Sonic jerked awake, his limbs flailing at the blanket he'd gotten himself tangled in. A small cry squeaked past his lips.
Gasping for breath, the hedgehog looked around himself with wide eyes. Something was wrong. This was his stuff but it wasn't his cave. It was too big, the ceiling was too high, and there was a small light in the corner. Panic gripped him, and he threw off the blanket covering him with a kick. Jumping to his feet, he noticed the floor wasn't cold and damp like his cave. More like . . . wood?
Slowly, his mind threw off the last bits of sleep and he thought clearly again. He wasn't in his cave. He was in the attic of Donut Lord and Pretzel Lady. They had given him this wonderful room in their home.
And it was wonderful. It was warm and inviting and he could see the moon through the skylight above him. They slept right downstairs. He wasn't alone anymore. It was all he ever wanted.
Right?
So why did it feel so . . . weird?
During the day it wasn't so bad. He hung out with Donut Lord, and Pretzel Lady made the best food. They laughed and talked and watched movies. Everything he had ever wanted for as long as he had been sneaking out here to watch them. It was perfect.
But that feeling would change when night fell. Instead of feeling light and fun, it felt . . . well, weird. He couldn't exactly put a word to it. He felt like an intruder. Like he took up too much space in their home. They would insist he was welcome there, that is was now his house too, but it felt weird.
He wrapped his arms around himself as he sat on the edge of his bed. A new home didn't stop the nightmares. In fact it seemed to make them worse. He didn't always remember what happened in them, just the feelings of terror, guilt, and hopelessness that they brought. But tonight's had been especially hard.
It was during the Battle of Main Street. Robotnik had his sights on Sonic, ready to blow him to smithereens, when suddenly the madman turned and targeted his friends instead. Sonic tried to run to them, but his feet wouldn't move. Missiles flew and everyone in Green Hills had been fried. He heard their screams. Watched them burn. Donut Lord—Tom, his name was Tom—screamed as he held his wife. Sonic screamed too.
Robotnik had turned to him then. "Everyone you love will die protecting you," he sneered. "You bring nothing but pain and death. You deserve to be alone. You should have kept running."
And then Robotnik turned and left, his laughter floating behind. Left Sonic to watch every person he'd ever known—his new friends, his entire hometown—burn to ash. Sonic screamed, his feet stuck to the melting asphalt.
That's when he had woken, and judging by the fact that no one was rushing up here to check on him, he guessed he hadn't screamed out loud. Which was good. Having nightmares was bad enough, but waking Tom and Maddie in the middle of the night, causing them to lose sleep to comfort him, was worse.
He heaved a shaky sigh, rubbing his face with his hands. Nights were hard. They always had been. He couldn't run at night. He couldn't distract himself with loud music or games or comic books. He fought sleep so hard, but always ended up crashing anyway. And in those moments before sleep dragged him down, his mind would whisper to him. As it whispered now.
She's gone because of you.
You showed off and drew those warriors right to your door.
She died protecting you.
It's your fault.
"Stop it," he whispered, eyes closed tight. "Shut up."
Who will die next because of you?
"Shut up!" he hissed, clamping his hands over his ears as though that would stop the voice in his head. "I don't want anyone else to get hurt because of me!"
Run, the voice whispered. The longer you stay, the harder it will be. Just run. You don't have to go to the mushroom planet. Start over somewhere else. But this time, stay away from the humans. No good comes from them, Longclaw said so. She'd be so disappointed you disobeyed her final wish.
He whimpered, rolling onto his side on the bed. "No. Shut up. Please. I don't want to be alone anymore!"
You'll always be alone. There will always be people like Robotnik who want your power. As long as you're alive, you're in danger. And you'll put anyone else around you in danger too.
Tears streaked down his face, wetting his fur. During the day this voice was drowned out by distraction, noise, and Sonic's excitement for life. But at night it spoke clearly. Giving voice to every guilt. Every fear.
You don't belong here. In this house. On this planet. You need to go.
He opened his eyes, breathing hard. The clock at his bedside showed 12:22 am. He wondered where he'd end up if he did leave right this very minute. Just pick a direction and run. Where would he be at 1:00? 4:00? What part of this big world would he find himself in as the sun peaked over the horizon?
But running at night was dangerous. The bright blue blur he left in his wake was much easier to see in the dark. He'd attract attention. And the whole 'government is after him' mess might start back up. Which is what lead him to his current living arrangements.
With a grunt, Sonic rolled over onto his back. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. The voice had quieted, for now, but it had reopened painful old wounds. The guilt he carried over the death of his surrogate mother, Longclaw, seemed to get heavier all the time.
In the light of day he could make logical arguments that it wasn't really his fault—those warriors seemed to have been waiting outside the hut already. So maybe it hadn't been him who brought them. And Longclaw could have come with him through the ring. There had been time for her to do so. But she didn't. She chose to stay. She knew the danger, yet she stayed. Maybe she knew it would be easy for a small hedgehog to hide on this planet, but a giant owl would likely attract attention.
Right now, none of those theories seemed overly likely. But they were possible.
He suddenly became aware of a heaviness in his bladder, and he realized the voice was right about one thing. He did need to go.
X~X~X
Once finished in the bathroom, Sonic padded back out in the hall. He pulled his blanket up around him again—for some reason he always felt cold when he left the attic at night—and stood in the darkness for a moment. Voices drifted to his ears, and he moved to peek down the stairs.
A light flickered in the living room. He assumed the TV was on, but it was so late. Who was watching at this time of night?
Slowly, silently, he tip-toed down the stairs. Upon reaching the bottom, he zipped to the wall of the archway into the living room. He heard the channels change a few times, before stopping on something with a laugh track.
He peeked around the corner and found Pretzel Lady—Maddie, her name is Maddie—sitting on the couch. She looked tired in the flickering light of the TV, and not all that entertained.
Sonic briefly considered zipping back upstairs. She was doing her thing, he shouldn't intrude. He didn't know her as well as Donut Lor—TOM—and something about being around her made him feel . . . He searched for the right word, but nothing seemed to fit the exact emotion. It was confusing.
Go in, a voice told him, and this one was not as mocking or cold as the one he heard before. And it sounded more like himself. What else are you going to do? Go back upstairs and have more arguments with yourself? You both look like you could use some company. Go on.
Sonic took a deep breath, and released it as quietly as he could. Then he stepped into the archway.
She glanced over at him, a kind smile curling her lips.
"Hey kiddo," she called quietly. "Everything okay?"
Oh sure, he thought, careful to keep his face still. I just had another wonderful dream about you and Tom dying because of me, and spent ten minutes beating myself up over what a horrible danger I am and how everyone would be better off without me. Everything's peachy.
"What are you doing?"
She shrugged. "Trying to bore myself into unconsciousness. I don't sleep well when Tom works late shift."
"Oh."
Unconscious people look dead, his brain oh-so-helpfully offered. Just like your dream-
He glanced away, pressing his lips together tightly.
Stop it. Just stop it.
Maddie muted the TV, cutting the laugh-track off in mid guffaw. "Did you have another bad dream, hon?"
He hesitated a moment, the dream flickering back through his mind. He gave a shaky nod without looking at her. They knew he had nightmares. No sense lying about it.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked gently. "Sometimes it can help them go away."
He shook his head, eyes squeezed tight. Talking about them won't make them go away. The dreams would still come. They always have, and they always will.
"It's okay, sweetie," she soothed, leaning forward on the couch. "We don't have to."
He stood with his eyes closed for a moment, warring with himself. This was a mistake, he shouldn't be here. He should just turn around and run back upstairs and stare at the ceiling until the sun comes up. Stay away. Don't get close. Be safe.
Instead he opened his eyes and cleared his throat. "Can I . . . uh . . . c-can I sit with you?"
Maddie raised her eyebrows slightly. She obviously wasn't expecting that. Was that bad?
"Sure sweetie," she said, readjusting herself to sit in a side-saddle position, and patting the spot next to her. "Make yourself comfortable."
He stood where he was for a moment, that initial thought of running away back in his head. He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't get close to her. He was too much trouble.
Sonic moved to the couch and climbed on. He sat next to her, but made sure to leave space between them. Despite the blanket wrapped around him, he felt a chill run into every inch of him. "What are you watching?"
"Just an old TV show. You might like it."
"Okay."
She unmuted the TV, and now the black and white show had sound. They watched for a few minutes, and Sonic actually found himself laughing at some of the jokes.
This felt nice. Cozy. Warm.
But it didn't feel right. He felt antsy and squirmed in his seat. Without thinking, he scooted a tiny bit closer to the woman beside him. He pulled his blanket tighter around him.
A few minutes later and the antsy feeling returned. He scooted a bit more.
Minutes later, another scoot.
On and on this went. Every few minutes Sonic felt the urge to fidget, and inched a bit closer to Maddie. This woman who had taken a troublesome hedgehog into her home, fed him as though he belonged at their table, and always made time to come up to the attic and tell him good night.
She was kind. She was gentle. She was always near but never pushy. Always eager to hear his latest adventure, or excited ramble. Always patient with him, and answered any question he may have had.
She was a vet, which was apparently a doctor for animals. After the Battle of Main Street, she had carefully examined him, checking for bruises, cuts, or any other injuries. Her hands were soft and gentle, touching his face, his head, his hands. She was careful around his quills, but she insisted on pressing her fingers to his scalp to check for bumps or other problems. Upon finding nothing amiss, she heaved a sigh of relief and given him a warm, caring smile.
She reminded him of Longclaw.
That realization sent a chill down his spine. Was he replacing Longclaw? Would he forget her? Fear gripped him and he trembled so hard his teeth clattered together.
This was a mistake. Yet another in the long string of mistakes he'd made in the recent past. He didn't want to disrespect Longclaw's memory. He loved Longclaw, she had given her life for him!
But Maddie was so kind and so warm and so gentle and he was so tired of feeling afraid and alone.
One last squirm and his side brushed against her leg. Shock froze him, and he sat still as a stone. Panic swirled in his stomach. His chest tightened, and he pulled and pushed breath through his teeth. He thought he may pass out.
"It's okay," she whispered, curling an arm around his waist. She pulled him close and nuzzled his head. "You're okay. I've got you."
Her touch was wonderful. And alien. He wanted to curl into her lap. And run away. The warmth and pressure around his waist made him want to cry. And scream.
This simple touch, something that surely was no big deal and came naturally to her, filled Sonic with such incredible joy and absolute terror.
Could she . . . care for him? About him? A little hedgehog who had brought such trouble, such danger into her and her husband's lives?
After a moment, Sonic slowly, carefully, pushed his hands out of his blanket cloak, and curled them around the arm holding him close. He squeezed, just a little, and she responded by giving him a squeeze back.
Could they really be a . . .
. . .
. . . family?
He relaxed, leaning more into her. His makeshift cloak helped keep his quills from poking her, and she pulled him closer, resting her chin on the top of his head. He uttered a long sigh, his body relaxing further.
She was so soft. And warm.
And here.
The black and white show they had been watching ended, leading into something called The Monkees. Sonic didn't really care what was on TV, as long as he got to stay wrapped in this kind woman's arms.
He eventually dozed off, his head drooping until it rested on Maddie's chest.
The rest of his dreams were peaceful.
