Light Yagami stared agonizingly at her glorious male body, repressing her rageful tears.
"My body is the portrait of virility. Perfect in all ways. My cock is great, above average in size too, 3 inches is. It's truly a work of excellence, yet… No, I can't think of those types of things. They're degenerate."
"Only an absolute imbecile would dislike a body as perfect as mine. It's superior to all. I'm Light Yagami, after all, the brightest teenage student in Japan. I'm not a woman, women are by their nature stupid and easily manipulated creatures."
Light remembered Naomi Misora and how easily she gave her name over. It couldn't be possible that she was a moronic creature like that.
"Hey, Light, what are you doing there? Admiring yourself?" Ryuk interrupted, downing an entire bottle of apple cider.
"Yes, Ryuk. I truly am the exact portrait of the male physique, wouldn't you agree?"
"You look a little hairless and lithe."
Light blushed.
"Th-Thank…"
"Huh, Light, what were you saying?"
"Nothing."
"You really are full of yourself, aren't you?"
"Well, don't I have the right to be? Kira has already reduced crime to 50% its prior rate, and in less than a year. The new world will come to fruition in no time."
"Light, you realize that Kira is a girl's name, right? You could have asked your followers to call you something else several times already. It's a name that a 12-year old girl would have."
No words were spoken. After a few seconds passed, Light interjected.
"You know, it feels kind of weird like this, like I'm lacking an additional weight that should be on my chest, and it feels weirdly hollow, and like I can still feel it but it doesn't physically exist."
Light took a shower, and spent the next 4 hours alternating between writing down the names of loiterers and people who kicked their dogs in public and crying into a pillow.
…
Light woke up early on saturday morning, and immediately began the day by reading kiwi farms about random transgender people on the internet.
"You know, Ryuk, these transgenderers really make me fucking sick."
"Light, what the fuck are you talking about?"
"Well, you see, there's a website dedicated to cataloging weird and cringy people, and all of them are disgusting fucking weirdos who think they can go from being men to being women for god knows what reason."
"That doesn't seem so bad. Shinigami literally just flip our gender based on appearance whenever we feel like it. See…"
Ryuk immediately turned into a woman, which was essentially identical but a bow tie.
"Well, Ryuk, humans are based on a binary notion of sex, and it can never be altered. If one feels that their emplaced position in life is one that they don't want to live with, they have to suck it up and accept the responsibilities anyways. If they're incapable of dealing with the stress, then it's entirely on them. Look at me, for example. I'm completely mentally stable and know my role. The Death Note simply lets me take my enforcement of goodness and decency to a higher level. It's absolutely impossible that I've decided to repress my emotional baggage by investing myself in something wildly destructive and damaging to distract me from it, I'm righteous and doing this for purely selfless reasons."
"You see, Ryuk, this website is just full of cringelords. Look at this fucking degenerate freak with this shitty webcomic who did god knows what to their mom. You can bet I wrote that fucker's name down weeks ago. Transgenderers are cringe. It's impossible for me to be like one of them, because they're cringe, and I'm based. Sure, I could think about how things could have been, how my angelic voice could have not been tainted by the wraiths of puberty, how I could have a man hold me in his arms, but none of that matters now. I'm a man, the superior gender, and womanhood is the ultimate degradation to inferiority."
Light took a glance by accident to the side.
"Shit, It's one of those porno mags I bought."
"I've never seen a man less interested in those things, Light."
"Well, I mean, when I look at those stupid bimbos I just feel rage, because they think they're so superior for getting to be born with breasts and soft skin and wide hips and a vagina. I don't actually know what to do with those things."
"You're supposed to masturbate?"
"Huh, what is that?"
Ryuk Cackled.
"You actually don't know what masturbation is, don't you?"
"I've heard kids in my school joke about it, but I've never understood what it is."
"Well, you *********** and then you ********* and then ************."
"Light immediately rushed to the bathroom and vomited last night's tonkotsu ramen.
"Jeez, it's not that big of a deal."
"Not that big of a deal!? That's repulsive? How could you use such a disgusting body part in that fashion!? I mean, the first time I had a nocturnal emission, I spent 3 hours crying like every boy my age, I have no idea why you'd want to make that happen."
Light wrapped the corset around her waist to keep her Death Note in and began the walk to school.
"You know, Ryuk, I really like how this hugs my waist. It might even help me get a more hourglass-shaped figure if I wear it enough."
"Why would you want that?"
"Well, the boxy shape of my body is glorious, but the lack of a centralized curve into the hips makes me scream about my bone shape every night. It doesn't matter what It'd do, I'd just turn out a coping gigahon."
"What the fuck are you talking about, Light?"
…
Light was home, content with the 57 dead NFT scammers she had snuffed out that day. She rushed over to shave off every single segment of her body religiously.
"Light, you're covered in razor cuts. Are you ok?"
"Well, you see Ryuk, every time I grow a slight amount of bodily hair I immediately and angrily tear it off. I could probably have as good a mustache as my dad within days but I use nair and shave religiously to prevent the disgusting wiry tendrils from sprouting from my perfect skin."
Light then combed her hair.
"Can I know what's the deal with the bangs?"
"Well, I punch a mirror in every time I see my forehead because of how amazing and perfect it is, so I hide it with these shitty Justin Bieber bangs."
"Humans are… interesting…"
Light turned out the lights out and was ready to go to sleep. Ryuk said one final sentence.
"Hey Light, have you ever thought about wanting to be a girl?"
"No, Ryuk. That's stupid. Women are weak and useless. I'm not allowed to be one, and I'd stop being morally pure if I tried to be one."
Light slept peacefully in her mother's stolen bra that she had loaded up with tissues.
