14
"I think I am pregnant" Sam said softly to Curtis and she watched him react with excitement, comprehension and then concern.
"Are you OK? How do you feel? Are you happy?"
"You are so much like Tad. Listen to you… yes. I am OK. I am not sure how to feel about it… it… I don't know it I want another one." She sighed rubbing her face "with the kids old enough for sleepovers and things, even school camps…. It' s nice, ya know? Jax and Denbae are such good friends and... Toshiko and Owen are happy to take both of ours for weekends… like we do with theirs for their time off… another baby is… well… more."
"Shay is old enough to not need constant fussing… you could pop it out and hand it to Tad… or me" he pointed out "It's not that. Come on… really Sammy love. What's wrong?"
"I… I am frumpy. I never got my body back after the first one… the second one … well. Look at my saddle bags… bloody huge. My tits are sagging, Fen says I am still pretty but… I don't always feel it and now another one to wreak me more and.. it sounds selfish right? I just… sleepless nights, swollen feet, stretch marks, those farts… oh god the farting… my blood pressure… the doctor told me I am on the cusp… what if… what if this is too hard?"
"Does Fen know?"
"No. I've not told anyone… too damned scared to pee on a stick and confirm it because then I HAVE to tell." She sighed "I don't know."
"Sleep on it. It's not real now… it's a phantom, a maybe … a sort of. Go home. Do your normal things, exist in your space and just… let the idea sink in. If by tomorrow you still feel like this, we will go to Owen together and you will get a proper test. Good or bad… I will be right there. If it's a positive test you then speak to Fen about your thoughts, fears and you will know more about what you both thing I the right way forward." Curtis patted her hand "If it comes down to your wellbeing and your self-worth… your health and mental health… I will go with you to take care of it. You know I love babes… but this is not a baby. Not yet. It's a thought. I love you more."
"Thank you" she sobbed, taking his hand on hers "I didn't want to see Taddy's disappointed face, trying to hide it behind bluster as he tries to be supportive. I knew you would get it."
"I do. I do. You've been a mum for a long time now… you are just starting to be Sam again. I get it" Curtis assured her "Not everyone is a baby monster."
She smiled as she accepted his hug and felt better. He was right… it as not even a baby yet.
Just a scary thought.
