You will wake up in your bed alone, just like you have been doing for the past 1493 days. No one is keeping track. You aren't keeping track. The number will simply be the first thought that pops into your mind when you open your eyes. It's always your first thought.
You will feel something like heartburn, but you know it isn't because you keep trying remedies for it and nothing works. You will ignore it but you will be uncomfortable while you eat your breakfast — a lukewarm cup of coffee (black, no sugar) and a cigarette.
Your stomach will scream at you as it twists and contracts, but you will ignore it. If you listen to it before you have your shower, you will throw up. Wednesdays are for cleaning the bathroom, and it will not be a Wednesday, so your whole schedule will fall apart if you throw up.
It is very important to clean up your messes when they happen. You will have to do a deep clean. You won't have time for a deep clean.
You will step into your shower, the water cold, for just long enough to get sufficiently wet. Then you will turn off the water, because you aren't wasteful, and you will efficiently scrub all over your body with a clean rag. It is rough on your skin and sometimes it hurts, but it will hurt less than usual that day.
After the scrubbing is done, you will shampoo your hair. It is a 2-in-1 and you know it's shit but you have been using this brand for as long as you can remember. It gets the job done and it smells familiar, so it didn't make sense to change it at this point in your life.
Quickly, you will turn the water back on, still cold, and you will rinse everything. You will not waste any time and shut off the water the second you're done. You will stretch your back but it will still feel sore, so you will move on and dry yourself with the green towel.
It will be a green towel day.
Your body will feel warm and you will feel lightheaded, so you will hurry to drink your meal replacement shake. It is gross and you hate it, but it gets the job done. It will have been a while since you've been interested in cooking your meals. Besides, Kitty always has food for you if you visit her.
You will visit her.
But before you do, you will have to get dressed. In your room there is a special occasion dresser and an every day dresser. It will be an every day sort of day, so you will open the drawers and grab the piece of clothing at the top of each. You will have streamlined the process by buying the same piece of clothing in multiples.
You figured out what to wear years ago, there is no need to waste any more time. You will not waste time.
When you are dressed, you will put on your glasses and stare at your reflection. The world will no longer be blurry and you will see your hair still be dyed a dark brown. You will double check that your roots do not show and you will obsess with getting your hairdo just right. You will continue to stare at yourself and your eyes will sting. You will not understand why, so you will move on.
You have a job to focus on.
He gave it to you after all, and even though he's gone (it's ok, it was all part of the plan. It made sense. Still does. It will) it is crucial for you to follow his instructions to the letter.
Well there wasn't a letter, but you will remember everything he told you. You will always remember what he told you.
You will be focused.
You are the only one who can do this, otherwise he wouldn't have chosen you. You will make sure Sherlock Holmes does not win.
