Chapter 11: Falling Apart

Nao knew he would find Natsuya slumped on his desk early in the morning. And his hunches were right as he stepped into his silent classroom, finding Natsuya was the only one in it. The chocolate haired boy was facing another direction with his cheek rested on the wooden surface of his desk and an arm slung over.

"I'd really like it if the captain would stop playing hookie." Nao teased him and the gloomy aura that surrounded him.

"Shut up." Natsuya's retort was half-hearted.

"Why don't you stop pushing him away already?" Nao asked as he approached Natsuya who made no movement from his place. The light lavender haired boy leaned on the little space of Natsuya's desk.

"If it's making you feel upset."

Natsuya shifted, looking at Nao's back. "How can you tell?"

"I always know why you're upset." Nao replied, not looking at Natsuya.

"Shut up." For the second time, the chocolate haired boy retorted. "It's fine like this. If I don't, then he'll be stuck behind me."

Nao could only look at him and smiled, even though it was a defeat one.

"How's Asahi?" Natsuya asked, changing the topic which made his mood went low.

"He's scared." Nao answered with honesty. "But, I think he'll be okay. He has a strong character and ambition."

"I see. I'm sure he'd be a good captain." Natsuya commented. "How's Makoto?"

"He's confused. But I think once he figures everything out, he'll become stronger."

"Haruka?"

"He's a natural." Nao said. "It's rare to find someone with such a beautiful stream line. But when it comes to relay, he's a mess."

"He just needs to pay more attention to everything around him." Natsuya said, being reminded how Haru's condition really similar to a certain someone.

"Just like Ikuya." Nao finally mentioned the name. Natsuya fell silent for a few seconds before looking straight at his best friend.

"How is Ikuya doing?" he finally asked.

"He swims in a way that causes the least fatigue. That's why his speed doesn't decrease even at long distances."

Natsuya couldn't help but smile as pride bloomed in his chest. He folded his arms, resting his forehead against it. "My little brother is amazing."

"Ikuya will definitely become fast." Nao said confidently.

"I'm counting on you." Natsuya said, his voice above whisper.

"Yeah." Nao hummed, before continuing. "And Tomoya…"

"I know." Natsuya beat Nao's words. "I understand what she feels."

Nao didn't say a word and letting Natsuya continuing his words.

"Feeling different from the others because she never enters relays and just watching her best friends. It definitely hurt her."

Nao nodded. "She doesn't feel confident with herself and her skill because of it and started questioning the meaning of swimming if she can't swim together with her friends."

Natsuya sighed. "She keeps it to herself…"

.

.

The day went by more quickly like a breeze. Study, lunch, and then club after school. Maybe it's because the gloomy aura shadowing them all the whole day. The sky was complementing the low-spirit day; covered with shades of grey clouds.

The team were again practicing for the relay, especially the exchange between strokes. Natsuya himself watched the relay team's practice with Nao holding the stopwatch to measure their time.

The results were making Nao's expression into a disappointed one while Natsuya frowned at it.

Tomoya shared the same thing. Her time in individual medley decreased greatly but she swam with her whole might. The results aren't balanced at all; she's exhausted but her time kept getting slower. This made both the captain and manager extremely worried, resulting her getting dismissed earlier.

She ended up sitting on the bench as the others were practicing, clutching her skirt in frustration and bit her lower lip hard. Her dark chocolate fringes covered her face along with the soft blue towel that rested on top of her wet head.

The night before, Tomoya heard her doorbell's shrill when she's concentrating in reading a literature for her homework. She jumped from her bed and jogged to reach her front door faster, not wanting whoever on the other side waited much longer.

"Mako-chan!" she exclaimed when the brunette stood in her house's terrace with a green bag in hand after she opened the door.

"Good evening, Tomo-chan." Makoto greeted back but not in his usual tone. Tomoya noticed this but she didn't confront him about it, yet.

"So, is there anything you need? Do you want to come in?" she asked. Makoto seemed to snap out of his stupor before handing her the green colored bag. Tomoya accepted it and looked at the content; two plastic containers with green lid filled with Mrs Tachibana's homemade cooking.

"No, thank you. My mom said to give this to you, since Mrs Otohaku is away for some time." Makoto said.

"Tell Auntie I said thank you," the dark-chocolate haired girl said with a small smile. Makoto nodded and fell silent, before slowly turning back–ready to leave the place.

"Well then, I'm–"

"Makoto." The said boy froze as he heard his name being called that way by Tomoya. He knew it meant serious business since Tomoya never said his name in such way. The brunette couldn't help but swallowed hard, not having enough courage to face his friend.

"Y-Yeah?"

"What happened when you and Haru walk home together?"

Makoto tried to arrange his answer but his mind went cloudy and running a thousand miles per hour. He almost blurted the conversation he and Haru had, the main reason they went distant today. The brunette could feel his heart hammering to his chest and cold sweat formed on his palms. Tomoya didn't rush him, she only stared at his back, waiting patiently for his answer.

"H-Haru said that before and now are different things…" Makoto stuttered out, what he wanted the most this moment was to run back to his house.

Tomoya knew the words was full of ambiguity and Makoto himself definitely said something that made Haru misunderstood. She frowned; the problem seemed to get more complicated. Tomoya only hummed, acknowledging the answer before inhaling her breath and opening her mouth,

"Makoto, I understand that you're confused about what Nao-senpai said," she claimed. "But, please remember that Haru also worried about you. You're forcing yourself to change. Haru really cares about you're condition, that's why he–"

"STOP IT!"

Tomoya jumped at the sudden outburst that came from the brunette. Makoto turned to face her fully with hopelessness, confuse, and many negative emotions swirling in his green orbs. And his bottled-up feelings burst.

"Stop it, Tomo-chan! You do this only for Haru, don't you? What about me!? You always said Haru, do you even care for me, Tomo-chan!?"

"You know that's not true, Makoto–!"

"And you never even told us about your problems! You're so selfish, Tomo-chan! It's not fair! So, if you're not going to tell us anything, stop telling me what to do!"

With that, Makoto ran–leaving Tomoya who froze on her terrace because of his outburst and words.

Tomoya felt her eyes stung at the memory. Makoto's words were hurt but they were true. She never told them about what she felt but she cared for both of them, not just Haru. Tomoya felt her chest tightened and it was hard to just breathe.

After Makoto's outburst, Tomoya needed to hear the same topic from Haru. It took all of her will to not let her tears running down her face that time. Fortunately, her effort didn't go waste. The dark-chocolate haired girl found herself stood in front of the Nanase household, her hand holding a turquoise-colored paper bag in her hand filled with a plastic container with salt grilled mackerel in it.

She pressed the doorbell and after a minute of waiting, she could hear thuds of footsteps and the door opened–revealing Haru.

"Good evening, Haru." Tomoya greeted and showing her paper bag to the said boy. "I'm here to give you dinner."

"You're late." Haru deadpanned and Tomoya laughed nervously. Nonetheless, Haru still accept the salt grilled mackerel and opened the door wider–signaling Tomoya to come in. The said girl nodded and stepped inside.

Haru led her towards the dining room and the two sat on the cushion in front of the dining table. Neither of the two said anything and letting silence engulfing them.

"Haru–"

"What happened?" Haru cut her off. Tomoya looked at him with eyes widened before answering,

"Nothing…"

Haru visibly frowned at the answer, clearly unpleased by another dishonesty.

"Haru, please be patient. Makoto is confused right now and I know you're really worried about him–"

"Why are you two acting like this?" Haru said, interrupting Tomoya's explanation. He looked at her and Tomoya couldn't help but bit her lip when he saw the flash of hurt in those blue orbs.

"Why are you both really keen on keeping things yourself?" Haru continued when he knew Tomoya couldn't say anything to counter. "It hurts, you know…! Makoto's forcing himself to change and then you, Tomo, why are you so selfish…!? Why won't you tell me anything!?"

"Haru–"

Ignoring her, Haru stood up abruptly and stormed out from his dining room. Tomoya could hear stomping noises and a door slammed shut. In the end, the girl walked out from the Nanase household towards her own home.

When she arrived in her room, Tomoya closed the door slowly. She leaned against its wooden surface and slid down to the floor, finally burying her face to her knees.

She knew she was in too much shock to even cry.

That day, Tomoya felt the worst.

.

.

The day was dull and full of grim.

Even though he and Haru were in a 'fight', Makoto still delivered dinner for Haru. The meal was placed in a green paper bag with a note on it. When Makoto pressed the doorbell, he knew he wouldn't get any answer from the black-haired boy. He sighed dejectedly before placing the said paper bag beside the front door before leaving. Makoto approached Tomoya's house. Standing in front of the door, his hand reached out to press the doorbell. But then he remembered that the said girl still practicing in the pool.

Makoto furrowed his eyebrows in guilt as the memories about him saying those hurtful words resurfacing in his mind.

He retracted his hand and he placed another paper bag on her doorstep. Makoto turned back and walked away.

Asahi also weren't in his best mood. He still tried to figure out why he couldn't swim free style by reading the books he borrowed from the library. He felt like his hope slowly decreasing. The red-haired boy was laying down on his dark green couch while reading the one of the mental books. Asahi closed the object and dropping it on the carpeted floor, turning to lay down on his right side. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to fix his problem, he's starting to give up.

Ikuya locked himself in his room. Music player was connected to his earphones, the dark sea green haired boy tried to ease his mind with music blaring into his hearings. He pulled his knees closer to his chest, arms folded on the knees and he burying himself in it. He knew he couldn't get rid of the sensation of storming emotions, he knew and his mind drowning the music to nothing.

Haru opened his front door when the night dominated the day. The sky was dark and the stars were glittering. The black-haired boy looked at the ground and frowned when his blue orbs caught the sight of a green paper bag and turquoise paper bag just beside his doorstep. But, he still picked up and walked towards the kitchen. Haru put the plastic container in the fridge, along with the other containers that Makoto and Tomoya sent him. He didn't touch the food, he just placed it in the fridge.

He had a canned mackerel for his dinner instead, without the accompany of rice. After Haru finished his dinner, he left the empty can sat on the dinner table as he's lying on the tatami floor if his dining room. Blue orbs were staring at the lamp above him, brows furrowed as his mind replaying the events he went through–the unpleasant ones.

He watched as the light flickered. Haru's frowned deepened and he turned to his side.

.

.

Tomoya knew that avoiding Haru and Makoto wasn't the best solution.

But still, she couldn't help but doing it. Each of them had a personal problem to deal with and maybe it's time to have a room to breathe and handling it alone–that's what she thought.

On the other hand, Tomoya wasn't ready to face the two after yesterday's event. Heck, she couldn't even look at Haru and Makoto without having short breaths and shaking in fear. The results? The girl looked away in a flash and dashed away without looking back.

She absolutely couldn't face them in her current state.

Tomoya felt beyond horrible–she couldn't even find the right words to describe her miserable storming emotions.

She went to school way earlier than Haru and Makoto, she spent the whole lunch period with Yuzu and Miyana, she didn't even glance at Haru who's desk was right behind her, she only greeted Kisumi, Ikuya, and Asahi with a simple greeting and then ran away. Tomoya felt sick remembering the whole day of event she had been through.

Makoto and Haru only looked away with hints of hurt flashing in their eyes. The two didn't questioned her weird behavior–which means they knew what they did yesterday.

I'm the worst… she thought to herself.

"Tomoya."

The said girl only looked up and then green lemon clashed with turquoise orbs. Nao stood in front of her, slightly bending down to look at her closely. Tomoya blinked tiredly.

"Nao-senpai…?" she muttered.

"Is there something wrong? You're not being yourself today." The upperclassman asked in worried tone. Tomoya shook her head softly, averting her gaze from Nao's pair of eyes.

"Nothing… it's just something happened…" she answered, letting her voice faltered.

Of course, that didn't ease Nao's worry. The wellbeing of his underclassmen and everyone in the club is important and it was his job to be the ears that ready to hear problems and trying to come up with the best solution and advice.

But still, Nao knew his limits and he wouldn't force someone to tell him what's wrong.

"Okay then, but if you want to talk about it, just come to me or Natsuya or even your friends, okay? We'll be there to help you." He finally said and rested his hand on Tomoya's shoulder.

She nodded and Nao straightened himself, looking at her for the last time before walking away.

Tomoya sighed in defeat and looked up, drinking the view of dull grey sky. The clouds still insisted on covering the sky, not once giving a room for a speck of blue. The only difference was the darker each second past – signaling that it was late.

Ironically, it complemented the negative emotions rampaging within her.

The dark chocolate haired girl stood up, patting the imaginary dust from her dark blue skirt, and hauled her messenger bag to her shoulder. She took a long look at the pool, which was empty–she was the only one left in the area.

"You should go home." Natsuya's voice rang out. "It's getting dark."

"I know, senpai," maybe Tomoya wasn't the only one left in the area after all.

Natsuya approached her and stood beside her. He didn't mind the fact that she didn't give a glance, he didn't mind the fact that she's not the timid girl who accidently slapped him yesterday. It was frightening how a certain event and rush of emotions could change someone a hundred and eighty degrees, he thought.

Especially when the long bottled-up emotions broke out.

"Senpai," Natsuya looked at Tomoya who still held her gaze on the pool. "I'm the worst, am I?

"I'm trying to be a mediator but I messed up." Tomoya smiled bitterly. "I only make things worse. Most of all, I'm running away. I couldn't even look at them. What kind of friend am I for doing such thing? I definitely am–"

Natsuya cut her off by holding her wrist and upper arm, pulling her closer. Tomoya's head shot up and turquoise clashed with amber orbs. He didn't know what he was doing; it was all pure reflex.

"Don't say that." Natsuya stated. It hurts to hear her talking so negative about herself.

"But it's the truth, senpai." Tomoya insisted. "I'm so selfish. I'm the source of the problem yet all I do is running away like coward I'am. I'm–"

"You're caring, you're worried about them more than yourself, you only want the best for Haru and Makoto and the others, you didn't want to worry them." Natsuya said, not letting a room for the younger girl to retort. "That's the reason I fell. Hard."

Tomoya's eyes went wide.

Natsuya knew there was no turning back.

"I fell in love with you, Tomoya."