Chapter 10: Crumbling
The walk home was full of silence for Asahi as he lost in his own thoughts. The sound of cars' engines which sped on the road, his shoes tapping sound when it hits the pavement, the rustling of his uniform and bag–it all went through his ears like a breeze. All the red-head knew was how messed up his mind was, along with his head as he walked while holding his green bag–eyes fixated on the ground.
"Asahi!" and Nao's call wasn't something he expected.
He stopped on his tracks and looked back. Nao was jogging towards him with his school bag slung across his shoulder and his other hand holding a black bag.
"Nao-senpai." Asahi greeted.
"Hey." The soft lavender haired male greeted back. "What Natsuya said was harsh, wasn't it?"
"No, it was the truth." Asahi said as the two started to walk side by side. Nao smiled lightly at his underclassmen when he heard the words, whilst Asahi didn't look at him and his head hung low.
"Senpai…" Asahi croaked out. "It's just as Ikuya said. I just think about myself while swimming…"
"…I think." He added softly.
"I see." Nao said in a more serious expression.
"Actually, it's more like I can't think about the relay." Asahi admitted. "It scares me."
Asahi's voice isn't stable and he tightened his grip on his bag. Nao watched him in worry.
"What do you mean?" he asked and Asahi stopped on his tracks with Nao a few steps ahead of him.
"Senpai," Asahi had his shoulders shook. "If…"
Nao didn't say anything. He just waited patiently for the boy to utter out his mind, what's been nagging him. Nao didn't want to rush, he wanted to be there when Asahi needed someone to talk to. He waited.
"If…" Asahi lifted his head up to face Nao. "If I end up not being able to swim other strokes too, what will I do?"
Nao couldn't help but surprised at first, seeing Asahi all shook and scared. He lost his ability to swim free and he's scared that someday and somehow, he lost his ability to swim other strokes. The once confident and brave red head was looking at him straight with fright.
And all Nao could do was to stay silent and approached him, putting a hand behind Asahi's head and pushed him to rest it on his shoulder. A gesture of comfort and Asahi sobbed.
.
.
On the other hand, Haru and Makoto walked home together with heavy atmosphere hung on above them. They didn't spark any conversation, just uncomfortable silence as they passed the beach side.
Haru looked at the ground in somber. He managed to turn his head so he could look at Makoto but he immediately turned his head away again. Makoto, too, could only look at Haru in sadness and looked away after he rested his eyes on Haru's figure.
It wouldn't be this unpleasant if Tomoya was with them. But unfortunately, she decided to stay in the swimming pool and let the two go home first and not wait for her.
"I want to do some more training," she said. "You two can go home first, it's okay."
"Makoto." Haru called out suddenly, catching the said boy off guard.
"Wh-What?" Makoto asked.
"Today, you were practicing too much, weren't you?" Haru confirmed.
"I wasn't really…" Makoto said as his voice faltered.
"Your pace on the course was faster too."
"Well, the tournament is soon." Makoto commented. "I like swimming."
Now that caught Haru off guard. His blue orbs widened and he turned to look at the brunette beside him, frowning this time.
"What's with you all of the sudden, Makoto?" he asked, suspicious.
"That reaction is so mean, Haru." Makoto tried to joke, but fail completely. "I just like it so I thought I should practice more."
His dishonesty made Haru's frowned deepen when he turned away to not look at Makoto. They let the heavy silence engulfed them once more. Only sounds crashing waves, seagulls squawking, and their footsteps reached in their ears.
"Today–" the two said at the same time.
Haru and Makoto looked at each other. Their eye contact broke when Haru looked away, again with a frown.
"W-What is it, Haru?" Makoto asked, feeling uneasy.
"You go first." The said boy stated.
"Okay…" Makoto fell silent before voicing out his question. "Today, why did you say we should just enter individual events, when we were practicing?"
"No reason." Haru answered without losing a beat. "I just said that because that's what I think. I never liked relays to begin with."
"You swan one in elementary school…" Makoto commented.
"That time and now are different." Haru stated. "I don't feel like doing it anymore."
Makoto looked away, his gaze fixed on the cloudy sky above them. "The one who convinced you to do it even though you didn't want to…
was Rin, wasn't it?" Makoto said as he wore a nostalgic expression. But Haru didn't feel nostalgic at all. It was like adding fuel to fire, Haru's frown deepened.
"Don't talk about people who aren't here."
"Right? Sorry." Makoto apologized and decided to change the topic. "What were you going to say before?"
Haru glanced at Makoto before letting his blue orbs focused on the cement pavement below his feet.
"Why did you leave without me and Tomo this morning?"
This, of course, sent shock through Makoto's heart. He didn't even cover his surprised expression. He stiffened and felt a trail of cold sweat trailing down his temple.
"Ah… today… I have class duty so…" Makoto stuttered, trying his best to regain his composure. He couldn't face Haru and turned to look away, wincing inwardly because of those blue orbs boring into his figure. "Sorry… I forgot to tell you two…"
"You've never forgotten to tell me before." Haru said back.
Makoto never had a chance to arrange the words in his head or trying to calm himself down to give the most reasonable excuse to cover his stupid lie. He stopped in his tracks to look at Haru, his eyebrows knitted and he bit his lip at Haru's retort.
"You say that, but…" he started, voice raising and he looked away. "You're saying unusual things and it's confusing. But you just said so yourself, didn't you!? That before and now are different things!"
Haru was visibly shocked by Makoto's sudden outburst. He looked at his best friend with wide eyes before snapping back to reality and found himself trying to bear with the stinging sensation that's present in the corner of his eyes.
"That's true." He gritted out before marching ahead. Makoto followed him, keeping their distance. They both had storm raging in their minds and they only focused on it until they reached their neighborhood. But they did agree with one thing even though they didn't realize it.
Why did Tomoya has to have the worst timing of leaving the two alone?
"Haru, you're coming over to eat today, aren't you? Tomo-chan too." Makoto finally recovered his voice, asking the black-haired boy who intended to climb the stairs.
"I'll eat at home." Haru stated, not once looking at Makoto.
"Eh? But your mom's not there, right?" Makoto said, surprised and also worry about his friend's wellbeing.
"I'll make something for myself." Haru said as he climbed the stairs towards his home.
Haru soon found himself sitting in his dining room alone with a plastic container of rice on the table. Beside it was a can of mackerel placed on a ceramic plate with wooden chopsticks. His dinner was accompanied by a glass of cold tea. Haru knew he couldn't cook and this was what he managed to prepare.
Haru definitely couldn't bear to be the exact same room or even see Makoto in his line of vision. Not after the conversation they've been through. The 'fight' brought the two of them in this condition.
"Thanks for the meal." Haru mumbled after clasping his hand together.
His hand reached for the chopsticks and started to eat his dinner.
.
.
The sky was painted in dull grey color, clouds didn't even let the bright shades of orange from the setting sun break through. The only thing that indicated a certain dark chocolate haired girl that it was late was the significant darker shade of grey in the sky. Tomoya decided it would be enough for today.
She hauled herself from the pool and panted lightly while removing her swimming gear. She stretched her arms over her head, sighing in content when she felt her muscles relaxed.
"Oh, you're done."
Tomoya shrieked when the voice spoke just beside her ear. Reflex, she swung her arm–managed to land a hit on whoever it is that decided to sneak up on her. The person yelped and fell to the ground, groaning in pain from the harsh landing.
"N-Natsuya-senpai!?" again, Tomoya shrieked before kneeling beside the captain who rubbed the sore spot on his chin. "A-are you alright!?"
"I'm fine," he said and still manage to form a grin. "But for a quite petite girl, you packed a slap!"
Tomoya found blood of embarrassment rushing to her cheeks. She felt her face was on fire. This is horrible. She just hit her captain, making him sprawling on the ground with a bruise on his chin. She's doomed from the start and she wished the ground could just swallow her whole.
"I- I'm so sorry!"
"It's fine, it was an accident!"
Natsuya pushed himself up so he could sit on the ground and face Tomoya, who buried her face into her palms. The older boy laughed and the younger girl felt miserable.
"Hey, it's okay. More importantly, I'm the one who should say sorry." Natsuya said as he placed a hand on top of her head. "Sorry for startling you."
Tomoya stiffened from touch before sighing to calm her erratic heartbeat down. She looked at Natsuya and shook her head, signaling that it was okay.
"I'm sorry I'm overreacting…" Tomoya said softly and Natsuya's words were the same – telling her it was okay, he was fine, it was just an accident, and more importantly it was his fault he surprised her.
It took Natsuya almost forever to made Tomoya stopped apologizing, and it took his whole will not to immediately hug her figure and blurting that cheesy words from romance movies his mother watched.
It was hard.
It was even harder to not pass out from how Tomoya's fingers brushed the bruised place on his chin. Natsuya felt his face was on fire and he cursed himself for being so obvious. He could even hear Nao's laughs echoing in his mind!
"The bruise will be gone in a few days," he almost missed Tomoya's explanation. "You just need to apply some ice or ointment…"
"It's fine," Natsuya said for the umpteenth time. "More importantly, it's time for you to go home. It's getting dark and it's not safe for girls to stay out late at night."
"Right…" Tomoya said as she stood up and jogged towards the changing room, leaving Natsuya who stood up and patted some dirt off of his gakuran. The chocolate haired boy thought it would be at least thirty minutes for Tomoya to finished taking a bath and put on her uniform.
But, boy, the girl only needed fifteen minutes.
"I'll walk you home." Natsuya decided and Tomoya's eyes went wide.
"Y-You don't have to–"
"I won't take no as an answer." He cut her off, just like the time when he insisted her to accept the grape juice as a thank you.
And seeing her senpai didn't open any space for argument, Tomoya accepted the idea.
The two stepped out from the pool area together after Natsuya locked the fence and shove the key into his pocket. The two walked home with the same route. Occasionally, Natsuya sparked a few conversations and they would lightly laugh at it. But mostly, the walk filled with comfortable silence and Natsuya glancing at Tomoya every minute.
He studied her figure; noticing that she has the same height as Ikuya, how her dark chocolate hair gained its shine back after the wind successfully drying it, how her turquoise eyes reminded him of certain ocean depth.
Natsuya couldn't help but facepalmed inwardly. Dear Lord, he looked like a love-struck fool and of course, Nao would agree a hundred percent about it. Not to mention the absolutely cheesy comments above; Natsuya was ready to bury himself into the ground because of embarrassment.
"Senpai," the sudden call almost made Natsuya's heart jumped out from his chest.
"Y-Yeah?" curse him and his stuttering.
"Why did you wait for me until I finished my practice?"
Natsuya couldn't help but racked his brain to find the right answer. He fell silent for a few seconds but that didn't affect his pace.
"I won't be a good captain if I let one of my members practice alone, especially if it's a girl," he answered with a slight chuckle. "That and I notice you swam to vent your frustration."
A simple smile present on the girl's lips when she heard the explanation and Natsuya knew his words were right on the spot because Tomoya didn't say anything. His smile faltered and he looked away, focusing his gaze on the road ahead of him.
"You can talk to me about it, you know," Natsuya said. "Not just me. Nao, Haruka, Makoto, Asahi, and Ikuya or even your parents. There's no need to hide it or to bear it alone. We're here for you."
"Thank you, senpai."
And Natsuya found himself falling harder than he thought he would be.
While Tomoya could feel her walls began to crumble.
.
.
"I'm a genius, I'm a genius, I'm a genius…"
Asahi chanted the words he thought would lift his spirit and fix his mental state. He stared at his reflection on the mirror, finding him staring at himself sluggishly. He didn't feel his heart relieved and the more he repeated his words, the more his voice faltered.
"I'm a… geni…us…"
Finally, Asahi stopped and pushed himself so he could stand up straight, not leaning on the sink with his arms as support. The red-haired boy knew the more he chanted the words, the more he felt doubt eating his confidence.
.
.
Natsuya tapped the mechanic pencil in his grip on the paper in a constant rhythm. He currently sat on one of the chairs in the dining room with his palm supporting his cheek as he brain-storming for inspiration about training menu.
He already erased the scribbles on his papers a few times, resulting a quite messy dinner table. Ikuya entered the room, reaching for a glass before filling it with cold tea from the pitcher.
"Why don't you change the training schedule?" the younger boy asked, eyes not leaving the glass he held.
"What do you mean?" Natsuya asked back as he glanced at his younger brother.
Ikuya put the pitcher back on the place beside the sink and drank his tea, before answering the older chocolate haired boy with a frown on his face.
"Even if we don't do exchange training, if we just do our best individually, then the relay–"
"It's because you say stuff like that it isn't going well." Natsuya cut him off when Ikuya brought up the topic to disband the first-year relay team and let them swim solo. Ikuya knew Natsuya wouldn't change his mind about it and determined as ever to have them compete as a team.
It could be seen when Natsuya looked at him with those serious amber orbs.
"Are you saying this is all my fault!?" Ikuya raised his voice, feeling surge of anger running through his veins. "The other guys are the same!"
"Stop playing innocent and blaming it all on your friends." Natsuya said back. "Relay is about team."
"Team? Friends?" Ikuya retorted, feeling the corner of his eyes stung. "You're one to talk, big brother."
He shut his eyes as tears began to form. Ikuya could feel his voice cracked each time he took a breath. "You're the one who said to 'expand my world' and 'make new friends',
But you're the one who left me all alone, big brother!"
Ikuya yelled at his older brother before bolting out from the dining room, with Natsuya calling his name. Of course he ignored it, leaving Natsuya alone.
Natsuya's frown faded into a sad one as he looked at the paper on the table. He sighed. Ikuya rested his head on the wall outside the dining room, gritting his teeth as his emotions running wild.
