Dancing in the Dark

Chapter 2: God Only Knows

A/N: This was a little more difficult to write because I'm a fluff-fanatic and prefer happy endings (F%ck you season 6), but I like to think this came together well despite the sadness. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Not only do I not own Lost or these characters, but the song is by the Beach Boys and called God Only Knows.

—-

Two years… damn, had it really been that long? James could hardly believe he'd actually been with one woman and one woman only for two freakin' years. It was so unlike him, and yet, it was something he'd always yearned for deep down - she was the family he never had. She was someone who understood him, accepted him, and loved him despite every awful thing he'd ever done. She was his best friend, and tonight, he planned on making sure she knew just how much he loved her, too.

To celebrate this milestone with Juliet truly was a dream come true, if he was being honest with himself. (Certainly, it would be better if it wasn't being spent just weeks shy of 1977, but beggars can't be choosers, eh?) He had the whole night planned out and it started with her favorite meal.

As he was cooking, he was humming to himself and glancing up at the door every few minutes, just waiting for her to get home from work. She was expected home any minute now and he didn't want her to catch him unaware like he had done with her two years prior.

He chuckled to himself as he hummed. He could almost see it… He'd caught her in this kitchen singing her little heart out; but in his opinion, to the wrong 80s music. He hummed the likes of Def Leppard, Guns N Roses, AC/DC - none of that Pop shit she liked. But he definitely saw the appeal. It had been a long time since he'd listened to halfway decent music, let alone music from his own time. Even when he'd spent time in the hatch, the music selection there was limited. I mean seriously, who the hell was Geronimo Jackson anyway?

Just as James was starting to picture Juliet dancing around in her little short shorts, she came bursting through the front door, soaking wet, hair hanging limply around her face. She slammed the door behind her, kicked off her shoes and huffed before wiping the water from her eyes.

"You look like a drowned rat, there, Blondie. Need a hand?" James couldn't help but laugh. He had just taken the noodles off the stove and was hard at work (not really) draining them when she burst in. He was in a fabulous mood and couldn't help but poke fun at her.

"Wow, thanks a lot, James. Happy anniversary to you too, asshole," she muttered before starting to strip off her soaking wet clothes (which was easier said than done) and plopping them down in a pile by the front door.

He laughed as he set the pot back on the stove and turned off the eye. "Ayyy now, missy. I was only playin'. I'll go get ya some fresh clothes and a towel." He kissed her quickly on the lips in greeting before departing and bringing her a towel, clean underwear, pajama pants, and one of his t-shirts. He didn't even bother bringing her a bra and hoped she wouldn't notice.

She accepted them gratefully before finishing her task of undressing right there in the living room (much to James' delight) and donning her new clothes. She used the towel to dry her hair and wipe her face.

"Thanks. I don't know what happened - I left the motor pool and then all of a sudden it was coming down in sheets. I had to practically run all the way here but it didn't matter, I still got soaked anyway," she said as she collapsed into one of the dining room chairs. She closed her eyes and sighed, trying to force the frustration to drain from her body. James took this as an invitation and sauntered behind her. He put his hands on her shoulders and squeezed firmly, running his thumbs in small circles.

"Mmmm… that's nice…" she murmured. "Keep doing that and I won't say anything about how you conveniently didn't bring me a bra and grabbed one of your shirts instead of mine…and a white one, at that… least I know what you like me wearing…" Juliet chuckled, eyes still closed.

"If by that you mean wearin' nothin' but your birthday suit, you'd be correct. But if not that, then yeah, I like when ya wear my clothes. I dunno why. Maybe it's a dominance thing…" He leaned down and kissed the side of her neck. "Welcome home, baby. Happy anniversary," he purred.

Juliet grinned and opened her eyes. She tilted her head back to look at him. He paused his ministrations. "Happy anniversary, James." Her blue eyes were bright and her face glowed with happiness. James couldn't wait any longer. He scooted her chair around so that she faced him and he leaned down to capture her lips with his. She sighed against his mouth, and something so simple almost caused him to come undone completely and take her right then and there on the dining room table. But no, he had to resist; he had the night planned out and that wasn't until later.

"Now listen here, little seductress. I see what you're tryin' to do. But I made my woman dinner and she's gonna need to eat it before it gets cold. So you best rein it in and practice a little thing called patience cuz you ain't gettin' any a' this just yet," he chastised playfully, using his free hand to gesture to himself like Vanna White. She rolled her eyes before a soft giggle escaped her lips.

"I'M the seductress? Who started rubbing whose shoulders? I'd say you're just as guilty, Mr. LaFleur." She winked at him before getting up from her seat and walking down the hall, sashaying as she went, knowing he was watching her. He groaned and could almost hear the smirk play out across her face.

As Juliet ran a hairbrush through her hair, she couldn't help but grin like a teenager. She couldn't believe they'd been going strong for two years. She tasered him the first time they met, and kept him in a cage, and played mind games with his people… and he just forgave her for everything. He'd started out as an enemy she feared and turned into her best friend and soulmate in such a small amount of time, in the grand scheme of things. Now here they were, living out some of the best years of her entire life (arguably the best, but without Rachel she couldn't quite admit that to herself). He'd made her favorite meal and they had the whole evening ahead together, just the two of them.

While James waited for Juliet to return from the bathroom, he picked up her wet clothes and left them outside (that's tomorrow's problem, he thought). He then finished tossing the pasta and vegetables in the alfredo sauce. He set the plates, brought the salad out from the fridge, and poured them some wine. Juliet returned (after having added socks to her ensemble) and sat back down into her seat. She clasped her hands in front of her, looking excitedly down at her plate.

"James, this smells incredible. You really outdid yourself," she complimented. He kissed the top of her head (hair also now pulled back into a loose braid) before sitting across from her at the table.

"Thanks, baby. I think it came out alright. Helps that you gave me those lessons last time," he winked at her. The last time they'd made this meal, she'd included lessons on how to make it properly. It started out just fine, but ended with them having sex on the kitchen floor.

Juliet rolled her eyes, remembering exactly what he was referring to. She said nothing as she tucked into her meal, but the moans and groans as she ate made James' whole evening - and they hadn't even gotten to the good stuff yet. He was pretty damn proud of himself, actually. He wasn't usually one to cook, so her enjoyment of his first solo attempt made him feel like he was ten feet tall.

They chatted amiably throughout dinner, discussing the day they'd had, including the practical joke James had played on Phil, and their plans for the weekend (baking Christmas cookies with Miles and Jin). Juliet was only mildly disgruntled at the idea. Part of her actually looked forward to it, as long as James could keep the teasing to a minimum. It was easy conversation, and James couldn't keep the grin off his face. He was in a hell of a good mood, and couldn't for the life of him think of what he had done to deserve this good fortune.

After they'd finished, James shooed Juliet away to the living room to read while he cleaned up. His plan was to finish the dishes, draw them a bubble bath, and then afterwards, make their way to their bedroom to give her a full body massage. (He just hoped and prayed he could hold out long enough to make it through those two very… sensual… activities before he pounced on her).

He was halfway through the dishes when he heard music wafting in from the living room. Juliet must have put a record on. He tried to place the tune, but before he could, she changed the song and all he caught was the little wrrrppp of the record player.

After a moment, he recognized the beginning notes as that of the Beach Boys. God, Juliet loved her pop music. He shook his head, making a mental note to try and broaden her horizons, when he felt her slender arms snake around his waist. He couldn't help but grin as she laid her cheek against the top of his back.

"I'm tryin' to finish the dishes, Blondie," James said, mock annoyance in his tone.

"I know. But I want you to come dance with me," she whispered against the back of his neck. All the hairs stood on end and goosebumps erupted where her breath touched his skin.

"Can't wait til I'm done?" he chuckled at her insistent tugging at his waist.

"Nope, 'fraid not," she drawled, mocking his accent.

He rolled his eyes and let out a loud, obviously fake, huff before drying his hands on a dishtowel. He turned around, grinning, and let her lead him to the living room. "Ya know, the sooner I finish the dishes the sooner we can get on to the good stuff," he informed her, trying to remain serious.

She smiled and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, starting to sway to the music. "Who's to say this isn't also the good stuff?"

"Point taken," he laughed.

~I may not always love you, but long as there are stars above you, you never need to doubt it. I'll make you so sure about it. God only knows what I'd be without you…~

James smelled the coconut lotion on her skin and inhaled deeply. He tightened his hold around her waist and swayed with her to the song. Why she chose this, he had no freaking clue. It sounded kind of morbid to him, in a way. But also kind of romantic. Like saying he'd spend the rest of his days proving to her how much he loved her, which he fully intended to do. She meant everything to him and he was damn smitten.

Juliet loved this song; had always loved it ever since she was a little kid. She'd always dreamed of having someone lo ve her this way; this undying, forever kind of way. She supposed she had been in love before, sort of. But never like this. What she had with James was life-altering, soul-changing. She could hardly believe her luck. He was everything she'd ever wanted and she wondered in this moment if her parents had been wrong. Maybe some people were truly meant to be together. She sighed against him as he pulled her close, and made the vow right then and there to spend the rest of her life proving to James just how much she loved him.

~If you should ever leave me, though life would still go on believe me, the world could show nothing to me, so what good would living do me? God only knows what I'd be without you…~

James' stomach involuntarily clenched at the thought. Were things too good to be true right now? Was this the universe setting him up for some big, epic, slap-in-the-face joke when she one day would realize how wrong he was for her, and leave him? Sometimes he'd lie awake at night early on in their relationship wondering what kind of kooky drugs she was on to actually give him the time of day, but since then he'd really never been forced to think of life without Juliet; she was always there. But what if someday she wasn't? By choice or otherwise? Too morbid, stop stop stop, he told himself firmly. He didn't want to think of what-ifs. He just wanted to enjoy his night and dance with his girlfriend on their anniversary. God, why had she chosen this damn song?!

Juliet truly didn't think she could live without James. She'd figured that one out a while ago. He'd been shot in the shoulder (again, the idiot) six months ago and she wondered if maybe he wouldn't make it. She'd cried herself to sleep for three days, even after the doctors told her he was going to be fine. Was it selfish that she kind of hoped that, if by some crazy miracle they stayed together long term, that she went first? She knew James would be okay without her. He was tough and had been through worse, and at a much younger, more vulnerable age. Juliet was strong in some ways, sure, but half the time it was all a ruse, a facade. Her worry heightened a little, and she actually started to wonder why she chose this damn song…

Thankfully, the song soon ended and both James and Juliet pulled away, hiding their alarm at the scary thoughts the song provoked, not knowing that the other was feeling the same worry. Wordlessly, James turned off the record player, kissed Juliet's cheek, and led her to the bathroom to continue their evening. Juliet let him lead her and knew she would follow this man anywhere.

—-

It was one of James' favorite memories of Juliet - that evening was incredible. He'd only made it halfway through the massage before he couldn't hold it in any longer, but she didn't mind. In fact, it was that night that James had decided he wanted to marry her. He'd laid awake that night holding her and swore that when Horace took orders for the next sub shipment, he'd be sure to include a ring on that list.

Now, as he sat on the floor of the house they used to call a home, the ring clutched in his fingers so tightly it was leaving an imprint, he wondered if he should just end it all right now. The house was trashed, and so was James. He'd had so much whiskey he swore he could actually see that evening playing out in front of him, like from a projector attached to his brain. Memories swirled all around him - this house had too many to count and they all blurred together. But that one? That one stood out plain as day.

He was so drunk he could swear he could even smell her. Her coconut lotion lingered in the deep recesses of his mind. Part of him wanted to go swim in that feeling, savor it, and hold onto it. The other part? Well. That part of him wanted to forget everything. Forget her smell, forget her smile, forget everything about her. This pain was unbearable. He couldn't even compare it to the death of his parents, because back then he'd only been angry. Now, he hardly even had anger to rely on. He missed her so goddamn much. He was certain he'd never felt this pain before and it would never go away. He was convinced this feeling would eat him alive.

In his mind's eye, he saw them swaying to that damn song. What good was living doing him, anyway? The song had been right about that. What was the point in being back in their correct time if she didn't get to come with him?

What was he supposed to do now that she was gone?

James didn't know. Rather, Sawyer didn't know. He'd never be James again.

So, he drank and watched them dancing around in circles in his mind's eye. He sat on the floor long after the sun had set and darkness surrounded him. And still he kept watching - watching them dance in the dark.

—-

A/N: Ughhh my heart. The beginning part was lovely to write but the second part? Gah. As always, please leave a review if you feel so inclined! One more to go in the series. Thanks!