Chapter Three: Sick Thoughts

Halloween had been a night full of cheesy horror movies and far too much candy, with both Kiera and Bella ending up spiraled on the living room floor. Charlie had come home to the girls fast asleep with an old black and white movie on the screen, the slasher forever stuck in a loop as the tape jammed.

He'd given them an exasperated yet fond look as he told them about how the Blockbuster lady was sure to give him shit over it. Kiera also has the faintest memory of Charlie stealing the last of the trick or treaters candy, his pockets suspiciously full when he shook them both awake.

Every moment spent with Bella was a moment of building anxiety.

Kiera's secret weighed her down like a pair of cement shoes, the growing vastness of her lie the ocean that threatened to drown her. When things got awkward or quiet between them, the secret threatened to claw its way past Kiera's lips. Sometimes she'd even started to tell her tale-before it would sputter and die at the tip of her tongue.

She hadn't expected her truth to come to light like this .

Kiera had been up on the roof of her quaint little home, pulling down the orange and purple lights Ramona had so carefully strung up. She'd let them hang there till nearly Thanksgiving, too busy between work and constantly watching over Kiera to bring them down.

Kiera had thought it'd be nice to help out her cousin- plus she was getting sick of looking at the garish lights, not that she'd ever admit to it. Bella's rust-bucket of a truck came sputtering along, and the brunette stuck her head out of her window to shout Kiera's name. It was a normal sight, nearly routine between the two girls for one to just show up at the other's house.

But nothing was ever simple with Bella, who was the most accident-prone human she'd ever met. Kiera had been finally wrapped up the last of the lights and was climbing down the ladder when Bella had tripped on her shoelaces and slammed into Kiera's back, her long fingers clutching onto Kiera's rust-colored sweater, pulling Kiera down with her as she fell.

There was no falling in slow motion- Kiera slipped from the rungs, her own hand clutching onto the sting of lights as it would save her. Her hand tried to soften her fall, the pressure between it and the hard ground smashing the light bulbs like small bugs.

"Oh, shi- Kiera! I'm so sorry, are you alright?!" Bella reached out, grabbing hold of Kiera's shoulder.

Kiera's eyes were first met with Bella's, and then the treacherous loose laces of her shoes.

"Bell- how- why- Ugh, Tie your shoes next time, you almost gave me a heart attack!"

The girls helped each other up, the lights forgotten in their concern. The scent of copper was faint but undeniably there, and Kiera cringed.

"You're bleeding," Bella muttered, face going green.

"Huh. I am." Kiera turned her palm skywards, staring at dismay at the tiny shards of glass jutting into her hand. "You can smell it?"

"Can't you?" Bella asked. She took a step back, fanning her face.

Kiera's eyed Bella intently, her face becoming pinched. She'd never known a human to have such a keen sense of smell. She watched her friend for a few more moments before pulling herself together.

"I did, I just haven't met many with, uh, sensitive noses like me." Kiera carefully plucked the glass from her hand, observing the blood dry with a distant fascination.

She remembered Bella was watching and closed her palm, hoping she hadn't seen her skin stitching itself back together. Bella was slowly stopping her fanning, her wide doe eyes glazed over. She seemed lost in a memory better left forgotten if the tremble of her lips was any indication.

Hesitating, Kiera opened her palm, bringing it in front of Bella's face. Bella snapped to attention, her confused eyes on Kiera.

"Can you check it for me?" Kiera asked cautiously. "I think I have all the glass out, but I'm not quite sure."

"Oh. Yeah, sure, I guess." Bella peered down at Kiera's hand, her own coming to keep it still. "I don't see anything, it doesn't even look like you got cu-"

Bella stilled.

Time seemed to slow and Kiera waited for Bella to catch on. She shifted nervously, hand easily falling away from Bella's grip. Bella stared where Kiera's hand used to be, her own still hanging in the air.

"How?" She asked faintly.

"How…did my hand heal?" Kiera clenched her still bloodied hand, the skin as smooth as ever.

"What else could I possibly be asking about?! How the hell did your hand heal!" Bella exclaimed.

She looked like she'd seen a ghost. Her eyes filled with tears, and her mouth thinned into an unhappy line.

"Bella…" Kiera sighed. "I think we should go inside for this."

"Fine then."

Bella marched into the Villanueva's tiny house, her long legs taking trembling steps. Kiera could only watch as her friend tripped over the entryway, ever the puppy with the paws she'd one day grow into. It was silent on the way to Kiera's room.

When they entered, Bella's eyes went skywards, tensely gazing at the poster on Kiera's ceiling.

"So." Bella started, biting her lip. She tore her eyes from Justin Timberlake's face to look at her friend, her doe eyes ever so tired.

"So." Kiera sighed. "I'm not human."

"Yeah, I guessed that." Bella said bitterly.

"I don't even know how to start with this." Kiera ran a hand through her hair, tugging at the roots.

"Anywhere. Just. Start anywhere."

Kiera remained silent, weak-kneed and feeling nauseous. When her confidence failed her, Bella sighed.

"What are you? Let's start there."

"Not a vampire, if that's what you were thinking." She clenched and unclenched her healed hand, hoping for a surge of courage.

"So you knew about the Cullens this entire time? What, were you laughing at me, thinking about the dumb little human who was left behind?"

The force of her bitterness shocked Kiera. She'd never expected it from Bella- meek, mild-mannered Bella and hearing it made her flinch.

"Bella, never. I can't stand them after what they've done to you- I'd never find that funny. And I didn't know about the Cullens, I had my suspicions, but I wasn't a hundred percent sure. You basically just confirmed it for me."

Bella plopped onto Kiera's bed, her head sinking into her tired hands. "So what other secrets are you keeping?"

Kiera came to sit beside Bella, their shoulders barely brushing.

"My kind are called Diwata. It's hard to explain, but we've been compared to the Fae. It's not as glamorous as it sounds, we are immortal and beautiful, but we aren't much else." Kiera swallowed. "We come from the Philippines."

"Your cousin too then?" Bella asked slowly.

"Yeah, it's a family thing."

"When...when were you born?"

Kiera cringed. "I was born in eighteen forty-one, give or take."

Bella was silent for a moment. Kiera felt like her weak heart was going to beat right out of her chest. Was this it? Would Bella not want to talk to her after this? She did lie. But it's an understandable lie right? What if-

"It all makes sense. You are an old lady. That's why your decorations were so old ladyish. Is that why you don't know what Punk'd is? Because you're old as dirt? "

Kiera immediately relaxed, the tension dropping from her shoulders. "You aren't mad?"

Bella quirked her head, turning her doe-eyed gaze to Kiera, an assessing look to her. "That depends. Have you been manipulating my emotions this entire time?"

"That's not even possible, not from one of my kind. I just take the energy from the land and give it to you. It's like giving you a good night's rest, at most. Nothing as drastic as that. To be honest, I didn't even know if it'd work on you since you're human."

Bella pulled at a random string, twisting and twirling the powder blue thread around her finger. Her head was bowed, and she was once again lost in a place Kiera could not reach.

"There was a vampire who could do that. Manipulate emotions, I mean. He didn't do it often, but the last time he had, everything had gone downhill."

Kiera opened her mouth to comment on that particular fact, but like a dam that broke, Bella's words unleashed. She told Kiera everything of her Cullens, from the day she met her ex-boyfriend till the day he left her to rot in the woods.

With every word she spoke, unbridled rage settled into Kiera. Couldn't they see how much Bella had relied on them? It may not have been healthy, but it was what it was. Bella had given and given throughout her life, catering to her mother, and then her father. The second someone gave her that kind of love in return, Bella latched onto them.

She had simply wanted that love returned, and that family left her like an unwanted animal who was left at the side of the road. And was it so wrong to want to be loved? To be held and cherished?

Kiera felt the gap between herself and her human companion like the great divide of a canyon. Bella was young, human. Everything was full of feeling, the world was always ending. It clicked then, why Bella had been so broken when she continued her story.

"He didn't confirm it when I asked if I wasn't good enough for him. But I knew, Kiera. I've always known. I'm this , and he is him . I'm finite, while he is eternal. How he managed to love me in the first place will always be beyond me."

"Bella, he's not some god. He's a fool, just with a fat wallet and a pretty face. You should never feel unworthy of love, regardless of who it comes from, and if he makes you feel that way…."

"He made me feel special." Bella choked on her own bitter laugh. "Like I could be something magnificent. I wanted to be like them, you know? Perfect."

Kiera didn't know, didn't see the appeal of an immortal life stuck second-guessing herself. But she wrapped her arms around her friend anyways, clinging to her tightly.

"You're good the way you are." Kiera said gruffly.

"I think I'm starting to see that." Bella murmured, giving Kiera's arm a squeeze.


It'd been easy to convince Bella to seek out her friend Jacob. Bella seemed to light up at the mention of his name these days, the gloomy clouds that hung around her chased off by the brightness of her old friend. It was a relief to Kiera, seeing Bella branch out and reclaim her lost circle of friends.

Ever so slowly, Kiera got to know Bella's human friends. Angela was long and willowy, towering over them with her staggering height. But with kind eyes and the softest of smiles, she was easily the least intimidating. Jessica was another favorite of Kieras, her fun-loving attitude and her ambitious nature reminding her of Ramona at times.

It was Mike that made Kiera grit her teeth. He was decent enough but his sulking and pining over Bella quickly got on her nerves. Bella was clearly uncomfortable with his affections, but either he was too oblivious to it or he just didn't care. If he didn't watch himself, Kiera would make him care.

"Stop glaring," Bella muttered.

"I can't, he's breathing too loud." Kiera groaned, rubbing at her temples.

Bella's brows pinched together. "Are you alright, you seem kind of pale."

"I feel like roadkill," Kiera admitted. "My head's been hurting since last night- everything seems so much brighter and louder today."

"Maybe you should go home...do you have a fever?" Angela asked softly, her warm golden hand coming to rest on Kiera's forehead before she snatched it back. "You're actually really cold!"

"That sounds like a good idea. Take notes in English for me?" Kiera did her best to give Bella a miserable look.

"Only if you don't crash on the way home." Bella bit her lip. "Text me when you get there?"

"Will do." Kiera forced herself from her seat, gathering her half-eaten sack lunch and her messenger bag. She mustered one last smile for her friends before stumbling towards her car.

Getting to her car was harder than it should have been. Her breathing was heavy and her heart pounded in her ears like a warning. It took all of her strength to get herself home safely, driving herself home at a snail's pace.

All Kiera could do was crawl into her bed, fully clothed and bleary-eyed. It took several minutes for her thumbs to text that she was home, her fingers oddly stiff. As soon as she pressed send, Kiera faded into the black.

She awoke to Ramona gently shaking her. Kiera let her cousin lead her into their living room, the heat from the freshly lit fire doing little to soothe her stiff joints. It took three layers of their heaviest blankets and five cups of tea for the warmth to seep back into her bones.

"What's happening to me?" Kiera asked hoarsely, knuckles turning white as she gripped her mug.

"It's almost time," Ramona said. "This is how it starts- you get sick, then you get cold. It'll be hard at first to get used to, but eventually, it'll feel normal."

Flashes of Kiera's mother's cold arms holding her close as she told her what a Metamorphosis was like flew through her mind. Little Kiera had been so fascinated, so filled with awe at the stories her mother spun. She couldn't wait to wake up infinite, couldn't fathom how someone could be scared of something so beautiful.

But the closer her debut came, the more afraid she grew.

Was this what it meant to be immortal? To be cold and aching?

"...What happens after that? Will my heart really stop?" Kiera coughed.

Ramona smiled, a rueful twist to her lips. She sat beside her little cousin, holding her close and petting her long dark hair.

"It won't even hurt. It'll just be like going to sleep. When you wake up, there will be no more pain, no more feeling cold." She pressed a kiss to the crown of Kiera's head. " Humans will think you're cold, but that's easy to explain away. Poor circulation, or the weather."

"So I just have to suffer until I die?" Kiera closed her eyes, a headache around the corner.

"Isn't that what mortal life about? Suffering?" Ramona chuckled darkly to herself.

"And you say I'm dramatic." Kiera mumbled.

"Oh hush, you'll be fine. And don't think of it as dying- you're just changing, that's all. Evolving."

"Evolving, huh? Why can't it go faster then?"

"Sadly, it's not something you can rush through," Ramona held Kiera closer. "But my hand is always here for you to hold."


Kiera woke up to the sound of her phone ringing. She took a few moments to look around, the familiar scent of her cousin laced about the cozy bedroom. Ever since that vampire had broken into their house, Kiera slept in Ramona's room just as promised, under her cousin's constant vigilant care.

With a sigh, Kiera flipped open the phone. "Hello?"

"Ramona said you were sick, but I didn't think it was this bad." Bella's voice was full of panic, and Kiera just knew the girl was tearing her lip to shreds with those teeth of hers.

"Just what every girl wants to hear, thank you Bella." Kiera fought back a yawn. She felt like a microwaved corpse, reheated and left to limp around. "It'll pass, it's just another family thing."

Bella made a sound of recognition, the noise bringing a smile to Kiera's face.

"What's up, did Charlie almost burn the house down again?"

"He's not allowed by the stove anymore, thank God." Bella scoffed. "No, I was just wondering if you wanted to come with me and meet Jake."

Kiera perked up, pulling herself from her bundle of blankets to rest against Ramona's cream-colored headboard. "Right now? I'm still feeling a bit crappy-"

"Tomorrow," Bella corrected. "I got him a present, I think he'll really like it."

Kiera tried to coax what the present was, to no avail. Bella was a stubborn girl, but the pure mirth in her voice as she spoke kept Kiera from feeling frustrated. Instead, she was nearly overcome by fondness.

"Fine, keep your secrets." She sighed dramatically.

Bella only chuckled, promising her she'd see what they were when they all hung out.

When Kiera and Bella arrived at the Rez, Kiera could only blink in surprise at the tall boy that ran over to greet them. He was stupidly beautiful, with long black hair he kept out of his face with a band, and the richest brown skin Kiera's seen since she'd arrived at Forks.

"Bella! And here I thought you only hung out with your fellow pale faces." Jacob laughed as he picked up Bella and spun her around, her mahogany hair flying out around her.

Kiera immediately felt like she was invading.

For a moment, Kiera wished Bella had fallen for someone like Jake. Someone bright and cheerful, someone human.

Someone who could give her a life full of warmth and sunlight, the kind that the Arizona born girl desperately missed.

"Jacob Black." Jake introduced himself, finally putting Bella down.

"Kiera Villanueva. It's nice to finally meet you."

"Likewise." Jacob grinned. "She hasn't shut up about you."

Bella groaned, evading his attempt to ruffle her hair. "Don't make it sound so pathetic, I was just talking her up to you so you'd like her!"

Jacob and Kiera only shared shit-eating grins.

"Do you want you're present or not?" Bella taunted, her own grin blossoming.

Jacob straightened himself up, giving her a mock-serious look. "Alright Boss, show me the goods."

Excitedly, Bella went to the bed of her truck, grabbing hold of the tarp and throwing it back. There, nestled amongst a few random bits and bobs, sat two rusty old motorcycles.

"Bella," Kiera said slowly, "What the hell?"


As the last of the leaves finally died and hit the ground, Kiera's aches only worsened.

Aches, she could take. The cold, she could handle. But the more her body changed, the more her mind did too.

Kiera was cold, but her mind felt like it was on fire.

Sick thoughts burned brightly in her mind- images of blood and gore and the cries of her fellow classmates plagued her head. She'd find herself staring at her professors, wondering what it would be like if she plucked their limbs from them like an unlucky butterfly. What it'd be like if she knocked Bella down a flight of stairs.

Would her skull split open? Would her bones break?

She craved the crunching of bones, the scent of copper drenching the air. A hunger for violence like she'd never experienced ran rampant through her, and she wanted it to stop.

Kiera didn't feel angry. Wasn't enraged or vengeful or craving some sort of retribution. It was like a predator was settling into her body, clenching and unclenching it's bloodthirsty fists, demanding for her to break something . To break anything .

Seeing Bella's concerned face on a regular basis helped to chase the monster away. It warmed up to her rather quickly, content to be near her dear friend, happy when Bella was happy.

Not this one.

Not her Bella.

'Her'. As if Bella belonged to her. But didn't she? Just as much as Ramona belonged to her, just as much as Jessica and Angela were starting to belong, didn't her first and closest friend belong to her? Kiera belonged just as much to Ramona, as she did to Bella.

This strange sense of belonging wasn't a sense of ownership- no, it was just how Kiera's mind was starting to process the beings around her. They were either hers, or they weren't worth notice.

It felt like a web was starting to spread. Long tentative stands attached her to her human friends, linking and intertwining with each other until they all were connected. The strand connecting her to Ramona was the thickest, the most secure.

That cord was impenetrable like solid steel.

Kiera needed to know if this was normal. If she were normal. She was tired of losing sleep and lying to her cousin, tired of pretending she was okay when she really just wished for some damn answers. She was drying the minuscule amount of dishes they had, looking over the sink and out the window, her eyes on the treeline as Ramona spoke.

Even now it called to her, the woods singing for her to come home.

Her cousin's hands and face almost comical with their level of expression. The pen in her hand flew around as she gestured and ranted, jabbing it with her spirited words.

"I know what a buttress is, I was an architect once! I'm almost a thousand years old, I know what a fucking buttress is! I'm not an idiot!"

"What's a buttress?" Kiera blurted.

Immediately, Ramona's tone lightened. "Oh, it's a support beam basically. Next time we pass Forks Library I'll point them out."

Kiera bit back her smile. Her cousin was much softer than she let on.

"Usually you make some snide comment about how pathetically small the book selection is. What's wrong?"

Kiera's hands stilled before she sighed. Carefully, she set both the dish and the cloth down, her eyes finally leaving the trees.

"Mona," She breathed in, "As you changed, did you start getting some... disturbing thoughts?"

"Disturbing how?" Ramona's eyes narrowed with barely restrained concern, her knuckles turning white around the body of her pen.

Kiera could lie to her, tell her it was just a question. Could smile and placate her, dancing around the truth just enough to wash away her cousin's worry.

But she was scared .

Scared, because her 'disturbing' thoughts weren't actually just thoughts. They were cravings. They were desires.

Kiera was actively wanting to tear through people like they were an outdated information sheet and she was the shredder. Kiera didn't want this to be her new normal, not when she went for so long not thinking like a serial killer.

"Disturbing like I'd end up on the six o'clock news for the murder of a group of high school boys who thought it was appropriate to whistle at me when I went to the corner store for gas."

"That's not even that fucked up, that's just standard." Ramona waved it away, the tension in her shoulders dropping a fraction.

"Disturbing like I wanted to see what Bella's insides looked like."

Ramona frowned. "Yeah, that's kind of disturbing."

Kiera snorted. "You're telling me."

"Look kid, I'm not going to say it's 'normal' for our kind because it's not. Diwata are predatory creatures, we don't hunt, we don't fight. But that doesn't say anything about you, alright?"

"I'm pretty sure it's telling us that I need to like, go on house arrest or something." Kiera ran a hand through her hair, frustrated to find it turning frizzy.

"Do you want to go on house arrest?" Ramona asked, quirking a brow.

"No, but what if-"

"Have you actually followed through with your thoughts? Or even tried to? What about now, do you still want to bash some heads in?"

"Well no, but-"

"Then don't worry. You don't have a bad bone in you Kiera, you aren't going to actually hurt Bella. Thoughts are thoughts, even humans have those kinds of thoughts."

"They are more like cravings though." Kiera pointed out.

"Sometimes I still crave chicken tenders, but you don't see me eating them."

"That's way different than craving for the bloodshed of a loved one."

"If you want, I'll do some digging. Ask around, see if someone has been through this. I'll even look in the attic at your mom's stuff, maybe she went through the same thing. No two Metamorphosis are the same."

Kiera walked over to her cousin, dropping her head onto her shoulder. "I'm just scared."

Ramona sighed. "We'll find some answers. For now, try not to worry too much about it alright?"

Kiera bit back her urge to snarl, forcing it to come out as a huff. "Okay."


In hopes of shaking off her terrible mood, Kiera had begged Bella to go to Port Angeles with her. She didn't care what the did there, as long as they were doing something. It'd taken a few minutes of sulking and the promise of books and food to coax Bella from her warm bed, but eventually, the brunette relented and the two were off for a day out.

Though Port Angeles was bigger than Forks, it wasn't overwhelmingly so. The place seemed the perfect inbetween, in Kiera's opinion. Small enough to remain a small town, but without being as boring as Forks.

The cute shirts and other admirable trinkets they'd spotted through the windows was an oddly refreshing sight. Kiera had spent so long cooped up in her house, and even longer in her coma, Kiera hadn't even known that this place existed.

Just how vast has the world grown while she was asleep? Yearning to explore, to traverse the seas and have the waves tell her their stories, to peak into the daily lives of the people she's been deprived of seeing, filled Kiera. Like taking a sip of your favorite tea, the warmth spread from her belly and chest all the way down to her feet.

"One day, I'm going to see the world." Kiera announced.

Bella nearly dropped the cup of chai tea she was holding, so startled by the sudden reappearance of Kiera's voice.

"Yeah?"

They were currently curled up in the corner of a cafe, new books in hand. Of course, Bella had gotten herself another romantic classic, a newer version of Pride and Prejudice . Kiera dog eared a page of her own copy of Jane Eyre , ignoring Bella's cringe, and set it onto the small wooden table.

"Yeah. There's just so many places I haven't been to, so many things I haven't done. I want to see Bali, visit Rome. I doubt I'll be able to try all the foods, but the sights themselves are so worth the trip. Hopefully I'll find a good enough job to pay for those, though."

Bella smiled to herself. "Maybe I can show you the Grand Canyon. I think you'd like it there."

"As long as you don't stand too close to the rocks, I think it'd be a great time."

"Har har. So, is there anywhere else you wanted to go?" Bella asked.

"Hmm, maybe to the candle shop we passed, the one a few shops down? I could go for a fall scented candle." Kiera grinned, laughing at Bella's mumbled 'of course'.

"Sure, just let me finish up this chapter and then we can- Kiera? Kiera, what's wrong?"

"B-bella-" Kiera choked out, her mug shattering in her grip.

Black crowded Kiera's vision, threatening to overtake the sudden tunnel vision she was getting.

Bella's words came and went through Kiera's head like she were underwater, slow and muffled and a tad unsettling. Kiera's dark gaze was latched onto something over Bella's shoulder, her mouth agape in a barely smothered horror.

His face was just as youthful as it'd been all those years ago. From his sharp jaw, to his curly dark hair and expressive brown eyes, Sebastian would have easily been the muse to any artists, could have easily been the man behind every beautiful song about a broken heart.

Kiera used to joke that he was the modern-day Helen- that his face could have launched a thousand ships.

But Kiera didn't feel like joking right now.

She was immediately thrown back to that day in the woods, that day she had been left behind this very friend of hers to wither away. Phantom pain shot through her, every wound and bruise that has long since been healed coming back to taunt her.

She could feel Bella's hands pry open her own, her friend's soft but firm voice going in one ear and out the other. One again, copper tainted the air. It seemed Kiera was always breaking things around Bella.

Slowly, Sebastian raised his hand and waved.

AN: This chapter has some dark thoughts, and there will be darker actions throughout the fic. Stay safe y'all