have no strength left in me – Claudine warns her, mumbling the last part as she takes her sword back.

- I wouldn't have it any other way – Maya says softly, giving her a tentative smile – So, are you ready to make me retract of my words, or would you keep letting me think that I'm actually better than you? Would you keep letting me think that you aren't good enough to be my partner and stand next to me on the same stage, under the same spotlight?

Maya knows she's pushing her luck saying those words and acting so conceited. That she should walk on eggshells around Claudine after have hurt the ash-blonde to the point of breaking her until there was nothing left for her, but she also knows that she needs to push her if she wants to see her radiance back and the raging fire she came to love so much blazing in Claudine's mesmerizing magenta eyes.

Maya notices the way Claudine's knuckles turn white with her words, gripping the hilt of her sword forcefully as she grits her teeth. She observes the sharpness of her jaw threatening to cut her as dangerously as the blade of her sword.

She notices once again the sparkle igniting in her magenta eyes, the blaze inside them before their furious gaze focus on her, seething anger and stealing her breath completely.

Maya gasps, too captivated by Claudine's dangerous beauty to actually move in time, unable to avoid her attack. The brunette soon feels a sharp pain piercing her skin as the blade of Claudine's sword cuts her cheek before she jumps backwards, little drops of blood falling and staining the floor.

She grips the hilt of her sword tightly, grinning and wiping the blood off with the sleeve of her jacket before she attempts to attack the ash-blonde, but it ends being fruitless as Claudine counterattacks with more force and rage than before in each strike.

And if it wasn't because the boiling fury inside Claudine it's reaching its edge, fogging her mind and clouding her senses, and her attacks are putting her life in danger, Maya swears she'd be completely captivated by being able to witness such wild dance and rapid movements. She'd be completely trapped admiring her beautiful expressions trying to burn them in her mind for the rest of her life.

She unknowingly unleashed a dangerous beast, one called rage, and yet Maya finds herself not caring about it. On the contrary, she loves it.

She loves to see Claudine full of life like this again.

- Why!? – Claudine yells, her sword cutting the side of Maya's jacket – Why can I never be enough for you!?

Her voice cracks at the end, a mix of rage, hurt and vulnerability laced in it that shatters Maya's heart.

- T-that's not true! – Maya stammers, finding an opening to cut Claudine's sleeve, trying to approach her before the ash-blonde jumps to the side.

- You said it! You said I won't ever be enough! That I'm not good enough!

Claudine's voice keeps cracking, her angry tears rolling down her face as she keeps lunging forward and Maya is just speechless at the distress in her words, at the damage she provoked in the other girl, her own tears spilling down as she blocks Claudine's raging attacks with difficulty.

- They weren't true!

- Shut up!

Maya lungs forward to clash their swords together, a loud rumble resonating across the empty stage before Claudine kicks the brunette in the ribs. Maya hisses before she struggles to block another attack again.

- Listen to me Claudine, it was all a lie. I just wanted you to challenge me and help me to be better, to be able to become better together…

- Stop lying! You just wanted to crush me! Now tell me, was it fun!? – Claudine yells with all her might, lunging at Maya and using her shoulder to tackle her, sending the both of them to the floor, her sword cutting a few strands of Maya's hair before it ends pressed against the brunette's neck, piercing her skin – Just… stop lying...

She croaks out as her tears fall wetting Maya's face, her sword starting to get stained with Maya's blood, pressing it more against the negligible cut done.

The unbearable pain of seeing Claudine crying above her, stabs Maya in her heart worst than the blade of the ash-blonde's sword piercing her neck.

She feels her own tears spilling freely before she throws her sword away, becoming unarmed. Then, in a quick and brave movement, she puts her arms around Claudine's back to pull her into a hug.

She winces at the feeling of Claudine's sword cutting her deeper before she hears a clank next to her as the sword ends falling onto the floor weakly and feels Claudine's tears falling onto her cut, making her wince due to the stinging.

Maya feels the ash-blonde struggling against her, obliging her to tighten her embrace around the other girl and wrap her tightly to not let her go as they keep crying.

- I saw your radiance. The way you danced so beautifully, so gracefully and elegantly that took my breath completely away in the blink of an eye. The way you burned me and left me in a daze... You've got etched in my mind and I couldn't help but be selfish and want that to myself... I just wanted us to shine together. I just really wanted that.

- Don't-

- Claudine, it's the truth. I can't stop thinking about you. I can't really think of anybody else to be with me. I don't want anybody else to be with me... So I just... pushed you. I challenged you in hopes to have all that and become better together, but I was wrong. I was so wrong on how to approach you and I deeply apologize for it and for hurting you.

- For somebody that it's supposedly to be so intelligent, you're seriously an idiot.

- I know, and I deeply apologize, ma Claudine.

- D-don't call me like that, I'm supposed to hate you – Claudine mumbles sulkily while Maya lets out a quiet giggle, feeling the girl in her arms slowly relaxing on top of her.

- I'm sorry Claudine – Maya apologizes sincerely, feeling Claudine sighing deeply against her neck.

- I guess we're even now. You hurt me with your words and attitude; I hurt you with the blade of my sword.

Maya grimaces slightly, knowing full well how words can hurt and cut as deep as the blade of a sword.

- Don't worry about that – she sighs out, noticing Claudine touching carefully the cut on her neck, trying not to cause her any further pain before she ends up cupping her cheek.

She takes Claudine's hand in hers and brings it up to her lips to place a reassuring kiss on Claudine's fingertips before they pull away and sit up, looking at the floor not really knowing what to say.

Maya tentatively takes Claudine's hand in hers again, loving her soft touch, and squeezes it.

- Can you... forgive me? Can we please try again? I don't want anybody else by my side. I don't want anybody else as my partner – Maya says with vulnerability in her voice and in her eyes.

Claudine can only sigh, squeezing her hand back before she rubs Maya's knuckles.

- I... I think so, just... please don't say it again. It really hurts...

Even though Maya wants to smile upon hearing Claudine's forgiveness and the feel of her soft touch rubbing her hand, happy to see her softening up around her again, she knows she still needs to make herself worthy of Claudine and her forgiveness.

- Claudine?

- Hm? – Claudine hums gazing up at the brunette.

- You're more than good enough to me. You've always been and always will. I'm really sorry to have said and made you believe the opposite.

Maya confesses, cupping Claudine's cheek to stroke it timidly, making the other girl blush lightly.

- Show me – Claudine whispers insecurely and Maya can only leave a soft kiss on Claudine's forehead before hugging her tightly.

- I will, every day if you allow me.

Maya promises her seriously, devoting herself to erase each one of the insecurities she placed in the ash-blonde's mind until they're replaced with nothing but praises and love. Until they can stand next to each other on the same stage happily, hand in hand shining radiantly under the same spotlight sharing a leading role while overshadowing the rest of the performers with their radiance, smiles and acting, and why not, their blossoming love for one another.