Chapter 3: Clocking

Light woke up on the first day to see her new college, and was absolutely horrified to see that L himself had shown up there.

"Goddammit, he must know I'm kira."

The first day together at the college had gone out with few hitches, but Light soon noticed that L's occipital center of balance was 0.5 CM off the male average. Come to think of it, he was 5'6 instead of a chad height like 5'10 that didn't make Light want to cut her legs off. Thousands of hours browsing image boards had given Light the ability to clock transgenderers with ease, but she knew that the type that nobody talks about or remembers existed was harder to determine the true nature of.

"You know, L, I can't help but notice your facial plane coordinates correspond to that of a femoid's far better than a male's. Not to mention your annoying high-pitched voice."

"Light, my vocal range is literally A1-C5, it's literally a full octave deeper than yours."

"Goddammit." Light thought. "She knows what I'm trying to do already? I thought that a femoid who thought she was the superior gender would be as idiotic as all women. The testosterone must have expanded her brain."

After classes, Light headed to the cafeteria, with L soon following to the same table.

"Light, why are you taking hair loss medication?"

"Well, I'm obviously balding, as you can see."

Light held up her bangs to reveal a hairline that reached halfway down the forehead."

"Interesting."

L began thinking, carefully keeping a poker face as he ate 15 rice krispies instead of real food. "Why would Light need hair loss medication? He's clearly not balding. Isn't that medication also used to reduce testosterone levels?"

A startling realization hit L.

"Wait, Mello used to sneak those same pills from the medical bay at Whammy House. She claimed that she was an "HRT Femboy" but that's obviously a cope. She stopped using them because 4chan told her it didn't work, and switched to something else, but…" L was careful not to break his facade, even as Light started talking about Fallout New Vegas, and how the legion really isn't that bad. "I see it now. The shitty fringe bangs to hide the forehead. The pseudo-asexuality, the excessive discussion of New Vegas's moral implications, the narcissistic grandstanding used to cover up insecurities and vulnerabilities."

"Light is a repressor."

L had gotten too deep in thought, but Light soon brought him back to reality.

"Anyways, I really don't get what people complain about with the whole enslaving women thing, I mean, they are inferior beings. We need a strong leader in order to protect order and prevent chaos and death. Striking fear into enemies is absolutely necessary."

"Hey Light?" L retorted, ignoring Light's rambling. "Do you know what "twinkhon" means?"

Light played dumb, knowing the definition full well. "O-of course not, that sounds stupid."

The slight hesitation was all that L truly needed to confirm his suspicions. Light was a repressor, and being a repressor, it was highly likely that she invested herself fully into overly ambitious bullshit to distract from gender dysphoria. Like most repressors, she had an absolutist view on right and wrong, and it had become obvious from his interactions that she held a narcissistic view of herself to distract herself from insecurities. Light's facade was an obvious scam. Behind the veneer of a model Japanese son hid the dark heart of a wrathful, deceitful, cock-hungry and mass-murdering woman.

A few months had passed, and in the interim, Light had acquired an obvious beard in the form of Misa Amane.

"This is excellent." Light thought, as Misa rambled about 100 gecs. "I'm already able to share her stashes of estrogen. Once I'm through with her, I'll be able to take all of it! The lifetime supply!"

"Hey, what are you two doing?" Light turned to see that L had somehow tracked them down.

"Well…" Misa spoke in a giddied and high-pitched squeal. A voice only possible by someone untouched by the storm of testosterone. "Light and I were tawking about how hecking poggewinos twans wights is! NYAAA!"

L and Light both cringed as Misa unironically did the stupid "Closing one eye and holding your hands up to look like a catgirl" look.

"Oh, you've got a trans catgirl girlfriend, do you, Light? I'm sure you're actually a completely straight cisgender man and this relationship is entirely genuine."

"Thwat's wight, isn't it, Lighty-kwun!?" Misa promptly threw her body weight onto Light. Light spoke through gritted teeth. "That's Right, my girlfriend, that I love and respect so much."

"Well, I was thinking that, since you're probably so stressed from the Kira investigation, we could go get some ice cream."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea, L." Light feigned a smile as she spoke.

As Light walked, she clenched her fists in rage. Misa, that stupid bitch, was a full foot shorter than her, Her shoulders petite and demure and the same width as her hips. She giggled with a voice that angered her greatly both for its annoyance and for its purity and pitch of tone, something she knew her engorged vocal folds could never reach. And L, right next to Misa, the testosterone having altered him into something that almost fully resembled a real man, with differentials noticeable only by someone as brilliant as Light. To think that one could reject that glorious gift, forsake it in favor of being a greasy, hairy, smelly moid. Light caught herself. Maleness was the height of perfection, that was the reason she got erections when looking at ancient roman sculptures during her trip to Italy. It was the impression of sheer magnificence, not the thought of the figure depicted holding her in his strong arms. That was why. Obviously.

Light refused to touch her ice cream cone, knowing that sweets were degenerative and weakened the human spirit. As Misa and L slurped down on them, she thought of her next plan of attack. "Obviously, I've decided to get rid of the Death Note temporarily, I've got to throw L off my tail. It needs to be someone who would misuse it. Perhaps that Higuchi figure, the one who constantly gets caught in scandals with transsexual prostitutes and started attempting to grope Nicole Maines when he went over for a Tony award in the United States."

Ryuk spoke to Light. "You know, your chest seems weirdly puffy recently, are you ok?"

"Yes, it's just my herculean musculature."

"Light, you weigh 125 pounds."

Misa and Light had gone back to their domicile, ready to discuss their plans of world domina-, no wait, saving the world.

"Hey, you dumb skank, can I 80% of this lifetime supply of estrodial valerate and needles?"

"Of cwouse, Lighty-kun! Anythwing for my pwecious baby! Why do you need it tho? You're vewy cwearwy a 100% hetewosexual cisgender man!"

"It just helps me get a femboy aesthetic, okay. I'm not a sick weirdo like you are. You're not a real woman, by the way, I forgot I need to say that to you once a day."

"Light, you fucking dickweed. Apologize to her or I'll write your name down." Rem had had enough.

"Okay, okay. Misa, you are a hecking UwU valid trans catgirl."

"I love you so mwuch, sweetie! Will you dwess up in the leather dwaddy gear I bought you and dick me dwown like the worthwess cumswut I am?"

"No."