Often we find that there are two sides to the same coin; the duality of man, if you will. I've learned the hard truth of this thanks to my longtime boyfriend, Razputin Aquato. We're both Psychonauts, leading agents and high-class residents at the motherlobe, now 22 and enjoying our adult years.
We met when we were younger, around ten years old at a summer camp created to help psychic children utilize their powers for good and hopefully end up as Psychonauts themselves, just like us. There were a lot of new experiences that came of them being together, but ultimately it was an experience she both loved and hated.
I loved the way he smiled at her, an innocent face filled with excitement when he locked eyes with me from afar. The way he always loved to see me and embrace me with as much affection as he could muster the moment he spotted me from across the motherlobe.
I hated how he made it so I couldn't breathe with such a tight embrace, but I appreciated the hug all the same and returned it in kind. When missions dictate your schedule it was always so difficult to find time for each other, but we always made sure to make it work, even if at times we hated it more than anything.
But we loved our job, saving the world and protecting the minds of the billions of humans that resided on the earth. We loved working side by side, or even independently of one another in order to best solve the issues of the mind. It was our passion, and one we both loved and hated.
But Raz made it worth it, he always encouraged me and supported me in whatever ways he could no matter what. I loved that about him, how he could seem so optimistic and motivated in the worst kinds of situations, yet he always knew when to keep it real. He was my motivation, my home away from home.
That's not to say that his optimism couldn't become a bit of an annoyance, oftentimes I'd find that it was simple child-like imagination that drove him, and other times I'd figure that maybe he was trying to convince even himself that things were going to be okay. It was a realization that had hit me back when we were teenagers.
We were trapped behind enemy lines and couldn't get a grip on the situation and so we were isolated and afraid… Raz could only whimper out encouragement trying to convince not only me, but himself as well that they were going to make it out of there alive. It was a weakness I hadn't known about before, though maybe I should have. It was something that he hated about himself, but one that I loved because it reminded me that even he has his weaker moments…
I loved that about him, I loved how human he was compared to some of the other Psychonauts that We'd often encountered throughout our lifetime, someone without crazy strong psychic prowess and instead he gained his strength through great training and failure. He learned from his mistakes and always made sure he was improving in order to keep up with his peers, me included.
He loved to compete, even more so than me at times. He'd often challenge me to stupid competitions whenever the opportunity arose. Competitions involving how far We could launch a rock purely using our telekinesis, or how long we could manage a fire with pyrokinesis without it spreading. Even if he knew he'd lose, he did it just for the fun of it.
Though those were minimal in comparison to some of the more private sentiments that we shared. He saved my father, saved my life countless times, and even more than that he did it without expecting anything in return. I remember when we were kids I thought that he was just helping me as a friend, out of the kindness of his heart, but he simply did it because he truly believed it to be the right thing to do. His selflessness was amazing, it's what truly brought me back into being interested in being a Psychonaut like my dad. He's what made me love my gifts again…
There was a time I began to even loathe my abilities, but he showed me through using them for the greater good that there was a reason to love them. That there was a reason to appreciate what I had been born with, and it was just another reason why I loved him.
I loved Raz. It seems so easy to say now, but there was a time I tried to deny it with all my heart. We had that stupid kiss when we were kids, but when we grew up it seemed to all but sizzle out of his mind, though I could never get him out of my head. Even my dad teased me about it, and I was only 15. He was ruthless about teasing me about my crush on him.
One day, when we were out on a mission late into the night at our campsite as it was a multiple day trip, he brought it up once again. He confessed that it was one of the more memorable experiences from camp; he told me it was because of me that he was able to stay strong when confronted with his mind's version of his own father. That's why he felt so compelled to kiss me, he felt something he'd never known before.
It was on that night that we confessed, we ended up sharing another kiss and it was practically the best night of my life. I hated the embarrassment I felt at that moment, but I think I can safely say that we both loved the outcome of it. The rest of the mission we were closer than ever before, hell, it went by so quick that I hardly remember what we did to complete it the next day, but I do remember that whenever we weren't in danger he held my hand so tight; as if I'd ever let go.
I loved how protective he was, though at the same time I hated it. Sometimes he'd end up treating me like I was fragile, but eventually he got over it after he realized I could handle myself. That took a lot of convincing however despite the fact I could totally kick his butt.
I loved how he'd look at me with concern over the littlest things, his green eyes were so beautiful to look at, yet I hated how worried he'd get whenever I had to go off on a solo mission. He made it a habit to talk to me with a psychic link whenever he had the opportunity, sometimes even distracting me from the mission.
And now here we were, sitting in my garden watching as the sun falls, and just reflecting on the past. I loved to think about the memories we shared together, and I know he does too. We always did this in our off time, just taking in the moment, appreciating the view. He steals glances at me from time to time, and I just rest my head on his shoulder as the beauty of the flowers and other plant life surrounds us and all I can feel in my heart is love for the life that I live now.
I love that I get to do this, I love that I get to be here with the love of my life, living my best life and I have no one else to thank for it but him. Without him I'd probably still be sitting around hating the Psychonauts and being a "rebel" as I used to think, though some parts of that still linger in me.
"So…" Raz suddenly spoke, surprising me that he broke the silence first, usually it was me who would say when we should head back home.
"So?" I replied, feeling as his hand began to rub my back underneath my long red wavy hair before he wrapped his arm around my waist securely. His face was distant, his mind fortified just like when we were children. He didn't want me reading it.
"You… You love me, don't you?" He questioned softly, staring into my eyes with an almost scarily serious expression plastered on his face. It was odd, he was hardly ever super serious, but this must have been important. Especially since he was asking a question like that.
"What? Of course, Raz, why do you even need to ask that? Is everything okay?" I questioned, my own mind beginning to fill with a mixture of panic and concern. Was he feeling insecure? Was I not making it abundantly clear how I felt about him? Did he feel that something was wrong now after nearly 7 years together?
"Yeah, everything's fine…" He mumbled softly, smiling a little as he rested his head atop my own. "It's just… It's been how many years now? 7?"
"Around there, yeah. Why bring this up now? Are you reminiscing too now?" I joked, chuckling softly as I placed my hand overtop of his, intertwining our fingers and letting out an exhale of content. "It's weird to think we've been together for that long, huh?"
Raz nodded, something about his expression tells me he expected me to say that. Even without clairvoyance, he could just read me like a book at times. It was odd, he could be so clueless sometimes and later be the literal definition of a know-it-all, but that was just another thing I both loved and hated about him.
He sighed, looking out towards the horizon once more after placing a gentle kiss atop my head. I could feel my heart flutter as his lips graced my skin, my face heating up at the contact. I could feel that there was something he wanted to say, but before I could ask him about it he resolved himself to speak.
"Do you ever stop and think that you want something more? Like, you're happy and content with everything that you have, yet there still is something missing? Something that you can't quite put your finger on, but you know it's there?" He questioned suddenly, surprising me with his question. Was… Was he trying to imply something here? Did he want more from me? Or did he just want more out of life?"
I realized soon after that I still hadn't responded due to my own mind trying to ponder the question. Had I ever felt like I wanted more out of life? Maybe more money? Marriage? I don't even know if I, nor Raz, would want children, let alone get married. But… It wouldn't be terrible.
"...I guess so." I finally decided, letting my gut do the talking instead of my own mind. "I never really thought about it, but… Yeah, I think I've felt like that before. There were a lot of times where I really stopped to think about what I wanted, sometimes even thinking I wanted nothing, but there is always something more you want out of life, right?"
Raz hummed in agreement, his voice low and thoughtful as he held out his free hand for me to take. "Yeah… There's always going to be something more that you desire, but I think that each desire can be accomplished if you put your heart in it, just like I do with you."
I could feel my face growing hotter at his words, I hated the butterfly feeling he gave me when he said things like that, but really… I loved it. I loved his compassion, his love that he directed only towards me.
"W-What are you trying to say?" I questioned, my voice quivering with nerves as my own embarrassment and anticipation began to dictate my actions.
"I'm saying…" He started, using his telekinesis to bring a small black box out of his jacket pocket, holding it before my eyes as it then began to open to reveal a beautiful ring. "That I think I figured out what it is I wanted. I wanted to really be able to call you mine, to make you m-my wife. What do you say?"
Raz watched in that moment with anticipation for my answer, both of our hearts now beating at paces unimaginable with reddened faces and a nerve wracking feeling in our guts. I didn't know what to say, but I knew that if there was ever going to be anyone I'd want it would be him. It was just so sudden, but that was just another reason why I loved him. His spontaneous nature always kept you on edge and wondering just what he would do next, and while I loved it, I just couldn't help what came next.
"...God I hate you." I mumbled in embarrassment, taking the box and looking down at the gorgeous ring as my face was practically on fire. I watched as his face practically dropped out of fear before I then slipped the ring on and nodded.
"But… I love you all the same."
