I do not own Phineas and Ferb.


Those Mysterious Beams

"Mom, Mom, there are giant ladybugs in the backyard!"

Candace bounced from foot to foot, pointing aggressively at the gate as her mother unfurled from the driver's seat of her car. Linda barely batted an eye at her daughter's excessive, frantic energy. "Candace, ladybugs won't hurt you."

"No, Mom, they're not real ladybugs," said Candace impatiently. "Phineas and Ferb built them."

Linda opened the trunk and hefted a paper bag full of groceries into her arms. "Your brothers built giant ladybugs," she echoed flatly.

"Yes! Come on come on come on!"

Candace seized her mother by the back of her yellow shirt and dragged her to the gate. She kicked it open with practiced ease, her eager smile immediately dropping when her eyes swept over a yard infested with regular, non-mechanized ladybugs. Phineas, Ferb and their friends crouched low to the ground, batting at the red beetles buzzing around their heads.

"Phlah!" coughed Baljeet, clutching at his throat. "Ugh, I think I swallowed one!"

"I got you beat!" crowed Buford. "I swallowed three!"

"Everyone inside!" exclaimed Linda. She pushed open the sliding glass door with her heel and the kids scampered past her. She dropped the groceries and wrenched the door shut before any ladybugs could follow them. "My goodness, where did all these ladybugs come from?"

"We don't know," said Phineas in confusion. "One second they weren't there, the next they were."

"Well, I hope they move on. If they decide to make their home in our backyard, I'm afraid I'm going to have to call the exterminator." Linda picked the paper bag up from the carpet. "After I put these away, I'll make you guys a snack."

"Thanks, Mom," said Phineas with a smile.

Linda left the living room and Candace grit her teeth. "What happened to the robot ladybugs?"

"I think they turned into the ladybugs that are in the backyard now," said Phineas thoughtfully. "There was a flash of red light and then, boom! A ton of ladybugs."

"Eh, not the first time we've been struck by a mysterious beam," said Buford indifferently.

"Still weird, though," remarked Isabella.

As the group headed for the kitchen, chatting as they went, and Candace stood stock still, smoke practically pouring from her ears as the gears in her brain worked overtime.

Eh, not the first time we've been struck by a mysterious beam.

"That's it!" said Candace with giddiness. "The mysterious beams of light! I've lost a ton of Phineas and Ferb's inventions to those…those…well, whatever they are."

She had tried everything under the summer sun to bust her brothers. She'd utilized cameras, camcorders, the power of teamwork, key to success strategies and her own two feet, dragging her mother across every inch of Danville. But she'd been going about her busting schemes all wrong. How could she expect to foil Phineas and Ferb when those ray beams foiled her first?

Candace's entire body began to vibrate with excitement. "The source," she said with a squeal. "If I find the source of those freaky beams, I might be able to cut them off, and then I'll finally be able to bust Phineas and Ferb without interference!"

The beams had to come from somewhere. And sure, most days, she didn't actually see a beam, but that didn't mean they didn't happen. Every odd circumstance that caused Phineas and Ferb's inventions to disappear had to be connected. The universe wasn't that crazy, right?

"I know what I'm going to do tomorrow!" she said gleefully.

Bright and early the next morning, Candace stationed herself on the roof with a drone she borrowed from Phineas and Ferb. Her brothers were building a mountain of beans, for reasons she did not begin to bother understanding. The yard was filled with industrial-sized tin cans and giant yellow cranes, and the busting urge itched at Candace. It demanded that she race to the mall to collect her mother, or to pick up her cell and insist that Linda ditch her knitting club and return home immediately.

She folded her knees tight against her chest and tried to ignore the trembling that shivered down her spine. "Patience," she whispered, her eyes glued to the screen of the drone's controller. She moved the joystick with precision, operating the drone into a prime position that had a view of most of the sky and a portion of the pungent-smelling mountain. "This is your day, Candace."

For eleven minutes, she didn't move a muscle. Suddenly there was a bright flash in the corner of her vision and she snapped her neck up. The mountain of beans shimmered with a light green aura before the legumes melted, flooding the backyard with brown paste. A few seconds later the sprinklers activated, liquifying the beans even further, and the grass absorbed the watery brown liquid down to the roots.

"Huh," said Phineas with a soft hum. He removed his red skis, the bottoms of which were now slick with bean paste. "Guess we're gonna have to tell the National Chili Cooking Competition that we won't be able to provide them with beans like we promised."

"We'll make it up to them next time," replied Ferb.

"Yeah, for sure. Let's wash off our skis before this gunk dries." Phineas leaned back and waved at his sister. "Did you get some good shots on the drone, Candace?"

"I sure did!" she cackled.

"Awesome! I can't wait to see them!"

As her brothers took turns cleaning off their skis with the garden hose, Candace summoned the device. The silver and orange multi-rotor drone landed next to her and she switched it off. The blades whirred to a slow halt and she hunkered over the controller, watching the tablet-sized screen with intensity. Her exposed skin tingled from the heat of the sun and sweat dripped down her neck, but she paid the discomfort little mind.

Fifty feet above, Perry descended for his home, his parachute ruffling in the wind. When the house came within view, his brow arched at the sight of Candace perched on the roof. He guided the parachute to land behind the chimney, where he put his gear away and dropped to all fours. He scuttled to Candace's side and chattered.

"Oh, there you are, Perry," she murmured distractedly.

She didn't turn to look at him, her dark blue eyes focussed on the screen. She was hunched over the device to block the sun's glare. Perry stuck his head in the gap between her knees and her chin so he could see what had the girl so consumed.

Oh shi—

His eyes widened with panic. On the screen was crystal-clear footage of Doofenshmirtz's -inator beam colliding with Phineas and Ferb's mountain of beans.

"Okay, the sprinklers were just a coincidence," she spoke, straightening her back. "They usually go off around that time, anyway. That's an…extrapolation?" Her brow furrowed. "Whatever science-y word that means it's just a fluke and doesn't matter to the experiment."

This was a problem.

Once Candace set her mind to a task, that was it. She developed tunnel vision, charging to her goal with persistence and determination. Unlike Phineas and Ferb, she could not be distracted by an activity more appealing, more fun, and would not be led astray until it was apparent that her goal was too far out of her reach.

A manic grin curled across her lips. "I'm finally going to figure out where you're coming from. Thank you, little brothers, for installing advanced GPS tracking into your geek drone."

She raised a finger, lips stretched with anticipation.

She's going to skin me alive for this, thought Perry.

He lunged, catapulting his body fully into Candace's lap. The controller jostled from her grip and it hit the roof, sailing down the slope with a clatter. The teen shrieked in dismay and jumped to her feet, dislodging Perry in the process. The platypus let gravity pull him downwards, keeping his limbs slack as the brown shingles scratched and scraped at his fur.

As he expected Candace immediately tore her gaze away from the controller and frantically started to crabwalk her way to her pet. She reached out with one arm, grabbing Perry around the middle, and dug in her heels. She could only watch as the controller flew off the edge of the roof and cracked against the cement pad in front of the patio doors. The screen splintered, the controller folded inwards and buttons popped off.

Her grip tightened around Perry and he figured she was imagining whipping him after the destroyed transmitter. He licked her wrist apologetically and she glared at him. "Don't you dare act cute, you little meat brick!" she hissed. "Do you know what you just did? No, of course you don't!"

"Candace, are you okay?" Phineas called.

"No!" Candace stomped over to the ladder and climbed down with Perry. When her white flats hit the grass, she twisted her body and extended her arms, forcing Perry to look at what he had wrought. "This is because of you," she snapped. "You ruined my perfect busting scheme. Bad platypus!"

"Aw, Candace, it was an accident," said Phineas, gently prying Perry from his sister. "It's no big deal, we can fix it."

Hope sparked in Candace's heart. "You can save my video?"

Ferb took a screwdriver from his pocket and removed the backing of the controller. He carefully extracted a cracked memory chip and held it out for his siblings to see. "It's no longer stored in the transmitter, but all footage the drone records is automatically uploaded to the cloud."

Perry closed his eyes briefly. Damn it.

Candace gripped Ferb's shoulders, her eyes wild. "Bring me to the cloud."

He patted the back of her hand. "Yes, Candace."

"We're going to put our skis in the basement. We'll meet you in our room and—"

There was a burst of air as Candace zoomed off, leaving a cloud of dirt in her wake. Perry wiggled, trying to get his boy to release him. But Phineas held him close as he and Ferb walked into the living room with their skis slung over their shoulder.

"Oh man, I can't wait to see the video," he said cheerfully. "I wonder what we look like skiing down a mountain of beans."

"Ridiculous, I imagine," replied Ferb.

They descended to the basement, stashing their winter sports gear with the sleds, skates and snowboards. They jogged up the two flights of stairs to their bedroom, where Candace was pacing the floor in front of their beds.

"Finally! Chop chop, let's go!"

"Sure thing, Candace," said Phineas.

He set Perry down and the platypus wasted no time in dashing out of the bedroom. When he was in the hall he rose to his hind legs and sprinted for Lawrence's home office. He dove onto the high-backed computer chair and turned on the monitor.

The black screen transitioned to a wallpaper of the Flynn-Fletchers and the cursor sliced through Linda and Candace's faces as Perry clicked on a browser icon. His fingers flew over the keyboard as he tried to beat the boys to their personal online cloud. A password was required to access their digital storage and, with a fond smile, Perry put in his name followed by his adoption date.

The cloud mostly contained videos, photos and texts from Phineas and Ferb's phones. Perry selected the most recent addition, Candace's drone footage, and he slammed his fist against the desk in agitation at the statistic below the thumbnail of the video.

Views: 1

Damn it!

He rubbed the space between his eyes in exasperation before erasing the footage from the cloud. He set Lawrence's computer to sleep mode and returned to Phineas and Ferb's room. He screeched to a halt in the threshold when he spotted the siblings pouring over a map of the Tri-State Area. Ferb was drawing a box around most of downtown Danville in red marker and Candace crossed her arms over her chest.

"Why can't you pinpoint the exact location?" demanded Candace.

"The drone wasn't close enough to collect the right coordinates," replied Phineas. "But given the height, direction and angle of the beam, we know it came from somewhere in this area. Probably from the top, or near the top, of one of the city's high-rises."

Perry swallowed back the urge to laugh hysterically. Of course it had taken his boys a mere two minutes to calculate the area based off a thirty-second video clip.

"But there are so many of them," groaned Candace. "How do we even figure out which one is the right building?"

"I'm sure we'll find someone who knows something," said Phineas brightly. "And Ferb's got an energy detector. If we stake out downtown tomorrow and another beam goes off, the detector will be able to track it."

Candace pumped her fist, her eyes gleaming. "Perfect. Tomorrow is definitely going to be my day."

"This is going to be so much fun," said Phineas happily. "I can't believe we never thought of investigating this before. What gave you the idea, sis?"

Her smile slipped and her nose wrinkled. "Buford, believe it or not, from the remark he made yesterday."

"Oh, about how it wasn't the first time we were struck by a mysterious beam? Good catch, Candace. I didn't think much of it."

Perry, still frozen in the entryway, refrained from knocking his head against the doorframe. Phineas started to fold up the map but Candace snatched it from his hands. "No way. This stays with me," she said with finality. "Ferb, gimme your energy doohickey."

Not fazed by her paranoia, Ferb retrieved the clunky, rectangular metal device from his bookshelf. Candace strode out of the room with the items, stepping over Perry as she went. Phineas spun around in his computer chair, kicking his legs. "Gee, Ferb, I wonder what we'll find! Maybe there's an alien living in Danville."

"Or a mad scientist," the green-haired boy remarked.

Phineas laughed, and though Perry knew it was a joke, his heart still stuttered in his chest. He loved his kids more than anything in the world and he wouldn't change a single thing about them. But sometimes, in rare moments like this one, he wished they weren't so smart.

There was no use in searching for the map and energy detector until Candace was out of her room. The opportunity came a few hours later when she was eating dinner with the rest of the family. He slipped into her bedroom, yanked on his fedora, and went to work.

He rifled through drawers, dug through the piles of dirty clothes in her closet, peeked behind her dresser, wiggled beneath her bed, upturned pillows and blankets and flipped over the mattress. He searched every nook and cranny, but came up with nada.

He dragged his paws down his face with a groan. There was only one other option, then. He was going to have to do everything in his power to prevent Doofenshmirtz from firing his -inators.

"That won't be difficult at all," he muttered sarcastically.

Though he was tempted to leave at the crack of dawn, Perry knew Phineas and Ferb would worry if he wasn't around for breakfast. The scent of bacon and eggs permeated the kitchen, and Phineas crumbled a few bits of bacon into Perry's food bowl when his parents weren't looking.

"What are you kids going to do today?" Lawrence asked, briefly lowering his newspaper to regard his children.

"We're spending the day downtown," answered Phineas, gesturing between himself and his siblings with his fork.

"Yeah, and we really need to get going," said Candace, her words muffled by the jam-slathered toast she had shoved into her mouth.

"Candace, that's disgusting," scolded Linda lightly. Her expression softening, she said, "It's so nice that the three of you will be having some quality time together. What do you have planned?"

"We're on the hunt for mysterious beams," said Phineas excitedly. "We're gonna use the energy detector Ferb built to help us find the source."

Candace swallowed thickly. "Yeah, look, Mom!"

She reached down the front of her shirt and whipped out the energy detector. Perry mentally face-palmed. That sneaky little brat, he thought, helpless to keep the affection from pulsing in his chest.

Ferb tilted his head. "How did you keep your shirt so flat with that in there?"

"Aw, that's cute," said Linda fondly. "You boys are so creative. It's nice to see you joining in for a change, Candace."

The redhead pursed her lips, sticking the device back into its hiding place. "Whatever."

"You have a purse, honey. It's much more effective for storage."

"Yeah, yeah." Candace drank the rest of her orange juice and sprang to her feet. "Okay, we're gonna get going."

"Put your dishes in the dishwasher first, darling," said Lawrence mildly.

Phineas gathered his utensils, plate and glass, hopping from his chair. He peered over his shoulder and asked, "Hey, where's Perry?"

The rumble of the rockets drowned out the incessant honking of impatient morning traffic goers. Perry flew over the city, his fingers tapping an anxious rhythm against the thick black strap of his jetpack. He had about ten minutes to defeat Doofenshmirtz and disable the -inator before his kids arrived downtown by bus.

The looming purple building came into view and there was no -inator perched on the balcony. Perry aimed for the window he knew looked into the lab, announcing his presence with an explosion of glass.

"Aiiiiii! What the—Perry the Platypus?!"

Perry lifted a paw in greeting, switching off his jetpack with his other paw. His eyes zeroed in on the purple and green -inator in the middle of the laboratory. He sprinted for it, nimbly leaping over the scattered glass shards on the tiled floor.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!"

The tile directly in front of him flipped over, covered in pink, blue and yellow wads of chewed gum. Perry couldn't stop in time and his feet adhered to the wet, sticky globs. The jetpack was ripped from his back and Perry growled in disgust, twisting his neck to glare at Heinz.

"Don't you give me that look," snapped Heinz, stashing the jetpack in the corner of the lab. He stabbed a finger at his jagged window. "I gave you a key, for crying out loud! You don't have to keep damaging my building! And you just, just went straight for my -inator! What's up with that?"

Perry rotated his wrist in a 'hurry up' motion, arching his brow pointedly. Heinz scowled, crossing his arms tightly over his chest. "Oooh, I see. Mr. Super Secret Agent now has better things to do than be my nemesis. Just wants to bust through my home, smash the -inator I spent a good three hours building, and then leave without bothering to hear my evil plan."

Hurt flashed in his brown eyes and Perry bowed his head. However badly he needed his kids to stay far away from Doofenshmirtz's doorstep, he still had to consider his frenemy's feelings. This routine was important to him—to the both of them. He chirred apologetically.

Doofenshmirtz gave a small smile. "It's okay, Perry the Platypus. Let's start over." He cleared his throat twice before striking a finger at Perry with a triumphant smirk. "Ah-ha! Looks like you're all gummed up, Perry the Platypus! By the way, I chewed all that gum myself. That's how much thought and effort I put into your traps. Don't you appreciate it?"

"Not really," grumbled Perry.

The flat tone of his chatter caused Doofenshmirtz to smirk. "Fair enough. It's really nasty, isn't it, to have gum stuck to your foot?" His lips dive-bombed into a deep scowl. "Every time I try to sit on a bench or, or walk through the park, there's gum! There are, like, a hundred trash cans around, and you choose to spit it out right where I want to sit? I was raised by ocelots and even I wouldn't do that!"

As he continued to rant, Perry snuck a glance at the digital numbers on his watch. Time was quickly ticking down, but it would be rude to escape before Doofenshmirtz finished his evil monologue, and he'd already committed one faux pas today.

Watching Doofenshmirtz gesticulate wildly, Perry removed a stick of gum from his fedora and popped it into his beak.

Might as well go with the theme.

Candace relinquished the map and the energy detector when she and her brothers were delivered to the downtown area via bus. They stood on the corner of a main intersection depicted within Ferb's red perimeter, the cars roaring past them in clouds of acrid exhaust as they studied the dozens of towering brick apartment complexes, steel skyscrapers and modernist condominiums.

"Can't we just wait until that thing starts blinking?" asked Candace, pointing at the detector clipped to Ferb's hip.

"Well, we could, but there might not be any emissions of abnormal energy today," replied Phineas. "But if we speak with the people in these tall buildings while we wait, we might learn something."

The pedestrian light flashed green and Phineas and Ferb crossed the street. Candace huffed and hurried after them. They entered the first building in their little square, which was an apartment complex. They crossed the beige carpet of the lobby and approached the main desk.

"Hi," Phineas greeted, peeking over the scratched wooden surface. "We were wondering if any mysterious beams have been fired from this building."

The elderly receptionist frowned sharply at the trio. "I don't have time for your pranks."

"It's not a prank," said Candace quickly. "These green rays of light rain down from the sky all the time—"

"Take your trickery somewhere else," the receptionist said firmly, shooing them away. "This is no place for kids to hang out."

"But—"

"Now, please."

The moment the double glass doors snapped shut behind them, Candace grumbled, "What a rude old lady."

"Be nice, sis," chided Phineas. "She's probably just having a bad day. We all wake up on the wrong side of the bed once in a while. Come on, let's try the one next door."

The bearded security guard laughed at them, as did the snooty woman in the designer suit in the fancy condos across the street. There was an apartment building where you needed a key to get inside, so Candace pressed the buzzers on the intercom to interrogate the residents individually. After about five minutes the building super came bursting out the doors and Candace hastily ushered her brothers around the corner.

"This makes no sense," Candace said in frustration. "Everyone thinks we're crazy! How have they not seen a beam being fired directly in their area?"

"This is Danville. Stranger things have happened that many people haven't noticed," spoke Ferb.

"Trust me, I know," she said bitterly.

"You gotta be positive," encouraged Phineas. He stretched out his arms, indicating the concrete metropolitan jungle closing them in. "We've still got so many more places to check, and hey, maybe the detector will pick up a signal!"

"You're right." Candace's posture straightened and she smacked her right fist into her left open palm. "I'm not leaving downtown Danville until I obliterate the obstacle in my path. Let's go, boys!"

Ferb gave a thumbs-up. "All right!" cheered Phineas, raising his fist. "That's the spirit, Candace—wait, it's a green light! Green light!"

"Whoops!" She stumbled back to the curb, Ferb grabbing her by the elbow to tug her further away from the streaks of coloured metal. She gazed at her brothers with a sheepish smile. "Uh, let's go after the light turns red."

"—and with the Bubble Gum-Sticky-inator, I will cover the entire Tri-State Area with chewed-up gum, trapping everyone in a gooey mess! With authorities and important political officials rendered immobile, I will be able to waltz in and take over the Tri-State Area!"

Perry crossed his arms loosely over his chest, arching his brow. Doofenshmirtz rubbed the back of his neck, a sheepish grin on his lips. "Yeah, I really went on a spiel about people littering gum, didn't I? It just really got me fired up. Anyway, not only will I have my revenge, I'll—why are your cheeks puffing out like that?"

Pwwft!

With precise aim, the wad of pink gum flew from Perry's beak and splattered against Doofenshmirtz's nose with a wet plop. "Ewwwww!" he shrieked, flapping his hands. "That's the most—Perry the Platypus, what's wrong with—oh, this is sick! You're a sick platypus!"

He tried pulling off the gum, but it only attached to his fingers in thin, stretchy pink strands. As he wrestled with the gum, Perry removed a paint scraper from his fedora and quickly chipped away at the gum holding him in place. Once he was freed, he made a dash for the -inator.

"Oh no you don't!"

Perry yelped as something slammed into his back. The room rapidly began to spin, the lab blending together in a giant purple blur. He crashed into the wall and went flying to the floor. He sat up with a grunt, narrowing his eyes at the computer chair lying horizontally on the tiles, the wheels still turning.

Doofenshmirtz cackled, seizing his -inator by the handles and wheeling it out to the balcony. "Ha! Ten points to me!"

"Heinz!" hissed Perry, leaping to his feet and charging after him.

Doofenshmirtz pushed his invention into place and aimed it at the busiest intersection. He went to smack the button but a fist connected to the side of his face, sending him sprawling. "Ow!"

Perry found the self-destruct button, obviously labeled on the side of the spherical machine. He tried to press it, but found his fingers just out of reach as Doofenshmirtz latched onto his tail. "Here, you dropped something!"

His large hand collided with the platypus' face and Perry squawked as something damp and squishy smushed into his eye. He scrubbed frantically at it and when he pulled back his paw, it was to see his wad of gum stuck to his fur. He rocketed to his feet, but it was too late—Doofenshmirtz was pressing the button rapidly.

"I'm putting these streets in mint condition!" he crowed.

Perry darted to his nemesis. Doofenshmirtz heard his footsteps and swung the -inator around. Perry leapt over the green light, effectively avoiding the massive flood of sticky mint-flavoured gum that formed, and performed a perfect flying kick to the -inator. The force swung it around, taking Doofenshmirtz with it, and Perry spun, slapping his tail against the evil scientist's knuckles, forcing him to relinquish his grip.

Doofenshmirtz went sailing through the air, landing directly in the pale green goo. He thrashed his body but he was stuck tight. Heaving a sigh, he muttered, "Still not worse than being smacked in the face with platypus spit infused gum."

"What do you mean, it stopped?"

The shrill, hysterical voice was easily heard by Perry in Doofenshmirtz's penthouse. He raced to the balcony railing and whipped out his binoculars. His kids were a few blocks away, well within sight of the oddly-shaped purple building. Phineas and Candace's necks were craned upwards as they scanned the surrounding high-rises wildly. Ferb's gaze was locked on the energy detector, ready to follow the next reading at second's notice.

They were too close.

I can't do this every day, thought Perry in exhaustion.

Candace, bless her, could be locked onto an obsession for quite a long time. Even if Phineas and Ferb eventually directed their attention and efforts elsewhere, she would pursue this lead until the bitter end—or until she gave up.

Or…

He gazed at the -inator, his eyes narrowed thoughtfully. He slowly shifted his gaze to Doofenshmirtz, who was staring at the platypus with bemusement. "Uh…Perry the Platypus? Everything good? You've usually blown up the joint by now."

Perry held up one finger, regarding the thick pool of gum entrapping Doofenshmirtz. Maybe he didn't need to wait for his kids to get bored. Maybe he could scare them off the trail.

He made eye contact with Doofenshmirtz and chattered inquisitively. "You good?"

"Er, yeah, fine," said Doofenshmirtz in bafflement. "I mean, I feel super gross, and you definitely left some bruises, but I'm okay."

Perry gave thumbs-up and turned back to the -inator. He used the viewfinder to aim the ray at the siblings, who were still convened at the corner. He took a steadying breath, his thumb twitching over the button.

Sorry, kids. Just know I'm doing this because I love you, and because you're just too smart and persistent for your own good.

The antenna on Ferb's device started to blink again, the tiny screen flashing a pixel arrow. The green-haired boy snapped his fingers, getting the attention of his siblings. He pointed ahead and when they looked up, they were blinded by a swath of neon green light.

Something thick, warm, wet and sticky suddenly encompassed them from head to toe. Candace's senses were filled with the scent of mint and she gave a single, slow blink. "Is this gum?" she asked quietly.

"Chewed gum, I think," said Phineas, wrinkling his nose. He tried moving his limbs, but his feet were cemented to the ground and his arms had limited range, thanks to the coating of bubble gum. "Are you guys okay?"

"I'm okay. Not happy, but okay," muttered Ferb, peering down at his goo-soaked body.

"I am going to puke," announced Candace. "I'm serious, I can smell the spit—urk!"

She dropped to her knees, sinking further into the gum, and started to hack. Her throat convulsed as she gagged, bile stringing from her lips, mixing with the pale green substance and creating a yellow tint. Phineas leaned over, not caring how much it strained his spine, to wrap his arm around her.

"Aw, it's okay, Candace. You've done stuff that's way grosser than this! Like the time—"

"Phineas, not now," said Ferb gently. His arms were pasted against his sides, so he offered comfort by resting his head against Candace's shoulder. "Try not to think about it, Candace."

Perry landed on the roof of a bike shop situated behind his kids. He jumped onto the blue and white awning and flipped behind the fire hydrant, peeking around it to study the trio. He winced, clucking sympathetically as Candace sagged against her brothers, her cheeks tinged the same shade as the gum she was trapped in, and her lips stained with remnants of the morning's breakfast.

He took a monkey wrench out of his fedora and turned the cap of the fire hydrant. A geyser of water spewed out, washing over the kids. They spluttered and gargled and Perry reattached the cap. Candace blinked down at her drenched attire, finding not a strand of gum anywhere.

"I'm freaking out a little bit," she confessed.

"Yeah," said Phineas, shaking out his hair. He scanned the area, but couldn't find the source of the beam or the sudden tidal wave, just crowds of people going about their regular day. "It's quite weird."

"And no one is paying us any attention," said Candace incredulously. "What is wrong with you people?"

"Again, not the weirdest thing that's happened in this city," spoke Ferb, squeezing out the hem of his shirt.

Candace rubbed her hand down her face. "I can't deal," she said tiredly.

Phineas kneeled and picked up the detector, which was completely waterlogged. "This definitely isn't working again. Oh well." He shrugged and pocketed it. "Maybe it's best if we leave the nature of the mysterious beams alone. Not everything is meant to be solved."

"You're telling me," scoffed Candace. "It's bad enough when they hit me randomly. I don't wanna be in the vicinity where they always go off. That's just asking for trouble. I'll go back to busting you the old-fashioned way. I have come close a couple of times. I just gotta keep at it."

Phineas linked arms with his sister. "That's a great mindset, Candace!" He beamed at his siblings. "I had an awesome time hanging out with you guys today."

Ferb grasped Candace's other hand, squeezing lightly. "We should do it more often."

The grumpiness faded from the teen's expression, her lips quirking upwards and her eyes crinkling with tender affection. "Yeah, we definitely should."

Perry exhaled in relief. Mission accomplished. I'll have to make it up to them…and Heinz. He's going to go on about that window for weeks if I don't.

He approached his owners in mindless pet mode. "Oh, there you are, Perry," said Phineas cheerfully, using his free arm to scoop up the platypus. "Come on, let's go home."

As they walked down the sidewalk to the nearest bus stop, holding on to each other, Phineas wondered, "Who do you think chewed all that gum?"

"Gack—"

"Phineas," said Ferb sternly.

"No, but seriously, that was a lot of—"

"Phineas."

"Okay, okay. Sorry, sis. We'll talk about it later, when your stomach settles."

"No, we will absolutely not! Ugh, I am never following mysterious beams again."

Perry chuckled, so soft and quiet that the kids didn't hear him.

Music to my ears.