I don't often write the author's note before the chapter, but in this case it made starting the story a lot easier. This story is something based on a dumb idea: writing Luz and Amity playing Dark Souls, because Amity's last name is Blight and her magic uses poisonous goo, while Dark Souls has an area called Blighttown, built on a swamp made of poisonous goo. Also, the Darkmoon Knightess is wanted in Bonesborough and Hexside has Valorheart from DS3 as a possible weapon to fight Grom.
Basically, understanding this story requires you to have played Dark Souls, because I won't be explaining anything at all. In fact, aside from small things like expressions and gestures, I also won't be describing much either. This story, such as it is, will be told almost exclusively through dialogue between Luz and Amity. It'll be made worse by the fact that I only ever played Strength characters, while this fic will obviously go for a Sorcery build.
In short, then, it's a highly experimental story based on a very stupid and by no means original premise, and will therefore probably be unreadable to anyone except me. Comments are appreciated as always, though.
Well then, enough rambling. Let's get artsy and edgy.
Chapter One: The Undead Asylum
"Your mom's a really good cook."
"I know, right? And you get to enjoy her cooking for the next six weeks. I'm still amazed your parents even let you come here for that long."
"They had a lot to make up for. So, what's this game you've been dying to show me? Is it on this thing?"
Amity curiously looked at the screen. It seemed to be a bit like the crystal balls back in the Demon Realm, although these apparently worked without magic. Well, Luz had said the power came from burning liquified giant monsters that had been pressed to oil undergrounds over millions of years, so it sounded pretty magical all the same, but still.
"Yep! I'm just really curious if you'd like it, considering that the Boiling Isles are probably even more dangerous than an average hallway in this game is. But there's one particular area later in the game that I want you to see. It'll be fun!"
Luz grinned in that particular way she had where Amity was absolutely certain that whatever payoff this was going to have, it would be dumb, but Luz's enthusiasm alone was infectious enough to play along, even though she had no idea how this game even worked.
"Well, let's do this, then. What's the plan?"
"You play, I'll try to guide you through it. It's pretty hard the first time you try it. First, we need to create a character, though."
"O-kay…how does this thing work, exactly?"
"You just use that stick and these buttons to move through the menus, see?"
"Right, so…what do I pick?"
"Well, we're witches, so obviously we should pick Sorcerer as a starting class. Unless you'd rather be something else, of course, but, y'know, magic."
Amity laughed. "Of course, it's so obvious."
"Hey! Are you mocking me?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
"Well, try playing without help then. See how far you get."
Both of them laughed, and Amity hovered over the starting items.
"What are these?"
"Normally I'd tell you to pick the Master Key, but on your first play it's more fun to pick something else. Besides, that key allows you to skip most of the area I want you to experience. If you want to cheese the first boss you could pick the Black Firebombs, but if you want to be fully witch-y, the only real option is the Old Witch's Ring. It won't help you much, but it'll allow you to talk to a certain NPC later."
"I, uh, don't know what half those words mean. I've never heard the word 'cheese' as a verb, let alone how you'd do that to someone's boss, and I only know the abbreviation NPC as 'Necromantic Pull Coefficient' in the creation of powerful abominations."
"Ooh, that sounds really awesome."
"It's really not. It takes ages to get it right and if you're off even by a little bit you're stuck with an expanding blob of barely moving goo that's almost impossible to get out of the carpet. And before you ask, that wasn't me, that was my dad experimenting in the living room. I've never seen my mom that angry before. Apparently that carpet used to belong to her great-grandma or something. Hideous thing. I'm pretty sure my dad ruined it on purpose, though he'd never admit it."
"Wow. Well…if I ever start trying to conjure up abominations through glyphs I'll remember to keep it outside. Anyway, 'cheesing' means using strategies to easily beat bosses, like by getting them to jump off a bridge or something. They're not actually cheating, but they're cheesy, so 'cheesing'. A boss is just a tough monster with a health bar at the end of a level, and an NPC is a Non-Player Character. In this game, it's anyone who won't attack you on sight."
"Right. Appearance, then. What are we going to look like? What are we even going to call our character?"
"Hmm. Well, I usually called myself Luzura, but I think it would be more fun if we combined our own names. Luzamity? No… Amiluz? Not really it either, huh? How about…Lumity?"
"That's…not a bad one, actually. Okay, Lumity it is. So are we just going to combine our appearances too?"
"Character creation is the most difficult part of this game, despite the fact that we'll probably A, be wearing some kind of face-covering gear most of the time, and B, will look like beef jerky most of the time. Still, there's plenty of options here, see? Let's just slide around and see what we come up with."
"Oh, wow, that hair color does not look good… and that nose… Wait, are you trying to create Tinella Nosa?"
"Hehe, maybe? But maybe we should go a bit more like this…"
"This game really wasn't meant to look good, was it?"
"It looked…okay for the time. I think, anyway. I mean, I was like three when it came out."
"I guess this is good enough. Should we start? Uh, how do I start?"
"Just press this one here."
In the Age of Ancients, the world was unformed, shrouded by fog. A land of gray crags, Archtrees, and Everlasting Dragons.
But then there was Fire, and with Fire came disparity. Heat and cold, life and death, and of course, light and dark.
Then, from the Dark, They came, and found the souls of Lords within the flames.
Nito, the First of the Dead. The Witch of Izalith and her Daughters of Chaos. Gwyn, the Lord of Sunlight, and his faithful knights. And the Furtive Pygmy, so easily forgotten.
With the strength of Lords, they challenged the Dragons. Gwyn's mighty bolts peeled apart their stone scales. The Witches weaved great firestorms. Nito unleashed a miasma of death and disease. And Seath the Scaleless betrayed his own, and the Dragons were no more.
Thus began the Age of Fire. But soon the flames will fade and only Dark will remain. Even now there are only embers, and man sees not light, but only endless nights. And amongst the living are seen, carriers of the accursed Darksign.
Yes, indeed. The Darksgin brands the Undead. And in this land, the Undead are corralled and led to the north, where they are locked away, to await the end of the world… This is your fate.
"That is…not what we made our character look like, is it?"
"No, we're Hollow at the moment. We can fix that later. For now, just pick up the item on that corpse. You can read the glowing text on the floor to see how the controls work."
"Alright, let's see…"
Amity fiddled with the controls for a bit, before exiting the cell and walking down the hallway.
"Is this an NPC? I mean, he's not attacking me."
"He's just a Hollow. You won't be attacked just yet, but if you really want to you can attack him. Don't know why you would, though, since he's harmless."
"You feel pity for a character in a game?"
"Sure, why not? I get emotional over books, too. Are you saying you didn't tear up during the death scene in Azura Four?"
"Um, I…might have been touched a little." Amity grinned self-consciously. "I don't think Ed and Em believed I had anything in my eye, either."
"You were reading at home? Don't you usually do that in your secret hideout?"
"Yes, but I'd taken the book home from school because I wanted to continue reading it as soon as possible. And it was just so unexpected! I mean, I didn't think Tiresias the Seer would sacrifice himself, not after he'd just helped Azura deal with the Caduceans."
"You were reading it in school too?"
"No, of course not. Can you imagine what Boscha would have said? Besides, I had my grades to maintain, so I didn't have time to read there anyway. I just had it in my bag from the day before. Why is that so funny?"
"It's cute to picture you desperately trying to hide that book from Boscha all day, that's all."
Amity blushed. "It was in my locker, you idiot."
"Awh, don't ruin my fun, sweet potato. Oh, you're at the first bonfire, look."
"Is that like the bonefires we have on the Isles?"
"Yes, actually! It might surprise you, but 'bonfire' really does come from 'bonefire', and they were indeed used to burn bones…if that's what they're for in the Demon Realm, anyway."
"Why do you even know that?"
"I read it somewhere a couple of years ago and I thought it was really cool. My classmates at camp, uh, didn't."
"What happened?"
"Well…I kind of got sent home because I'd taken the hatchet the camp leader used to chop wood and then snuck up on people when they walked to their tents from the bonfire, saying 'Yesss, more bones for the bonefires…', while the fire reflected from the ax-head. My mom was…not amused. Neither were the teachers."
"That…would be weird even in the Demon Realm."
"I wasn't going to hurt them. Besides, I'm weird on both sides of the portal. But anyway, let's, uh, let's continue playing. Go through that big door there."
Amity looked at Luz from the corner of her eye for just a moment. She'd caught the undertone in Luz's voice when talking about the camp, and it bothered her. She set it aside for now and focused on the game.
"Okay. So now I guess I go through the door on the other end of… What in the Titan's name is that?! Is that the boss? What do I do?!"
"Well, not getting hit would be a good start. Run, roll, whatever you want."
"How do I use magic? Can I fight it?"
"You don't have magic yet. If you want to kill it, you'll have to use that broken sword."
"There! What?! That did almost nothing! Oh, wow, that was a lot of damage. Oh, come on, roll! Yes! No!"
"Aaaand…there it is, You Died. But don't worry, Lumity will never truly die, Lumity is an immortal undead monstrosity! You'll revive at the bonfire; you'll just lose your souls and humanity and you'll go Hollow. But you didn't have souls or humanity yet and we were Hollow to begin with."
"Right, but how am I going to defeat that thing? I thought we started as a Sorcerer? Doesn't that mean we have magic?"
"We have spells, yes, but nothing to cast them with yet. Also, who says you need to fight that boss now?"
"Are you being deliberately unhelpful now?"
Luz grinned widely. "Of course I am. Half the fun of playing this game with someone who's never played it before is watching them struggle with it. Getting horribly murdered by the Asylum Demon is a rite of passage for new players. When you start getting a feel for the controls you'll see he really isn't that bad. All the other bosses are a lot nastier."
"I'm…looking forward to it. Right, let's go in again, then… What's that glowing green thing?"
"That's your bloodstain. When you die, your souls and humanity will be there so you can get them back. But if you die again before reaching it, it'll be replaced by the new one and you'll permanently lose whatever was in the old one. You didn't have anything, though, so you can just ignore it."
"Hey, the back door is locked! I thought you said I didn't have to fight this guy yet!"
"I never said you had to use this door to get out of the room, either, but you're getting warmer. Just look around."
"Look ar– Oh, right."
"See, that wasn't so hard. And you even get another bonfire for your troubles."
"Oh, is that glowing thing there an item too? Hey, I'm being shot!"
"Well, yeah. Did you think that all the Hollows around here were just for decoration?"
"Okay, so this is a shield…So how do I…"
"Oh, like this, here…"
"Ah, right, thanks. Okay, so to run I just do this, and then… Ha! You missed! And…I've got a dagger now, so it's payback time! Hey, stop running, you! Oh, looks like you're cornered. Tough luck for you!"
"You're really getting into this, aren't you?"
Amity blushed. "I, uh…"
Luz hugged her, and Amity's blush became even brighter. "Don't worry. I think it's cute."
"Uh, thanks… Anyway! Moving on! I guess I need to go up these stairs here… Hey! You sneaky little… Come here! There, serves you right for trying to kill me with a boulder. Wait, the door's locked? So do I need to go back down, or…? Oh, was that hole in the wall always there?"
"Aww, you caught onto that way quicker than I did. It took me like fifteen minutes of walking up an down the asylum before I realized that boulder knocked the wall out. Guess you aren't Hexside's top student for nothing."
"I'm not anymore, that's why my mom wanted to get you, Willow and Gus expelled, remember?"
"You'll always be the top student in my eyes."
"You know, I remember you tearing down Hooty's Tunnel of Love because you thought it was too cheesy for me."
"Well…that was before we were girlfriends. Now I can be as cheesy as I want, because you're cute when you're blushing."
"Oh, hey, there's a guy in armor here, better talk to him, huh?!"
"Heh, you can change the subject, but you can't change the red color on your cheeks, hermosa."
Amity pretended to be engrossed in Oscar's story, but she couldn't keep herself from smiling. Luz really was the world's biggest and most adorable dork.
"Okay, so these orange things are healing potions? Hey, they look a bit like Eda's elixirs, don't they?"
"Yeah, they kind of do. And yes, these are your main healing items. You can use them like this, here. You get back your charges at bonfires. You can also kindle the bonfires with humanity to get more, but I'll show you that later."
"Right. And I guess the key he gave me was for this door here, then. Okay… Whoa, stop swiping at me! Ah, dang, that's another health potion gone…but at least we have magic now, right?"
"Yep. Magic in this game works kind of like my glyphs. You have a set number of them, and if you run out, that's it. I'll show you where to find a good side weapon later, though, for when that happens."
"Oh, wow, this works so much better than that dagger. Ha ha, yes, eat this, sucker!"
"You…really have been spending a lot of time with me, haven't you?"
"I, uh, guess it rubbed off on me. So is there anything here? Oh, a guy with a shield."
"He's not much of a problem for a Sorcerer, but you can practice parrying a bit here, if you want. You can also just go to the boss now. If you are, though, you might want to use your dagger for the first attack, because you can attack him when you're jumping down into the arena like that."
"Okay, let's give this another try… So, attack while I'm falling… Oh! That worked well."
"Nice! Now switch to the catalyst and stay away from him and you should be fine."
"Yes! Take that! Can't hit me from over there, can you?! Oh, I guess you can. Well then."
"He's got a pretty big reach on that hammer."
"Does he now? I never would've guessed."
"Oh, don't worry, you'll get him on the next run. Just remember that all the Hollows you killed have respawned."
"Right, thanks."
"Oh, nice dodge. You're starting to get the hang of it."
"I'm a fast learner. Now then, let's finish this. Okay, plunging attack first. Yes! Now get some distance, attack, get out of the way of that hammer, yes! Now I've got it! Whoa, that was close…"
"Don't get greedy now!"
"I got it, I got it! Just a little bit more, come on! YES! Get stuffed!"
"Wooo, go Amity! First boss defeated! And in only two tries, too. Well, three if you count that first one, but that's still quicker than I did it."
"I had a good teacher to help me."
"I just gave you some pointers, the rest was all you. Right, now just open the door and walk to the edge of the cliff."
"What about that door behind the shield guy from before?"
"We'll be back for that later, don't you worry. Now, once we're at Firelink you can level up for the first time, and then I think we should call it quits for today. The next section of the game is a lot more difficult and I don't think my mom will like us shouting all night."
"Right. So I go to level up, and then? What should I pick?"
"Well, since we're playing a Sorcerer the main things that will be important are Vitality and Intelligence, but for now I'd say, put a point into Attunement because it will give you an extra spell slot and we can use that for another Soul Arrow so we get sixty casts. Then the next two levels should probably be one point each in Strength and Dex so you can use the Estoc, and after that you can start leveling Vitality for a while because we'll be getting the Oolacile Ivory Catalyst from Dusk not too long from now, and that has a flat Magic Adjust of one hundred and eighty, meaning it does more damage than your current catalyst until you get to twenty-seven Int, and that'll be somewhere around Sen's Funhouse, I think."
"That…was a lot of information, and I didn't even understand half of it. I'll just pick Attunement like you said then…and what kind of a name is Sen's Funhouse?"
"It's actually called Sen's Fortress, but you'll find out why people call it Sen's Funhouse when we get there. And don't worry, you'll understand most of what I just said later on. Now, let's just save and quit. We still need to drag the extra mattress in here and get some sheets on it."
"Extra mattress?"
"Well, we do have a guest room, but it's more fun to be together, right? But don't worry, you'll get the bed. I've gotten quite used to sleeping on the floor in the Owl House and, well…it kind of feels more like home then. And yeah, I know how that sounds."
"Don't worry, I think I understand."
Luz gave Amity a faint smile. "Come on, let's get that mattress in here. I've got sheets in the closet there."
"Man, that thing's pretty heavy."
"I know, right? At least we won't have to move it for a few weeks now. Can you give me a hand with the sheets? Yeah, there. So what did you think about the game?"
"It's like nothing I ever played, but…I really like how excited you are about it. I'm…looking forward to the rest of it. And I'm curious as to what the area you're so desperate to show me will be like."
Luz got a mischievous look in her eyes. "Oh, you'll see."
"That didn't sound ominous at all…"
"It won't be that bad, I promise. But I'm glad you like it. I…I've never really played games with a friend before, let alone a girlfriend. It, uh, it kind of means a lot to me."
"I know it does. I've played games with Ed and Em before, and of course with Boscha and Skara, but there was always this…tension. This is the first time I really play a game like this. I'm glad it's with you."
"Aww, you're blushing again."
"Shut up."
"I'm glad you're here, Amity."
"Me too, Luz."
Well, that's the end of the first chapter. I had way too much fun writing this, even though it was probably confusing as hell to read. If you made it here, congratulations. I'd love it if you could share your opinion on it. It can be anything, positive or negative, don't hold back. Just because I had a blast writing it doesn't mean it can't be criticized. This being the cracky fic it is, though, criticism probably isn't really going to change how this fic will progress. Anyway, thanks for making it this far, and possibly until next time.
