Story by Ekroth Ekronicus
Written by Joe D. Mercala
...
The world's strongest man.
It's not the easiest title for one to possess. In fact, while there are some who would covet it, others would rather not have it at all, opting for something closer to a carefree path…for the life of the strongest man in the world is one of strife, battle and constant threats.
To the man who will one day be known as the strongest in the world, the soon to be "Heroes' Hero"…he would rather just play games. He prefers silence and peace, disliking crowds and noises.
Which is why it's rather strange that he wouldn't be disturbed in any way by the presence of another who had come to his apartment. A rather mysterious and quiet man had come his way, knocking on his door and introducing himself as Ulquiorra in a rather traditional and uptight way.
According to the thin man, he was a tax consultant.Working through a small office in City B, though he tended to be out of office a lot for his work, as clients around the cities tended to prefer talking about these sorts of matters privately.
"So uh…why do I even need help with taxes? I don't even really have a job or anything…" The scarred man asks, reaching over to pull his pile of games into a more neat stack.
"According to my research that is not exactly true." The man who had introduced himself as Ulquiorra stated. "You see, as the frequency of monster attacks has gone up, financial institutions and tax workers like me have been at odds trying to keep up. In fact, many of us have had to take on more than just tax work these past few months. In my time looking over records, I have found many possible clients that may end up getting in trouble in the future with the CTC, the City Tax Council. I have come to you because at the moment, you are the most at risk."
The scarred man's eyes jump open. "I…what? That doesn't make any sense here…I haven't been screwing the CTC out of any cash."
Not changing his expression a bit, the once Hollow looked around the apartment. "Ignorance is not an excuse. While you may have not intentionally done so, the money that you have earned in the arena of sports is taxable. Just because you are an athlete does not mean the money you have made and that pays for this apartment is untaxable."
"Wait, what?" He's confused…what the hell is this guy talking about? "I…think you have the wrong guy here. I've never played a sport professionally."
Quirking his brow, the slender man turned to a small suitcase he had brought along, opening it up to reveal a host of papers and documents.
"Is this not your name, here on these sign up sheets?" He hands over the papers and the scarred man looks over them, seeing his name as he realizes what he's talking about.
"Ohhhh…you mean, like Esports, oh…that's a bit of a relief." The man shrugged. "I didn't think it was much of an issue."
"Yes, it is listed that you had won more than a few large cash prizes through your sporting career. Though I do not know what Esports are, the income you make from them is still taxable."
"Well, they're just like…video game tournaments and stuff."
"Ah, yes games played on screens…a member of my family played them."
The once Hollow remembered that his younger brother always liked playing with smaller, more hand held instruments that played games. Though Saitama was never that good at them, always trying to brute force things it seemed…and he had a bad habit of breaking buttons on the small machines or erasing his save states.
Watching how irritated his younger brother would get, Ulquiorra wondered why anyone would play games…then again, he wondered similar things about entertainment in general.
"So…what's the problem here again? I thought winnings from contests and lotteries, that sort of stuff didn't need to be dealt with taxes."
The thin man shook his head. "In terms of the lottery, it's a case by case basis. However, when it comes to sports you have to make certain that you report your winnings to the CTC."
Oh shit, he hadn't been paying his taxes for years…how much did he owe them? He had blown more than a big chunk of his cash on video games, food and his apartment…what the hell was he going to do?
He was about to bow downward toward the man, ready to beg. "I didn't know! I'm sor-"
"Luckily, I am here to help you."
"I couldn't possibly have…wait, what?" He looks back up as Ulquiorra walks around the room.
He picks up a few items, inspecting them. Game controllers, a few disk cases, even looking over the TV and consoles themselves. "I have heard that talking in hypotheticals can sometimes explain a situation better to some people. Would you mind if I were to speak in terms of a hypothetical now?"
"Uhhhh, ya…I guess?"
"Let's say you have…a king of playing video games." Ulq presses a few buttons on a controller for what seems to be no reason, holding the thing up like a musical instrument than what it actually is. "This King of ours, he seems to be very good at games, and goes to tournaments, winning quite a lot of money in the end. A King's ransom if you will."
The King in question wondered if the skinny, emotionless man was trying to make some kind of a joke…and whether he should pretend to even smirk at it.
"Now, he makes all that money, and doesn't pay any taxes off, which is a problem…however, on the other hand, that doesn't mean there isn't anything to write off in terms of his taxes." Ulquiorra opens his arms up to gesture toward the room itself. "Luckily for him, most of what he buys happens to be video games, equipment for playing games, food and simply rent in of itself. All of which I can write off."
King blinked. "Wait…so you're saying this King…I mean I can write off…video games?"
"To end the hypothetical, yes, because to put it simply, you are a gamer." Ulquiorra grabs a stacked pile of games before sitting down. "Every console, your TV, controllers, chairs and yes, even games themselves can be written off if you happen to be making money playing them. They are nothing more than business expenses."
The King in question was damn well relieved, he thought his heart would start beating rather loudly there.
"Of course, writing all of this off will take some time. I will have to stay most of the day and you will have to walk me through how you pay your rent, the anything I can write off as well as sign a few forms that I have at the ready. I shall also need to inspect your systems as according to City Tax codes-"
That was when the scarred man completely lost him. The next thirty minutes alone was just a constant, slow river of info and boring tax codes that King couldn't navigate with a map and all the time in the world. By the time it was over he was more than happy to show the man around his place, let him look over the lease as well as what was more than two years worth of receipts.
The man later known as King did wonder why he didn't feel uncomfortable around the slender man in his home. He thought for a moment that it could be the fact he was shorter and smaller, but no…deep down despite his tall demeanor and jawline he was a coward and no matter how short or weak an enemy may look…he didn't have the stomach for a fight.
Maybe it was because of how…he didn't know how to put it, inhuman the guy seemed to be? Not like a monster per say…more like someone with something…missing, though he couldn't put his finger on it.
No, wait! He figured it out!
"You haven't asked about my scars!" He said aloud, making Ulquiorra tilt his head.
"Would that not be considered rude?" The skinny man replied, before opening his client's fridge. "I will be stealing an apple from you. Stop me if you wish."
King shrugged, an apple wasn't that big of a deal and honestly…the guy looked like he could use it with how thin he was. "I don't know…just a lot of people ask about it."
"Surprising. One would think such a scar would seem threatening. Humans tend to look at scars as badges of honor or pain. I would think yours would seem to others like a reason to stay away." Ulquiorra states, biting into the red fruit and devouring it quickly.
Pfft, the idea seemed ludicrous to the blond haired gamer. People? Scared of him? That would be the day.
"Okay, but…then how do you see them? My scars I mean?"
Ulquiorra paused for a moment, considering his thoughts. Scars were quite the foregn concept to him. During his time as a hollow, his regeneration was the strongest among all the other Arrancar, able to heal some of the most incredible injuries…because of that he never had a true scar or wound that would mark his body.
Even in his years as a human, he had not gained a single injury. Not so much as a scuffed knee in his time. It was just another signifier of how inhuman he was…despite all of his years in the body of a human, he has not suffered or fought or truly experienced all that much.
"Uh…tax guy?"
"Hmm?" Ulquiorra turns his head, and realizes that he was thinking for quite some time. Very unlike him to just drift off. "Yes, your scar…to put it simply and honestly, I do not understand it. I have never had so much as a broken bone in my lifetime. So I cannot identify with the pain, nor have any marks on my body myself. At best, I can say that at the very least the scarring makes you unique, and that it may intimidate foes in the future."
"Woah woah! I'm not gonna fight anyone!"
"You already have, in your sports." Ulquiorra states, fumbling again with the same controller he had grabbed before. "It may do you good to learn to leverage your appearance. That scar of yours and tall stature could intimidate people you happen to be playing against. It can weigh on them before a battle begins, sort of like a…spiritual pressure, so to speak."
King saw something akin to a small smile appear on the man's face before he set the controller down.
"I have looked over and cataloged most of your equipment, as well as the lease. All that is left is the games themselves."
Ulq walks over to King, moves behind the man, and then forces him to sit in a rather awkward way before the television. He reaches over and turns the game console on, only for the dear man to see something that makes his heart stop.
He hadn't switched games since the night before when he was playing one of his romance sims!
"Uh, maybe we should um…maybe I should show you another game I have here-"
"We are going to be playing through all of them. So let's not switch until I make sure each game is intended for your business with esports."
Oh boy, that was gonna be trouble…King had a ton of games…but only about 25% were games that he played for tournaments. The rest were…rather embarrassing romance titles, ones he was sure wouldn't count under all the tax write offs.
"Hello big brother! Are you ready to go to college today!" A preppy, green haired girl with pigtails asks as soon as he opens up his save file.
King's face was cracking into utter embarrassment. While Ulquiorra simply made a note of the game's title, watching quietly as the scene on the screen changed.
"May I ask, what is the goal of this game? It seems very different from the ones I am familiar with."
"Oh uh…it's a game about, well…more of a story. You make a few choices after talking to people to go down different story paths."
"Hmmm…" Ulquiorra had never heard of such a game before. Most of what he had heard about was fighting games or others that focused on action. This one seemed to be a much slower paced sort of experience, all about the story and dialogue. It was…rather intriguing to him.
"You seem to be interacting with many females. Does this game perhaps focus on such interactions?" The slim man asks, curiously reaching for the case to read the back of the game before King snatches it away from him.
"It's um…yes! It's sort of a…life simulator, ya!"
Even more curious. He thought that humans would have no need for media like this. After all, wasn't every bit of media he had witnessed others consuming nothing more than an escape from their boring lives? Why would humans need a game for interactions alone? All of this was simply making the man much more curious about all of this.
"These games, would they perhaps have anything to do with love, or the human heart?"
King was not sure how to answer that, as it was kind of an armor piercing question, the answer to which could be…rather awkward.
"Well, sort of…I guess you could say it's about that."
"I see. I can understand why games like this would be competitive in their own way. The choices one makes may lead to destruction and ruin as well as success. Not to mention the choice of one's partner. While I myself have never felt attracted to a person sexually or otherwise I can understand the difficulty of the concept."
Wait…did this guy…actually think that King went to tournaments to play romance sims? How the heck would that even work? It's utterly absurd…but there was one thing that stuck out to the gamer from what the accountant had said.
"You've never felt like…attracted to anyone? Okay…huh…" King just stares blankly at the guy like he's an alien. "Have you, I don't know…tried talking to girls, or you know…whatever you may be into? Not judging of course."
"Not for anything other than business. Girl's had a habit of approaching me in school. Giving me chocolate on certain holidays that I would mostly let my brother have. I personally do not have a taste for sweet things." Ulq answered quite thoroughly, before posing his own question. "Have you ever felt attracted to anyone, and if so, have you tried talking to girls, or as you have said, anything you may be into. I myself am no judge either."
King couldn't help but laugh a little at just the deadpan way the man said his own words, delivering them in such a straightforward way…it just cracked the man up before he quieted down and started thinking about it.
"Well, not really I guess…big tall blondie like me, I figure girls these days would rather go for someone a bit more their size. Besides, where I tend to go there are rather few girl's around. Tourneys are more of a guy thing, for the gamers and nerds…"
King sighs to himself, feeling a little…pathetic, then he sees Ulquiorra is writing down what he said.
"Wait! Don't write that down! Hey!"
Friendship was not something that could ever truly be found in a place like Hueco Mundo.
In the home of the Hollows, the creatures that lived there, either strong or weak lived like beasts, consuming one another or fighting against others. Among the strongest that existed there, one could only truly have servants…friendship, companionship…even love. Those things were not meant for Hollows.
At least, that's what Ulquiorra thought as he tried once again to get a pig tailed girl to talk to him in Doki Doki Sisters.
"I do not understand. I have made the choice to speak to her again and again. If she is my sister, as her older brother she should bow to my greater position."
"Dude, I do not envy your siblings." King replied, watching the skinny man play. After more than an hour going through all the games, he had requested to give one of them a try himself and hey, there were extra save slots so there wasn't any real problem.
"You're not picking any dialogue options she likes. You're not talking to her about things she likes, all you keep doing is demanding that she does her chores."
"They are her chores. Like a job, she has a responsibility to do them. As her big brother, I am overseeing her development into an adult. Part of doing that is making sure she does as she is told."
King smacked his own face. Ulq seemingly had no subtlety at all. Frankly he wondered if the man would be better off trying fighting games, but instead he seemed dead set upon learning how to get through these sims.
"Okay okay, how about you um…try to ask her about that set of Doggemon cards you found in the house. You know it's not your parents or your other, cuter sister's…so it must be hers."
The once Hollow pondered this, and found the reasoning sound. He went over to her room in the game, and cycling through the item menu to present her with the cards.
Immediately, she was embarrassed, blushing to a rather extreme level. "I um…don't know about those cards at all, they're probably someone else's…"
Two choices pop up, one saying to confront her directly, the other saying that if they are not hers, that they should be thrown out.
"Now, throw them out." King suggested.
"But I know they are hers. Confronting her would be much more-"
"Ulq, just trust me for like…3 seconds here. I know what I'm doing."
"Hmm, I suppose you are the professional."
Pressing upon the option suggested, the digitally represented sister suddenly tried to stop him from doing so. Shyly admitting that the cards were hers, leading to more of a conversation about them, how she got into them, and seeing more of her expressions.
The game then told him he had leveled up in their relationship.
"So, by threatening her with the loss of the cards, she was pushed to admit her exact need for them. However this only made her prattle on about the cards more."
"Well ya…but did you see how cute she was? I mean not as cute as the other sister but-" King suddenly realized what he was saying, gushing about his personal waifu choice.
He coughed for a moment and continued on in a level voice. "You learned more about her, and that's what's important. Being close to someone isn't a matter of it being physical. You can be her big brother…but before you found out about the cards, you didn't know a thing about her. Now you know more."
"I see…may I ask again why she had pigtails so large? They are rather uncommon-"
"Because they're cute dammit!"
After several more hours of going down romantic routes with the pig tailed sister, King finds himself to be exhausted after watching and answering so many of the accountant's questions. It had been such a slow drudge that it took four times as long to complete one part of the story compared to when he would play by himself.
Ulq had been quite satisfied with the result however, thinking that he had learned quite a fair bit about human interactions, especially those suited to girls with pigtails. He particularly enjoyed a point in which his video game sister dressed up in a foreign and exotic outfit, as he happened to slip down that path rather easily without King's help, flattering her quite well.
"So uh…since we're done with the games and such, can you tell me if all the form's and all that are in order because, well I need to sleep sometime here."
Widening his eyes, the Hollow looked about and saw that the sun had indeed set. His eyes were slightly tired and his thumbs were ever so slightly sore.
Human's have often said time flies when one has fun, but never had he experienced it before. "This has been a rather interesting day, thank you for helping me play."
"Uh, no problem." King states, scratching his head as he watches the thin man put all his forms away. "So uh…with all the taxes and all that, am I going to have any trouble with anything unpaid?"
Ulq shakes his head curtly. "There may have been, but all your games are competitive, so writing them off took care of any other outstanding debt you may have incurred. In fact, you have written off so much, I think the CTC may be sending you a check in an amount large enough to buy you another game."
For the first time since he met the guy, King just smiled, relaxing completely as they headed toward his door. "Thanks for everything then…will I be seeing you again?"
"If you continue to play in tournaments and make money, yes." Ulq answers, turning the knob and standing upon the threshold. "However, that probably will not be for a while. If you would, please do not delete my save file. I wish to continue learning about interactions."
"Well, you don't have to use games…I mean, you talk to people and stuff, you could just try applying what you learn to them, or learning while you talk. Have you just been…like, not really talking in conversation your whole life?"
Considering it for a few moments and realizing the massive time loss he has incurred by not simply trying during his time in this human body, Ulquiorra curtly closes the door, possibly embarrassed at the simplicity of his failure.
The man who would later be known as the Strongest man in the world, the heroes' hero, King himself…would start cleaning his place up slight, put his games back where they should be and do some of his dishes before he slept, wondering if he was kind of like Ulq in a way, sort of just…coasting through life. Not having any real friends, conversing with just life sim girls…
What made someone who couldn't understand people…any different from someone who did understand, but just didn't talk to people at all? Wasn't the result the same?
Maybe he should get into a club or something. Some kind of group…but thoughts about that would be for another day as he went to sleep.
Ulquiorra had already used Sonido to get atop a building to look down at the city once again. Meeting the gamer today had changed his perspective quite a lot on how to deal with others. If he was going to learn more about interactions he was going to have to learn how to be less direct.
Though then again, maybe what he had learned would only work on specific people. The sister in the game had been rather different than most of the women he had engaged with. Cute was the word constantly used by his client, though he wasn't exactly sure what that was to mean either, as it seemed to imply an attraction in an endearing sort of way but the Hollow could not be sure what that meant as he was now.
Little did he know, just wanting to see and interact with such a girl, even a fake one showed something of growth for him. Even if it was only at a base level, Ulquiorra wanted to learn more about her and see her actions. He wanted to engage, and therefore was attracted in some way, maybe not to the point she was anything close to endearing or even really cute in any capacity.
Ulquiorra went home, wondering if someone would consider him more soulless as a Hollow, or an accountant. Meanwhile, deep in his briefcase lay a form he had accidentally filled out wrong. On the residency form he had written the wrong name, instead using the hypothetical.
He would never correct the error before the papers were filed, not knowing that little more than a year from this point, his dear client would stumble into being the number 7 hero and that they would name him King, simply out of the fact that they thought it was his name thanks to one, simple incorrect file.
Just the kind of luck that falls upon the King of Games.
