Peter stood with Lily and the other Marauders beside the gargoyle guarding the entrance to Dumbledore's office, trembling so fiercely he could hardly keep his balance. He couldn't think of anything except Fiona's sightless eyes, the blood that had framed her cheeks like tears, her hair spread messily across the bathroom tiles to cushion her fall…he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to think of anything else. MUDBLOOD, they'd written on her. MUDBLOOD. Just like Peter.
The gargoyle stepped aside as a figure descended the steps behind it: Professor McGonagall. She frowned at the five of them waiting below, her eyes narrowing. "You're supposed to be back in your dormitory."
"We want to speak to Dumbledore," Sirius said. He was holding Remus's hand, something he never did in public. "It's important."
"Professor Dumbledore is incredibly busy at the moment, as I'm sure you all can imagine."
"Please," Lily cut in. "Mary…Mary was my best friend, Professor. And Fiona was Peter's girlfriend." Peter had never called her his girlfriend, but it sounded right all the same. Fiona, the girl who had given him secret kisses in the corridors between class, the girl who had worn flats to the New Year's Ball so she wouldn't be taller than him, whose face had lit up every time she'd spotted him…. Peter quickly wiped the tears from his eyes. He couldn't believe she was gone, just like that.
McGonagall's frown deepened, her gaze flicking across them all; then she gave a tiny nod. "I'll check with the headmaster."
James rubbed a soft hand down Peter's back as McGonagall vanished back up the stairs. It took all of Peter's strength just to hold himself upright. Fiona…Fiona…Fiona.
"He says he will see you," McGonagall told them when she returned down the steps. "I trust you not to take up any more of his time than is absolutely necessary."
"We won't," Remus promised. "Thank you, Professor."
McGonagall stepped aside and allowed the five of them to ascend the spiraling steps into Dumbledore's office. The headmaster was seated behind his desk with a massive piece of parchment in his hands; he looked even older than he usually did. He didn't acknowledge the Marauders until they stood directly in front of him. "Ah," he said, setting down the parchment and forcing a small smile onto his face. "Welcome, all of you. I wish we could be conversing under different circumstances. What is it you wanted to say to me?"
"We want justice, Professor," said James. His voice was unusually flat.
Dumbledore nodded, rubbing his temple. "So do we all, James. I can promise you that Professor Byrne will do everything he can to—"
"—he won't figure out who killed them," Sirius interrupted. "They're too sneaky for that. I bet they were all working together, all the Death Eaters at this school."
"We do not yet know if it was a student who committed this crime," Dumbledore said levelly.
"Of course it was," James snapped impatiently. Peter flinched, but Dumbledore only gave him a slow blink. "And we won't find out who, not if they're a Death Eater. The only way we're going to get justice is if we take on Voldemort and his followers ourselves."
"What are you saying, James?"
Remus stepped forward, finally releasing Sirius's hand. "We want to join the Order of the Phoenix, Professor. As soon as we graduate."
Dumbledore raised a finger to his lips, sitting back. "That is a very noble sentiment," he said after a moment. "And it is entirely understandable given what happened to your friends. But joining the Order is a dangerous commitment—it is not something to agree to impulsively, however justified the reason. Order members risk their lives every day to oppose the Dark Lord's forces. Many have already died in its service." His eyes fell on Peter then, who was still trembling; the Order was not meant for people like him, he knew.
"This isn't impulsive," James replied. "We've always known we wanted to join. This is just us telling you."
Lily nodded fiercely beside him. "It's not as though our lives aren't already at risk, is it? I'm Muggle-born, same as Fiona, and so is Peter." Peter let out a shaky breath. "Remus is a half-blood werewolf, and Sirius's brother is working for the Death Eaters, and James…well, James just really really cares about his friends." She lifted her chin. "We're already wrapped up in this whether we want to be or not. At least as members of the Order, we wouldn't be so powerless."
Slowly Dumbledore rose to his feet, studying each of them in turn. His smile had returned, significantly more genuine this time; Lily had said exactly what he'd wanted her to, Peter thought. "Are you sure about this?"
"Yes," all five of them chorused—even Peter. He wasn't brave enough, certainly, but he felt as if he had no other choice. Do it for Fiona, he told himself, but it still didn't quite feel like enough.
"If you're so certain," said Dumbledore, "then I would be honored to have each of you as members of the Order." Peter felt something sink inside of him. Had he really wanted Dumbledore to say he couldn't join? "In the days following your graduation, I will send you each a paper with a location and date listed on the back of it, visible only through use of a Revealing Charm. Arrive at the location at half-past seven on the given date, and I will be there to induct you into the Order, should you still wish to join."
"We will," James assured him.
"Until then," Dumbledore continued, "you must do your best to focus on completing your studies. Learn as much magic as you can while you are here; I daresay you are going to be needing it."
"Yes, Professor," Remus said. "Th—thank you, sir." Remus looked relieved; he'd been worried that Dumbledore wouldn't want a werewolf in the Order.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some somber business to attend to. Professor McGonagall can escort you back to Gryffindor Tower." The five of them dipped their heads as Dumbledore returned to his parchment, his smile already gone.
Peter felt as though his legs were made of lead as he followed his friends down the stone steps to McGonagall below. What was he getting himself into? He wasn't cut out to fight Death Eaters; Dumbledore should have known that. His friends should have known that.
Peter Pettigrew was about to become a full-fledged, Death-Eater-fighting member of the Order of the Phoenix, and he was absolutely terrified.
