April 16, 1999
"Get the fuck up, Theodore," a very angry snake hissed as she levitated the couch and knocked its napping inhabitant onto the floor. The other occupants in the Slytherin common watched shamelessly as she then sent a Furnunculus curse to her foe's midriff while he tried to figure out what the hell was going on.
"Ah," he murmured as he righted himself and wandlessly cleared up the patch of pimples that had been spreading to his back. "Pansy Miranda Parkinson, it's lovely to see you again."
"My middle name is not Miranda."
"And a sleeping man is not an appropriate target for your dueling practice, but here we are," Theo shrugged as he crossed his arms over his chest and a few of the younger Slytherins chuckled.
Pansy sent a stinging hex in Theo's direction which missed his leg narrowly.
"If people would quit trying to get my attention by cursing me, that would be great," Theo announced as he gave up on his nap for now.
"I'll quit cursing you when you tell me why a second year Hufflepuff just informed me that you're giving out money to people willing to spread false rumors and tell everyone they heard it from me?"
"Whoa. That is an inflammatory accusation that I do not take lightly. By any chance, could I get a name on this informant? Or at least a brief description? I took a class in crime scene drawing once. I'll go get my notepad and then I'll be able to sketch your description. It's great practice for me."
"I'm done with you, Theodore."
"You promise?"
"What the hell? Everyone thinks I'm out spreading these horrible rumors."
"Pansy, I hate to break it to you, but I don't know how much this changed your reputation."
"Were you or were you not the one behind the rumor that I'm out telling people that Hogwarts was being forced by the ministry to let the house elves go and perform in whatever the muggles do at their circuses?"
"Someone fell for that one? Damn. I really thought I was wasting money on that one. I'll have to let Draco know he's not completely useless."
"It was pretty embarrassing when the Patil twins tracked me down and threatened me because I was telling people they were born conjoined at the head and one of them is literally missing part of their brain."
"Yeah, I was proud of that one."
"And then there's the rumor that says Snape is retiring at the end of the year because of your antics. Theo, you aren't that important to him."
"I had nothing to do with that one, Pans." Theo yawned deeply, the red rings around his eyes bordering on purple.
Obviously unconvinced by his denial, Pansy glared at him as she continued her rant, "Lavender Brown has been studying me from across the Great Hall since before Easter break and I just found out it's because someone told her that I said she was born with a tail."
"Can you imagine how miserable that rumor made Weaselbee's life? It was a twofer. You can't expect me to turn that down."
The kid who ratted on you told me that he was supposed to tell me that Daphne is pregnant with Blaise's baby. How exactly would a baby Hufflepuff know something about my dorm mate that I don't even know? Do you think I'm stupid?"
"Pansy, I'm only gonna tell you this once. I'm still doing detentions every single night with our favorite professor and I'm exhausted, so unless there's a point to this tirade, I'm gonna have to ask you to move your crazy somewhere else."
Pansy snorted, "Are you still chasing the imaginary boggart?"
"Oh no, that ended a week ago. Uncle Sev poured some paint on the wall in an unused classroom and has me scrubbing at it with soap and water until it's gone. It will be there until I die or graduate and I'm not sure which one is gonna come first at this point. If I didn't know him better, I'd say he's enjoying the futility of his detentions."
"Well, I'm glad you're miserable. These rumors better stop, Theo. I'm not kidding, I'll get you back for this."
"There's no need to threaten me, I'm already terrified every time you walk in the room," Theo stood up and stretched as he turned towards the boys' dorm. "This has been a great chat, really, but I need to rest."
As soon as the door to their shared room was closed, Blaise drawled from his bed, "So you've been telling people about me and Daphne?"
"I had to sprinkle in some true rumors to make the prank work in the long-term. It doesn't matter, she doesn't believe it anyway."
"Theo, what the fuck is wrong with you? You know good and damn well that I'm completely freaking out and you're out telling people? You aren't even supposed to know. Daphne was very specific about that."
"It's good news for the kid that she's smarter than you."
"Don't get me wrong, you're still one of my best mates, but you have gotten me in so much trouble this year. You know Snape had me and Draco write so many lines that I thought my hand might actually fall off at one point?"
"Do you not remember that the entire adventure started because you needed to let off some steam because Daphne blind-sided you with the news that both of you are terrible at contraception chams. I know I told you about the yearly potion, but no, you were all 'some of us don't sleep with every witch in the castle.'" Blaise scowled as Theo's exhausted anger started to bubble in earnest, "At least you're done with the ramifications of our last incident, I think he's serious about keeping me until graduation which is a real bummer because I had some spectacular plans for the last month here."
Blaise rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I heard about you trying to get a Hogwarts field trip to a monster truck rally. What even is that?"
"If you'd read any of my final project which you were supposed to proofread, you'd know. Blaise, I'm exhausted, can we do this later?"
"Absolutely not. Daphne started this morning by informing me that her parents said we have to get married the first weekend after graduation. Then, I found out from Pansy that you're telling people about the baby. To top it all off, I cannot find Draco to rant to him about your behavior which leaves me ranting to you and we both know this exercise is futile."
"All exercise is futile, Blaise."
Blaise rolled his eyes dramatically, "What am I gonna do?"
"About what? About me? You're gonna love me like you know you do. About Daphne, well, that one's a little tricker. Do you love her?"
"Yes."
"Then you're gonna marry her on the first Sunday after term. She's a catch, you're both gonna be great parents and you're gonna forget about Pansy and this rumor prank because it's good for your mental health."
"Why do we have to get married on that Sunday?"
"It's the best date for your best man."
"What does Draco have going on on that Saturday?" Blaise did his best impersonation of Theo's cheeky wink.
"Look, man. I know you're going through a lot right now, but I have detention with Uncle Sevvy in an hour. I was gonna use that time to nap but it looks like you need me more so I will sacrifice my well-being and explore my completely legal stash of fun with you but you gotta quit yelling at me. There's been too much yelling today."
"Fine," Blaise said resignedly, "But I'm gonna need you to shut up next time I tell you something important."
"I can make that promise if you'd like, but we both know my completely legal stash of fun has clouded my memory."
