Dusk had fallen by the time Alexandra walked out of the 16th Precinct, her left arm wrapped protectively around Olivia's shoulders, her right clutching her now empty briefcase – all evidence left with the detectives. The streets were bustling with people trying to get home after a long day, and Olivia huddled herself in closer to Alex as if to avoid them. The blonde held her client tighter, recognizing that the external stimuli that was New York City was probably not ideal for her in this moment of intense vulnerability. It was just after 6 and there was no shortage of people rushing past them as Alex led Olivia carefully up the few block to where she'd parked her car. Her mind was in overdrive, a slew of emotions having taken her prey over an hour ago – only one consistent, coherent thought: get Olivia out of here.

It had taken some time for Alexandra to even get the brunette up off the floor of the interview room after ADA Swift had left them alone. If Alex was honest, she was surprised she'd succeeded at all. Especially since she herself could barely bring herself to move under the weight of it all. The attorney had been waiting for this moment – where Olivia would finally break down – but she hadn't been prepared for it – particularly for how it would make her feel. Dealing with clients who've survived domestic abuse was never easy for Alexandra, but it was different with Olivia. For Alex it was like a burning fire pulling her toward the woman, urging her to comfort, to hold, to give her love she likely hadn't felt in a long while. No matter how hard she'd tried to maintain some level of ethical and professional boundaries with Olivia, she just couldn't stop the pull. Alex wanted to take it all away, to protect her. No, she needed to.

So, Alex had sat with her body engulfing her client for what felt like hours while the woman sobbed and shook against her chest. If Alex adjusted her body for comfort, Olivia pulled her right back in when she stopped. If Alex spoke, Olivia quietly whimpered, trying her best to calm down and hear her. When Olivia clawed Alex's loose white shirt up out of her pants and reached for her bare skin, Alex let her. When she pressed her fingers directly into Alex's back and pulled herself into her as if she would die if she couldn't touch flesh, Alex let her. When Olivia finally quieted down, pulled her hands out from underneath Alex's shirt, and buried her head into Alex's neck, Alex didn't stop her. And when Olivia finally pulled away, embarrassment and relief painted across her face, leaned over, and quickly kissed Alex's cheek in silent thanks, Alexandra only smiled. It had shocked the attorney that she was able to finally comfort Olivia enough to get her moving again. Olivia hadn't taken her eyes or hands off of Alex since she'd come back in the room, like Alex was the only piece of solace she had; Alex knew what happened to her and she hadn't run, no, she'd done the exact opposite.

She'd felt the shift immediately. Alexandra wasn't dense, she recognized that she'd crossed the line of professionalism. Sure, she hadn't crossed any ethical boundaries, but she was now painfully aware that whatever connection she had with her client was not something she was going to be able to control, at least not without help. I need to step away from this case, she told herself for the umpteenth time.

"How about I take you back to my apartment, get you comfortable, and then I'll go get Noah and we'll can bring something back home for dinner?" Alex finally asked Olivia as they headed up Park Avenue toward the Upper East Side. Adrienne had taken responsibility of Noah once Alex left with Olivia for the precinct, and Alex knew she'd want to be excused soon, but Olivia was in no state to see Noah right now. At least in Alex's humble opinion.

Olivia didn't respond; not that Alex was really expecting her to. But she did visibly shudder at Alex's mention of home. The woman hadn't spoken more than a whimper since she'd finally stopped repeating Alexandra's name over and over again a few minutes after the blonde had enveloped Olivia in her arms. Alexandra didn't push her but gave her a soft smile as she merged toward the left lane as they neared 69th street, wanting to make sure she was prepared to turn in the event Olivia wanted her to pick Noah up first. As the street numbers increased, the brunette said nothing. Alex took that as a sign that her plan was acceptable. Olivia didn't care where they went or how they did things, in that moment, she was just glad she wasn't going back to a hotel room alone with her son, she'd get to stay with Alex – she'd be safe with her.

By 6:30, the two were back at Alex's apartment and Alex had still only barely gotten a few words out of Olivia.

"How about a bath?"

"Okay."

"Are you gonna be okay for a second? I'll go grab you a change of clothes."

"Okay."

"Can I get you anything else?"

"No."

"Olivia, I'm going to go get Noah. The bath is ready for you... Everything you need is right in the bathroom. Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay."

To say Alexandra was concerned would be the understatement of the year. Sure, she'd only known the brunette for four days at this point, but in that time, she'd only seen Olivia brave, strong, a tear here and there. Since the moment Alexandra's eyes met Olivia's before she exited the interview room, she'd seen the look. The vibrancy, the hope, it was mostly gone – replaced with a cold deadness that sent chills down Alex's spine.

Before leaving, Alex helped Olivia up the stairs and into her bedroom. She prepped the large oval standalone tub in her bathroom with water that was almost too hot, put out a few candles and a lighter, and left a container of bath salts out on the counter for Olivia. Two towels, a pair of sweatpants, and one of Olivia's signature long sleeved t-shirts were left out on the counter.

She walked out into her bedroom and turned on the flatscreen on the wall for Olivia, just in case she decided she wanted to relax instead. Flipping through the channels, images of the Mayor flashed across the screen. She looked to Olivia, who was standing sheepishly beside her, halfway between the bed and the bathroom. She simply nodded and Alex switched back to the news channel.

Breaking News: Mayor Holter arrested on ten counts of misdemeanor and felony abuses.

"Detectives Nick Amaro and Elliot Stabler of the NYPD arrested Mayor Holter earlier this evening on charges that include sexual abuse, assault, menacing, endangerment, and child abuse," the Reporter said.

"The Mayor's office could not be reached for comment, but counsel for Mayor Holter said in a statement that they intend to fight these absurd and atrocious charges with vigor."

"Sources close to the Mayor told Fox News that Olivia Holter has had multiple affairs over the last few years and that her actions are those of a scorned wife… Most shocking of all, the source disclosed that Mrs. Holter's numerous affairs were with women, one of whom works for her counsel's firm – Ms. Abigail Carmichael."

"Turn it off," Olivia pleaded. She didn't want to hear any more.

Alex immediately clicked the chanbel button on the remote, turning the large flatscreen tv to a cooking show, "Liv," she said softly, turning to face her, "It's okay."

"Don't," she said, "Please."

"Are you okay?" Alex asked.

"I knew this would happen… that everyone would know what he did to me," Olivia answered, looking down at the carpeted floor "It's just harder when it's actually happening." Truthfully, she didn't actually care that everyone would know the monster that Bradley Holter really was, she was more concerned that her sex life was about to be front page news.

"He'll never touch you, or any other woman again where he's going," Alex offered, "You are not a victim Olivia. You are a survivor. You did nothing wrong… You tried to leave; he wouldn't accept it."

"I –" Olivia started to say, looking over at Alexandra. She was right and Olivia knew that. She suddenly got the overwhelming urge to escape – needing to be as far from Alexandra as possible before she broke, needing to collapse in her arms.

"I just… I need to…" Olivia stammers, her eyes darting from smile to eyes to arms, her urge to flee quickly taking over. She looked over to the bathroom, a bath would be perfect right now.

"Go, it's okay," Alexandra answered, "I've got this. I'll go get Noah, you take a bath and I'll be right back, okay?"

Olivia only nodded before disappearing into Alexandra's bathroom. Reluctantly, Alex left the older woman in her apartment and headed back out to retrieve Noah from her law clerk back at the office.


When Alexandra walked through the double doors of the firm, she was certainly a sight. In her haste to protect Olivia, get her to a comfortable and somewhat familiar place, Alex had failed to rectify her own appearance in any way. Her shirt was still untucked from her suit pants, her jacket now open, revealing the abundance of tear stains littered across the white fabric from Olivia's tears. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun that had all but completely fallen loose, looking significantly more exhausted than she actually was.

It was after hours at the firm, but all the lights were on, signaling that majority of her colleagues were probably still floating around the office. Taylor, and the firm's other receptionist, Madison, had already left for the day, but Alexandra could hear chatter down the hallway. She headed toward the left corridor, and followed down the line of offices, looking for the source of conversation. Sure, she'd left Noah under Adrienne's care, but that didn't mean she hadn't relieved herself of her post, passing him off to someone else.

As she approached the noise, she passed by both Adrienne and Abby's empty offices. Continuing forward, she found nearly every office empty. Moving further down the hall, she finally came to a stop outside Amanda's office, finding her inside.

"Amanda," Alex greeted, standing in her doorway. Amanda Murphy-Kincaid was Alex's favorite paralegal. She was a 45-year-old single mother of three who had been at the firm for just as long as Marla. She'd been hired first as a receptionist when Marla and Ted formed their partnership and worked her way up to her current position as Senior Paralegal. Marla had paid for Amanda to finish her degree and get her certificate; she'd even practically let her children grow up at the firm. Until Amanda's youngest, Jordan, had started sixth grade three years ago, most of her kids had been regulars at the office. Amanda was smart and exceptionally skilled at her job.

"You're back," Amanda replied matter-of-factly, "How did it go?"

"It was rough," Alex admitted, looking down at her own ensemble for the first time. Even she had to admit she looked like absolute hell.

"I can tell," Amanda said softly, not wishing to offend Alex. Having known Alex for the last six years, Amanda could tell something was definitely wrong with the beautiful blonde; however, working with Alexandra so closely for so long also afforded her with the knowledge that if Alexandra wanted to talk, she would. Instead, she opted for a safer question, "How's Olivia?"

"She wasn't doing too hot after the interview… and then Holter got picked up… It's all over the news… I left her back at my apartment so she could have a minute alone before seeing Noah," Alex admits, "I came to get the little guy."

"I saw… she's strong. And she's got a good team. Marla told me Swift is ruthless… As for Noah, last I checked, that little lawyer to be convinced everyone to get involved in a rather intense game of hide and seek," Amanda told her, her smile sympathetic.

"Didn't feel like playing?" Alex asked her.

"Quite a few deadlines tonight, and I'm covering for Ben, he's got two finals tomorrow," Amanda told her. Ben Davis was another of the firm's paralegals; he was taking classes part time at Hunter.

"Any chance you know where anyone is hiding?" Alex asked, glancing around the room to see if anyone had sought a hiding spot in Amanda's office.

"Sounds to me like you just became a seeker Alexandra, telling you would only be cheating," Amanda responded with a grin, returning to her work.

Alex rolled her eyes; she didn't have time for games. Olivia was at her apartment alone after having just experienced something traumatic, and now she was front page news. All the attorney wanted to do was pick up Noah, grab some Chinese food on the way home, and get back to tending to Olivia as quickly as possible. Truthfully, in the last two hours, the fact that Olivia was her client and not her friend had fully escaped the attorney. Her mind was solely focused on being supportive, protective, whatever Olivia needed. Alex felt that peculiar pull deep in her chest again – she couldn't explain it, but she knew it was there.

"Fantastic," Alex finally answered, turning around and heading down the hallway further. The blonde peeked in each office as she walked by, looking for anything peculiar or out of place. Her eyes scanned under desks, behind chairs and couches, but she had found no sign of her co-workers or Noah.

Okay Cabot, where would you hide? Alex asked herself as she neared the end of the hallway. Ted's office would be the only other option on this end of the hall. Next to Ted's office was the file storage room, but it was an open space with nowhere to hide without easily getting caught. She pushed Ted's office door open to find Preston searching the large space.

"I assume you're seeking as well?" Alex asked him with a laugh as she watched him pop his head up from looking underneath Ted's desk.

"I'm both a terrible hider and seeker," Preston admitted, walking over toward Alexandra who was standing just inside the door, "Oh sweetie, you look like hell."

"Ha, thanks Preston," Alex retorted, returning the man's hug.

"Care to help me seek?" Preston asked.

"Way ahead of you," Alex answered, "I'm here to get Noah."

"How is Ms. Benson?" He asked, leading Alexandra out of the room. Alex took the lead, heading toward the right wing of the office.

"As good as she can be," Alex responded, "I think she's finally coming to terms with everything."

"It'll be a rough night then," Preston told her, "It's a shame she has no other friends to lean on."

"It's safer this way, majority of her friends are close with the Mayor… She's got her friend Fin, but he's a Sergeant at the unit investigating Brad, and I heard her mention a friend with a kid who is friends with Noah, but I don't know much about her… I'm glad I can be there."

"Always so noble," Preston told her as he began checking the reception area, "I heard you've closed quite a few cases lately. I expect you'll be stepping in on my discrimination case?" Although Preston had framed it as a question, Alex knew it was anything but. Great, Alex thought to herself, just what I needed.

Finally, huddled between the wall and the printer, he found Adrienne. "Ah, Miss Lowell, good spot," Preston commended the redhead.

"Damn, am I first? I thought this was a good spot," she chastised herself.

"How many of you did Noah talk into playing?" Alex asked with a laugh. Damn, the kid was good.

"Us, Kim, Dominic, Casey, Conor, and Josh," Adrienne answered, trying to recall if she was missing anyone.

"Such a convincing smile, he'll make a great attorney someday," Preston opined about Noah's ability to rally so many grown adults to play a game of hide and seek at a prominent law firm on a Thursday evening. Alex wasn't even sure, under normal circumstances, if she'd have been convinced to play. Preston waved and started off down the right wing of the office to continue seeking, while Adrienne and Alex remained in the lobby.

"Hey," Adrienne said, moving closer to Alex and nudging her arm softly, "You okay? You look like hell."

"That… all of that… it –" Alex paused, searching for the right word to describe what it felt like to hear the horrible things Mayor Holter had done to Olivia over the last few years, "It was sickening. I… I'm glad she asked me to leave the room before she got into too much detail."

Adrienne reached over and put a hand on Alex's arm, "Alex…"

"They left the intercom on… I could hear everything… see some things…" Alex continued, staring blankly ahead. She flinched slightly at Adrienne's touch, but didn't pull away, "I can't believe someone could be that inhumane… I actually threw up Adrienne," she finished.

"Oh Alex," Adrienne said, pulling the blonde into her arms. Alex leaned into the embrace, letting her friend comfort her.

"She's so strong," Alex told her.

Adrienne didn't answer and instead began running her hands slowly up and down the blonde's back trying to soothe her the best she knew how.

"I need to get Noah back to my place," Alex told her after a minute, pulling away from the hug, "Can we raincheck tonight?"

"Of course, Alex, I understand," Adrienne told her, no hint of disappointment in her voice. That would be another perk of a friends with benefits situation with Adrienne, she understood the job and the commitments and last-minute changes that came with it.

"Any chance you know where Noah hid? I don't want to leave Olivia alone too long, she was – she was quite stoic when I left," Alex told her.

"In the corner of the east conference room, between the wall and the console table," Adrienne answered, understanding that Alex needed to get out of there quickly.

Alexandra shot her an appreciative grin, leaned over, and placed a gentle kiss against the redhead's cheek before walking toward the conference room.

She entered the glass doors, moved around the large table in the middle of the room, and smiled as Noah came into view, exactly where Adrienne had said he'd be.

"Miss Alex," Noah whined, "You're not supposed to help Mr. Preston!"

Alexandra laughed, "I'm sorry kiddo… I just thought you might want to get some dinner and go see your mom."

Noah jumped up and out of his hiding spot quickly, his demeanor changing instantly, "Let's go."

Alexandra smiled at his urgency. She loved how much Noah loved his mom, how badly he wanted to be near her at all times. His need to protect her was absolutely adorable, even if he shouldn't feel like he had to at all, "Do you think we could stop for some Chinese food first? Your mom and I are pretty hungry," Alex lied. She had no interest in eating anything, between her anxiety over Olivia's wellbeing coupled and the memory of the photos of the damage that had been done to Olivia's body, Alexandra wasn't sure she'd ever be able to eat again without expelling it instantly.

"Yeah, Mommy loves Chinese food," Noah told her with a smile, lifting his hand and taking Alexandra's like he'd done it a thousand times before. The blonde instantly felt her heart race at the sweet gesture. Olivia had told her Noah was a shy kid, that he didn't usually talk to strangers; but here he was, playing a game of hide and seek with a third of her firm, holding her hand. Alex couldn't help but beam at the thought that Noah trusted her, felt safe with her… felt like his mom was safe with her. Again, Alex repressed her ethical boundaries – her mind still completely lost in her need to take care of Olivia right now. This was something she could control.

Alexandra led Noah out of the conference room and headed toward Adrienne's office, "Is his backpack in here?"

"Yeah," Adrienne answered, "Under my desk."

Alexandra entered the law clerk's small office and grabbed Noah's backpack from underneath her desk. When she was done, she walked back over to Adrienne, "You'll thank everyone for taking care of Noah for Olivia?"

"Of course, I'll take care of everything," Adrienne told her with a nod, "Promise me one thing?"

"What?" Alex asked, leading the little boy toward the front door.

"Take care of yourself too tonight, okay? This case is a lot, and I didn't even see or hear what you heard today," Adrienne told her softly, heading to go alert the rest of the firm that the game was over, and they could all go home to their families.

"I'll do my best," Alex confirms, opening the front door to the firm, "Say goodbye to Adrienne, Noah," Alex tells the little guy.

"Bye Adri," he says, using the new nickname he'd given her. Alex glanced between the two suspiciously, Adrienne never let anyone call her Adri. Clearly Noah had won the redhead over during the last few hours.

"Bye Noah," Adrienne answered with a wink at Alex.

Noah was good.


Once again, it took Noah a bit of convincing to get into the backseat of Alex's Cayenne without a booster seat. The little boy had actually turned and nearly lectured her, explaining that it was safer if he was in one. Alex was almost embarrassed but managed to expertly convince him it would be the last time it happened. Before taking off toward her favorite Chinese takeout spot, Alex quickly ordered and overnighted a highly rated booster seat from Mr. Bezos on her phone. Just in case, Alex had reasoned with herself, I'm going to keep it, it's for my car.

"Miss Alex?" Noah asked gently from the backseat.

Alex looked up into her rearview mirror, taking a quick glance at her client's son. He was buckled into his seat, bundled up in his typical green puffy jacket. Her brows furrowed, noticing that Noah looked like he was thinking very hard about something.

"Alex, Noah, you can call me Alex," she told him with a smile.

"Alex… is my mom okay?" Noah asked her.

"Yeah Noah, your mom is okay," she told him sincerely.

"How come she didn't come pick me up?" Noah asked.

"Your mom had a hard day kiddo, but she's going to be just fine…" Alex told him.

"Do you promise?" Noah asked, his eyes growing wide. Alex caught a glimpse of him and her heart nearly broke in two.

"I promise we're going to do everything we can to help you both be okay," Alex said, Alex knew better than to make promises she couldn't keep.

"Okay," Noah said, turning and looking up out the window of Alex's car. Alex was shocked that Noah had even spoken to her so candidly. Hopefully this meant that Noah was starting to feel protected enough to talk about it, after all, the police would want to speak to him soon.

Forty minutes later, Alexandra and Noah entered Alex's apartment with two bags of fresh New York City Chinese food. Alex placed both bags on the counter, and helped Noah take off his coat and backpack. She glanced around the room, Olivia was nowhere in sight.

"Hey Noah, how about you sit down over here at the counter, and I'll get you some noodles?" Alex asked, wanting to get Noah entertained as quickly as possible so she could go check on Olivia. The last thing Noah's already fragile mind needed was to see that deadened look that Alex had been met with earlier.

"Okay," Noah said, climbing up onto one of the kitchen stools. Alex took out a plate and a fork, opened up one of the bags of food and served Noah some Lo Mein noodles.

"Where's mommy?" Noah asked as Alex finally served him his food.

"How about you eat, and I go check on her?" Alex asked, this having been her plan all along.

Noah nodded, digging into his dinner. He wasn't exactly used to eating dinner at 8:30 at night.

Alex headed up the stairs, checking the guest room and bathroom for Olivia – both were empty. She headed for her own bedroom and tapped lightly on the closed door. She heard Olivia mumble something, and Alex slowly opened the door.

Olivia was standing in the bathroom, drying her hair, dressed in the sweatpants Alex had left out for her. Alex entered her bedroom and offered a smile, "Hey, we're back with dinner. How are you feeling?"

Olivia turned to face Alex, that now familiar dead look now a blip in Olivia's eyes. For a moment, she saw a flash of hope soar through the chestnut hues when Olivia's eyes locked on her and Alex's heart fluttered uncontrollably.

"Thank you, Alexandra," Olivia told her softly, "For everything." She took a step closer to Alexandra, subconsciously needing her closer.

Alex felt that pull again, her need to hug the woman, tell her to stop thanking her, that she would do it all over again, overwhelming her senses, "Of course. It's the least we can do," she forces out, trying to maintain professionalism – we, not I.

"Thank you for being there for us both," Olivia told her, "But… I – I need you to do something for me," she added. Olivia searched the blue eyes in front of her for any sign of hesitance. Finding none, she reached out and took Alex's hand in hers. The electricity was palpable, and Olivia struggled not to pull Alex closer, let her consume her again.

"Okay," Alex told her with a nod, "What do you need?" She squeezed the brunette's hand, letting herself move a step closer to the brunette before she could stop herself.

"I need you to stop treating me like I'm fragile," Olivia told her, "I need you to treat me like… like before." Olivia offered a smile and continued, "I can't be a victim anymore. I – I worked so hard to get where I am, and I just… I want to move on. I wish we could just hit fast forward past all of this crap and –"

"Get to the good part?" Alex asked. Her statement held more layers to it than Alex had initially intended, but it was true, nonetheless. The part where I can be with you, Alex commented to herself, No – no relationships, no clients, NO!

"Yes," Olivia answered, light returning to her eyes, "The good part… The Future."

"It's admirable that you can even think about the future like that," Alex admitted, quelling the shouting inside her mind, "But – I… I can try." She wasn't all that sure that she could treat Olivia like before. Given the events of the day, she was absolutely positive that she would give Olivia anything she asked for right now and that was absolutely not okay.

"Thank you," Olivia said again, offering Alex a quick smile, "So, there's dinner?"

"Chinese. Noah couldn't remember what you liked so I got a couple of things," Alex told her, "He's eating some noodles downstairs… He can't wait to see you."

"Thanks for taking care of him today," Olivia said, "I'm – I'm not sure how to repay you for all of your kindness."

"You don't owe me anything Olivia," Alex answered as the two exited the bathroom and started the small trek to the kitchen, "This is my job, some cases are a little worse than others, but this is what I do."

"Take care of your clients?" Olivia asked.

"Sometimes, but I'm hardly taking care of you," Alex answered with a smile, "I'm merely lending a bedroom and a couch for a few days. You'll be in a nice house in Huntington on Saturday."

"And a shoulder," Olivia added, a jab at herself.

"I may have to take this suit to the dry cleaners now," Alex told her with a smile as they descended the stairs. Noah leapt out of his chair and ran directly into his mother, crashing into her pelvis with a tight hug. Olivia tried desperately to hide the wince of pain she felt as Noah unknowingly squeezed her healing bruises.

"Mommy! I missed you," Noah said when he finally let go, and dragged her into the kitchen, "Alex got us all your favorite."

"I heard baby," Olivia told her son, following him over to the counter. Alex quickly got them both a plate and utensils.

"I played hide and seek with Adri," Noah told Olivia happily.

"Actually," Alex corrected with a smile as she placed small portions of food onto her own plate, "This little dude got a third of my firm playing hide and seek at 7 o'clock on a Thursday," she finished with a wide grin at the little boy.

"Wow," Olivia said with a laugh, "That sounds like fun."

"It was," Noah answered, shoving forkfuls of noodles into his mouth, "Mr. Preston is funny. He showed me his tie drawers – he has so many Mom."

"Oh, yeah? Do you want to wear ties too kiddo?" Olivia asked.

"Can I?" Noah asked, "I want to be like your friends when I grow up Mom. They're like superheroes," Noah said without really thinking much of it.

Olivia had to choke back the sob that almost left her mouth at her son's revelation. That explained why Noah was so comfortable there, with her attorneys, with Alexandra, here, in her home. Noah thought these people were Olivia's friends, that they were the ones who'd been coming to save them all along.

"Oh Noah," Olivia choked out, wrapping her boy up into her arms and squeezing him tightly. She was careful not to cry, but the pained expression she wore on her face told Alexandra that she was close, "You can be a lawyer if you want to."

Alexandra smiled at the interaction but couldn't help the pang of sadness at Noah's words. He was clearly feeling something about all of this. At least he'd been talking more – it was the first step.

Later that night, Alexandra was sitting on the couch reviewing a file, Olivia and Noah lying off to the side watching a movie. Noah had fallen asleep around 9:15 and Olivia had spent the better half of the last thirty minutes watching Alexandra intently. Alex couldn't read her, the woman's face a mix of intense thought, sadness, and desire?

That uncontrollably pull deep within Alexandra's chest urged her to reach out to Olivia, pull her into her arms, hold her in her lap, let her know it was okay, that she didn't have to hide with her. But, Alex held herself back again, the internal struggle evident on her face. Olivia's watched, her prior reservations about Alex not being interested instantly extinguished by Alex's pained expression, the way her right hand was death-gripping her left.

"Alex," Olivia said softly, using her nickname causing Alexandra's head to immediately shoot up to look at her. Catching a glimpse of those intense blue eyes, Olivia was suddenly consumed with the urge to crawl onto the blonde's lap and kiss her until she felt like herself again. Until she could feel nothing but Alexandra, the drama of her life anywhere but here. She stood up from the couch, moving slowly to ensure Noah didn't stir, and stood in front of Alex, her hand reaching out to her.

"Alexandra," Olivia repeated, correcting herself, a smile creeping at the corners of her lip still taken by the way Alex reacted to her saying her name, "You – you can touch me, you know… I won't break."

Alex virtually stopped breathing, her heart beating so loudly she felt it in her throat.

"Breathe, Alexandra," Olivia told her.

Alex sucked in a deep breath.

"Whatever you're feeling…" Olivia told her softly, "I – I feel it too... I feel it too Alexandra." She was beating around the bush, but Alex knew what the brunette was telling her. The attraction, that undeniable need to comfort, Olivia was feeling it too.

Alexandra's jaw dropped. It took everything in her not to leap off the couch, take the few steps toward the brunette and pull her into her chest, and never let go.

"Do it," Olivia told her, as if she was reading her mind.

Alex whimpered aloud by accident, unsure how Olivia had turned the tables on her and was suddenly the one reading her mind. No Alex, she scolded herself, don't you dare fucking move.

"Alexandra," Olivia said, "Alexandra, please… hold me."

"I – " Alex started to say, tearing her eyes away from the woman harshly. She couldn't stand to look at her anymore, her ability to control herself too far gone. You can't, Alex shouted at herself, she's your client! God I just want to hold her, she continued to shout at herself, no, you want to kiss her – she wants you to kiss her. Don't move Alex! Olivia could sense the internal struggle Alexandra was having with herself, but she didn't care. She needed her.

"Alex, please," Olivia said again, practically begging. The nickname again, Alex's eyes immediately shot back to Olivia's. And they said it all. She needed to touch Alex, hold her, kiss her, feel her skin. She was frozen in place, standing just to Alex's right a few steps away from the couch, waiting for Alex to stop her internal debate. Alex gulped at the sight, Olivia's coffee-colored eyes imploring her, Alexandra I want, no, need you to touch me.

Her right arm lifted, extending her hand to the blonde. Alex's eyes landed on her outstretched hand. It was barely a foot from her face and all she had to do was reach out and take it, pull the brunette into her lap and never let her go.

"I – I can't," Alex finally choked out, her internal struggle finally silencing long enough for her to speak.

"You can," Olivia told her nodding, lowering her hand, "I want you to, Alexandra. I… I know you want to," Olivia couldn't understand why Alex was fighting it now. She had her consent.

Ugh, Alex groaned internally at the sound of her name on Olivia's lips. Alex was afraid to move. If she stood up to try to put space between them, she'd undoubtedly pull Olivia closer to her. She could still smell the hint of her own soap on Olivia's freshly showered body and it was intoxicating. Between last night, the day she'd had with Adrienne, and now the look in Olivia's pleading eyes, Alex was beyond sure she wouldn't be capable of stopping herself from crossing the ethical line if Olivia so much as touched her right now.

Alex was caught in a bind, if she stayed in place, she was sure Olivia's pleading eyes would eventually break her resolve. She's vulnerable and this is wrong, Alex scolded herself, this is exactly why these fucking rules exist. I need to give this case to someone else. She made the mistake of looking at Olivia again, loose black sweatpants hanging from her hips, an oversized long sleeve shirt covering her chest, and those eyes – those pleading eyes. She just wants you to hold her Alex, she reminded herself, fuck it. Just hold her again.

Olivia finally took a step closer to the blonde. She watched in awe as Alexandra reacted, her eyes fluttered shut, breath caught in her throat, muffled groan escaped her lips, "Alexandra, what's stopping you?"

Alexandra was too far gone, her mind clouded by the burning need to give Olivia exactly what she wanted. She needed someone to comfort her, why can't Alex provide that? When Olivia stepped closer still, the scent of Alex already on her caused Alex's mind to go blank. Fuck your career, touch her, Alex told herself, DON'T. You can WAIT!

"I can't," Alex managed to choke out again.

"Why?" Olivia challenged, taking another step closer to Alex. They were now inches apart, Olivia looking down over Alexandra, "You – you held me today…"

"That was different," Alex answered.

"How?"

"I didn't know you felt it too," Alex answered honestly.

"Of course, I felt it," Olivia told her, "The second I met you. It was like I – I can't even explain it… I – You're unbelievable… you're intoxicating Alexandra."

"I don't get like this Olivia – ever. I – I don't know what you're doing to me. This… all of this… it isn't like me.. and you're vulnerable and I'm your lawyer," Alex whimpered, keeping her eyes averted.

"Why are you fighting it?" Olivia asked.

"If we – if anything sexual happens between us, I could be censured, or worse, suspended… Anyone at the firm who found out and did nothing about it, they could be… I – I would never get elected to office with a mark like that on my license," Alex confessed, explaining the essentials of the prohibition on divorce lawyers and their clients.

"What?" Olivia asked.

"It's against our Professional Rules of Responsibility, if anyone found out… if anyone reported me, there would be repercussions," Alex tells her. She keeps her eyes down, avoiding those beautiful eyes.

"Nothing has to happen Alexandra, I just –" Olivia tried to rationalize.

"Fire me," Alex demands.

"What?"

"Fire. Me." Alex tells her again, "Fire me and it won't matter."

"No."

"Then I can't… not right now," Alex told her, hoping that she'd understand the unspoken words on her tongue.

"Does it change things if I want you to kiss me?" Olivia asked her.

"Don't," Alex told her sternly.

"Do you want me to kiss you?"

"Olivia, please… don't."

"Does it change things?"

"No. I'd have to withdraw immediately... We can't right now… I should probably already be withdrawing, honestly."

"Don't do that. Please…. When?"

"When what?"

"When can I kiss you?"

"As soon as I the court accepted my withdrawal as counsel… until someone else takes over, or the case is over," Alexandra answered. Are we seriously talking about this right now?

"I don't want another lawyer," Olivia told her.

"Then we have to wait," she answered, "And I – I need you to step back, please."

"We can't be friends?" Olivia asked, immediately taking a few large steps away from the blonde.

"We can, I just – I need to – I need to leave for a little while, I – I need to calm down," Alexandra told her.

"Are – are you okay?" Olivia asked.

"I want to be there for you," Alex told her, "I do, so badly…" She paused, trying to muster up the courage to explain her predicament to Olivia, "And if I hold you in my arms right now, knowing what I know, I won't be able to stop myself from giving in to whatever this is… I – I can't – I need to run – I need to regain control of myself."

"You're…" Olivia started.

"I know," Alex told her.

"You're the only one I trust," Olivia finished anyway, "Besides Noah, but he's 6... I don't – I don't know if I can get through this without you."

"I know… We're allowed to be friends… and I'm – I'm your lawyer, it'll be okay… I'm just gonna go take a run, and I'll be back in a few hours, okay? Please…" Alex told her, finally standing up from off the couch and putting some real space between her and Olivia. With things suddenly out in the open, it was glaringly clear that things had gotten harder for Alexandra.


Once Alexandra was changed into a long sleeved Dri-FIT zip up, a pair of black joggers, and sneakers, she was out of the apartment in seconds. By the time she got to the lobby she was dry heaving, desperately trying to catch her breath – the elevator having made her feel like the walls were closing in, suffocating her.

A cascade of emotion overtook the blonde as she pushed through the double doors of her apartment building and out onto the cold New York City Streets. Before she could even place the earbuds in her ears, she was keeled over, gasping for air as an intense wave of panic overtook her. The intensity of the week had finally taken hold, and Alex never did handle stress very well.

The first time she met Olivia.

The pressure to close cases to get on the discrimination case with Preston.

Sienna.

Harder.

Overworking herself.

Picking up Olivia and jumping to a Plan C that hadn't existed yet.

The stress of Bradley's adverse action.

Lack of sleep.

CNN.

Olivia's assaults.

Noah.

Lack of food.

Flirting with Olivia.

Top or bottom?

The dream version of Olivia writhing naked above her.

Touching herself.

Adrienne.

Winning her motions.

Settling Hawthorn.

Adrienne.

Bradley Holter's violence against Olivia.

Photos, videos, words, bruises, scars, healing, tears.

Olivia.

Olivia.

Olivia.

She couldn't quell the surge of images flashing across her mind in succession, each one more intense than the next. She struggled to find her phone, shoving an earbud in one of her ears. With trembling fingers Alex retrieved her phone from her pocket and fumbled to input its passcode. Her breathing was shallow, labored, still bent over on the sidewalk. Breathe Alex, she instructed herself. Alex was finally breaking. She hadn't had a panic attack like this since right before Thanksgiving after the Robinson matter. And while meeting up with an old ex-girlfriend had worked wonders then, going there now was absolutely not an option.

Finally, her phone was open. Music, now. She put on the first song she could find. Within a few moments, Alexandra's breathing evened out and she was able to stand upright again. In a matter of days, things had started spiraling out of control, quickly surpassing any stress levels Alex was able to handle. The moment Olivia walked into her life… Not that it hadn't already been fragile – she'd been overworking, undereating, overextending, under sleeping, under-fucking-everything for months. At the moment, nothing was in her control, not the outcome of Olivia's case, not her decision on whether or not she could take on Preston's case, not her burgeoning feelings for Olivia, nor the outcome of her criminal case against Bradley. Nothing. Fucking nothing. Adrienne, she reminded herself, she had control over Adrienne.

Before she knew what she was doing, she was dialing.

"It's 10:00 Alex." the redhead answered, picking up on her characteristic third ring.

"Adrienne," Alexandra sobbed out, unintentionally letting the redhead hear her intense state of vulnerability.

"Where are you?" The redhead was instantly concerned.

"I – Can I come over?" Alex asked her quickly.

"Of course," Adrienne answered, "What's wrong?"

Alexandra didn't think twice. She hurled herself forward and started jogging down the road, fully prepared to run the over five miles to Adrienne's apartment in the Village despite her recent inability to breathe.

"Alex, Alex, you – you can't run here…" she heard Adrienne yelling at her in her ear. Alex ignored her, hitting her feet against the pavement faster.

"ALEX!" By the time Alex was paying attention again, she'd run almost 25 blocks, finding herself directly in front of the Trump Tower near the southern end of Central Park.

"Adrienne," Alex choked, completely out of breath. I probably just hit a PR, she thought to herself as she tried to regain her strength. Her mind was racing, she could barely think at all. Images of Olivia, Adrienne, Noah, cases piling, Preston's encouragement, Marla's pride, lashes, bruises, Olivia, splashing across her closed eye lids. Controlled, principled, professional Alexandra Cabot was slowly slipping further and further away.

"What happened?"

"I – I need you to let me –"

"Alexandra Rose Cabot! What the fuck happened?!"

"I can't – please,"

"Get a cab… And… Tell me what you need from me."

"I feel like I'm losing it… Like – like I'd throw it all away. Everything I've worked for… All of it, for just one – ugh…" she stopped herself from divulging too much, "The – the only thing I have any control over right now is this. You. Whatever we do or don't do," Alexandra told her slowly as she hailed a cab rather quickly.

Adrienne didn't answer at first, the sound of Alexandra giving her address to the cab driver bringing her out of her thoughts. "You do," Adrienne agreed, "The balls in your court Alex."

"Control," Alex told her barely above a whisper, not wanting the cab driver to overhear their conversation.

"What about it?"

"I – I just feel like I've lost it… I – I need to find it. I'm – I'm in the cab Adrienne," she told her.

Adrienne paused for a minute, thinking, "You want to be in control of something? Of… of me?"

"Yes."

"You want to top?" Adrienne obviously knew her friends sexual preferences, Alex's request was slightly odd.

"Please."

"Okay."

"You recognize what I'm saying?"

"You want to use me tonight." Alex could hear the hesitation in her voice.

"Y- yes- yes." Alex couldn't help but stutter.

"Okay, Alex," she answered after a long breath.

"You're sure?"

"Yes." It was shaky, but Alex could hear the honesty in her voice.

"Are you sure Adrienne?"

"Yes, Alex, please just come over."

"See you in fifteen."

"Take them off, Adrienne," Alexandra commanded, loudly, from the foot of the redhead's queen-sized bed. The blonde was naked, her glasses removed, hair a mess, a wicked smile spread across her face as she stared down at the woman sprawled out on her own bed. Alex had already made her cum twice. Not only had Alexandra only arrived twenty minutes prior, but she hadn't even gotten her naked yet. Adrienne was still mostly clothed, grey sweatpants on her legs, a black bra covering her chest. Her skin had flushed two shades, her breathing labored and rushed.

"Make me," the redhead panted, provoking the blonde.

Alex was on her, crawling up her body quickly, "What did you say?"

"I said make me," she grinned.

Alex shifted, placing her right hand on the bed beside Adrienne and sliding her left under the band of Adrienne's sweats. She felt and heard Adrienne's breath hitch and Alex's eyes turned impossibly dark. You did that, Alex soothed herself, she's at your mercy, you could leave her right now and she wouldn't do a thing. That thought alone sent Alex reeling over the edge, her fingers slipping lower and lower until Alex realized Adrienne wasn't wearing underwear and her fingertips had just slid straight into her soaking wet folds.

"You're so wet," Alex whimpered, sliding her fingers lower and lower until two barely slipped inside Adrienne with a shallow thrust. The groan that erupted from deep within the redhead almost brought tears to Alex's eyes. You control this, she goaded herself. Alex knew how to take control, to top – preferring to be, and often finding herself on, the receiving end of it.

"Fuck, Alex," Adrienne moaned loudly, her body already on the verge of another explosion.

Alex withdrew her fingers, sliding them back up to circle her fingers around Adrienne's clit. When the younger woman's hips flew upwards off the bed, Alex flattened her digits and rubbed hard and fast, earning a slew of curses and growls from the writhing redhead below her. She felt Adrienne's thighs begin to clench, she was close. Slowly, Alex withdrew her fingers entirely, forcing them roughly into Adrienne's mouth. The action surprised the redhead at first, but she soon happily obliged, sucking the digits clean.

"Good girl," Alex praised her, removing her fingers from between Adrienne's hot, wet lips, "now get up and get these clothes off," Alex instructed, pulling her body up and off of her.

Adrienne cried out unhappily at the loss of Alex's bodyweight, but finally rose to her feet, tugging her sweats down her legs and ripping her bra from her body.

"Christ," Alex moaned at the sight of Adrienne's large chest falling heavy from their confines. She'd imagined plenty of times what Adrienne's body looked like naked. Adrienne's breasts were better than she could have ever imagined – full, heaving, with tiny pert little nipples protruding from her flesh – begging Alex to wrap her lips around them. For a moment, Alex forgot where she was, what she was doing, and why. So much so that Alex visibly salivated at the sight and lowered her head, waiting for permission to touch, momentarily slipping back to her usual role.

"Like what you see Miss. Cabot?" Adrienne cooed.

"Don't you think you've said enough?" Alex retorted vehemently, snapping out of her trance and retaking her control.

Adrienne gulped; both at the forcefulness of Alexandra's tone and the fact that she very clearly wasn't in the mood for sass. As much as she wanted to fight back, Adrienne didn't speak.

"Get back on the bed," Alex growled, pointing to the center of the redhead's bed.

Adrienne moved toward her bed, dropping herself onto it and pushing herself upwards until her head hit her pillows.

"No," Alex told her, taking a few steps closer to the now fully naked woman. She gripped Adrienne's hips and nudged her upwards. Adrienne took the hint and helped Alex flip her over so that she was on her stomach.

"Better," Alex said, licking her lips at the sight of Adrienne's naked ass, her body splayed out on the bed for her. Adrienne was panting, whimpering her need over and over again, her hips grinding indiscernibly slowly against the bed as if she was begging for contact. Alex had never really taken control before, and while she knew deep down it was exactly what she wanted, she couldn't keep her mind focused on this role; no matter how badly she knew she needed it to knock her out of this fog. Worse, she also knew didn't want the roles reversed. She almost felt bad, almost, but Adrienne had agreed to this. Alex stood silent, unmoving, for a moment, admiring the ivory skin of Adrienne's perfectly round ass. In an instant, both of Alexandra's hands were on her, squeezing, kneading, gripping, every inch of Adrienne's soft, ivory globes.

"Please," Adrienne finally whined after what probably felt like hours to the redhead but had only been mere minutes.

"Patience," Alex warned, moving so that both of her knees were on the bed. She kneeled back, slid her hands to Adrienne's hips and pulled her waist up harshly. Adrienne whimpered again at the sudden movement, her chest and face shoving deeper into the mattress and pillows. Her eyes glazed over at the sight; a carnal desire Alex had never felt before taking over her mind as she stared down at the gorgeous woman below her. Her mind wandered; do I wish these roles were reversed? Her right hand rose up into the air, she paused in a moment of hesitation. She licked her lips, positively drunk on the thought of herself being in this position, Olivia's hand raised above her ass, then promptly brought her hand down hard against the redhead's left ass cheek with a vulgar smack. A hand-shaped red mark instantly sprouted on her skin. She'd lost herself in the fantasy. Fuck, Alex chastised herself, too hard.

"Fuck!" Adrienne yelped, her hands flying to her sides to push herself up, "Jesus Christ Alex, a little too hard."

"Sorry!" Alex yelped, pulling herself back from the redhead in embarrassment.

"Alex, are you okay?"

"No."

Adrienne adjusted, pulling herself up to face Alex, resting her thighs on her calves as she knelt in front of her, mirroring her position. She brought both of her hands up to Alex's face and forced her to look at her.

"Then we need to stop," Adrienne told her, "Talk to me."

"Please no," Alexandra begged.

"Alex, what's wrong?" Adrienne asked her, keeping her hands pressed to Alex's cheeks, forcing Alex to keep their eyes locked on one another.

"Olivia," Alexandra finally said, "Everything."

"Olivia? Our client? Talk to me, 'Lex," she said softly, using a pet name she very rarely used for the blonde. In fact, she'd only used it once or twice before – the first time having been a few weeks ago. Alexandra had shown up at Adrienne's apartment unannounced at 3 AM. Adrienne had just gotten home from a law school social event and was wasted. She not only couldn't comprehend what Alex needed, but hadn't tried that hard to figure it out. Alex, naturally, hadn't opened up then either, but Adrienne couldn't help but think that if Alex hadn't gotten so pissed at her that night, this is exactly where they would've wound up that night too.

"I – It's been four fucking days and I'm already fucked," Alex told her with a look in her eyes Adrienne had only seen once before – earlier that day on the bridge. Alex was scared.

"What happened?"

"I'm going to throw my whole career away," Alex added, not really answering the question. She was on autopilot now. The look of concern in her friends' eyes giving her the safety net she needed to fall into.

"Alex, you're talking crazy," Adrienne told her, dropping her hands, now confident that Alex wouldn't look away.

"There's something there," Alex said finally. The blonde was utterly oblivious to how fucked up this situation may have looked to anyone on the outside. She was finally bedding her law clerk that she'd been dancing around the topic with for months, naked, in her bed, talking about another woman.

"With Olivia?" If Adrienne was hurt, she didn't let Alex see it.

"It's fucking electric," Alex admitted.

"Alex, you need to get off the case," Adrienne told her seriously.

"I – I can't. She needs me."

"You're going to get suspended," Adrienne told her.

"Don't you think I fucking know that?" Alex spat. That was not what she needed to hear right now. She knew the Rules, she knew the consequences, she knew deep down that this isn't a may withdraw as counsel, this was a must withdraw as counsel situation.

"Okay… okay. Has anything happened?"

"No," Alex answered honestly, "Nothing that could get me in trouble yet."

"Alex she's vulnerable… you – you can't."

"She feels it too."

"She told you that?"

"Yes," Alex admitted.

"Alex, just withdraw," Adrienne told her, "You don't need to make yourself sick over this… Look at you Alex… you've been running yourself ragged all week."

"She asked me not to," Alex answered, "I will be fine. I just need to – I need to regain control over this."

"You don't have to be in control all the time, let yourself be happy with someone," Adrienne told her, reading between her friend's lines.

"I didn't come here to talk, Adrienne," Alexandra snapped, shoving Adrienne back down onto the bed.

"Alex, you don't want this… just like you didn't want it last time either," Adrienne told her quickly, letting herself be pushed backwards.

"How do you know what I want Adrienne?" Alex asked, crawling on top of the redhead.

"We've been teasing each other for months Alex… we've never so much as kissed… and Olivia comes into your life and suddenly you're naked in my bed," Adrienne told her seriously. Her hazel eyes tried to search Alexandra's hoping for some sign that she was right, but all she saw was lust.

"Sounds like something I'd do… Do you want me to leave?" Alex asked her. She didn't want to, but if Adrienne was uncomfortable in any way, she'd be gone before she even finished voicing it.

"You really think fucking me is going to fix this?" Adrienne asked, her head cocking slightly to the side.

The moment Adrienne's slender neck came into view, Alex's lips were on her, kissing, sucking, licking, biting, grabbing at any flesh she could get her teeth on.

"Fuck Alex," Adrienne moaned, her resolve weakening.

"You are the only thing in my life I can control right now," Alex admitted starkly against her ear. She sucked Adrienne's earlobe into her mouth, sucking on it lightly.

"Do you hear yourself?" Adrienne moaned again, Alex hitting every single one of her favorite spots with her tongue.

"You knew what I wanted," Alex said, forcing herself to look at her.

"Alex," Adrienne tried softly, "If we're going to do this, I need you to talk to me."

"What more do you need to hear?" Alex asked her, sliding her right hand down Adrienne's body, "I want to fuck you?"

"Do you?"

"Yes." Her hand stopped at Adrienne's pelvis, her fingertips brushing millimeters from Adrienne's core. She wasn't going to continue if Adrienne had changed her mind.

"And fucking me will help you feel more in control?"

"Natalie… She – we – it's usually her… I usually go to her… When running fails… It works for me," Alex told her.

"Your ex?" Adrienne asked.

"Yes."

"Oh, fuck no Alex," Adrienne told her, "Are you serious?"

Unfortunately, Alexandra was serious.

In law school, Alexandra had applied for, and received, a position at one of Harvard's legal clinics on campus. Natalie Swain had been the lead attorney for the clinic, Alexandra's professor, but only technically. She was young, barely more than twelve years older than Alexandra had been at the time. Alexandra had attended an overseas clinical program with Natalie and a few other students during her first semester of her second year of law school. Harvard had sent six clinic students to Oxford to work with their clinical directors to see what changes could be made to Harvard's program to help them achieve similar levels of success. One night, Natalie had found Alex at the hotel bar alone and joined her. One thing led to another and before Alex knew it, she was lying naked on Natalie's bed after multiple rounds of the most intense sex 23-year-old Alexandra had ever had. They kept their relationship secret until Alexandra graduated from Harvard and moved back home to New York. They'd tried to make things work long distance, while Alex studied for the bar exam, but when the relationship is built on a certain level of grooming, control, and sex, it was unsustainable from afar. They broke up shortly after Alexandra started at Goldstein & Park.

Despite the break-up, Natalie occasionally popped up in Alexandra's life over the last five years and it was never for anything good. Mostly to screw with Alex's head, sometimes to screw her. Natalie was vindictive, possessive, and clearly fed off of whatever level of control she still had over Alexandra. It wasn't often that they saw each other, but it was almost guaranteed that Alex would be walking a bit shorter for a few days after. Adrienne and Abby hated her. On the very rare occasion Natalie's return didn't result in Alex's pain, it was because Alex had called her for whatever this was.

"It's – it's easy," Alex told her, lowering her head into the crook of Adrienne's neck, peppering it softly with kisses.

"I'm – I'm not judging you Alex… but you – you can't… Not after last time." Adrienne's hips started grinding softly against Alex's pelvis, so slowly Alex wasn't sure if she was dreaming it.

The last time Natalie had been around, about a year ago, she'd fed Alex up good. Convinced her that she was taking a position at a firm in the City, that they could finally give it a go again, that things would be different this time. It lasted a month before Natalie up and left, leaving nothing but a simple note for Alex on the counter.

You deserve more. I'm sorry.

xoxo Natalie

When Alex called her confused, she learned Natalie wasn't leaving New York; no, she'd keep coming back to Alex, fucking her over and over again, night after night until she found someone new. That was, until Alex had seen her out all over another woman not even two weeks later. Alex had showed up at Adrienne's apartment that night distraught, looking for something that, at the time, Adrienne didn't understand. Now, it was all glaringly clear what she'd wanted. Alex had shown up to work looking like hell for at least a week after that. Natalie had truly hurt Alex that time. Adrienne had no clue she was still in contact with her.

"I'm here, not there, aren't I?" Alex asked her, ignoring the flood of memories that was Natalie, continuing her assault on the redhead's neck.

"When was the last time?" Adrienne's hips were definitely rocking. Alex couldn't help the low grown that fell from her lips.

"Adrienne."

"When Alex?" Her head fell back, enjoying the feel of the blonde's lips against her skin.

"Around Thanksgiving," Alex admitted, biting down on her pulse point softly.

"Alex!"

"Just the once," she added, licking the skin she'd just bitten.

"Why?!" Adrienne almost shouted.

"It was after Robinson…" Alex explained.

"That wasn't your fault," Adrienne told her.

"I needed to feel something."

"You're an addict."

"We both know that's not true. You're naked as hell right underneath me," Alex answered with a sly smile, "and your hips have been grinding against me so agonizingly slow," she groaned into Adrienne's ear. "My fingers," she started brushing the tips of her fingers, still resting just above Adrienne's clit, against her, "are so close to your clit," she started drawing soft circles with the pads of her middle and forefinger, "and I know you want it… I can feel it dripping down my thigh, I can smell it, and I'm not even touching you."

Adrienne shuddered under Alex's touch – or was it from how she was talking to her? – unable to stop her eyes as they rolled back. It took her a moment, but she caught her breath, "Not sex you ass… you're a freaking masochist. You like getting hurt… You know damn well I would have fucked you senseless last month… you didn't have to go to her."

"I'm coming to you now," Alex goaded, slipping her thigh between Adrienne's legs. Slowly, she started to move her hips, driving her thigh deliberately against Adrienne's soaked core.

"I'm gonna cum again if you don't stop that," Adrienne growled, her eyes fluttering shut.

"I didn't say you could cum," Alex told her, forcing herself to slow her hips movements.

"Fuck you Alex. If you're going to literally use me for whatever the hell this is, I get to use you to cum whenever the fuck I want," Adrienne spat, her hands flying to Alex's ass and pulling her pelvis down against her hard.

Alex pried herself off of Adrienne and flipped the redhead quickly, having been set off by her statement. Something in Alex snapped at the thought of Adrienne wanting her so badly she would happily use her right back.

Adrienne took the hint and thrust her ass up in the air, her upper body falling onto her forearms for support, "Just fuck me already Alex," she groaned.

"Beg," Alex demanded, placing her left hand on Adrienne's right ass cheek and squeezing gently, leaning over to kiss the handprint she'd left on Adrienne's right.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Adrienne asked, whipping her head around to look at the blonde. "I agreed to let you take control, not to begging you for it."

"Please Adrienne," Alex told her, laying her head on Adrienne's ass cheek and shooting her a look that screamed I need this.

"Fine," Adrienne groaned. Alex lifted her head with a smile and returned to her previous position, looking down on the redhead.

"What do you want me to do to you?" Alex asked her, quickly slipping back into her role at the sight of Adrienne's raised ass, her legs spread open for her, inner thighs streaked with her want.

"Fuck me, please, Alex, fuck me," Adrienne pleaded softly.

"Mmm," Alex purred, running her hand down Adrienne's back, past the dip where her lower back met her perfectly sculpted ass, down further, and further until it was coated in Adrienne's juices, cupping her softly.

"Oh god," Adrienne yelped, her body starting to shake.

"You're really that close?" Alex asked her, dropping character again to pat herself on the back. She really wasn't all that good at this.

"I swear – fuck Alex… if you don't get your fingers inside of me right now, I'm going to fucking scream," Adrienne growled.

"Promise to scream anyway?" Alex asked, thrusting two of her fingers inside of Adrienne with one swift movement.

"Yes," Adrienne groaned, her weight falling into the bed as her forearms gave out from the force of Alex's fingers entering her, fully, finally, "Please… just fucking make me cum."

Slowly, Alex withdrew her fingers until only her fingertips remained, admiring how truly wet the woman below her was. It took everything in her not to withdraw her fingers completely and suck them clean.

"Alex, please," Adrienne begged from below her, grinding her hips so wantonly that it was barely doing anything to drive Alex's fingers back inside her.

"You get so fucking wet," Alex admired, slamming her fingers back into the redhead, earning her a loud moan. Alex couldn't help herself now. She gripped Adrienne's hip with her free hand and pulled her hard against her, pulling her fingers in and out of her over and over again roughly. Harder, faster.

Adrienne could barely form words no less sentences, her cries coming out in muffled yelps of Alex's name, a litany of inappropriate words, and loud groans.

"So wet," Alex whimpered again, her eyes glued to the sight of the younger woman's cunt swallowing her fingers over and over again.

"Do you – promise…" Adrienne groaned, trying to get out her thoughts while Alex's fingers fucked her relentlessly from behind, "Oh god, fuck me Alex…." She moaned, unable to control it.

"Promise what?" Alex asked, curling her fingers roughly against Adrienne's inner walls.

"Fuckkk," Adrienne moaned, thrashing her hips back at Alex, driving her deeper inside of her with every thrust.

"Promise what, Adrienne?" Alex asked again, slowing the speed of her fingers so the redhead could speak.

"Call me! Not - not her," Adrienne cried out as Alex hit a particularly sweet spot inside of her.

"I will," Alex told her, picking up the speed of her plunging fingers again.

"Just like that," Adrienne growled, looking back at Alex, "Don't stop."

Alex shot her a wicked grin.

"Fuck I'm gonna –" Adrienne tried, choking on her words as Alex's hand slid forward off her hip and around to her clit.

"Cum for me," Alex commanded her, sliding her fingers roughly across her clit.

"Fuck Alex!" Adrienne screamed, making good on her word, her body erupting into her third orgasm of the night.

"Good girl," Alex purred, slowing the speed of her thrusting to help Adrienne ride out the final waves of bliss. When Adrienne's body finally stopped shaking, Alex withdrew both of her hands and licked her fingers clean, growling at the taste of her friend's desire. She dropped down on the bed, moving her head to lick up the rest of what Adrienne had given her.

"No," Adrienne said, suddenly, just as Alex's tongue was about to slide against her.

"No?" Alex asked, snapping out of her haze.

"Hard limit," Adrienne told her. Alex sat up immediately, moving so that she was laying beside Adrienne.

"Sorry," Alex told her, burying her head into her own arms.

"It's okay…"

"Thank you, for… that."

"Thank YOU," Adrienne teased.

"I mean it, thank you," Alex told her seriously.

"As long as you don't start acting weird with me now, it was my pleasure."

"You promise that you understand it's just sex?"

"Alex, just ask me what you really want to know."

"Do you have feelings for me?"

"Yes and no."

Alex sat up instantly, putting space between them, "Fuck Adrienne, this was so stupid then."

"You're not blind Alex… you had to know that. And you still – you just made me cum three times anyway… don't blame me," Adrienne told her.

Alex was quiet. She was right, she did know.

"It doesn't change anything… Months ago? Yes, absolutely, this would've been so so stupid," Adrienne assured her.

"What?"

"I may be younger than you, but I'm still an adult Alex… more of an adult than most, honestly… but I know when there's no chance. I gave up on that a long time ago. You're like my best friend, and I love you to death… just so happens you're also an absolute boss, hot as hell, and really fucking good with your hands," Adrienne answered honestly. The redhead had been hung up on Alex for quite some time when they'd first met, but she'd quickly realized that Alexandra didn't feel the same. Adrienne liked her, sure, but she was fully aware she could have anyone she wanted and she had her sights set on someone else.

"You promise nothing changes?"

"I promise Alex, we're good… and we can definitely do that again."

"Why the hard limit on oral?"

"Probably for the same reason you haven't kissed me."

"Good point."

"No lips, got it," Adrienne quipped with a laugh.

"I love how easy this is," Alex admitted with a smile.

"We're friends, that usually helps," Adrienne said with a laugh.

"Thank you… for ya know."

"Letting you use me?"

"I hate that you keep saying that. It sounds so dirty."

"You have full permission to make me cum that hard whenever you feel the need," Adrienne teased.

"You wanna go again?" Alex asked, rolling her body back on top of the redheads.

"No!"

Both women looked up instantly at the sound of someone else's voice permeating their bubble. No one was in the room. Alex and Adrienne looked between one another for a second, then toward the door to her room.

"I swear to god if you two don't shut the fuck up I'm coming in there with a bucket of ice water! I have a fucking final at 7 AM," the voice of Adrienne's roommate outside the bedroom door growled.

"Annnnd, that's my cue to leave," Alex said with a laugh, hopping off the bed.

"Oh, when it becomes painstakingly obvious that you're fucking your law clerk?"

"I fucked my best friend," Alex corrected with a wink.

"I'll see you tomorrow Alex," Adrienne groaned, throwing Alex the clothes beside her bed that she could reach.

"Worth the wait?" Alex asked cheekily.

"Get out," Adrienne groaned.

As Alex headed toward the front door, she heard the faint sound of Adrienne's voice tell her so worth it.


By the time Alexandra got back home that night, it was already Friday. She imagined she looked like hell, but she felt exponentially better now than she did when she'd left. At least now she was confident that even if she was around Olivia again tonight, she'd be able to control herself. Sometimes sex worked for her, sometimes it didn't. While she completely stepped out of her element tonight, that was exactly what she'd needed. She let go, did something she wanted to do, without fear of repercussions or any sort of rules attached to it. She'd taken control, albeit dubious control, and it felt freeing.

When she flipped on the low overhead light on her stove, she noticed that Noah was still asleep on the couch, a pillow under his head, blankets covering his tiny body. Olivia was nowhere to be found. She made her way upstairs and got herself ready for bed, washing up, changing her clothes, and brushing her teeth. Before heading back downstairs, Alex walked over to the guest room where she found Olivia asleep with the door slightly ajar. She smiled at the sight, glad that she had made it through the angst of earlier on her own.

She walked over to her computer and quickly checked her email. There was nothing too dire, a couple of emails filled with discovery responses, a few requests for consults, emails from the press regarding Olivia. She rolled her eyes and shut off the screen.

"Alex?" She heard Noah call sleepily from the couch.

"It's just me, go back to sleep kiddo," Alex told him softly, walking toward the livingroom so he could see her.

"Mommy's sad," he told her, sitting up to look at her.

"I know sweetheart, but she's gonna be okay. She's doing everything she can," Alex told him, sitting down beside him on the couch.

He quickly leaned up into her, his curly hair falling against her chest, "I'm sad too."

Alex's heart instantly broke, and she wrapped her arms tightly around the boy, "Do you want to go get your mom kiddo?"

"No," he told her softly, "I don't want to tell her. I have to protect her."

"Oh Noah, no. Your mom is always going to be there for you. You don't need to protect her anymore sweetheart; she's getting lots of protection from grownups now," Alex told him, soothing him as best she could by running her fingers through his hair like she'd seen Olivia do so many times before.

"Is my dad gonna go to jail?" Noah asked her suddenly.

"Why do you ask that?" Alex asked him, unsure of what to say.

"My dad hits my mom," he told her barely above a whisper.

"Have you seen it happen?"

"Yes."

"You know hitting is wrong right?"

"He made her not breathe."

"You saw that?"

"Sometimes he calls her mean names and yells at her and my mom cries. I had to protect her so I was always there," Noah told her, not really answering her questions anymore, just talking – like he'd been waiting a long while for someone to tell.

"Noah, sweetheart, your mom is safe now. That will never happen to her again," Alex told him, rocking him gently, her hands still threading through his hair.

"You're going to protect her Alex?" Noah asked, pulling away to look up into her eyes.

"Yes Noah, I'm going to protect you both." Alexandra had never meant something so deeply before in her life. Her feelings for Olivia would have to take a back seat for now, she had a job to do. She'd stop at nothing to protect both of them, even if that meant torturing herself and, by default, Adrienne in the process.

"I like being here," Noah told her, cuddling back into her.

Alex's heart swelled at the statement, but she didn't respond, just held him tighter.

"It's safe here," he added softly.

Before either of them knew it, they were comfortably asleep. Noah wrapped up in Alex's arms, Alex slightly propped up against the couch cushions with Noah against her chest.


NOTE: Well shit. It's all out there now. Poor Alex is breaking down.

Can personally attest to how hard some domestic relations lawyers take these kinds of cases :(