March 4, 1999

"I know Pansy already got him to curse once, but I'm gonna claim I got him to do it first if this plays out the way I think I will," Theo said as he straightened his tie and walked towards the Slytherin table with Blaise and Draco.

Draco scoffed as people in the hall slowly realized the trio had arrived. "Theo, you aren't gonna get the chance to tell the story at all if this plays out the way I think it will."

"I know I won't be part of any story-telling, Daphne is gonna kill me before I have the chance to finish dinner," Blaise said as he sat down and pretended that Severus Snape was not swooping down upon the boys.

"Gentlemen."

"Hey, long time, no see, Uncle Sev," Theo greeted their mentor with a huge grin. "We've really missed you, but I don't know if this is the time to catch up. We're parched and famished, can we meet up with you after dinner?"

Professor Snape's nose twitched ever so slightly as he looked down on the boys who knew in an instant that he would not be waiting on them to finish their meal. Draco got up first and was quickly followed by a resigned Blaise. Theo somehow managed to grab a turkey leg in one hand and a basket of rolls with the other while being drug down the aisle by Blaise.

The four wizards filed into Professor Snape's dark office in complete silence. When Theo went to break the silence, he was promptly stopped by Draco stepping on his foot and Blaise punching his arm at the same time. After a pregnant pause where Snape appeared to be figuring out to form coherent thoughts, he finally spoke.

"I will start this conversation by outlining the facts as I know them. I will then be asking questions as needed and I expect complete answers that don't go off unnecessary tangents," he paused here to stare pointedly at Theo. "To my knowledge, the last time anyone in this castle heard or saw the three of you was March 1st before dinner."

"That sounds about right," Theo said off-handedly.

"I did not ask you a question, Mr. Nott. You should know that I've been discussing new detention ideas with Mr. Filch just for you. I'm happy to let him break out some contraption that hasn't been used since the middle ages if that gets you to listen for just once in your life."

"Wow," Theo mouthed silently.

"Now, I realize Mr. Nott will be doing most of the talking because I have no doubt this is his fault, but you two will stay and act properly ashamed while I figure all this out." Snape said while pointing to Draco and Blaise.

"Mr. Zabini, when you three morons left here on the first, where did you go?"

"We started at the Hog's Head."

"Yes, that makes sense since at least two of you have rooms there."

Theo and Draco both looked at the ground while Blaise stared at them.

"You can ask all your questions later if the three of you survive this interrogation, Mr. Zabini. Back to my questions, where did you go after the Hog's Head?"

"We went into muggle London because Theo wanted to get a new tattoo and go on a pub crawl."

"On a Monday evening?"

"We were celebrating Weaselbee's birthday!" Theo said right before he was forced to duck as Snape started shooting hexes at him. A stinging hex nailed Theo in the leg and the defense professor appeared satisfied with Theo's gasp of pain.

"Mr. Weasley celebrated his birthday in Gryffindor Tower. Would you three like to know how I know that? You forced me to speak to Miss Granger in my attempts to locate you. I know at least one of you seems to like her, but I was perfectly content to limit my interactions with her to my class," Snape sighed loudly as he seemed to regret all of his life choices. "Mr. Malfoy, what, exactly, happened in muggle London?"

"First, we went to a tattoo parlor so Theo could get a piece he said he's been wanting for awhile." At this, Theo held up his left hand so everyone could see the detailed rose that was obviously still healing.

"How original."

"And then we went to the first pub we could find."

"It was a dud." Theo piped up from his hiding spot behind Blaise.

"It really was a dud," Draco continued. "So we hailed a taxi to get further into London. Most of the pubs there were just a bunch of townies and drunks so we found a decent enough hotel room and passed out."

"Mr. Zabini, I know I'm going to regret this, but what happened next?"

"You'd be better off asking Theo what happened next because Draco and I woke up the next morning and he was gone."

"Mr. Nott, you managed to get twelve OWLs and are on track to get amazing NEWT scores so I know that you did run off in the middle of the night to do something stupid."

"I'm flattered that you think so highly of me, Sev, but I'm afraid I'm gonna disappoint you on this one. Although I don't know how much help I'll be as it's a little blurry from here on out." Theo took a deep breath and continued. "I don't know if Mrs. Malfoy told you about my completely legal stash of fun, but I brought some of it with me on this adventure. These two passed out early in the hotel room like the domestic creatures they are now, but I couldn't sleep so I got into my stash and went out to see where the night hours would take me."

Snape glared at the wall behind Theo which Theo took as permission to continue.

"You know what, this would go a lot better if you just gave me detention every evening until graduation."

"Mr. Nott, what are the odds that aurors are going to be visiting the castle to take you back to Azkaban?"

"Less than fifteen percent?" Theo shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't think the ministry has any jurisdiction here."

"Tell. The. Whole. Story."

"Okay, let's all calm down and remember that what's important here is that we're all safe."

Snape gave no indication that he agreed with that notion.

"I actually don't know what happened after I left the room. I have a hazy memory of talking about life with a lovely lady who seemed to be running a respectable business on her portion of the street. After that, it's a big blank until I woke up in a muggle jail cell with a concussion, a broken arm and blood in my hair. I'm doing better, by the way. Draco here is quite the artist with healing spells."

"So you got high, had a conversation with a prostitute and woke up beaten in a muggle jail?"

"That makes me sound terrible, but yes, the gist is correct."

"By my count, we're up to the morning of the second. Mr. Malfoy, please tell me why no one heard from the three of you until this evening."

"Blaise and I thought the best thing to do would be to find Theo and come back. We didn't realize how long that was gonna take."

"Mr. Malfoy, you really had no way to let someone, anyone know that the three of you weren't dead in a ditch somewhere?"

"We didn't think it was a good idea to come back into the wizarding world without Theo. We couldn't exactly send a patronus while we were in the muggle world," Draco shrugged. "I don't really see what the big deal is, we were only gone for three days and everything is fine."

"The big deal is that the three of you are on probation, Mr. Malfoy. The big deal is that both the headmistress and I would get in trouble if they found you were missing for any length of time. The big deal is that I'm still not sure Mr. Nott isn't going back to Azkaban at this point." Draco and Blaise had the grace to look ashamed at this admonishment but Theo was undeterred.

"Mr. Nott, where did you go after you got out of jail?"

"I came straight here to have this lovely conversation."

"Do you mean to tell me you sat there for three days? I suppose that means you were smart enough to not ask for ministry help."

"The last time the ministry helped me I spent four months in a cell with a large bloke who said his name was Bubba."

"It was my understanding that you were all held separately while you negotiated your release."

"I forget you know those things."

"How exactly are you sure the aurors aren't on their way to get right now, Mr. Nott?"

"My lawyer says the ministry can't come after me for the charges the muggles pressed. He's a great guy. I have no idea what I'm paying him, but it's probably not enough." Both Draco and Blaise nodded their head fervently at this notion. "Ol' Mr. Wicks negotiated a deal where all I had to do was plead guilty to something about being disorderly in public. It feels personal that they made laws about that. Is nowhere safe for me?" Theo sighed dramatically.

"Can I safely assume your lawyer got the case all cleared up then?"

"He sure did, I just had to pay a hefty fine and it'll be on my muggle records for two years or something. I'll just stay out of London until it's over. It's a shame because Becky seemed like a nice girl and I was gonna go back for a repeat. I don't want her to think I didn't like her."

"She'll get over it."

"She might, but Daphne won't get over any of this," Blaise said under his breath.

"Is that the entire story?" The aging professor asked while looking Theo in the eye.

"To the best of my hazy memories."

"I am far too put out with the three of you to even hand out punishments. I'll let you know what I come up with after I speak with Mr. Filch. If any of you are even half a second late to class in the morning, I will track you down myself and see to your demise. I've had a lot of extra time on my hand since I quit my second job, my ideas for your demise are just getting more creative."