What a treat for you, another one shot.

This one is a little sad just to prewarn you.

I hope you enjoy it!


When I look around this bunker I think about what Sammy, Cass and I have gone through to get here and all of the people we lost along the way that should be here to enjoy everything with us. I know the 'hunter' life means that you're bound to lose people but I think Sammy, Cass and I have lost more than most; mom, dad, Bobby, Rufus, Ellen and Jo... just to name a small few and when I walk around I can't help but think 'Bobby would love that book' or picture people in certain spaces, for example, Bobby and Rufus in the garage arguing over what car is better or Ellen and Jo sitting in the library, Jo insisting on a hunt that Ellen is telling her is too dangerous. I see their ghosts everywhere I look and it is always going to haunt me. Why am I still here but they're gone?

Let's be honest, I've 'died' a few times yet here I am alive and kicking. Why do I keep getting the chance to come back when the others don't? And if you ask me, they're a lot more deserving of these second, third and fourth chances than I am. The one that sticks out most in my head is Jo; she never should've died when she did or how she did. That Hellhound was meant for me and she took the hit, she should never have died that day and I have to live with that. She was just a young girl finding her feet and growing into an amazing hunter and her life was cut short.

You know I have a lot of regrets in my life but Jo Harvelle was my biggest regret. There are so many things I wish I had told her before she died, so many things I wish she had experienced before she died and so many things that should have happened before she died. I know Jo had feelings for me and I had feelings for her too but I think we both knew a relationship was never going to work between us and although we flirted we never went over that line. I regret that now and I wish I had told her and I wish I had kissed her before that day and maybe took my chance. Maybe it would have been something epic... or maybe I would've messed everything up like I normally do, who knows?

That's my point; I will never know what she truly felt about me. I know she had a crush but was there anything else there? Were there any stronger feelings than a crush? Did she want to be with me? Did she want to kiss me as I badly as I wanted to kiss her? All these questions and more will never be answered. It's my own fault because I should have just come clean and told her, I knew she would never make the claim first out of embarrassment, in case I didn't feel the same way.

After she died I was in a bad way. I would see her face everywhere and I would have nightmares about her, seeing her lying there holding her insides in with duct tape and blood all over the place... it's an image that is ingrained in my head and will be until the day I die.

"Hey, what're doing?" Sam asked as he tried to peek over my shoulder.

I closed the journal and gave him a look that told him to leave it be and to his testament, he did leave it. He placed a bottle of beer down in front of me and resumed his seat across from me.

"Sure you're ok?" He asked.

"Yeah" I nodded.

I took a few sips of my beer and looked down to the crow's nest, as always, I saw the image of Ellen and Jo sitting there together. They were planning a hunt together, Jo thinks that Ellen is treating her like a child but Ellen is just trying to teach her how to be a better hunter. I can practically hear their voices and their tones.

"Dean, are you sure you're ok?" Sam asked as he snapped his fingers in front of me.

The image of Ellen and Jo disappeared and I turned my attention to Sam and he was looking worried.

"When you look around, do you see the people we've lost?"

"Ghosts?"

"I guess" I replied with a shrug, Sam pondered the question but didn't reply "For example, in the garage, I picture Bobby and Rufus in there arguing about which car is best or I picture mom in the kitchen making her Meat Loaf for us on a Sunday or sometimes I picture dad playing in the armoury" I explained.

He looked around the bunker for a moment before answered "Yeah, I see what you mean" He answered "I guess I never really thought about it before. I mean, every now and again I will read a book and think about Bobby and how he probably had it or something but I don't picture anyone around I guess" He shrugged and sipped his beer "Who else do you see?" He questioned with furrowed brows.

"Ellen and Jo" I answered with a chuckle "They would've loved it here. Can you imagine Ellen barking orders around here? Her and Jo fighting about a hunt..." I trailed off and stopped laughing, Sam had joined in and had stopped too "Man, we have it made here but we lost so much on the way" I told him.

"Makes you wonder, was it all worth it?"

"No Sammy, it wasn't worth it" I replied harshly "They should be here" I added with a sip of my beer.

"I know you feel guilty about everyone that has died over the years but none of it was your fault. They were hunters; they knew what they were signing up for. The first and golden rule of being a hunter 'you can't save everyone'" He told me.

"I always hated that rule"

Why do I deserve to still be here but Ellen and Jo don't? Why do I deserve this second chance and not Bobby? They are much better people who deserve another chance and they never got it. You know, after Ellen and Jo died, I tried literally everything to try and get them back. I offered to make a deal with Crowley, a crossroads demon, I prayed to anyone that would hear me, I had Cass look into it.

I literally did everything I could think of to get them back but nothing worked. Hell I was ready to go to Heaven or Hell and go and get them myself. Apparently their death was final but mine wasn't and neither was Sammy's. I don't know what it is but for some reason we keep getting saved.

"I'm gonna go to bed" I stated and stood up from my chair.

"Dean... you ok?" Sam was worried.

"Yeah I'm just tired" I answered "Night" I said as I started making my way to my room.

"Night" Sam called back.

I got to my room and turned the light on as I looked around; everything was in its place, like it should be. Even the pictures I owned, the very few I owned, were sat on my desk. A picture of me and Jo stuck out about halfway through the pile; we were at the Roadhouse just sitting at one of the tables, having a beer and having a good day. I was looking at Jo whilst she was looking directly at the camera with her large smile on her face, the smile that lights up a room.

After getting dressed for bed I climbed under the sheets and looked at the picture of me and Jo, one of the things I've missed most is that smile. I remember going to the Roadhouse after a few bad days or hunts and I would see her, she would flash me that smile and I'd feel ok again.

God I miss her.

I closed my eyes and tried to drift off to sleep

"Hi baby" Jo greeted as she walked into the bedroom; she kissed my cheek as kicked her shoes off "Good day?" She asked.

"Yeah it was good. Me and Sammy kicked a Witch's ass" I replied "What about you?" I asked.

"Werewolf" She answered proudly.

"Nice"

Jo and I stripped off and got into bed, I instantly wrapped my arms around her and she cuddled into me resting her head on my chest. I stroked her hair softly and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"I'm so happy I get to come home to you" She murmured.

"I'm just happy I made it home" I replied.

Jo's arm draped over my stomach and her finger started tracing shapes on my bare skin, it tickled and she knew it. She giggled as I moved under her touch and I tried to grab her hand to stop her tickling me but she kept dodging my hand.

"Stop" I laughed.

"You love it!" She exclaimed happily as she climbed on top of me, straddling me.

"I love you" I replied.

Jo stopped tickling me and looked at me with her gorgeous smile that lit up the whole room, it spread up to her eyes and made them sparkle like stars "I love you too" She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my lips.

I shot up in bed and took a deep breath; I fell asleep with the picture of me and Jo in my hand. I looked at it again and I just wanted to scream. I miss her so much. Is that the life we could've had? Could we have made it work, being together? Is that what I missed out on?

I guess I can only dream about what it would be like to come home to Jo every night and lay in bed with her. I only ever got to kiss her once and it was as she was dying, what kind of dick does that? I wasted my chance to be with a real woman that I loved, I missed out on happiness, all because I didn't have the balls to be honest with her.

I studied her smile in the picture once more before turning it over so I didn't have to look at her face anymore; seeing her just makes me... sad... like a sad I've never felt before. Heartbroken I guess you could call it.

Now that I couldn't see her face anymore, I closed my eyes and tried to drift back off to sleep but as soon as my eyes closed, I saw her face again, just standing there smiling at me. I opened my eyes again and wiped a tear just before it slipped down my cheek.

Dammit.

Jo Harvelle, what are you doing to me?

SUPERNATURAL

"Dean, can you make sure Arlo has his shoes on? We've gotta leave any second" Jo called out to me.

Arlo and I looked at each other, he was sitting on the couch next to me, no shoes on and he gave me a guilty smile. I held in my laugh as I grabbed his forgotten shoes off the floor and held them up to him. He allowed me to put them on for him and placed a kiss on the top of his head.

"Go see if you mom needs some help" I said to him, he nodded and jumped off the couch and ran out to Jo.

"Dean, you better have your shoes on too!" Jo called in.

I rolled my eyes as I looked down at my shoeless feet. I guess I better put them on before she forces them on my feet herself. I grabbed my shoes from next to the couch and put them on.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked her as I walked into the hallway.

"Yeah, I'm just about to put Sarah in the car seat" She replied.

"I'll do it" I replied as I took Sarah out of her arms "Hey baby girl" I cooed, she gave me a gummy smile and my heart melted at the sight of my daughter, my beautiful daughter who thankfully looked like her mother "You're so pretty" I cooed again and she leaned her head on my shoulder.

"C'mon Dean" Jo urged.

She was holding the diaper bag and was ready to go. I placed Sarah in the car seat and picked it up "Arlo, you good to go?" I asked him and he nodded as he took hold of Jo's hand.

"Time to go and see Grandma and Uncle Sammy"

I slowly opened my eyes and looked up at the dark ceiling. There was no point in trying to get back to sleep now, it took me long enough to get to sleep the last time. These dreams about Jo are killing me. This is the life I should've had and if I had been honest with her, maybe it would've ended the same way as it did or maybe I could've ended up with that family a life; Jo as my wife, a beautiful son and daughter.

Maybe Winchesters never get a happy ending.