"You really think the Lestranges would come here?" Tonks asked Remus, peering through a set of enchanted binoculars at the lofty manor house ahead of them.
"Dumbledore thinks so," Remus murmured. "We know Lucius has been holding meetings here, and his wife is Bellatrix's sister. It makes sense—they aren't going to return to their own home, not with the Ministry after them."
The two of them were hiding in the hedges that lined Malfoy Manor, concealed by Disillusionment Charms and keeping their eyes peeled for the arrival of any Death Eaters. They'd learned that the manor was protected with Anti-Apparition Charms, making it difficult for anyone to arrive on the property unnoticed; Dumbledore had instructed Tonks and Remus to look out for the Lestranges in particular, none of which had been sighted since their recent breakout from Azkaban.
"I'm a bit curious to catch a glimpse of Bellatrix," Tonks said. "I've always been told that she looks like my mum, but it was hard to see too much of a resemblance in those newspaper photos of her in Azkaban."
"Azkaban does that to a person," Remus said quietly.
"I guess you're right." Tonks sniffed, smiling a little. "Sirius still looks pretty handsome, though, even after all his time there, don't you think?"
"He does." Sirius was more gaunt and wild and lined than he'd been before, but there was no denying he'd managed to preserve at least some of his good looks.
"You and him…you used to have a…a thing, didn't you?"
Calling him and Sirius a thing sounded strange to Remus, but he gave a slight nod in response.
"But it's over now, right?" Tonks raised her eyebrows, a sparkle of interest in her eyes.
Remus felt something bitter rising up within him. Of course. "It's over," he confirmed. Then, before he could stop himself, he added, "You haven't really fallen for your own cousin, have you? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised—Sirius always got the women, even if he didn't want any of them back."
Tonks went stiff beside him at this; now her eyes were flashing with anger, momentarily turning night-black despite the Disillusionment Charm. "You'd know perfectly well who I've fallen for, if you weren't too busy feeling sorry for yourself to notice."
"I…."
Remus's body seemed to levitate off the ground as her words cycled through his brain, over and over again. Was it really true? Over the past year of his friendship with her, he had sometimes dreamed that Tonks cared for him, that she wished to be with him in the way that he in his most honest moments wished to be with her. But he'd never thought it a real possibility, not really—and yet here she was, telling him, if he'd comprehended her correctly, that she'd fallen for him. She'd fallen for him.
And then, suddenly, he came crashing back down to Earth. Even if Tonks liked him, he couldn't be with her. She was too young, she had too much potential…being with someone like him, an outcast werewolf who couldn't even hold down a job, would ruin her, strip her of the lightness that Remus and everyone else loved so much. He couldn't do that to her—he couldn't be that selfish.
"I'm sorry, Tonks." The words tasted like acid in his mouth. "I…I don't know what you're talking about."
Tonks sighed. "Are you really going to make me spell it out?"
"N—no. No, I can't…I don't…. Tonks, you have to understand…it…."
Tonks's face went hard as he stammered to find the right words. "I understand fine," she said after a moment; she scoffed and turned so that Remus could no longer see her face. "I just never thought that you, of all people, would be such a coward, Remus."
"Tonks…." He wasn't being a coward, denying her was so hard and so wrong that it was painful….
"I don't want to hear it. Really, just…forget I ever said anything." Her voice cracked a little as she spoke; the sound of it shattered something deep inside Remus. "Let's get back to work."
Shakily Tonks raised her binoculars to her eyes, pursing her lips to keep them from trembling. Remus longed to reach out to her, to tell her how much he cared for her and how he knew he was doing what was best for her, but he knew there was no point.
Tonks didn't say a word to him for the rest of the night, waiting statue-still in the hedges for the arrival of Death Eaters that never showed, and Remus found himself wishing fervently that he could melt into the ground and slip away from the too-brilliant, too-perfect woman that crouched beside him.
If only things were different, he thought, this night would have been one of the happiest of his life.
