King sat crammed into a dreary, moldy, mossy corner, a pitiful frown on both his faces.
The Queen sat, laughing in that exasperating, haughty pitch, smiling, on her throne hovering above all.
The Duke sat on the soft bed in the castle, staring out at the Fountain as the Prince next to him slumbered, cuddled up against legs like a child.
The Court Magician sat hunched over his pile of trinkets and trash, a rueful grin splitting his tattered face. Lantern light shivered in the wind.
The Court Jester fiddled around with his knife, laughter still tracing ghostly fingers over his lips as the darkness seemed to taunt him woefully. Mock him.
And somewhere, laying on the side table of a room in the castle, a two-toned pair of thin, wiry glasses glimmered as the Fountain bustling outside the castle walls whirred.
The King's face split into a large smile.
The Queen recalibrated her parameters.
The Duke slid out of bed, concocting his plan.
The Court Magician stumbled up the stairs.
The Court Jester slipped from his pocket of nothing, landing square next to the Magician as the two crossed the landing into the main room.
The glasses rattled and fell from the table, a small, chipper man exiting the room.
"So," King began, staring up at the gathered people with a predatory sadism. The walls of the castle prison dripped. "you return."
"Correct. It Is Time." Queen responded, her face flashing with the symbol of a spade getting crushed by a boot. "To: Kick Your Ass At Cards."
King poked his tongue out.
"I was hoping we could start with 6-sided chess."
A grating, static-like voice pepped up.
"I'm tired of being nothing more than a [[ponman] getting crushed by your [Hochi Mama!]"
Ho?
"Is That Why Every Car I Buy From You Explodes?" Spamton threw his head back in laughter.
"Wow! I didn't expect you to notice that!" The spam email guy glitched out, his head cranking in many different directions. "Q-Q-Quality assurance is [gauranted]! It comes [[with batteries included]."
"Artest thou done with thine petty squabblinge? The games are afoot! I voteth for…!" Rouxls Kaard posed dramatically. " Go Fishe. "
"Uee hee hee!" Jevil chortled, leaping over Rouxls. The Duke exhaled an annoyed hiss as the jester bent oddly, passing through the prison bars like hot butter. "We are free - free! - to suggest games? Seam, can we-?"
"Poker?" The Court Magician conjured up a deck of cards in his woven paws.
"It Would Not Be Fair. You Are All Too Easy To Predict And I Am A Computer (Also Easy To Predict But Can Predict You Better)."
"Not this program! I'm all [new], all [finished], all [Spamtonne]! How about I [demand] Monopoly!"
"Monopoly is boring." Jevil drawled unenthusiastically, sliding down along the bars. "But it is a game of sharks! Shark to shark! Nu-ha! I also want to play, play Monopoly!"
"See, even that damned [[clown around town] wants to increase his [wacky stacks]!"
"Sires," Seam began with a respectful bow. "the choice is up to-"
"Chess-" "Grand Theft Auto."
"How abouteth DND?" Rouxls suggested with a pained grimace. They would never agree on anything.
"Dungeons and [[D-D-Dumpsters]?" Spamton questioned disbelievingly. The shrunken Addison kneeled next to the bars, grabbing at them with one beseeching glance skyward. They weren't strings, thanks to Kris.
"Dungeons And Darkners?" Queen asked, bewildered.
"Dungeons and Death?" King questioned.
"Dungeons and Dirges, uee hee!" Jevil broke out into chuckles at his own joke.
Seam huffed a laugh.
"Ah, good one, my old friend. Good one…"
"Never mindeth it. Mayhapst thou don't know of it. Hmm." He rubbed his chin in thought. "Quite a conundrumous puzzle. Mine sires, I believeth Monopoly to be my final choice. What say you, Spamtone?"
"Never say my name like that !" Spamton pointed at the Duke in outrage. "Let's make a deal. I want Monopoly, Rouxls wants Monopoly, [Error 504: Clown detected] wants Monopoly, but that's only [half price!]. Let's take a vote."
"[as]" Spamton uttered, sticking his hand into the air.
"Aye!" Rouxls agreed.
"Uee hee hee, me! Me!" Jevil's hand came up.
Three hands up, three down. Back to the drawing board. King sighed heavily, lifting himself up to go kneel close to the bars, settling at Queen's side. She grinned at him with that smug, warm-heartedly teasing smirk, pulling a likewise playful smile to his face. There was finally a twinkle back in his darkened eyes. The mood was lighter than he was used to, with everyone happy and together.
It brought a heavy weight from his royal shoulders.
Spamton readjusted his glasses, a bit of garbage noise leaking from his robotic mouth. King cringed. The new face was unpleasant sounding but a fine, funny little fellow.
In truth, a prisoner. Just like him.
Jevil was the first to speak again.
"Seam, Seam! Come on, Seam! Monopoly, Monopoly! You can be the cat!"
Seam deflated. "I suppose-"
"I Shall Be The Iron To Reflect The Fiery Hot Flames Of My Hellish Reign Over This Kingdom (Princedom)." Queen laughed poshly, regally, in that same lilt King loved to hear. "Ho Ho Ho! That Goat Do Be Fluffy!"
That Prince… King shook his head.
"Queenie Beanie…" he began.
"Kingie Wingie!"
The King of the prison cell bowed his head in acceptance. "I, too, will play Monopoly. I will…" Spamton opened his mouth. "as long as I am the shoe."
King stuck his tongue out again.
"Splendid! Mine sires agreeth over the timely distractions! I will be the elegant and regale top hat!" Rouxls bowed, a flash of white exploding as both a Monopoly board (Queen Brand) and a hat came into existence. The board clattered on the cold floor as the hat landed square on the Duke's head.
"The car, the car! I'll be-" Jevil reached through the bars for the car, grabbing and retracting it- Spamton snatched the imp's hand, yanking him closer, leaning in to stare menacingly at the jester. He merely smiled back.
" [Big]. [Shot]. Auto." He wrenched the car from Jevil's grip. "Never. Ever. Steal my cars. From me. Or. Else. I'll…"
"Rig Them To Explode And Still Fail To Kill Anyone? The Prince Would Not Like That Much, Spammy." Queen hid her laughter behind her hand.
"Keep laughing. You won't be laughing when I fix up the machine and become NEO."
"You can talk normally-?" King accused.
"But Does It Have: Detachable Hands?"
"It has flying heads!"
Ho!
"Flying Heads!? Lightners Continue To Impress Me With Their Intricate And Slightly Macabre Design Prowess." King clutched a tired hand to his face, pinching the skin. Queen always had a problem with getting side-tracked or distracted from her real goal in some way. It made their shared goal of spreading darkness… difficult, to say the least. The Knight's decision to choose her over him-
The Knight.
The Roaring Knight. One who brought the Fountains from the earth. One who ruled supreme. One who Queen betrayed.
Was he, too, a traitor? Would he, too, be punished? No. No, he was no traitor. At his first chance to do so, he would crush the Lightners and take their Princedom for his own.
He would be King again, for his Knight.
"Oh King Wingie My Sensors Have Detected A Lack Of Concentration On Our Game Of Monopoly. Please Input Your Starting Roll." The King grunted, reaching through the bars and letting Seam drop the dice into his large gloved hand.
"…are you thinking of the future, sire?" Seam was always observant - wise.
"Yes." King frowned widely as the dice landed. A six. Leagues behind Queen and Spamton, a step behind Seam. He passed the dice to Jevil. "What will become of us? The Lightners, they have thrown everything into chaos."
"I don't know about you, but that [little sponge] freed me from my strings." Spamton spoke with an odd warble of emotion in his voice. The Addison kneeled deeper next to the prison bars, head bowing.
"They have done nothing but destroy our plans at every turn. The Knight - our Roaring Knight - has carefully laid-"
"What a load of [baloney]. The Knight doesn't care for you, or me, or Jevil or Seam or Queen. The Knight is a liar and a cheat. Just like… just… like…"
"The Knight Is A Liar Liar Pants On Fire. I Was Never Told About The Roaring I Just Thought It Was A Cool Title." Queen's face flashed LMAO. "Why Would I Want To Doom Lightners And Darkners To Despair? It Wouldn't Even Be Funny Ha Ha."
"…Darkners? What about us?" King lifted his heavy head with confused, questioning, nearly frenzied energy.
"Oh Yeah The Roaring Would Turn All Of Us Into Statues (Not The Funny Kind). It Happened To Lancer In My Mansion."
The Duke was passed the dice. "And I as well! I was locked in glorious combate with the Heroes when it happenedst!" The Duke rolled a twelve. "One second, I was mineself! The next…! I almost tumbled into a ghastly puddle of boilinge liquid!"
"Acid." Queen helpfully added.
"I could feel the stone hardening aroundeth me!"
"Shrinking (From The Acid)."
"But my heart burned bright!"
"He Ingested Some Acid."
The dice made it back to Queen. With a calculated maneuver, she quickly gained possession of a Queen-brand Roller Coaster yard.
"It's scalding but delicious!" Spamton added.
King shook his head. So much to absorb, that his people would suffer from the Roaring. What a dark future ahead of them. Dark, darker, yet darker still.
He rolled his turn, landing on a property owned by Seam. He payed a measly few dark dollars with a gruff, exhausted huff, turning to give the dice to Jevil. Except, the imp was nowhere to be found.
A slurping noise cut into the silence.
"Wow, Monopoly is straining on this body! Thanks for the water!" King's rage grew as he witnessed the Court Jester suckling from the giant water bottle stashed in the corner. His water bottle.
"YOU DARE DESECRATE THE ROYAL WATER RESERVES!?" The King leapt forth, the jester attempting to pry himself away from the bottle, but failing as his mouth bloated around the brim. He came off as King wrapped his tail around Jevil's neck, strangling him.
"Bart Simpson." Queen smiled.
Seam drawled out a yawn.
"How is the young Prince? I hope he's in good health." King paused for a moment. Jevil slipped under the tail, hopping away and onto the hamster wheel in the corner, running wildly. King gave chase.
"Oh He Is A Splendid Little Pumpkin."
"S-See!?" King called out. The wheel spun quicker, Jevil keeping pace. King struggled.
"Good, good. I worry about him. The responsibility shared between him and the other Prince is great."
King tripped over his feet, Jevil cackling as he hopped off the wheel and rolled, rolling his turn and landing a perfect twelve. He pounded the floor in mirth.
King spun on the wheel until it slowed, caught his breath, then began his question.
"My son is ruling alongside the outsider?"
"Oh Yes The Kingdom Is A Princedom. It Is Ruled By The Princes. I'm Only Here To Make Sure The Proper Amount Of Tyranny Is Present At All Times." The Duke nodded sagely, confidently, as though he, too, knew the Queen's role and helped serve her. Queen flashed bright red question marks but did not comment. She would have Swatch beat him up later. "Huge Responsibility But Lancer Can Make Twice (2x) The Amount Of Vaguely Face Shaped Pastries. They Are Quite… Cute. Noelle Agrees."
"The [Deer in Headlights]? Kris babbled about her! [[Doe-eyed!] love!"
"Oh Yes You Haven't Met Noelle!" Queen strutted forward to the cage, peering over at King. "Wonderfully Weird Lightner With A Penchant For Being Confused. Maybe Has A Crush On The Purple Dinosaur Horse Lightner. Probability: 102%. Margin Of Error: 0% (I Am Perfect In My Calculations)." The King scowled at her, annoyed by her admiration of the Lightners.
"And what of the blue one?"
"Oh Kris? I Like Kris. They Are Quiet And Do Not Bother Me With Things Like 'Thoughts' Or 'Disagreements'. I Love Quiet People. They Make The Best Peons." :)
"Seam, Seam!" Jevil cried as he pawed through the bars at the ripped cat plush. Seam tried to keep his face straight. The urge to play was overwhelming but he knew his body would not keep up with the jester's schemes. "Do you recall when we 'took to the skies'? We flew," the imp sat back, gesturing dramatically with his hands, "high, high! Higher than the castle! Up to the Fountain's edge! And we played, played! Do you remember? Seam, do you remember us?"
"Ohoho, that game of poker was incredibly infuriating. The cards were strewn about everywhere with the Fountain's wind!" The cat squeezed a pleased sigh through his sewn mouth. A somber, wistful twinkle would have been seen in his eyes. "It was chaos incarnate."
"Such fun, fun! After this, can we… can we…" Jevil suddenly quieted, a low squeak piercing into the stolid prison air, Seam lolling over the cobblestones. The walls painted from blue to bright blue to white to off-white to darkened bricks. An equally blue expression plastered itself to Jevil's face. Seam's mouth hung open. The jester scooted further away, the large, bumbling tassels of his head falling heavily, drooping, brushing against his face. "I… can do anything."
Seam nodded in understanding.
"That you can, my dear old friend. I'm no longer able to. Magic is not easy on Darkners of my age… perhaps," Seam smiled tiredly, sadly, pathetically, "you can do enough for us both."
"…it's no fun."
Meanwhile, Rouxls had approached (uncomfortably) the small Addison, poking his shoulder nervously. The spam link that popped up made him jerk. Spamton merely waved it away, turning to face Rouxls with an award-losing smile. Gnarled, uneven teeth, a long nose, puffed cheeks that bent oddly. Rose-tinted glasses. Spamton waved at the Duke.
"Hello, [big shot]!" Spamton greeted happily, voice warbling, sending a shiver up the Duke's spine as he seemed to spill over the conversation like water over the floor. "Come to make a deal with your old pal Spamton? Maybe toast to a new friend[partner]ship?"
Rouxls's hand lingered in the air for a moment as his eyes widened. Was he really that easy to read or did Spamton just get lucky? The Duke cleared his throat neurotically.
"A deal, yes. I've come to make a deal, with you, Spamtone. I wish to know more about our beauteous Queen and that blasted Swatch persona." Spamton readjusted his glasses, a sly fluttering of his pupils breaking over the Duke's figure.
He weighed his options. The Duke may have been the single most incompetent person Spamton had ever met, but he was still a Duke, and still had the power of teleportation in his hands. Could be useful in the future for when he would need to 'pull some strings.'
"You wish to become [big], don't you? [Big]. [Big]. [Bigger and better] than ever before! Well, you have come to the right [line of numbers and commands in an interface]!"
Rouxls blinked in shock.
"Really? What do I needeth to do-"
"Five million [Kromer] on my desk by tomorrow and you got yourself a [Deal!]"
Rouxls scowled.
"That's impossible."
"Six [Kromer]."
"How much is this 'Kromer' anywa-"
"Sixteen billion [Kromer]."
King absorbed everything for a moment, resting his weight into the hamster wheel grate, letting his cheeks drowsily fall. He was no young Darkner anymore. And the news of the Knight's plan sapped the last bits of strength he had left, leaving him feeling even more hollow, even more abandoned and alone, much more than he had ever felt behind the cage bars or in the loneliest reaches and dregs of his Dark World or his castle. The vivacious, merry atmosphere from earlier seemed behind him as he wallowed.
Was he in the wrong? Was he the one blinded, his dark eyes unable to see? Did his choices even matter, in the end?
"My Sensors Indicate You Are Experiencing Both A Moment Of Revelation And A Period Of Depression. Want To Talk About It?" Queen's computerized voice panged with an odd tremble of worry, her mouth forming a sincere frown upon her robot face.
King tensed his hands.
He couldn't.
His strings wouldn't allow him to admit it.
"What are you talking about, woman? I'm perfectly fine." Queen hummed lowly, the sound of a computer fan firing. "…no."
"As You Wish, My Chubby Hampter. Perhaps You Will Be Honest With Yourself One Day." Queen smiled genuinely, warmly, down at King, though he could only feel the prickle on his slick skin. "I'll Be By Later With Some 21+ Battery Acid. Maybe We Can Watch A Movie."
"…why do you pity me? I'm a miserable slob who can barely move himself, let alone best the Lightner children."
"Why Else, Kingie Wingie?" Queen soothed the anguished King. "You Are My Little Pogchamp."
"Mine sire, may I intrudeth?" Rouxls cut in, gathering his words with a hand clasped over his mouth. "Thou hadst been both a great and Terrible ruler over thine Kingdom. But thou are possible to be more great than Terrible. Lancer… your son… he still holdeth a passione in his heart for you! Mayhaps you may make amends with the Lightners, if you truly want to, with his help."
"They abandoned us…" King tried to rebuttal.
"They Didn't Know." Queen shot down.
"They Didn't Know Of Us."
King sat there for a moment, thinking. Something throbbed within his heart. Forlorn acceptance and guilt.
"…I suppose I must try ."
"It Is Also Your Turn (We Have Been Waiting On You For Three Minutes)."
"…roll for me."
"Okay."
Queen smiled. It was purposeful.
"You Are Now In Prison."
The group waited in apprehension for the King's response. But he just laughed. And laughed. And laughed. Straight from his round chest.
And somewhere, outside the prison doors, a pink-horned Darkner and a spade-shaped Prince shared a grin.
"Wow, that worked so well, toothpaste boy! You're a natural at emotional manipulation!"
"…thanks?" Ralsei dubiously returned.
