Story by Ekroth Ekronicus
Written by Joe D. Mercala
A person can meet all kinds of people in the world, especially while they happen to be climbing up the path to power and greatness.
New friends, enemies, even people you knew but weren't close with may be found on the path.
It had been a year since Saitama had started upon his path. His hellish training, combined with the terrible heat of his place in the summer had pushed him to higher levels of strength. The path he had been set on ever since he defeated Crablante a year ago had reinvigorated his spirit.
Though that didn't stop him from having off days though, training as hard as he did with 100 push ups, sit ups, squats and 10 kilometers of running did a number on him. Not to mention the random monster battles he would get into. Yesterday alone he had fought a pig man the size of a car as well as a dog creature trying to destroy every hydrant in the city because 'If I can't make them as my own no one will mark them!'
Sitting at home, lying down in the bare heat right after he finished his morning routine, he could feel the burn in his muscles, a sense of satisfaction that came from his heroic struggles. He had no way to know how close he was to his explosive growth, or how soon this hellish training of his would make his hair fall away, or how his life would become monotonous and boring with nothing but pure strength..
However, one man's hell is another man's life.
Three quick and efficient knocks rattled against Saitama's door. In his sweaty pajamas, he moved to answer it, opening the door for his eyes to meet a familiar pair of dull staring, green ones looking back at him.
"Saitama." His voice had barely changed an octave. The only thing that had seemed different about the man before them was that he was wearing a crisply ironed, plain white, long sleeve shirt tucked into charcoal black salarman pants. The only color left to liven up the man's thin frame was a green tie that matched his eyes.
"Ulquiorra?"
"Yes." The slender man replies. "May I come in?"
The young man steps aside, letting the familiar figure step in.
His steps haven't changed either by any indication to Saitama, then again, even as a child Ulquiorra walked with a rather strange sort of stiffness to him.
"So uh…how's it going big bro? I haven't seen you for like, 6 years or something."
"Yes, I suppose I should apologize for that." He says, making Saitama wait for one…but it doesn't come. "Things, as you say, are going well enough. As for why I happen to be here, it is because I am moving rather close. I shall be in an apartment on the north side of City B, right near the border between it and City Z. When I informed our parents of my change of domicile, they requested that I check in on you, my little brother."
Scratching his head, Saitama could not feel just the slightest amount of hair come off as he thought about how little he called his parents, though sometimes it was tough to do while out living his life these days.
"Are they still calling you Isamu?" He asks his older brother as he sits.
"Yes, though I have explained myself quite clearly as to why I have changed my name."
Saitama couldn't help but roll his eyes a little. His brother's explanation for his name change was bonkers, so much so that he had always wondered why his parents hadn't gotten him checked mentally.
"Well, cut them a little slack…it's a very hard story to wrap their heads around."
"It should not be that hard." Ulquiorra narrows his eyes, showing the slightest of annoyance. "Especially since I have made it clear many times how I have been reborn into this world by a force I don't know and that-"
"Yes yes yes! I get it! Soul Reapers! Arrancar! Shooting lasers from your fingers and all that. You don't need to go over it all with me again."
The annoyance in his brother's eyes slowly relaxed. It was always the closest thing he saw to his older brother smiling. Even in the earliest baby photos Saitama had seen, his brother had kept much of the same monotone expression. Despite it, the younger sibling could always read the smaller emotions upon that near emotionless face, which helped a lot with talking to him, by far.
Ulquiorra continued to stand, not bothered at all by the heat.
"Are you having financial problems at the moment brother?"
"Uh, no…not exactly." Saitama sighs a little, laying back against the wall. "Why do you ask?"
"You are sweating. Most wouldn't be uncomfortable in this heat. I assume you cannot pay for extra electricity fees for running your air conditioner."
"I can pay for it! This is simply a part of my training."
That caught Ulquiorra's attention. "Training? For what?"
Saitama thought about where to start, whether he should talk about the crab guy he fought or how he felt before that or how he feels now, until he realized something.
"Ya know what,I'll uh, skip over the long, complicated backstory here. I'm training to become a hero…because it seems like fun."
Ulquiorra's brow quirked upward, showing quite a great deal of surprise..
"Oh, are you proud of me big bro? For taking up such a big challenge?"
The simple, slender framed man turned back to the window as he answered in an emotionless, deadpan voice. "No. I simply didn't think you had any aspirations at all."
Saitama couldn't help but fall over instantly upon hearing that, sighing to himself on the floor. No matter how much he himself had changed, his brother had remained the same even after so long.
It was both reassuring, and a bit disturbing.
...
Ulquiorra Cifer had led quite a strange life.
Once upon a time, long ago…he had been nothing but a Hollow, and even among them he was something of a lonely figure, being completely white while the others around him were black. There was nothing to do but wander Hueco Mundo alone, traipsing through its gray wastes and monochrome dunes.
All of that changed for him when he encountered a white tree amongst the swirling sands. It was filled to the brim with sharp spines that seemed to…call out to him. It's emptiness resonated with his own and he let himself sink into it. In the darkness that followed, he was faced with a small, metal cube that drew his touch.
When he had awoken, he could not remember what had happened after touching the cube. However, upon getting up his mask had cracked away, and the Hollow had achieved what so few of his kind had…attaining humanoid form.
Yet…Ulquiorra never cared for his human-esque for much, even back then…and especially now as he and Saitama were standing in line for snacks at the movie theater.
Human bodies require constant maintenance, whether it be devouring food, ingesting water, cleaning themselves, taking care of their…leavings, and for what?
A small, weak vessel, barely capable of any great feats of strength or power, with no ability to truly sense the greater wavelengths of the spiritual world around them? It was absolutely absurd…and yet, Ulquiorra Cifer has gotten somewhat used to these things.
"No butter or salt on my popcorn."
"You…still eat it just like that, with nothing?" His younger brother looks almost aghast. After paying for their two small bags he makes sure to pump his own full of all the free butter and salt he can get his hands on before he hands Ulq his own small bag.
"It is sufficient as it is. Though I find it strange that humans wish to eat something so light and not filling." He states as both he and Saitama head to the auditorium where the film they selected was about to start. "Especially with the additions of butter and salt. I surmise that they do not want to actually eat, but to trick their bodies pleasure centers to light up while eating food, thereby releasing endorphins so that they may engage more with-"
Saitama silently groaned. If it's one thing he didn't miss, it was the hours long diatribes about the human condition and every little remark his older brother would make about it, as if he was some kind of superior being…which according to his account, he was…but Saitama never really bought into that.
After all, come on, what superior being wouldn't want butter on their popcorn, that's just nuts.
It was a quiet day at the theater. With more monster attacks these days and their increasing frequency people were questioning whether they should go outside at all, which did cut into customers coming to theaters, not that either brother minded. Saitama liked watching things on the big screen and didn't care if a crowd was around or not…while Ulquiorra was damn near neutral feeling toward everything and anything.
The lights of the theater darken. More than a few commercials play, advertising that a new game called Doki Doki Sisters was being developed.
"I do not understand. Do people enjoy…playing games about siblings?"
Oh boy, Saitama did not want to touch that one.
"Perhaps it is about siblings being 'cute', while I have heard of such a factor before I never considered I or anyone else would seek entertainment for it. Perhaps I would know more if you had been a cuter younger brother."
Frowning and trying to keep his composure, Saitama simply gritted his teeth, resisting the urge to yell at his brother that there was no doubt he was cute as a baby or something like that.
Finally, after going through a couple of trailers for other movies that seemed boring, the movie they had come to watch started. Once the company logos had their 2 boring minutes to hog the screen, the title of the movie itself could finally be shown.
Kid Crimson 2: Electric Mayhem
The story begins with Kid Crimson, the hero of the story, jumping into the scene and beating up a bunch of thugs trying to rob a bank.
"Quite strange he does not ask them to stop or put their hands up." Ulq states, picking up a single piece of popcorn at a time and chewing it as if they were fancy chocolate bonbons instead of…mostly overpriced air fluff.
"He's a hero, doing it for justice and all that because…what was it, I think his uncle died or something?"
"I find that rather strange as well. Heroes in stories always have backstories that lead them all into fighting crime or avenging someone or something. That is rather odd, especially considering someone like you."
Saitama stopped eating his ultra buttery popcorn and squinted at his brother as the movie played. "...and what about someone like me?"
Ulquiorra had learned in his time amongst humans that they prided honesty above everything, no matter how they might react to it.
"You did not become a hero because of some great tragedy. There was no great death or loss that you had to overcome, except to say that your life as it was did not sound all that exquisite. Yes, perhaps your life was your great tragedy."
The younger brother just couldn't…deal with that. He simply breathed in deep, exhaled, and turned back to watch the movie.
Kid Crimson was steadily trying to build up the drama by the goings on in his life as a civilian, trying to hold onto a smoking hot girlfriend while being tempted by the seductive side villains and her charms. Oh the heart pulsing drama.
Yet Ulquiorra cared more about the fact he was out of the popped corn. It was always strange, no matter how meticulously he would eat, he would always finish and look back at Saitama furiously trying to catch up. Even now his brother was furiously stuffing his mouth with the stuff, which probably would have bothered other movie goers.
Not Ulquiorra though. His years in this strange new world as a human had changed him. Before, back when he was the big number 4 Vasto Lorde he did not like suffering men like Saitama, but after years of studying his younger brother as a baby, a child, and even a young teen had…gotten him used to certain things.
He could not say concretely that he liked his brother, but he for sure did not dislike him, and could at least admire that he had worked hard to change.
Perhaps that was enough for now.
They were silently watching the movie for a while until it began to ramp up, with the heroic Kid Crimson saving the girl he loved from the clutches of the jealous villainess before getting into a rather high budget fight scene.
Having been on the intake of human media for over 20 years of his life now, such scenes made him wonder about his life out loud.
"Why does Kid Crimson wait to unleash his full power? After all, if he did, the fight would be over rather quickly."
"Well, ya…" His younger brother replies, shrugging his shoulders. "But that would be, ya know…anticlimactic, I mean otherwise it would look like the hero didn't learn anything."
The once Hollow pondered that, relating such a conundrum to his fights long ago. Had those fights meant anything? Changed his character at all?
Perhaps he was never the hero of his story. After all, even he could understand that many emotions were far beyond him.
Yet…when he felt himself fade away all that time ago after his fight with Ichigo…when the darkness swirled around him, pulling him in as he felt that cube in his hands again, he did wonder what it would have been like to learn about life…and maybe overcome things much like a hero would.
Maybe that's why he had been reborn into a human body, maybe that's why he was in a world full of heroes and monsters, maybe he might not remember it but he may have asked that cube to-
"Ulquiorra? Hello? The movie is over."
The thin, green eyed man with dark hair blinked as the lights of the auditorium came on. Saitama was indeed right, the movie was over.
Such a strange thing, to lose track of time as a human. They often say that it flies when one has fun, but Ulquiorra has yet to see anything related to time move through the air, and even pots that he watches still come to a boil.
Humans say the strangest things sometimes. Perhaps they would learn better if they ever stepped into Ulquiorra's old immortal shoes?
"How did you like the movie?" Saitama asked.
Ulquiorra simply stood and walked away, giving a simple answer to how he saw the heroics of Kid Crimson, the battle between good and evil, and maybe his own simple life.
"It felt like it might go on forever."
City-Z could be a rather quiet place at times.
It was nowhere close to the monster infested hole it would become in later years. In fact no one could ever have guessed about the soon to be sudden explosion of monster attacks, but before all that City-Z was much like all the other cities, though it was still being plagued by monsters, and in certain places the housing was indeed rather cheap.
It gave Ulquiorra and Saitama a quiet few moments to walk home.
However, the younger of the two was still sweating up a storm. Maybe he shouldn't have come in his tracksuit…but still, it made him wonder about how his brother never seemed to sweat at all, always looking like nothing affected him.
Ulquiorra knew the answer to that, and had tried to explain it once upon a time only to get blank stares. Basically put, despite being in a human body…some part of him still retained some small semblance of his powers as a Hollow, though he could not exactly be sure how. It seemed to give his body a fair bit of resistance to damage and the elements.
However, this boon did not extend to every ability he once had. After rigorous testing he found that only his Sonida remained intact while his Cero was incredibly diminished. He had also lost any ability to release his strength and transform.
It made a certain amount of sense. His body was new after all. The Cero and Sonido were learned skills, related to his traits as a Hollow, but could still be used by others. His release, however, was something directly connected to his hollow powers.
"So, what do you do now? I mean, I guess it's something to do with what you learned in business school and all that?" Saitama asked.
"Ah, well, I happen to be a-"
Before Ulquiorra could finish, a concrete wall in front of them exploded outward, leaving a cloud of dust in the air, out of which stepped a big dog creature, staring down Ulq's little brother.
It sniffs at the air and growls at them both with large nostrils. By just about any measure it looked like a giant, misshapen bulldog with rather small but human-esque eyes, both of which seemed to be bloodshot and filled to the brim with anger.
"You! You're the one who beat up my little brother earlier today! I, the great Doggoran shall not let you live!"
Ulquiorra had never seen a monster attack in person despite their increasing frequency. He had seen the damage of course, that was everywhere, but looking upon the beast before him he couldn't help but be reminded of the lesser Hollows he had once commanded and led. Just a beast that could barely be called sentient as it slobbered before them.
Seeing the size of the beast however, Ulquiorra thought it might be prudent for them both to slip away, but when he turned to his brother he saw something rather curious.
Saitama's knees were shaking, denoting a bit of fear…or perhaps excitement, and upon his face was plastered a rather sure smile. Confidence born of ignorance…or perhaps something more?
"Huh, that other big dog couldn't talk." The little brother states before stretching his limbs out. "I bet in a dog show you would take first place alone just on that."
"You…you mock me!? The great and powerful Doggoran!?"
In an instant the creature leapt at them. Ulquiorra was ready to grab his brother and Sonido both away, but Saitama was already moving, dodging right in the other direction as Ulquiorra pulled away with his hollow technique.
The little brother didn't notice his older sibling's quick movement, but was surprised that he had gotten out of the way of the attack almost as easily as he did. "Hey Bro, gonna go take this dog for a walk, hope you don't mind."
Ulquiorra shrugs, stepping away and giving the pair some room along the uncrowded street.
"Alright now, come on fido, let's go!"
The beast calling itself Doggoran swipes at his opponent. The beast's rage is more than apparent as it attacks mindlessly, doing more damage to the surroundings than the actual object of his rage, sidestepping just about every blow with seemingly well enough trained efficiency. It was even rather impressive for a normal human to take on such a creature, even if it was just a stupid, big dog.
Saitama was pushed near the end of the street. He could feel his ears pumping with adrenaline. The fun in his life had come back and sparked at his soul, whipping it into a furious fire. He reached next to a nearby dumpster and pulled from it a heavy looking metal pipe.
"Come on puppy, you want the stick?"
"I will kill you human fool!" The beast roars with enough force to shake the windows before it charges. Saitama, squaring his shoulders, pulls the metal pipe back like a baseball player, getting ready to swing.
The beast leaps, and when it's mere inches away from Saitama he swings, hoping to break the dog's jaw.
Doggoran is smart enough to open his mouth to bite down on the metal, catching it while his enemy raises his fist.
"Now that's exactly what I wanted, now let go of the stick." The human brings his fist down, aiming it at the dog's face only to have his forearm caught in another pair of jaws.
Ulquiorra felt something rather strange looking upon the situation. Sort of like something twisted inside of him and was continuing to do so the more he watched.
Saitama, meanwhile, was trying not to squeal out in pain while hir forearm was bleeding. He looked at the second set of jaws and saw what appeared to be another head sticking out of the canine creeps shoulders, looking exactly like the pup he had ass kicked earlier today.
"Good work brother!" Doggoran says before spitting out the pipe. "I knew eating you would increase our power!"
"Ouch…you ate your brother just to gain more power? That's a little-" Before Saitama could finish, the big two headed beast slams him up against the closest wall, before bringing him down hard upon the ground. He slammed the young man against the wall and street like he was a chew toy before throwing him back into the opposite side of the street, where he crashed hard into the cement wall, cracking it hard and leaving him indented in it.
Ulquiorra, feeling that the tide had turned just a little too much for his liking, reached up to loosen his green tie as the monster approached his brother's seemingly unconscious form. The slender man put his hand up, pointing a single finger at the beast before he gathered his energy.
Despite the fact this was a new world, there did seem to be some kind of spiritual energy that he could manifest and pull from in limited ways. At least enough for a small red ball of glowing spiritual energy to be created from the tip of his finger, unleashing a narrow, red beam no bigger than a nickel that stretched out across the street and pierced through the beast's butt cheeks.
The dog's eyes went wide and it yowled out.
"I think that serves as enough of a distraction."
"Ahgggg! Distraction!? You shot me in the ass cheeks!? Who shoots someone else in the behind like that!" The two heads speak in unison, turning their anger toward Ulquiorra, who was just about ready to sigh as he prepared to fight. "Me and my brother are gonna tear the sad, pretty boy face of yours apart and-"
"Hey."
Suddenly, thousands of years of predatory instincts were unleashed inside of the beast, a side effect of a sudden and terrible strength looming to their side that damn near made the two headed creature piss itself as their eyes locked onto the man raising his fist to their side.
"Bad dog." Saitama states. "Now sit."
The fist comes fast, striking one head into the other and launching the dog's body into the air, twirling and spinning like a football until the smash into the nearest wall, dying instantly before their body falls forward, in a rather interesting position.
"Huh, it actually does look like they're sitting…too bad that ended so quickly, I wanted to see if I could teach him any other new tricks."
Saitama felt something touch his bleeding arm and he whipped his head around, thinking it may have been another enemy, only to see it was Ulquiorra, suddenly at his side out of nowhere, wrapping his green ties around his arm as an impromptu bandage.
"To defeat such an opponent in a single attack. Seems you have grown leaps and bounds younger brother."
"Oh that, I don't know what that was about, never beat someone in one attack like that before. Guess he must have just been really really weak, kind of a letdown really."
A single hair falls from his head. Unknowingly, the limiter of Saitama's body received a crack in its foundations, the first of many to come for sure.
"Hmm, perhaps you punched extra hard because the creature was going to attack me?"
"Huh? Hmm, maybe?" The younger brother shrugs. "I wasn't really thinking of you at the time…to be honest, I just felt better after getting a little piece of popcorn out of my teeth. It was bothering me a ton since the movie ended."
Ulquiorra didn't know how to really consider his brother now. When they were young Saitama was not that interesting of a human. He was not some straight A student, a loner or a loser. He had been utterly normal, a trait that Ulquiorra was fine with, but seeing the change in him now it reminded him of his own change when he had slipped into the tree all that time ago.
"I'm a tax accountant."
"Huh?"
The slender man straightened himself out after tying the impromptu bandage up. "I am answering your question from before. When I finished business school, I went to work as an accountant. They bumped me up to working on large form tax returns after a few years."
Saitama quirks his brow as he and his brother get back to walking again, leaving the monster sitting dead near the trash where no doubt some garbage man would have a field day dealing with that corpse.
"Okay…why did you move though? I mean I figured I wouldn't see you for a long while. You're not exactly one to reach out to the family."
"I call mother more than you do."
"No you don't."
"Twice a year, on my birthday, to make sure she doesn't call me directly to wish me a happy birthday and interrupt my schedule." Ulquiorra explains. "Also on christmas to tell her I won't be coming."
"Those don't count!"
There were times when Saitama wished he could see into his brother's mind. One part of him deep down sort of believed in all the crazy stuff he would say about spirits and his rebirth and all that weird stuff about him fighting some sixteen year old who killed him…on the other hand, he knew him more as just a stoic, quiet and ultimately unaffectionate big brother.
"So…do you make a lot of cash as an accountant?"
"My pay allows me to afford a few amenities." Ulquiorra answers. "However, that does not mean you will not have to pay for my tie to be dry cleaned."
Saitama's eyes bugged out. "I didn't ask for you to bandage me up!"
"It is fine. You can pay for the dry cleaning in monthly installments if you have to. I can be patient."
"Who pays in monthly installments to get someone's tie cleaned!?"
"Well I assume you, especially with the money you're going to save."
"Save!? I saved your butt from that dog thing and I bought the popcorn and…wait, what are you talking about?"
Ulquiorra stopped for a moment as they finally reached Saitama's apartment building.
"There are few citizens in City Z. Knowing you live here, I was able to request the records from City B on the basis of doing a uniform check of tax brackets by cities and-"
"Bro…" The younger brother's face had twisted as he strained to listen to the tax jargon. "For the love of everything, please…simplify."
The once Hollow rolled his eyes, exhaled, and spoke directly. "I was able to look at your finances. If you allow me to do your tax forms, I will be able to save you money and give you advice. I also wouldn't mind doing it for any friends you may have."
"Oh…and why didn't you just say that."
"I was trying to."
"Was that what that was? Because frankly it was knocking me out faster than going a round with poochy back there…sometimes I wonder if you enjoy trying to bore me or something."
For the shortest, and most brief of moments, Saitama swore he could see the side of his brother's mouth curl, almost as if the ghost of a smile possessed him before he turned around.
"I will come help you with all that later. For now, go upstairs, treat your wound and rest."
"Oh, ya…uh, thanks." The little brother felt a little, dejected from the quick and hasty way this seemed to end.
"Saitama?"
"Uh, ya Ulquiorra?"
"I like that you are a different sort of hero compared to Crimson Kid."
"Huh? Oh…thanks I guess, it was Kid Crimson by the way."
The slender man didn't seem to care as he walked away, leaving his younger brother to head upstairs and basically do as he was told, clean off his bite wound, trying to get a fair bit of blood out of his track suit and laying down in his hot apartment.
He had two happy thoughts to keep him company in the heat at least. He was happy to have seen his brother…and well, he wondered how much cheap meat he could buy with all that money he saved.
Ulquiorra however was walking home. The loss of his tie made his neck feel a little more open than usual. He had never really tried to go without it before, perhaps he should try it more?
"More investigation required." He noted before he finally used Sonido to shift away a long distance, getting to the top of a building and looking upon the different sides of City-B and City-Z as the sun started going down.
There were more than a few clients to meet in the coming days. So called heroes and more, all of them either needing the help of someone like him or trying to cheat the system.
In the end, he'll be trying to find them all, trying to figure out his life, his purpose and the people around him. Whether he'll help them, hinder them, bore them or more cannot be said for certain…
…but what in life can be said for certain, but death and taxes?
