With Olivia's eyes piercing through her backside with a gaze that Alexandra could've sworn she actually felt as she ascended the staircase, the barely twelve steps up to the second floor felt more like climbing a mountain than a staircase. Her heart was pounding in her throat, her legs shifting uncomfortably as she throbbed in agony climbing upwards, her mind racing back and forth in an internal battle royale she hadn't felt since trying to choose her undergrad. What's a six-month suspension, one fragment of her brain was screaming, Senator Cabot, Alex, Senator Cabot, a rational side whispered, it's probably a violation on a technicality – you wouldn't get suspended, an oddly vocal part of her brain fought, albeit incorrectly.
With no clear direction, Alexandra acted on instinct, finally making it to her bedroom and closing the door behind her. Her sweatshirt was up and over her head before she could think twice about it. Her right hand pulled her long hair out of the bun she'd wrapped it in earlier, pushing the hair-tie onto her left wrist. She quickly tossed the sweatshirt onto the dresser near her closet and pulled her shorts down and off her legs. Crossing the room, she tossed the ruined article of clothing into the hamper and walked toward her bed. Once she was lying on her back in the comfort of her bedroom, she was finally able to calm her breathing long enough to form a coherent thought.
Without a doubt, they'd crossed a line. Whether it was enough to get her into hot water with the disciplinary board, she wasn't entirely sure – but there was no doubt in her mind that she was required at this point, under the rules, to withdraw. But did it matter? No one would know what they'd done tonight – she'd probably be able to carefully craft her way out of any probing questions under oath if need be – but no one would know. No one except she and Olivia. If Alex could get a deal worked out with Trevor quickly, she could pass the paperwork off to Marla, and withdraw. She could be off the case within a few weeks, possibly sooner. By the time Bradley could do anything about Noah in family court again, it wouldn't matter anymore. What would one step further really do? It was unlikely anyone would have reason to file a grievance against her before she withdrew, and even if they did – she'll have filed her withdrawal and been off the case with Marla and Ted having already put up an in-house firewall around Alex for Olivia's case by the time it mattered. They'd be fine, probably.
It didn't matter anyway, before Alexandra could finish rationalizing her behavior the sound of her own moan drew her from her thoughts. Her right hand was already nestled between her thighs, her fingertips brushing lightly across her clit. A low groan escaped her lips at the realization of how wet Olivia had gotten her with nothing more than a few heated looks and her words. How the brunette had bested her at her own sport was beyond her – but it had left the blonde borderline desperate.
With her middle and forefinger Alex slowly swiped roughly across her swollen clit, immediately sending her back arching harshly up off the bed. The brunette downstairs had gotten her so worked up she could barely stand the direct pressure, the throbbing causing a pain Alex hadn't felt in a long time. Sliding her hand lower, she easily slid two fingers inside. She wasted no time dipping them in and out of her body harshly; the frantic, sloppy sounds of her cunt swallowing her fingers whole with ease making her mind go fuzzy with need. Her whole body shuddered at the fullness, her mind drifting to thoughts of the woman currently on her couch. Alexandra's eyes fluttered closed, flashing to Olivia leaning over her, hand gripping her chin forcing her to look up at her. It wasn't just a fantasy anymore and she moaned again, pulling her fingers out lazily, relishing in the memory of Olivia's crude language. Her fingers flattened against her core and she slowly drug them upwards and across her clit.
"Fuck," Alexandra couldn't help the expletive, her hips rolling forward against her hand. It didn't really matter anyway, Noah was asleep with the TV on, and Olivia had ordered her to do this. She almost cried out at the thought – Olivia ordering her. Alex had never felt so ashamed, turned on, yet oddly free in her life, all thanks to the way Olivia had just spoken to her. Spoken to her – she hadn't even touched her yet.
Alex's left hand drifted toward her breast, palming it softly as she slid her fingers back inside her dripping cunt. She wanted nothing more than to walk back downstairs ass naked and beg Olivia to take her over and over again, but she couldn't. And that coupled with the simple thought of Olivia downstairs on the couch wondering if Alex had complied with her order was enough to make Alexandra's hips buck uncontrollably. Her fingers slid in and out, her wrist working harder, faster with each thrust.
She had no idea how she'd gotten to this point – her fingers buried inside herself at the direction of a woman she certainly shouldn't be taking direction from – where she no longer cared at all how unethical this all was. When she hooked her fingers forward, dragging them roughly against her inner walls, Alex let out a sound she was certain Olivia would be able to hear. It was risky – knowing the state they were both in – but Alex didn't care. Olivia knowing she was touching herself because of what had just happened downstairs was almost as arousing as the fact that she was doing it because Olivia told her to.
She squeezed her nipple with her left hand, rolling the hardened bud between her fingers. She didn't even attempt to stop the thought of Olivia sliding her tongue across her nipple that drifted across her mind. Fuck, Alex groaned her hips bucking up off the bed again. She was way way too far gone. Olivia sliding her fingers inside of her. Olivia's tongue lapping at her clit. Olivia's hand tugging at her hair. Olivia standing over her. Olivia whispering vulgar things in her ear. Fuck, Alex groaned again, sliding her hand away from her nipple and down to the duvet below her. She gripped it tightly in her hand, trying to control the pressure building in her lower abdomen. Her hips were rolling roughly against her other hand while she tried desperately to stifle the obscene noises falling from her lips. She was so close. She curled her fingers again crudely, rubbing her fingers back and forth, pressing her fingertips rough against her inner walls. Her breath hitched with each thrust, escaping her lips in short bursts.
"Fuckkk," it left her lips as a sob. Her legs were shaking, then freezing, then shaking again. She'd thrown her head to the side, facing the door, half hoping that Olivia would give up that last piece of self-control, barge through the door and take her hard, over and over until she cried – actually cried. The thought made her hips buck up off the bed, a little too loud moan falling from deep within her throat. Her mind stayed there for a moment, picturing Olivia barging through the door, pulling her fingers from her cunt and sucking them clean before flipping her over and fucking her so hard tears started falling from her eyes.
"Oh fuck," Alex whimpered at the thought. She pulled her fingers out of her cunt and almost screamed at the loss of pressure, but quickly adjusted and resumed toying with herself, this time thrusting three fingers deep inside. She gave herself a second to adjust to the fullness, wiggling her fingers gently against her incredibly tight inner walls. Within seconds she slid her free hand down between her legs and rested her fingertips against her clit. She rubbed softly against the incredibly swollen nub and had to bite her bottom lip to keep from crying out. Slowly she started moving her other hand, fucking her fingers in and out as hard as she could. Her other hand started flying rapidly against her clit, trying desperately to find a release. Pictures of Olivia flashed fleetingly across her eye lids. The darkened eyes, the cold stare, the pointed questions, her breath against her skin, the force with which she pulled her hair.
"Fuck, Liv," she groaned out, not even caring that she was openly and vocally, albeit still quietly, fucking herself to the thought of her client. The blonde had never even tried to stop herself. In fact, she was actively trying to make sure Olivia knew exactly what she was doing and why. Her thoughts drifted to an image of Olivia standing in the doorway of her bedroom, her body leaning up against the doorframe, watching her. It was almost enough to send the blonde crashing down into an incredible orgasm, but she couldn't quite get herself there.
She groaned out of frustration, out of want, from needing Olivia to burst through that door and tell her to cum for her. Her mind was still completely entrenched in the submissive position Olivia had drug her to just minutes before. She needed her permission. Alexandra didn't have to wait long. On the next slam of her fingers, she heard a shuffle outside her bedroom door. She stifled a moan and quickly withdrew both of her hands from between her legs, her body going rigid, her breathing shallow.
"Alexandra," She heard her own name being said sternly from the other side of the door.
The blonde couldn't speak. The sound of Olivia's voice doing things to her body she hadn't anticipated. For a moment, she couldn't decide if it was in her head, or if Olivia was actually standing outside the door. Her chest flushed a bold red, her breathing nearly stopped all together, and her hips rolled hard into the air. Fuck, she groaned to herself, that voice. Alexandra hadn't even realized she'd groaned the words aloud.
"Jesus… fuck Alex," She heard the voice again, this time joined by the distinctive sound of a hand dropping onto the doorknob and pausing.
Olivia hadn't lasted long downstairs by herself. She tried to just lay back on the couch and ignore the faint sounds she could hear the blonde making from upstairs – really tried. But while she had been able to maintain control of the situation while Alex was nothing more than a trembling mess of desire in front of her, she hadn't expected this. Olivia was absolutely certain that once Alexandra got into her bedroom, she would snap out of it and go to sleep. When she realized the blonde hadn't snapped out of it, Olivia had fought hard to remain on the couch. But once she heard the blonde faintly whisper something that sounded like her name, she couldn't take it anymore. Her anger had resurfaced tenfold – Alexandra wasn't about to get off to her again without her. Not when she could do something about it. Not when they'd already crossed just about every ethical boundary they could without having even touched. She knew she should stay downstairs, knew she would be breaking her promise to the blonde – but before she'd known what she was doing, she was standing outside Alexandra's bedroom door listening to the blonde touch herself.
Alex didn't move, her body frozen in place at the realization that the brunette was outside her door and not just in her head. Part of her wanted to immediately start begging Olivia to open the door, the other half was absolutely terrified of what would happen if she did.
"Alexandra," Olivia spoke again, her voice still slightly raised, "Tell me not to open this door." She needed Alex to tell her no, to make her walk back downstairs, turn on the television and forget that anything had happened. Unfortunately for Olivia, Alexandra was under no circumstances prepared to give any orders. Olivia's self-control was gone, and she wanted Alex now.
Alex's mind was swimming. How am I supposed to tell you not to do the one thing I want you to do more than anything, she growled to herself, but couldn't figure out exactly how to make the words come out of her mouth. Not that she was sure she even wanted to say them – letting Olivia in the bedroom would undoubtedly result in at least a dozen more ethical violations Alex couldn't think long enough to find a way out of. Alex had never had such a hard time speaking in her life. Her body was on fire, so much so that she could feel the wetness pooling between her thighs, dripping down her legs, and onto her bed.
But god, did she want her. And the sound of her voice. She couldn't stop herself. Her right hand slid back down her body and immediately started flicking back and forth roughly against her clit – back and forth, side to side, drawing circles. The thought of Olivia standing on the other side of the door listening to her had her mind going a mile a minute.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, Alex groaned, her hips lifting into the air as the rest of her body went stiff again. Maybe if she was fast enough, Olivia wouldn't have time to catch her in the act.
"Alex," Olivia tried again her voice harsher than before, "You have three seconds before I can't – Alexandra, tell me no."
"Fuck," Alex gasped, shoving her other hand against her breast roughly, squeezing the small ball of flesh in her hand tightly, her fingers pulling and tugging hard at her nipple. Tears started forming in the corner of her eyes as she opened them and focused her gaze on her bedroom door. She wanted nothing more than for the brunette to open it, watch her, fuck her, kiss her, talk to her, anything. Deep down, Alexandra knew there would be no coming back from that, but she couldn't care less. Maybe Olivia wouldn't open the door, maybe it was just a threat, but the thrill of the what if had Alexandra so close to an orgasm she wouldn't have been able to stop if her life depended on it. She wanted Olivia to open the door. She couldn't tell her no.
Regardless, she didn't have to wait long to find out if Olivia was serious or not. With her eyes locked on the door, her fingertips roughly gliding disjointedly across her swollen clit, Alexandra let out multiple hard breaths in succession, trying unsuccessfully to pull air into her lungs. A second later, the doorknob turned, the door pushed open, and Olivia came into view. Their eyes locked instantly, and Alexandra's mouth fell open, half from embarrassment, half from finally getting to lay eyes on the one thing she wanted more than anything in that moment.
She watched Olivia's breathing nearly stop at the sight of her. Alexandra knew she should have been embarrassed, somewhere deep down, but she still couldn't bring herself to stop. In fact, her wrist started moving faster, rubbing nearly her whole hand across her clit back and forth as rapidly as she could. Her hips were still grinding hard against her hand, her nipple still pinned unforgivingly between her fingers.
"Jesus fuck," Olivia finally breathed, her eyes now raking up and down the blonde's body, the anger that had resurfaced simmering at the sight of her. She couldn't decide where to look first. Alex was lying toward the left edge of her bed, her head barely even on the pillows. Her long ivory legs were spread wide, arousal coating her inner thighs, the hand working efferently against her cunt, and the bed below her. A deep red flush had covered nearly all of the blonde's upper body from just above her navel, across two perfect breasts, up past her collarbones, and had started creeping deliciously up her long, slender neck. But if Olivia had to choose the most beautiful sight of them all, it was Alexandra's face. She'd thrown her head to the side to face her, the deep blue eyes locked in a hard stare on Olivia, her lips slightly parted, her hair sticking to her face from sweat, and god the sounds dribbling from her throat. Alex almost cried out at Olivia's unrestrained devouring of her body. The brunette stepped further into the bedroom, her eyes closing in agonizing bliss as the scent of sex invaded her nostrils. God did Alex smell good. She pushed the bedroom door shut behind her and leaned her back against it, unsure if she should move closer.
Alexandra didn't stop, her eyes fluttering shut once more as she let out a noise Olivia could only have dreamed of hearing. Watching Alexandra's eyes flutter shut ignited the fire within her again. Olivia knew she was being irrational, but she needed to continue taunting her. She was jealous of Alexandra now – angry that she'd closed her eyes despite Olivia standing right in front of her, that she was touching herself right in front of her but couldn't have her. The thoughts only leading her back to the reason she was angry in the first place – Alexandra had fucked Adrienne during the few hours they'd been apart that day. And now she was laying in front of her, close enough to touch, but unavailable.
"Open your eyes," Olivia finally growled out, her own eyes now glued to the hand working roughly against the blonde's clit.
"Fuck," Alex groaned again, her fingers flying rapidly against herself. Clearly the brunette wasn't done ordering her around. She was so wet she could barely keep her fingers pressed against herself without them sliding hard into her thigh. She groaned again, opening her eyes to look at the brunette again. If you'd asked her under oath what the hell she was doing, she wouldn't have been able to answer. All she could think about was the fact that the woman who'd been driving her absolutely insane for the last week was now standing in her bedroom watching her touch herself after telling her to go do it.
"Show me how she fucked you," Olivia demanded softly. She didn't care that she was still probing inappropriately into Alexandra's sex life, she wanted to know how Alex had spent the day fantasizing of Olivia fucking her. How she did it. She wanted to see it.
Alex froze entirely. What? How were they still on this? Why were they still on this? She groaned loudly, having absolutely no desire to think about Adrienne right now.
"Show me how she fucked you, Alexandra… now," Olivia growled again, taking a step closer to the bed, her eyes giving Alex a look meant to let her know she was absolutely serious.
Alex hesitated for a second, then slid her hand lower on her cunt and easily slipped two fingers inside of herself with a soft groan. She waited a moment, hearing Olivia let out a whimper, and slowly started thrusting her fingers deep inside, never taking her eyes off the brunette. She struggled for a second, trying to remember just how she'd let Adrienne fuck her, but soon started making hard, slow thrusts of her fingers into her cunt. She slid her free hand down to her hip and pressed it firmly against the dip in her side, trying to keep herself still. She couldn't remember if Adrienne had also been rubbing her clit – she wasn't actually with Adrienne in her mind, she'd spent the entire time dreaming of Olivia.
"Did you cum like this for her?" Olivia asked through shaky breath, trying hard to keep her voice stern. It was taking absolutely everything in her not to take the last few steps across Alexandra's bedroom, to not crawl up on the bed and pounce on her.
Alexandra shook her head and groaned out a correction, "For you," but didn't stop thrusting her fingers roughly into herself. Her hips flew off the bed again from the sound of Olivia's voice and she let out another deep, throaty moan. The hand on her hip slid down, brushing her fingertips sluggishly against her clit.
"Good girl," Olivia husked slowly. That was the right answer.
Alexandra didn't expect it, wasn't prepared for it, but by the time Olivia finished pronouncing the last syllable, Alexandra was collapsing hard. Her eyes squeezed shut as a few tears forced themselves from the corner of her eyes, her mouth fell open with a loud sob, her hips flew off the bed, her legs went stiff, and yet she couldn't stop pumping her fingers in and out of herself, pushing harder and faster than before. Olivia hadn't told her she could stop. Within seconds she was crashing into a second orgasm before the first even had time to subside.
"Cum again for me Alexandra," Olivia coached quietly, her eyes never leaving Alex's writhing body. Olivia was certain she had never seen anything more beautiful in her life, a thought that both excited and angered her further. Alexandra had let someone else see her like this today and she still couldn't have her.
A third, weaker orgasm washed over Alexandra's body as she slumped down into the bed, her body spent. Her hands both slowed as her body started to convulse from the overstimulation, her ability to breathe waning quickly, but she didn't stop. Olivia hadn't told her she could. She looked toward Olivia, her eyes begging, pleading with Olivia to tell her what to do, to let her stop.
"You can stop," Olivia told her softly, her anger finally subsiding. The blonde wasn't going to want anyone but her, of that she was now confident.
Alexandra's hands withdrew from between her legs immediately, falling onto the bed beside her. She laid there, still staring at Olivia, chest heaving rapidly for what felt like an hour before the brunette finally spoke again.
"You liked that, huh?" Olivia asked with a knowing smile. The fact that Alexandra had just let go like that from two simple words 'good girl' had Olivia whirling.
"You like being told what to do?" Olivia asked, taking a hesitant step closer to the blonde.
Alexandra didn't answer, immediately burying her head into her arms to hide her face. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
When Alexandra didn't move, she took two more steps forward and crouched down on the floor beside Alex, "Look at me." She hated the idea of Alexandra suddenly hiding from her.
Alex didn't know why, but she immediately dropped her arms and brought her eyes up to meet Olivia's nearly blackened ones. Olivia was too far away. This was something Alexandra was not used to. An orgasm typically made the blonde uncharacteristically needy; three in a row had her borderline desperate to be held, wrapped up tightly into someone – Olivia – something, anything.
"You like being told what to do," Olivia repeated, this time it wasn't a question, her expression smug and confident.
Alex opened her mouth to speak again, but nothing came out. Her body and brain were both still lost in the ecstasy Olivia had just created, struggling hard to hide her need for affection.
"Still not able to talk?" Olivia asked her, reaching a hand up and over the bed to run her fingertips along Alex's hair, pushing the pieces stuck to her beautiful face behind her ear. Alex's skin was on fire and she unconsciously leaned into the touch.
"You weren't kidding about the loss of control thing," Olivia continued, "Are you okay?" Her hand slid to Alex's cheek and rested there, suddenly concerned that Alexandra was pissed at her for what she'd just done.
Alexandra still couldn't find the words to speak. It was shocking to her. She'd been on the receiving end of a dominant partner on multiple occasions, but never had any of them left her speechless. Words were her thing. Alex preferred to be a bit of a bratty bottom – but with Olivia, she couldn't bring herself to do anything but listen. Her mouth was bone dry. She wanted to shake her head yes, to tell Olivia she was fine, but her body betrayed her, letting out nothing but a contented sigh instead. She was completely lost in whatever spell Olivia had put her under, she was more than okay, but she absolutely needed Olivia to hold her.
"Alexandra," Olivia whispered, sliding her hand down Alex's jawline toward her lips. She slid her middle finger across Alex's bottom lip softly, pulling it down as she pulled her finger away.
"What do you need?" Olivia asked.
Alex finally moved, lifting her arm to grasp Olivia's hand, "Please." Forming words was still near impossible. Olivia was in her bedroom, had just been the direct and proximate cause of three successive orgasms, and was still her motherfucking client, and all she wanted to do was fall apart in her arms for a goddamn minute. It was both terrifying and highly exhilarating. Could she lose her job? Maybe. Could they keep it a secret? Maybe. Could she talk her way out of this at a hearing? Also maybe. It would take a carefully crafted offense. But did she care right now? Definitely not. It had already happened. It was too late. It was too much to think about – blocking out all coherent thought seemed like a better option, at least for now.
Olivia didn't hesitate, somehow knowing exactly what the blonde needed. "One second," she stood up from the floor and headed for the dresser near the front of Alex's bedroom. She picked up the sweatshirt the blonde had been wearing earlier and walked back over to Alex. The last thing either of them needed was for Noah to wake up in the middle of the night to come looking for Olivia to find her in bed with a naked Alex.
"Sit up," Olivia told her. Once again, Alex didn't falter – sitting up on the bed almost immediately. Olivia smiled at the response and positioned the sweatshirt to help Alex put it on, "Arms up, Alexandra."
Alex smiled at the use of her full name and slid her arms into the sleeves of the sweatshirt, helping Olivia pull it down onto her body. Olivia moved around Alex and pulled the duvet and sheet down and out from under the blonde. She climbed up into the bed and crawled under the covers and opened her arms, "Come here."
Slowly, almost clumsily, Alexandra turned around and curled her body into Olivia's. Her head fell onto Olivia's chest, as she practically laid half her body on top of her. Two arms wrapped around her gently and both of them finally felt Alexandra's entire body relax. They laid like that for several minutes, both listening to the sound of Alexandra's breathing trying to even out, Olivia's right hand running through long blonde hair. Every so often Olivia would lean down and place a soft kiss to the top of Alexandra's head and the blonde would immediately curl her body deeper into her.
"Alexandra," Olivia whispered softly once she recognized that Alex had started to breathe normally again.
"Hm?" Alex hummed, not moving her face from its place against Olivia's chest. While she'd finally calmed down physically, her mind was still racing between the impact of what they'd just done and the absolute bliss of laying on Olivia's chest.
"Are you okay?" Olivia asked with a smile, shifting so she could look down at Alexandra.
Alexandra smiled back, adjusting so she was laying on Olivia's forearm, "Mhm."
"I've never heard you so quiet," Olivia said with a soft chuckle, "Are you sure you're okay?"
Alexandra shifted again, this time sitting up slightly so she could look at Olivia, "I'm okay." Despite the thousands of feelings currently coursing through her body, Alexandra was, surprisingly, actually okay. At least for now.
"Do you want to talk about what just happened?" Olivia asked hesitantly. They would have to talk about it eventually, and if they didn't now, they likely wouldn't be able to until their train ride to Cold Spring Harbor later that day. She glanced over at the clock on Alex's nightstand, it was just after 10. She had to drop Noah off with Amanda in Huntington at 7 so someone could take Noah to school. She had to be back in Gramercy Park in time to get her things from the condo. That meant she had to catch the 5:45 train out of Penn Station, so she had to have herself and Noah up and out of Alex's apartment by 5:15 AM. Deep down, Olivia was just terrified that once reality set in for Alex, the blonde would be pissed and avoid her.
Alexandra immediately blushed, burying her head back into Olivia.
"You have no reason to be shy," Olivia told her, running her fingers through blonde hair again, "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."
Alex laughed and looked up again briefly, "Don't be silly."
"I mean it," Olivia said confidently, "You're fucking gorgeous."
"Stop it," Alex groaned into her chest. It wasn't that Alex wasn't aware that she was appealing to the eye – she simply didn't take compliments like that well, and certainly didn't think she was worthy of that title.
"Are you going to hate me in the morning?" Olivia asked suddenly, unable to continue letting the thought eat away at her.
"I was just as much to blame for this as you," Alex told her after a long silence. It was true, Alex could have stopped her at any time, gotten up, walked away, locked herself in her bedroom, simply not touched herself, but she didn't. Whether Alex had fallen prey to Olivia or not, nothing was stopping her from bowing out if she hadn't wanted it to happen.
"Do you have to withdraw now?" Olivia inquired gently.
"If I withdraw now, I probably wouldn't have a problem," Alex told her honestly, "But, I'd be firewalled from your case immediately. I couldn't go with you tomorrow, or negotiate with Trevor, or even talk to Marla about the case… I'd need to go downstairs right now and file withdrawal paperwork."
"Are you going to do that?" Olivia asked, her voice cracking sadly, gripping Alexandra's body closer to her as if she was afraid she'd get up and go do it right now.
"Can we talk about it in the morning?" Alex asked. She wasn't ready to deal with this yet. She needed to do research, craft a plan, figure out her recourse. If there was a way to stay on the case until she was done negotiating with Trevor, she would; but if there wasn't, she'd need to make a choice. Making a choice without proper vetting would only serve to make their situation worse.
"So, you're not filing a withdrawal tonight?" Olivia asked hopefully, loosening her grip on the attorney.
Alex paused for a moment; it wouldn't really do much to file the paperwork now. It wouldn't be accepted by the Court until tomorrow morning anyway. Honestly, the only thing filing the withdrawal now would do is alert her paralegal, when she forwarded the submission receipt, to the fact that she'd filed the withdrawal this late at night – likely leading to her embarrassment at the office for a few days.
"I don't have to right now; no," Alex answered softly, leaning up on her arm to look down at the brunette. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Olivia, but there was nothing she could really do about that now.
"You'll tell me before you do it… if you have to?" Olivia whispered, unable to hide the sorrow in her voice. Without a deal secured with Trevor and Bradley, the thought of Alex withdrawing from the case was terrifying. She trusted Marla and Ted, after all they were the ones who taught Alex everything she knew, but it made her nervous to know Alexandra would no longer be in the courtroom with her.
"I would have to tell you before," Alex told her, bringing her free hand up to rest on Olivia's chest, "I just – I can't think about it right now."
"I have to leave around 5:15," the brunette murmured, "I need to drop Noah off with Amanda for school by 7 to be back in time to get my things… Should I expect you there?"
Alex sighed, now remembering that they were set to retrieve Olivia and Noah's things from the two houses tomorrow morning and well into the evening. She thought for a moment; if she slept for a couple of hours and woke up by 4, she'd be able to vet her options, go to the gym, and make a decision by 8:30, giving her just enough time to have Marla or Ted replace her for the walkthroughs if need be.
"I don't know," Alexandra admitted, "I – I know you're nervous but I – I can't risk my career, my firm." She really didn't want to talk about this right now. Her mind was swimming. She didn't want to hurt Olivia either, or Noah. But it wasn't like she was going to suddenly leave once she could be with Olivia – she'd still be there. Just, not as her lawyer. Her career on the other hand, could be in jeopardy.
Olivia didn't speak. She knew Alex wasn't done.
"If I can find a viable way out of this with minimal risk – I won't withdraw. If I can't – I have no choice, Liv… I – I should already be withdrawing," Alexandra added, hanging her head. She knew damn well that she had reasonable knowledge that she had violated the rule and was therefore required to withdraw. If she withdrew now, it was likely that she'd be fine. It was the ethical thing to do, but right now Alexandra didn't care about her ethics. She wasn't sure how she would feel tomorrow once reality set in, and she could figure out just how fucked she was. "If I can't stay on – Marla will show up… or Ted," she added, "Whoever is available… But, I promise, I'll call you first."
"I thought lawyers didn't make promises?" Olivia teased finally.
"It's rare – but typically only ones we can keep," Alex told her with a grin. Satisfied that Olivia was going to leave the topic alone, she laid back down against Olivia's chest.
"Do you want me to go downstairs?" Olivia asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence. She didn't actually want to go downstairs, but she wasn't sure Alex wanted her to sleep in her bed with her and she was getting tired.
"Please don't," Alex admitted softly, cuddling into Olivia further and shutting her eyes, "We can worry about the rest tomorrow… okay?"
Olivia smiled and closed her eyes, wrapping her arms back around Alexandra tightly, "I was hoping you'd say that."
"Night Liv," Alex whispered softly.
"Goodnight beautiful," Olivia whispered back.
Alexandra had never had to set herself an alarm before. Depending on what time she needed to be up, she'd tell herself a few times before falling asleep and almost always wake up right before she needed to. It was a gift she'd been using to her advantage since she was in middle school. The only problem with waking up early this morning was that Olivia was cuddled up into her back with an arm loosely draped around her waist. It was 3:55 AM and she was finding it incredibly difficult to pull herself out of the cocoon they'd made to finally face the real world. To face what they'd done. She allowed herself to lay there for a few more minutes knowing full well that the comforting air surrounding them would only burst the second she got out of bed. At 4:05, Alexandra slowly slid herself out from underneath Olivia's arm and climbed out of bed. She stood at the edge for a second, eyes scanning along Olivia's sleeping form. Olivia would need to wake up soon, but there was no reason why Alexandra couldn't spend a few more minutes lost in the feeling of the woman she'd been pining over all week sleeping soundly in her bed.
Olivia was a gentle sleeper. She didn't snore, at least not that Alexandra could remember, and the gentle sound of her breathing evenly was enough to make Alex's heart lurch defiantly into her throat for the thousandth time this week. She hadn't moved from the position on her side that Alexandra had left her in moments ago, allowing Alexandra a few more seconds of staring at her peaceful, beautiful face while she slept. The blonde hadn't realized she'd been staring for long until she looked at the clock and realized it was already 4:12.
She sighed and tore herself away from the bed and toward her bathroom. Alexandra quickly cleaned herself up, washed her face, brushed her teeth, and put her hair up in a high bun. Ten minutes later she was sitting downstairs at her desk dressed in dark green Nike Pro's, and a loose fitting grey sleeveless, high neck tank top. It wasn't until she was sitting in front of her Mac with a blank Word document open that the reality of what had happened last night truly hit her like a ton of bricks. No matter what she did right now, staying on Olivia's case would require her to violate the ethical standards she'd sworn to uphold approximately five Novembers ago. The blonde couldn't decide what was bothering her more, the fact that she had violated the professional rules or that she was about to spend the next two hours trying to work out loopholes to stay on the case.
While it looked like Trevor had reason to suspect something was going on between the blonde and Olivia, he had no reason to report her yet – and he wouldn't risk reporting her too soon. Trevor knew Alexandra dated women, he'd asked her to dinner at least three times when they'd first met before Alex had finally told him it was never going to happen and that her girlfriend wouldn't appreciate his persistence. At the time, Alex was a brand-new attorney and had just gotten her heart broken by Natalie for the first time, but Trevor hadn't needed to know that much – it worked just the same. Adrienne would never say anything, and Marla would chastise her in private. They were, in Alexandra's mind, safe from any hasty grievance filings. But, she knew, that didn't mean one wouldn't come later – once she'd withdrawn, once Trevor knew he was right, once Bradley realized what was going on between them. Truthfully, the disciplinary board was the least of her concerns. She was terrified of what Bradley would do to her once he figured out that they were involved.
Before the panic could truly rise to the surface, Alexandra forced herself to open a new tab on her internet browser. She connected to the firm's Dropbox and opened up their PDF copy of the Professional Rules. Sliding it to one side of her screen's focus, she punched in her authentication for WestLaw, set it to bill to the firm, and started searching through case law. For a moment, she considered calling the ethic's hotline to see if they could point her in the right direction, but she thought better of it. Getting another attorney involved would only provide more stress – even if she talked in hypotheticals. Regardless, she knew what the attorney's answer would be: withdraw immediately.
By the time 5 o'clock rolled around and she started hearing Olivia and Noah shuffling around upstairs to get ready to leave, Alexandra had already drafted herself a memo.
Goldstein & Park, P.A
A Professional Corporation.
Attorneys at Law
[CONFIDENTIAL – ATTORNEY EYES ONLY]
Memorandum of Law
To: A. Cabot
From: A. Cabot
Date: December 14, 2021
Re: Ethical Standards for Attorney/Client Relationship
RULE 1.8 OF THE NEW YORK RULES OF PROFESSIONAL CONDUCT
Under New York Rules of Professional Conduct, Rule 1.8(j)(iii), a domestic relations attorney is prohibited from entering into a sexual relationship with a client during the course of their representation of said client. N.Y. Rules of Prof'l Conduct R.1.8(j) (June 2020). If the client is the lawyer's current spouse, or the lawyer was involved in a pre-existing sexual relationship with the client, the rule does not apply. Id.
The lawyer/client relationship is a fiduciary relationship in which the lawyer holds the upper hand. Id. at cmt. 17. A sexual relationship between a client and a lawyer can therefore involve an "unfair exploitation of the lawyer's fiduciary role, in violation of the lawyer's basic ethical obligation not to use the trust of the client to the client's disadvantage." Id. Due to the acknowledgment that consenting adults may consent to sexual relations with whomever they choose, the rule only applies in the domestic relations context. Id. Domestic relations clients "are often emotionally vulnerable" and their cases involve a heightened risk of exploitation leading to the flat prohibition on sexual relations between domestic relations lawyers and their clients. Id. This applies even if the sexual relationship is consensual and the "prejudice to the client is not immediately apparent." Id. While the provisions of Rule 1.8(j)(1) prohibit domestic relations attorneys who are not representing the client from coercing a client into sexual relationships, or conditioning representation upon sexual gratification, it does not necessarily prohibit them from entering into a consensual sexual relationship with a client of another lawyer at the same firm. Id. Due to the "volatile" nature of domestic relations matters and the "heightened risk of exploitation," there is still a risk that a sexual relationship between an attorney at their lawyer's firm may result in a violation of other Professional Rules. Specifically, the rules contemplate a violation of Rule 5.1, which obligates a law firm to make reasonable efforts to ensure that all lawyers at the firm conform to the Professional Rules of Conduct. Id. at cmt. 17B. A violation of Rule 1.8(j) does not necessarily subject the other lawyers at the firm to liability, but circumstances may exist where the other lawyers are at fault by imputation. Id. Engaging in sexual relations with a client may violate other Professional Rules such as 1.7 regarding conflicts of interest, 1.6 regarding confidentiality, 1.1 regarding competence, and 8.4 regarding fitness to practice.
In this context, sexual relations are defined as "sexual intercourse or the touching of an intimate part of the lawyer or another person for the purpose of sexual arousal, sexual gratification, or sexual abuse." Id. at R.1.0(u). Despite the ambiguity of this definition, the Disciplinary Committee has imposed disbarment in egregious circumstances, In re Singer, 290 A.D.2d 197 (1st Dep't 2002), a two year suspension for having sex with a client, In re Weinstock, 241 A.D.2d 1 (2d Dep't 1998), and months long suspensions for offensive touching and sexual comments, In re Greenberg, 94 A.D.3d 152 (1st Dep't 2012); see also In re Feinman, 225 A.D.2d 200 (4th Dep't 1996). The New York State Bar does not take violations of Rule 1.8(j) lightly. An attorney in Florida was given a public reprimand for having sex with a domestic client once in an isolated incident and the New York Bar sought a reciprocal, harsher punishment – seeking a two-year suspension; but opting to allow him to resign instead. In the Matter of Raab, 139 AD3d 116 (1st Dep't 2016). Violations of Rule 1.8 have also resulted in nothing more than a public or private reprimand in New York – particularly in cases where no inappropriate physical contact was made between the lawyer and the client, and/or where there was no damage to the client.
While New York is one of few states to have a very liberal policy on sexual relations between attorneys and their clients, the consequences of ethical violations are serious and include severe and permanent reputational damage, suspension, and disbarment. In nearly every New York Disciplinary Committee case published on the subject, the lawyer had perpetrated some level of misconduct upon the client – whether that be committing a criminal act, securing unconscionable results, or providing incompetent representation. In majority of these disciplinary actions, the attorney was reported to the grievance committee by the client.
ATTORNEY GREIVANCES
Attorney grievances are handled by the Appellate Division and the discipline and grievance committees. Once a complaint is made, the procedure is as follows: The Chief Attorney can take one of four actions: (i) investigate; (ii) force the attorney to respond; (iii) subpoena witnesses; (iv) take action for the proper disposition of the complaint. In reference to the fourth action, the Chief Attorney can decline to investigate for the following reasons: the matter involves a person or conduct not covered by the rules, if the complaint were true it would not constitute a violation of the Rules, the complaint was filed in the wrong forum, or there is already a pending legal action regarding it. If disposed of, the complainant will receive a brief explanation as to why. If not dismissed, the Chief Attorney will notify the attorney and pass it off to a committee. The committee can dismiss the complaint by letter to both parties, issue a letter of advisement, issue a letter of admonishment, or refer it to formal disciplinary proceedings.
The current concern, from a legal standpoint, is the possibility of an opposing party and/or counsel filing a complaint against the attorney. With the multitude of charges currently facing him, it is unlikely the opposing party will fabricate evidence to implicate the attorney. While the opposing counsel is particularly slimy, he would not jeopardize his own license or integrity for said client, or anyone for that matter. At present, the only facts either could put in a complaint are: the attorney and her client had a strong and supportive relationship during an emotional family court hearing regarding longtime abuse, they were able to understand one another without much verbal communication, and the client trusts the attorney. It is most likely that the complaint would be dismissed by the Chief Attorney immediately because it does not constitute a violation of the rules.
CONCLUSION
If a grievance were to be filed now by opposing counsel and/or the opposing party, under Rule 1.8(j)(iii), it is likely that it would not get past the complaint stage and the attorney would not be notified of it. The attorney is unlikely to receive action on any grievance filed at the present time unless it were to be filed by the client, or the lawyer herself.
By the time Alexandra had finished researching and writing up most of her memo, she had reached a level of anger at herself that she'd never managed to reach before. Sure, over the last nearly thirty-one years Alexandra had done a ton of stupid shit that she wished she hadn't. The difference was she'd never found herself in a position where she did something stupid, that she was angry at herself for doing, but that she didn't regret. And this time it had the potential to ruin her career. Had Olivia not been married to the swine of a human that Mayor Holter was, maybe Alexandra wouldn't have been so upset with herself. But, she was married to an atrocious man with the power and pull to ruin her chances at ever jumping into the cesspool that was New York politics and making any real impact.
Despite the research, and the million and one ways of getting herself out of the situation that she could think of, there was no real way to prepare. She had no clue if a grievance would be filed, and if it were to be filed, what it would say. If the grievance were honest, she had nothing to worry about. The Chief Attorney wouldn't bother with that. Even if it got to a hearing, the blonde was relatively confident that she would not be disbarred for her actions but was not sure that she'd escape a suspension if she remained on the case. The only way to ensure she wouldn't be suspended was to withdraw. She desperately wanted to call Marla, tell her the truth, and ask for guidance, but she knew that the moment she divulged to her, Marla would have to report her if she didn't withdraw. While Alexandra had no doubt that Marla would never report her to the disciplinary committee, she refused to ever put her beloved boss and mentor in a position where she'd have to compromise her own ethics to protect Alex. For now, finishing up this memo was the natural next step before she made her decision to stay on the case or not.
"G'morning Alex!" She heard a raspy voice call from the top of the stairs. She looked up from her computer and a smile spread across her lips almost immediately. Noah was starting his way down the stairs wearing Alexandra's sorority t-shirt and the same pair of little black jeans he'd had on yesterday. Olivia had been right, and Noah did indeed fit rather well into the old shirt. More importantly, the sight of the bright-eyed little boy wearing her somewhat too long t-shirt was quite possibly the cutest thing she'd ever seen. That was until she saw Olivia following behind him in her black dress pants and Alexandra's Harvard sweatshirt. The mismatched styles looked ridiculous, but she couldn't help but swoon at the sight of them both clad in her clothing. That was until she remembered what they'd done, what she'd done, what it meant, the ethical dilemma she currently found herself in, the prospect of losing everything she'd worked so hard for over a woman she'd met eight days ago. She was embarrassed, angry, conflicted, lovesick, smitten, happy, and annoyed all at once. She quickly diverted her eyes, focusing her attention on Noah.
"You're awfully awake for 5 o'clock in the morning," Alexandra answered him with a smile, standing up from her chair and walking toward the livingroom. Once Noah was down the stairs he ran into Alex's legs, hugging her tight.
"I get to see Jesse!" Noah exclaimed excitedly, "Mommy is taking me to see Amanda before school and then I get to go to her house after school," Noah added, pulling back from hugging Alex's legs.
"Well, that sounds like fun," Alex answered with a laugh. She couldn't remember the last time she was that excited to see anyone.
"How long have you been up?" Olivia asked, taking her last step down the stairs.
Alexandra couldn't bring herself to look at Olivia again, "Since around 4." She took a few steps back and moved toward the entryway to grab Noah his coat.
Olivia sighed, disappointment flashing across her face at the sight of Alexandra shying away from her. But, she understood. Reality had set in. Alexandra kept her eyes locked forward, avoiding Olivia's eye contact. While Alex knew it wasn't fair, especially considering she wanted the same things Olivia did, she needed to keep her head clear to make a decision. Olivia had sat Noah down onto one of the kitchen stools and started helping him put on his little Timberland boots by the time she returned with his coat.
"Are you going to make the 5:45 train?" Alex asked, glancing over at the clock on the stove, it was already 5:15 and Penn was a 25-minute taxi ride away, they'd be cutting it close.
"Yeah," Olivia answered softly, "I bought his ticket already and I have a pass… I'll be back at Penn around 8:30 so long as there are no delays."
"Good," Alex said, nodding her head, still refusing to look at the brunette, "I'm gonna go to the gym… and I'll call you to update you after?"
"Okay," Olivia sighed. She helped Noah down off the chair and handed him his coat, "Go put this on and grab your backpack okay, kiddo?"
Noah nodded his head, took the jacket and headed toward the staircase to grab his backpack from upstairs in the guest room.
"Liv," Alex tried once Noah was heading up the stairs. She finally forced herself to look at Olivia, her entire demeanor softening once she saw the distant look in Olivia's eyes.
"No," Olivia interrupted, "I get it. You don't need to apologize… Just promise me one… two things?" She took a step closer to Alexandra and leaned against the counter.
Alex didn't respond but used her hands to gesture for Olivia to continue talking.
"I know that we promised to do this… for Noah – but I don't want you doing something that makes you compromise who you are, so I need you to promise me that you will do what's best for you… and the firm… I know that Marla is a great attorney, if Donnelly trusts her, I trust her." Olivia told her, her expression soft, yet stern.
"Marla is a fantastic attorney," Alexandra answered, "I'm the attorney I am today because of her… Ted too," she added.
"I want you to do what's best for you," Olivia answered, "If you trust them, I trust them."
"And the second thing?"
"You won't just abandon Noah – he adores you," Olivia said, "He thinks you're some kind of 'angel superhero.'" She gestured with her fingers in the form of quotation marks as she spoke.
"I'm not going anywhere Olivia, whether I am your attorney or not," Alex assured her, turning her eyes down to look at the floor, "I just need to – I need to figure this out… It – it's complicated."
"I know," Olivia answered as Noah came running back down the stairs.
"Ready mom!" Noah cheered, "We gotta go! Bye Alex!" He grabbed Olivia's hand and started dragging her toward the door.
"Have a good workout, Alexandra," Olivia called back toward Alex as she was pulled down the entryway.
"I'll talk to you soon," Alex assured her with a smile, locking the door behind them once they exited.
Having finished drafting her memo early, Alex walked down the block to the gym at 5:30. She'd spent the better half of the first hour she was at the gym running before she realized her legs were absolutely on fire. Alex had run a little over 7 and a half miles but still hit the mats to do light bodyweight and ab workouts. By the time she got back around 7:00 her mind was much clearer, but she was still struggling to make a decision. It wasn't really a matter of getting in trouble with the disciplinary board anymore, and she realistically knew that now that she'd taken the time to write it all out. Everything would be okay, if Alexandra could get over the fact that she had violated the rule in the first place.
She trusted that Olivia wouldn't report her, and she sure as hell wasn't about to go reporting herself. As long as she and Olivia kept their relationship, and connection, absolutely private, they'd be fine to continue it, right? Was Alexandra willing to continue violating the ethical rules just because they could get away with it? It would be so much easier to withdraw, keep their relationship amongst their circle and stop violating the ethical rules. Noah needed protection, Olivia needed protection, and Alex had an overwhelming need to be the one to do it. She had no clue what she was going to do.
It was just after 7:45 when Alexandra was finally able to sit down on the couch, freshly showered and dressed casually in a pair of olive-green skinny jeans, a white oversized sweater, and a pair of black Blundstone Chelsea boots. Her hair was still slightly damp but fell loosely around her shoulders. She had at least a half hour before she'd need to make a decision so someone else could replace her if necessary. She couldn't call Adrienne or Abby for advice, they both worked at her firm and would be in similar positions to Marla. When it came to making important choices, Alexandra had almost always turned to the guidance of her father – but this felt different. She'd done something wrong and wasn't prepared for him to be disappointed in her. Alexander Cabot had been disappointed in his daughter before, but only for typical teenager antics – nothing serious like the possibility of losing her license. No, this was an issue for her mother. The slightly more adventurous parent.
"Alex," her mother's voice cooed from the other end of the phone, "My sweet girl, how are you? We haven't heard from you much since you got home."
"I'm sorry mom, work's been so busy," Alexandra answered, "It's no excuse… I'm sorry." She sunk herself down into the couch.
"Oh, stop sweetheart, it's barely been a week; I understand," her mother answered, "How are you?"
"I'm okay," Alex answered simply, a hint of hesitation in her voice. Alex had always been close with her mother. Well her parents in general, but even as a little girl, Alexandra had never really kept anything from her mom. Not that she could have if she wanted to either, Donna Cabot was especially skilled at knowing when something was up with her children.
"Just okay?" Donna asked, recognizing that her daughter was holding something back, but not wanting to push just yet. Alexandra always did come around and say it eventually.
"Rough case," Alex answered, "I'm sure you've all heard." She sighed heavily, knowing that her family had been trying to get in touch with her about the news reports for the last couple of days – but she'd been avoiding them. Not because she didn't want to talk to them, she'd actually been busy.
"Well of course we've heard," Donna replied, "Your father recorded the news segment and sent it to the family."
"Ugh," Alex groaned, "Why?"
"We're so proud of you Alexandra," Donna told her, the satisfaction evident in her voice. There was a pause for a moment, and her mother's voice shifted back toward concern, "We heard about the allegations – and that poor woman… It's horrible. Are you alright? I can't imagine how much these cases must weigh on you."
"I'm alright mom," Alex assured her.
"I worry about you," Donna answered, "After that last case…" Donna was clearly referring to the Robinson matter – but Alexandra had absolutely no desire to go there.
"Mom, please, not now," Alex interrupted her pleadingly, "I'm doing alright. She's safe, her son is safe, and things are going well in court."
"If anyone can protect her, it's you," Donna agreed, "When will you be coming home for Christmas? Jake, Gabriella, and the kids get in on the 22nd if I'm remembering right. My family will be here on Monday, and Wes said he'd be in on Thursday with Savannah."
"I'll probably be home next Wednesday," Alexandra answered, "I've got some loose ends I need to tie up before I leave the office for a week."
"You won't be staying for New Years?" Donna asked.
"Probably not mom, the firm rented out a rooftop bar," Alex replied, "Wouldn't want to miss that – drunk Ted is quite the sight."
"So, we've heard," Donna answered, "It's really not fair that Wesley is the only one to have been invited to one of these parties. It's been nearly 6 years Alex."
"There's a reason for that," Alex answered with a smile. Goldstein & Park parties got wild sometimes. The last thing Alexandra needed was her parents being around to witness the lot of them drunk, making crude jokes, and – well, acting like a bunch of fraternity brothers.
"Anyway – why don't you wait until Thursday and ride out with Wes?" Her mother asked, "No need for you to both drive out."
"I'll call him," Alex assured her. She wouldn't. Alexandra loved her brother, and her family, but she hated not having a quick mechanism for escape whenever she went out east.
"Now, do you plan to tell me why you've called me at this ungodly hour?" Donna asked, finally deciding it was time to pry.
"I know you've been awake since six, don't even," Alex teased with a smile. Waking up early was a family trait.
"What's going on baby?" Donna asked, diverting the subject back to Alex.
"I fucked up mom," Alex answered simply, sighing loudly as she slumped backwards onto her couch.
"What happened?" Donna asked simply.
"I – I…" She paused, entirely unsure of what to say. Donna was in her early sixties and every bit the cool rich Suffolk county mom. She'd been an attorney too, but hadn't practiced law since Alex was two, opting to retire once Wesley was born. Donna had come from money too and had never needed to work if she didn't want to, especially once she and Alexander had gotten married during their junior year of college at Harvard.
"Don't tell me you're seeing that Natalie woman again," Donna scolded, jumping to conclusions.
"No Mom, I haven't seen her since Thanksgiving," Alex answered, "It has nothing to do with her."
"Alexandra," Donna chastised, "Why in the world would you see that horrible woman? Honestly, she's in her forties and still acts like a teenager."
"Mom, it isn't about her," Alex groaned, "Please." Alex didn't have much time to talk and there was certainly no time to have insignificant side conversations.
"Sorry," Donna answered, "What's bothering you sweetheart?"
"I – My client…" Alex started softly, "I did something stupid." Here goes it, she assured herself.
"What could you have possibly done to your client?"
"I don't even know where to start. I just, I fucked up. And I need you to just listen to me babble. Please – just save the questions and the shock for later," Alex growled, "I don't have much time… and I need your advice."
"Well, go on then, you know I'd never love you any less. What happened?"
"It's about Olivia," Alex answered.
"The Mayor's wife," Donna said, her statement sounding much more like a fact than a question. Of course her mother knew who Olivia was – they'd met a few times.
"Yes… I – the minute I met her, there was just this jolt…" Alex started to explain, "I can't even explain it. It's like this deep burning in my chest. My heart jumps into my throat and is beating so fast I can barely breathe… And – she… she felt it too."
Alexandra paused, waiting expectantly for her mother to say something, but she didn't.
"Mom, she's literally intoxicating," Alex explained, "I can't breathe when I'm around her… and I should have withdrawn after the first day – I should've given the case to Rafael, but I – she… her son… I needed to help them… and I tried so hard to keep it together, to avoid her. Fuck mom, I even slept with Adrienne." She hadn't needed to tell her mom that much, but Alex had never kept anything like that from her before.
At that, Donna finally spoke, "Oh, Alexandra." Donna Cabot had loved the fiery redhead since the moment she'd met her at last year's Cabot Family Reunion in April. Truthfully, Alexandra's entire family had loved Adrienne and had spent at least a month after that trying to convince Alex to give it a shot with her.
"I know – but it's – we talked about it," Alex answered, brushing off her mother's concern, "Adrienne is a good friend mom… but we're on the same page. She's got a thing for Abby these days."
"Oh bullshit," Donna answered, "We all see the way she looks at you. We love Abby, but she's no you."
"Mom – this isn't about Adrienne!" Alex groaned, "Please, just – let me finish." Sometimes her mother was particularly infuriating with her nosiness.
"Sorry, go on," Donna apologized. Ordinarily, Alexandra wouldn't have gotten away with chastising her mother like that, but she could tell that Alexandra had more important things to discuss.
"Olivia – well, she found out about Adrienne and I… and she…" Alex paused again, trying to figure out just how she'd explain what happened last night without completely embarrassing herself, "She was upset, of course."
"Are you dating her?" Donna asked, unable to stop herself from asking a question.
"Olivia? No. I – I don't know how to explain it… we both know there's something between us – it's been eight days and the tension is palpable," Alex explained, choosing her words carefully, "But it's not just that… I already fell in love with her son and have been freaking daydreaming about living with them, waking up to make them breakfast before work…"
"Oh wow," Donna responded. While Alexandra had dated Natalie exclusively for nearly two and a half years, Donna had never once heard Alexandra talk about living with her or wanting to make her breakfast for that matter.
"She was upset," Alex repeated, unsure once again of how to explain things to her mother.
"If you felt this way about Olivia, why did you sleep with Adrienne?"
"Ugh, I didn't sleep with her," Alex groaned, reminded of how Olivia had said it last night. For some reason, it bothered her once again and she snapped, "We fucked mom. Meaningless, comforting, 'you're my best friend and I'm going to fuck you' so I don't fuck my client sex." She was frustrated now.
"Alexandra!" Donna exclaimed, half out of shock, half out of embarrassment. She'd only ever overheard Alex talk like that with her brothers and cousins by accident.
"Sorry – I just, god mom I screwed up," Alex repeated, the sadness taking over her voice.
"Has Olivia fired you?" Donna asked, trying to figure out what exactly the problem was.
"No," Alex answered, "We talked about it… She told me not to do it again... with Adrienne."
"And is that a problem?"
"Yes – no… no?" Alex responded, "I don't know."
"Do you want to keep having sex with Adrienne?" Donna asked.
"No mom – that's not the problem," Alexandra responded, shaking her head. She understood how her mom could have drawn that conclusion, but the inability for Alexandra to explain herself without being too revealing with her mother was making this explanation more complicated than she anticipated.
"Then what is the problem dear, I can't help you if you don't explain," Donna answered softly.
"Things got… heated between us last night," Alex tried, "We – we crossed a line."
"You slept with your client?" Donna asked, realization dawning on her.
"No – well, actually, this time – yes… we did sleep beside one another last night," Alex said with a smile, "But no, we did not have sex."
"I hardly think sleeping beside your client constitutes screwing up to this magnitude, Alexandra," Donna told her gently, brushing off her daughter's concern.
"Mom – please don't make me go into detail," Alexandra groaned, "We didn't have sex, but we didn't just sleep."
"So, you kissed her?" Donna asked.
"No mom," Alex answered, "There was no physical contact other than some cuddling."
"Alright, I'm going to need some more detail then because this seems completely harmless and you're acting like you've just murdered your career."
"I might have though," Alex answered, "All you need to know is that I, without a doubt, violated the Rules of Professional Conduct… and the only people who could get me in trouble for that are myself, Olivia, and now, maybe you… But – I can't figure out what to do."
"Well, are you concerned Olivia is going to report you?" Donna asked.
"No!" Alex answered quickly, "Not at all."
"Then what are you worried about dear?"
"I violated my oath," Alex responded. Why couldn't her mother understand? She'd been a lawyer herself before.
"Oh, to hell with that," Donna replied, "Do you know how many lawyers violate their ethics in much more grotesque ways? This only even matters because of the area you practice in… This is the least horrible thing you could have done Alex. Falling in love with your client is hardly terrible."
"Mom," Alex gasped, "I never said anything about love."
"Oh hush," Donna responded, "You're falling for her. I can hear it in your voice… A son?... You with a child? I never would've imagined."
"I'd have five more if she wanted them," Alex answered before she could even think. What the hell, Alex asked herself, it's been a freaking week! But, deep down, Alex knew it was true – there was something about this woman.
"Oh honey," Donna cooed, "What's the problem then?"
"We can't hide it," Alex answered, "Marla knows there's something between us, even opposing counsel has noticed."
"Are you concerned that they'd report you?"
"Marla would never," Alex responded, "Trevor might… but even if he did the most he could say is that Olivia and I have a connection and the Chief Attorney would certainly throw that complaint out."
"So, you plan to stay on the case?"
"Trevor mentioned settlement, Olivia wants to settle – it's in Noah's best interests that he not be dragged through a family court battle," Alex explained, "I could have the case settled by the end of the week – and be withdrawn before Christmas potentially."
"Sounds like you made up your mind," Donna replied with a soft chuckle.
"But the oath… and what if the Mayor comes after me? I – I want to be a Senator, mom," Alex choked out.
"Oh, screw the oath, Alexandra. If Olivia feels the same way, and you trust her, screw the oath… You're not hurting anyone. I've only met her briefly, but she seems like a good woman… And as for the Mayor, screw him too. While we both know you've never enjoyed riding on the coat tails of your heritage, you are a Harriman, and you are a Cabot. Holter can't touch you Alexandra, not without your father, uncles, and grandfather having some very strong reactions…" Donna answered, "You will be Senator Alexandra Cabot, someday."
"But what if I can't settle the case?" Alex asked, doubting herself for the hundredth time this week.
"Then you may need to withdraw," Donna said honestly, "But if you truly think you can have it settled and that you'll be withdrawn by Christmas, go for it, Alex. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't try."
"I know," Alex answered. Her mom was right. She would never forgive herself if she withdrew and Marla was unable to garner a deal without her. Trevor had to be nervous about the way Olivia could withstand Bradley while Alexandra was around. If Alexandra was removed from the picture, Trevor might have felt that his and Bradley's intimidation tactics would be a better match for the courtroom.
"Then I think your mind is made up," Donna answered, "And not to rush things, but when can we truly meet her? We've only met in passing a few times."
"Mom," Alex groaned, "No."
"Are you bringing Adrienne home for Christmas still?" Donna asked, changing the subject.
"I – I don't know, mom," Alex answered. In reality, Alexandra had completely forgotten that she'd invited her friend to the Cabot household for Christmas. Adrienne had no family, and typically spent her holidays hopping between friends' houses. Alex's mom had given Adrienne an open invitation to Cabot holidays and Alex had re-extended the invite sometime around Thanksgiving. The attorney couldn't stand the thought of Adrienne spending Christmas alone. But now, it seemed like a horrible idea.
"Well," Donna started, "It's just the family this year – so, you can bring Olivia and… Noah was it? Noah, with you."
"Mom," Alex warned again. This was all so inappropriate. She couldn't possibly bring Olivia and Noah home with her for Christmas just barely three weeks after meeting. A client no less – even if she was withdrawn by then. Three weeks?!
"You said you may be withdrawn by then," Donna teased.
"You're ridiculous," Alex groaned.
"What? I want my only daughter to be happy," Donna said, "Your brothers are both happily married – I just want you to be happy."
"I am happy mom," Alex responded, "I've got everything I ever wanted."
"Yes," Donna agreed, "But you can't run around bedhopping for the rest of your life."
Donna meant well, but Alex never did enjoy how eager her mother was for her to settle down, "Mom… If I want to bedhop for the rest of my life, I will… but please, just – calm down until I figure out what the hell is even going on."
"Fine, but I expect details when you do," Donna sighed.
"I can do that," Alex agreed, "So I'm staying on the case to see if I can get a deal – if I can't by Friday, I'll withdraw anyway."
"Look at you, figured it out for yourself," Donna smiled.
"I love you mom," Alex told her.
"Love you too sweetheart, go kick ass today," Donna told her, hanging up the phone.
They'd only been on the phone for about fifteen minutes, and Alexandra had about 10 minutes before she needed to drive down to Penn Station to pick up Olivia and head over to the Gramercy Park condo. She shot Olivia a text letting her know she'd be by the taxi line out in front of Penn at 8:30.
Despite talking with her mother, Alex was still relatively nervous about the entire thing. It was a good plan, it was a fair plan, but it didn't make Alexandra any less uneasy. She'd go today, spend the next three days negotiating a settlement with Trevor, and hopefully have a written confirmation of understanding by Friday afternoon. Once that was settled, Alexandra would pass the case off to Ted, Marla, and Rafael, and file her withdrawal. Due to it being so late in December by the time she finally files, and the domestic courts being slower at this time of year, she would likely be granted the withdrawal with Rafael's substitution within a few days. Once she was out she was free to be with Olivia, if they wanted to be. Rafael, Marla, and Ted would finish drafting the paperwork based on the deal terms, get signatures, and have everything filed before Christmas. Sure, they'd probably be stuck waiting for a court order on the settlement for a few months, but it wouldn't matter. Alex would no longer have any role in Olivia's representation. As long as they waited a while to be public about it, Trevor and Bradley would have no reason to file any grievance against her. Bradley maybe, but Trevor would be stupid to do so, making an enemy out of Alexandra knowing damn well his feeling about them would be legally insufficient to the Chief Attorney. But, if Bradley did, she would be able to say she wasn't violating any rule because she was not involved in the client's representation. At that point, any relationship would have started after Alex was no longer Olivia's attorney; Marla would be able to prove that the firm firewalled her once the relationship became a thing. The only problem was, if Trevor or Bradley filed one against her now, and the Chief Attorney decided to investigate, Alexandra would need to be very crafty with her words. Sure, no one besides them knew what happened last night, but if the Chief Attorney asked any questions regarding this time period, she'd have to be careful or end up perjuring herself. If the questions started after her representation ended and only involved that period of time, Alex would be fine. While Alex wasn't necessarily concerned that a grievance was coming, she couldn't kick that little ounce of fear in the back of her head
"No Alex," she told herself as she grabbed her cellphone off the coffee table and walked into her kitchen. She took her long camel colored peacoat off the coatrack near the entryway to her apartment and slipped it on, "Confident and collected. And you'll be fine." After all, all she had to do was what all the other corrupt lawyers and politicians did – pretend like you were doing nothing wrong. The thought irked her the moment she thought it. Corrupt.
"You're not corrupt Alex," she reminded herself as she grabbed her keys, exited her apartment, and locked the door behind her, "You aren't hurting anyone… It's different."
Before she knew it, it was 8:25 AM and she was sitting in her car idling outside Penn Station behind a line of taxi cabs. She was nervous to be alone with Olivia again, but confident that her plan would work. It was another five minutes before she saw Olivia emerge from the escalators and start walking toward her past Madison Square Garden. She'd changed, thankfully. The last thing Alexandra needed was Olivia showing up at the houses to get things for herself and Noah wearing the same pants as yesterday and Alexandra's oversized old Harvard sweatshirt. Olivia had clearly had Amanda bring her clothes and changed on the train. She looked droolworthy in a pair of dark jeans, black boots, a light grey t-shirt, and a simple black leather jacket. How she wasn't cold, Alexandra didn't understand, but she was grateful for the lack of overcoat. Olivia looked good.
"Hey," Olivia said softly, opening Alex's passenger side door and climbing inside the Cayenne, "I'm glad to see you."
"Hey," Alex said tenderly, giving her a small smile, "I'm sorry about this morning – I just needed to think."
"It's okay," Olivia assured her as she buckled her seatbelt and Alex pulled out of the taxi line and out onto 7th Ave, "I understand… I take it you decided to stay on?" They were barely 15 minutes from Olivia's Gramercy Park residence, but that would be enough time for them to talk, if Alex could keep her nerve.
"I'm staying on for now," Alexandra answered, "I'll be there for today, and I'll spend the week negotiating with Trevor. If by Friday, we have a written deal, I'll withdraw Friday evening and have Marla firewall me… If I can't get a deal by Friday, I have to withdraw anyway… the risk is too high."
"And what about us?" Olivia asked, before she could stop herself or word it in a better way. There was no us, at least not yet.
"I would likely be suspended for what we did, Liv… but no one has any reason to report me, or evidence that would result in an investigation… and we need to make sure it stays that way."
"So, you're saying we still can't…?" Olivia asked, trailing off with a sly smile, raking her eyes up and down Alexandra's body.
"Not until I withdraw… we shouldn't," Alex answered, keeping her eyes locked on the road in front of her, "I think I can craft my way out of any probing questions right now… the first question I'll be asked is if we had sex while I was representing you… Right now, I can confidently say no without perjuring myself… I'll be asked if we've kissed, or touched one another intimately, and I can still say no. The questions would likely stop there… and even if they went to you to ask as well, you too could confidently say no."
"But once you withdraw?" Olivia asked, looking over at Alex with a hopeful expression, "Then we can?"
"We have to wait for the order granting Rafael's substitution of counsel and my withdrawal, it shouldn't take long," Alex explained, "But we should wait."
"After last night… that's going to be very hard," Olivia commented gently, turning to look out the window, "But I understand… we need to – we need to be careful."
"You're worth the wait," Alex whispered barely audible enough for Olivia to hear her, "But I need to be clear about something – if we cannot contain ourselves around others – I will withdraw immediately."
"I understand," Olivia assured her, "I promise."
Thankfully, the meeting at the Gramercy Park condo went smoothly. Alexandra and Olivia were met by three private security guards out front and headed inside with Trevor just after 9 AM. Oliva packed her clothing from the master bedroom while Alexandra had gone into Noah's bedroom and, surprisingly, with the help of Trevor, started packing the little boy's toys into boxes that Marla had sent the security team with for Olivia to use. By 10:30 Olivia had joined Trevor and Alex in Noah's room and helped them pack up his clothes into a few duffle bags they'd had lying around the condo.
By 11:30 they'd packed the few boxes into the back of the security teams suburban and loaded the duffle bags of clothes into Alex's Cayenne. Olivia had placed two smaller boxes of Noah's favorite toys into the trunk of Alex's car for Noah since the remaining boxes were heading to a storage unit Ted had set up for Olivia after yesterday's hearing. While the security team headed to the storage unit to unload before driving out to Long Island, Olivia and Alex headed back to her apartment to drop off the duffle bags, toys for Noah, and to drop off Alex's car. They'd taken a cab down to Penn Station afterwards and just barely made the 12:30 Huntington line out to Long Island. Since Olivia's Grand Cherokee was at the Cold Spring Harbor house and she was awarded it by the Court, they'd take her SUV back into the City once they were done. Even though they were not cleared to enter the Cold Spring Harbor home until 2:30, Alex and Olivia were getting off the LIRR in Olivia's town just after 1:30 PM.
"Are you hungry?" The brunette asked Alex as they walked the few steps down off the train platform behind a few other afternoon commuters.
"I could be," Alex answered, glancing around at their surroundings, "Got any suggestions? I don't know a damn thing about this area." Despite growing up in Suffolk County, Alex hadn't spent much time on this side of the county. Amagansett, where Alex had grown up, was at least an hour and a half east from here. Alex had spent her childhood in Sag Harbor, Montauk, the Hamptons and rarely traveled further than Patchogue. The closest she ever got was Stony Brook – and even that was far.
"I may prefer to live in the City, but the reallllly good food is out here," Olivia told her dramatically, a wide grin spread across her face as she led Alex toward the parking lot of the train station.
"According to your little man, you eat quite a bit of takeout, so I can confidently say I trust your judgment on that," Alex answered, "What did you want to eat? We've got about an hour."
"How do you feel about pizza?" Olivia asked, taking out her phone to call an Uber. She never understood why, but out on the Island she had no qualms with utilizing Uber – but any time she was in the City, she always called a taxi. She surmised that it was simply habit.
"Pizza?" Alex asked curiously.
"You don't eat pizza?" Olivia asked, shocked. If Alexandra didn't enjoy pizza, Olivia wasn't certain they had any hope for a future.
"Of course, I eat pizza, but you made it seem like I was missing out on something special out here. It's New York – all the pizza is good… But yeah," Alex answered, "Pizza sounds good."
"You've never had Mario's," Olivia answered, putting her phone back in her pocket, "Uber will be here in 5."
"I'm very basic with pizza," Alex told her, walking toward the curb to wait for the Uber. Pizza was meant to be eaten plain.
"Basic?" Olivia asked, leaning up against one of the light poles near the edge of the parking lot.
"Just cheese," Alex responded with a laugh, "I don't like anything else."
"Onions? Olives? Peppers? Pepperoni? Nothing?" Olivia asked, pretending to be shocked.
"Nope," Alex answered, "Just plain… anything more and it's just ruined."
"You sound like Noah," Olivia opined, "He likes plain – sometimes he'll put parmesan on top." Olivia wasn't surprised that Alex didn't eat pizza covered in toppings. It was a classic, like Alexandra was a classic beauty.
"Oh, I do like some parmesan," Alex corrected, "He's got good taste."
"At least we won't have to get three pies on pizza nights," Olivia quipped, watching Alex from her spot against the light pole. Alexandra had spent the day maintaining a safe distance between the two of them, even taking a three-seater on the train to leave the middle seat open between them. It both unnerved Olivia and made her smile – Alex clearly didn't trust herself to be near Olivia anymore. They both smiled at the implication of Olivia's statement.
"Two slices max, for me," Alex answered, taking a few steps closer to Olivia when she realized the brunette had been eyeing her funny.
"I couldn't picture you eating two, no less any more than that," Olivia laughed, "Where do you fit it?"
"In case you forgot, I work out a lot," Alex replied with a wink.
"Oh, trust me, I could never forget," Olivia answered with a knowing smile. Both women blushed as the familiar pull of arousal panged through both of their lower abdomens.
"Shut up," Alex answered quickly.
"Are we just not going to talk about it?" Olivia asked, watching the blush creep up Alex's neck. She had to admit, Alexandra dressed in casual clothing was her absolute favorite new view. She wasn't wearing anything special, but the way her jeans hugged her incredibly long legs, how the oversized sweater fell loosely around her torso, Alexandra looked adorable. Especially since she'd rolled up the bottoms of her olive-colored jeans a few times so that her chunky black socks were visible, poking through the tops of her black Chelsea boots. Alexandra was definitely a better dresser than her; the camel colored peacoat brought it all together, making Alex look like she'd just stepped out of Blundstone's winter catalog.
Alex took in a deep breath and shook her head, "No… it's not that."
"What is it?" Olivia asked, "Do you regret it?"
"No," Alex answered quickly, "Not at all." That was partially true, she didn't regret what had happened – but she did regret doing it while she was still Olivia's attorney.
"Then what?" Olivia asked, leaning up and bringing herself to stand beside Alexandra since their Uber would be arriving shortly. Even with the extra two inches Olivia's black boots gave her, Alex was still taller than her, the Blundstone's giving the blonde at least another inch.
"I'm embarrassed," Alexandra admitted, her cheeks turning red as she spoke.
"You have nothing to be embarrassed about," Olivia told her softly, "Last night was… incredibly hot."
Alex blushed again, turning away from Olivia. It was a weird feeling for her, being embarrassed about her body or sexuality. She'd always been rather confident in the bedroom, and even more so with her sexuality in general. She'd grown up in a sex positive environment – it had never been a taboo subject in her childhood, and she'd continued that trend into adulthood. It was what allowed her to avoid relationships, but still satisfy her needs. She'd owned who she was, what she wanted, what she liked and didn't like since she was young; but now, with Olivia, she felt like a blubbering schoolgirl unable to talk about it at all, as per usual.
"You shouldn't be embarrassed Alexandra," Olivia continued, "And I have every intention of watching you do that again once I can." She shot Alex a very seductive wink that made Alex's knees weak.
Before she could respond, the Uber driver pulled up at the curb in front of them. Olivia laughed and opened the door for Alex to get in, "Saved by the Uber."
Alex laughed and got in the car, scooting over to let Olivia climb in beside her, "We can talk about it over pizza."
"Deal," Olivia told her as she shut the door.
As promised, fifteen minutes later they were sitting in the dining room at Mario's in Syosset. They'd ordered a slice each and were patiently waiting for their names to be called. Alex had downed half her cup of water in the five minutes they'd been waiting, trying to avoid talking to Olivia about last night. Olivia didn't force the subject, waiting and letting Alex come to her again on her own time. By the time their name was called, and Olivia went to grab their slices from the counter, Alexandra had finished the rest of her water and re-filled the cup.
"Are you trying to drown yourself?" Olivia asked Alex as she placed their slices on the small table and slid back into her chair opposite the blonde.
Alex laughed, took a final sip of her water and pushed it away from herself and toward the middle of the table. She pulled her slice of plain pizza in front of her and studied it, "This better be some killer pizza."
"Just try it," Olivia groaned, picking up her own slice and biting into the tip. She groaned happily at the taste and shot Alex a time-stopping smile to which Alexandra almost choked at the sight of.
The blonde rolled her eyes, picked up her slice, folded it in half and bit off the tip. She paused for a minute, taking in the taste. She tried not to groan, but Olivia was right – this pizza was incredible. She put the slice down and looked up, her expression staying neutral.
"Well?" Olivia asked, "Should I take the groan as a good sign?"
"It's good," Alex said with a smile after she swallowed, "Really good."
"Noah and I used to come here every Monday night," Olivia told her, "It was our little date day. We'll have to find a new pizza place once we figure out where the hell we're going to live."
"We'll figure it out," Alex told her with a smile, "My dad and I used to have a date day too… In the summers we'd go to the Lobster Roll on Montauk Highway, then drive out to the lighthouse every Saturday. During the winter we'd go to Harvest on Duck Pond – which, I've been incorrectly calling Harvest on the Pond since I was little – but it's the best food on the east end."
"I've been to the Lobster Roll a few times, it's great," Olivia said with a smile, "Best lobster on the Island."
"Oh, without a doubt," Alex responded, smiling at Olivia's enthusiasm about her favorite restaurant – a place that had been special to her since she was young.
"You're close with your parents?" Olivia asked, taking another bite of her pizza. Unlike Alex, Olivia enjoyed hers loaded with toppings and today had been no different. Olivia's slice was full of onions, peppers, and pieces of sausage.
"Very," Alex responded, "My brothers, too… My whole family really."
"And you're all lawyers?" Olivia asked.
"My mom stopped practicing when I was little, but my dad, brothers, uncles, aunts, grandparents… we all practice law," Alex answered with a smile. She and Olivia hadn't really gotten the chance to sit down and talk like this – about themselves – at least not since the first night where Alex had divulged a ton of embarrassing details about herself to Olivia to make her feel better.
"Do you all do family law?" Olivia asked curiously.
"No, just me," Alex answered, "Dad does civil litigation and corporate type stuff. Jake is about to take over the criminal practice at the Boston office, and Wes does intellectual property, patent law. My grandfather just retired from the bench, I've got two uncles still on the bench, and both of my aunts do entertainment law."
"That's a lot of lawyers," Olivia commented, listening to Alex intently.
"I know you said you never knew your dad, but what did your mom do?" Alex asked, devouring her pizza again.
"My mom was an English professor at NYU," Olivia told her, "I didn't fall too far from the tree."
"Did you always want to teach?" Alex asked.
"No – I was a cop, I'd always wanted to be one," Olivia said honestly, "But I couldn't – it was too demanding of a job. I made it through the Academy, worked the beat for a while, that's where I met Fin… but my mom needed too much from me at the time. I wound up enrolling part time for my master's degree and once I was done, I quit being a cop and started teaching at Columbia so I'd have more time to help her… It was just easier to stay… besides, Bradley would never have let me go back."
Alexandra wasn't surprised to hear that Olivia had once been a cop. It made sense, if she really thought about it. While Olivia certainly struck her as the gentle nurturing type that would make a fantastic professor, especially of English, but with the strength and fire behind her eyes it made absolute sense that Olivia had once been in a badass profession like law enforcement. Not only did it make sense, but it made Alex want to drool a little, the thought of Olivia in a police officer's uniform.
"How long were you a cop?" Alexandra asked.
"I graduated from college in 2010, went to the academy right from there and took a job with the NYPD after that," Olivia explained, "My mom died about 5 years ago, right around Noah's first birthday… and I worked for the NYPD for about 5 years before that."
"That's recent," Alex commented, referring to the death of Olivia's mother, "I take it you were close if you changed careers to take care of her."
"Not really," Olivia responded, looking away from Alex to stare out the window of the pizza place, "She was an alcoholic… Her death was an accident – she was drunk… fell down the subway steps outside the bar."
"What?" Alex asked, shocked.
"It hurt for a while," Olivia told her, "I think that's a big reason why I went back to Bradley – it was easier, and I was already feeling so alone… and things were hard with Noah."
"I understand that," Alex told her softly, "I don't think I'd handle the death of either of my parents well."
"She'd been sober for a year beforehand," Olivia told her, "Once Brad and I got married and we found out I was pregnant with Noah. She went to rehab; she'd been doing well. She wanted a family – wanted to be a good grandmother to Noah."
"What happened?" Alex asked, even though it wasn't technically any of her business.
"I wish I knew," Olivia told her with a shrug of her shoulders.
"Did you at least have a good childhood with her?" Alex asked.
"No," Olivia responded simply, "She'd been an alcoholic for as long as I could remember… I basically raised myself."
"And your father didn't want to take you away from that?" Alex asked. She couldn't comprehend the fact that some parents choose not to parent. Having grown up in the circle she grew up in, it was unheard of. Sure, many of her friends growing up were raised by nannies and housekeepers, but at least their parents were around sometimes.
"I –" Olivia tried, but faltered. She thought of lying, making up an excuse, avoiding the topic altogether, but something inside her forced her into the direct opposite direction, "My mom was raped… I'm the product of that rape."
Alexandra didn't respond and instead placed her slice of pizza back down onto her paper plate and looked up at Olivia with a look that almost made the brunette break down into hysterics. The blonde lifted her hand and held it out across the table, a concerned, soft smile playing at her lips. When Olivia dropped her hand into Alex's, the blonde softly started running her finger across the back of her hand comfortingly, "Oh, Liv… That's gotta be so hard."
"It's alright," Olivia shrugged, squeezing Alex's hand tightly for a second before withdrawing her own. As much as she wanted Alexandra to never stop touching her, letting them linger in physical contact was the number one ingredient for trouble.
"We can talk about something else," Alex told her, recognizing that Olivia probably didn't want to talk about her parents anymore. It had to be hard, knowing that happened to your mother – knowing that I could have very easily happened to her. Alex frowned at the thought. Olivia had been through more in her thirty-five years than Alex had known anyone to have dealt with. Olivia was incredibly strong, and Alex couldn't help but admire that – making her own current predicament seem completely insignificant.
"How about last night?" Olivia asked, trying to revive their conversation from before the Uber had picked them up.
"Okay," Alex told her with a nod, "We can talk about it."
"I have no regrets about it, Alexandra," Olivia told her, "Well – maybe one." She took another bite of her pizza and gulped a few sips of the Coke she'd gotten herself.
"And what is that?" Alex asked, taking a bite herself.
"That I didn't take over," Olivia joked with a smirk, putting her soda cup back down on the table.
"Liv!" Alex gasped, swatting at the woman from across the table.
"Hey, you asked," Olivia said, throwing her hands up in surrender, "But for real… how do you feel about it?"
"I won't lie," Alexandra responded, turning her full attention to Olivia, "I'm conflicted."
"Conflicted how?"
"I guess with how it happened… you were so angry," Alex said softly, "You were looking at me like you wanted to choke me out."
"Oh," Olivia said with a laugh, "I did… just probably not how you're meaning it right now." It was true, Olivia had forced herself to grab Alexandra by the chin, and not her neck, during their 'fight' on the couch. It partially had to do with the fact that the move would be too bold, but half of her was afraid she'd have a flashback – even if she wasn't on the receiving end. But Alexandra didn't need to know that yet.
"Olivia," Alex growled, "I'm trying to be serious here."
"Sorry – yes, I was very angry," Olivia replied.
"And now?"
"I'm not angry," Olivia clarified, "But I am hurt."
"It was never my intention to hurt you," Alex answered, "I was just…"
"Horny?" Olivia joked, trying to make light of the situation. Humor was probably the only way she knew how to cope with this.
"Yes," Alex admitted, "And frustrated with work… I usually turn to sex when I need to step out of my body for a little… and I couldn't have you. It – Adrienne was the best option."
"I understand that," Olivia told her, "It's just that it was her… She's your best friend… she's on my legal team. I suspect I'll be seeing a lot of her."
"Probably," Alex admitted.
"She looks at you like I look at you," Olivia told her sadly.
"No, she doesn't," Alex responded quickly, her voice turning serious, "No one's ever looked at me the way you do."
"You have no idea the affect you have on people, do you?" Olivia asked, looking up at Alexandra with wide, soft eyes. It never ceased to shock her that Alexandra didn't see herself the same way Olivia saw her. Alexandra was, to Olivia, the most beautiful woman in every room.
"Do you?" Alex countered with a smirk. As far as Alex was concerned, Olivia was the beautiful one.
"Touché," Olivia responded.
"But yeah, I guess – I just don't understand how you went from angry to… what happened," Alex said, pulling their conversation back to the original topic.
"Once you told me you were using her… thinking about me… Something in me snapped," Olivia shrugged, "Like I wanted to stake my claim."
"Such a top," Alex commented under her breath, grabbing her water and chugging once more.
"I just – I wanted to make sure you didn't go back to her," Olivia said, ignoring Alex's comment, "I just – I wanted to… Fuck Alex, I don't know how to explain it… The thought of you being so sexually frustrated over me that you'd fuck your best friend, it just lit a fire… I was so angry, and then… I couldn't stop myself."
"I promise," Alex said softly, "It was never about her."
"I think that made me even more possessive," Olivia answered, that same cold glare from last night returning to her eyes, "I had no right to be… and this is about to sound disgusting but that made it even hotter… the fact that she was just a warm body for you."
Alexandra didn't respond verbally, but her stomach instantly dropped, the familiar twisting of arousal churning in her lower stomach again. It made her feel like shit, but also kind of dirty, the way Olivia had worded her intimacy with Adrienne, but the way Olivia was looking at her had her reeling again.
"And you liked it," Olivia added, once she realized Alexandra wasn't going to respond, "You literally got off on my jealousy."
"Is that a problem?" Alex asked, sitting back in her chair with a power stance that made Olivia gulp.
"It will be if you do it again," Olivia answered after regaining her composure.
"Is that a threat?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow at the brunette.
"Are you going to fuck her again?" Olivia countered.
"Didn't we talk about that last night?" Alexandra asked, taking another bite of her pizza.
"Alex, you would have signed over the deed to your apartment to me last night," Olivia responded with a sly grin.
Alex wanted to laugh, but she didn't. Olivia was right. There was nothing the brunette could have asked of her last night that she would have said no to. But, at the same time, Alex was offended by the question, as if Olivia thought the blonde couldn't keep her legs closed for a few weeks until the court accepted her withdrawal.
"What are the rules here Alex?" Olivia asked when Alex didn't respond, "Even if it's not Adrienne… are you going to keep sleeping with other people?"
"Do you really think I can't control myself for another few weeks?" Alex asked her, her voice even, but her tone had grown colder.
"I mean it's been like eight days since we met and you fucked Adrienne yesterday," Olivia responded before she could think. That had been the wrong thing to say.
"Wow," Alex responded, withdrawing into herself, "That was a low blow." She really didn't like the implications laced in what Olivia had just said, whether she intended them or not. Alexandra knew that Olivia had a right to be angry that she'd slept with Adrienne, but not so much so that she had a right to imply Alexandra was incapable of refraining from sex long enough to get off Olivia's case.
"It's true," Olivia responded pointedly, "It took you what, seven days to bed her? We're talking another two weeks at least." She hadn't intended it to, but her words were laced heavily with disdain.
"Actually," Alex responded matter-of-factly, her anger starting to rise, "I fucked her twice." Alexandra had never been good at taking criticism from anyone who was not an authority figure over her, and Olivia was no different. If the brunette was going to sit there and make her feel like shit, she'd do the same right back. It was childish, but Alex had no other ammo.
"I knew you slept with her before we met," Olivia answered, ignoring Alexandra's attempt at hurting her, "I don't care how many times Alex… I just –"
Alex laughed and cut her off, "You don't know a thing."
"So, you're saying you lied to me?" Olivia asked.
"No," Alexandra responded, her voice remaining cold and despondent, "I fucked her on Thursday."
Olivia paused for a moment, thinking back to Thursday. The night Alex had left the apartment in the middle of the night, the night before she'd woken up to Alexandra cuddling her son on the couch, the night before they'd had a really good talk in Alexandra's bathroom, the night before she found out about Adrienne had been the very same night she'd had sex with her. Her blood started to boil.
"What?" Olivia asked finally through gritted teeth.
"Well since you seem to think I'm incapable of going without sex, and feel the need to attack me for something I've tried to explain to you the best I can… I figured you should at least have all the facts," Alex responded nonchalantly.
"I didn't say that," Olivia growled, looking away from Alexandra and turning her attention to the half-eaten slice of pizza in front of her. Suddenly, she was no longer hungry.
"So, what were you trying to imply then, exactly?" Alex snapped. She'd barely eaten half of her own slice, and defiantly pushed it away from herself.
"I mean, look how fast you submitted to me," Olivia whispered harshly. She wasn't really sure what she'd meant with that one.
"Wow," Alex said again, "So now I'm easy?"
"None of this is coming out right," Olivia groaned, running both of her hands through her hair in frustration. She certainly hadn't meant that.
"Why don't you just say whatever it is you want to say, Olivia?" Alex snapped harshly.
"I don't – how did we get here?" Olivia asked finally, calming herself down and trying to bring them both back from the edge.
"Where?" Alex asked, still not changing her tone of voice.
"Here – fighting in a pizza parlor over this…" Olivia said, throwing her hands out in front of her and gesturing between them.
"There is no this, Olivia," Alex quipped sarcastically. It came out harsher than she'd intended it to. Alexandra was finding it incredibly difficult to calm down. She hadn't intended to get so angry, or to hurt Olivia. She'd felt good about everything after their talk in the car – and now… now she didn't know what the hell was going on. With everything else that had been going on, the added stress of this fight was making Alexandra crazy.
"You know what I meant, Alexandra," Olivia responded in a voice so stern that it made Alex sit up straight in her seat and despite her height, she suddenly looked very small.
"I'm sorry," Alex responded softly, after taking a minute to breathe. She'd needed to calm down, desperately.
"For what?" Olivia asked, clearly wanting a proper apology.
"For saying there is no this…" Alex responded.
"But not for sleeping with her?" Olivia asked.
"No. I'm not sorry for having sex with Adrienne," Alex answered honestly, "And I don't regret it… It kept me from jumping you – and it kept me in a place where I can still save my job… my future."
"I get that," Olivia answered. She didn't fully understand, but she was trying, "But why did it have to be her?"
"Because I trust her," Alex responded quickly.
"What does trust have to do with it if it was just meaningless sex?"
"Olivia," Alex tried, "Think about it." She lowered her voice, trying to signal to Olivia that they were getting loud.
"I highly doubt you've never had a one-night stand, Alex," Olivia commented, unsure of what Alex was getting at, but lowering her tone of voice.
"You'd be right to assume that," Alexandra responded.
"Then why did it have to be her? Your best friend. Someone I'm sure I'm going to have to spend time with not only on a professional level, but a personal level if I'm involved with you," Olivia asked again.
"I wanted a release," Alex said softly, trying not to smile again at the implication in Olivia's words, "And I knew I'd be able to let her give me that."
Olivia cringed, "I didn't need to know that."
"You knew she made me… You… last night… you asked," Alex responded trying to carefully choose her words, "And besides, you just asked me to explain why and I promised you the truth, always."
"I can't stand the thought of you being with someone else," Olivia said finally, "I know we just met – I know we have so much to learn about each other – but god, Alexandra… I truly can't stand the thought of someone else touching you."
"You told me that I better not dare sleep with her again," Alex responded, "I agreed to that."
"But are you going to sleep with someone else?" Olivia asked.
"Things are different now, Olivia," Alex tried.
"How?"
"Do you forget what happened last night?" Alex asked with a laugh. Obviously, things were different now. They'd already crossed the line, there was nothing stopping them from doing that again – at least, nothing that mattered anymore now.
"Like I could ever forget that," Olivia responded with a smile. Last night was still fully engrained in her brain.
"And you think I can?" Alex asked, raising her eyebrows. Did Olivia forget how many orgasms she'd had?
"But you said we can't until you withdraw," Olivia replied.
"That's not what I meant," Alex responded, "Olivia – I didn't want anyone but you before what happened last night – and now… now that I've had a taste… Now that we've already done that – nothing… if I – God, I really don't think anyone could satisfy that but you."
Olivia wasn't sure if she should be flattered, or annoyed. Either way, she wanted to know one last thing, "Was it like that with her?"
Alexandra laughed, "No. Not at all."
"And you liked what happened last night?" Olivia asked.
"Do you really need to ask that?"
"It'd make me feel better to hear it."
"Olivia – I've never in my life been able to do that three times in a row like that," Alex responded, "I didn't like what happened last night. I loved what happened last night." It was true, and now all Alexandra could think about was what sex with Olivia would be like if she'd been able to do that to her without even touching her body.
"It's kind of ridiculous that you can't even say the words," Olivia said with a smirk.
"I can say the words," Alex responded, feigning offense.
"Say it," Olivia told her.
"No," Alex responded.
Olivia smiled for a moment, then quickly hardened her features, her entire demeanor changing in an instant, "Alexandra."
Alex gulped. There weren't many other people inside the pizza joint, but Alexandra still glanced around to make sure that no one was paying attention to them.
"Say it," Olivia demanded.
"What do you want me to say?"
"Tell me how many times you came."
"Three," Alex responded cheekily.
"Alex," Olivia warned, narrowing her eyes at the blonde. She wasn't going to give it up until Alexandra gave in and said it.
"You made me cum three times," Alex finally responded, her voice barely above a whisper. Her cheeks immediately flushed bright red at the statement.
"I watched you make yourself cum three times," Olivia corrected, her eyes turning almost black at the thought.
"You know," Alex said softly, "It's really not fair of you to use that voice and those eyes against me."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Olivia responded with a wink.
"Yes, you do," Alex told her seriously.
"It's not my fault that you respond so well," Olivia said with a laugh.
"You knew I would," Alex responded.
"I never thought you'd actually follow through," Olivia admitted, "I – I had no intention of making that happen."
"You thought… after all of that… that you would tell me to go do that and that I'd suddenly ignore you?" Alex asked.
"Yes – no… I don't know," Olivia admitted, "I never expected that to happen… I'm sorry."
"Olivia, if there's anything you need to know about me it's that I don't lose or give up control easily," Alex responded, "And once I do – there's no turning back… Have you not noticed how weak I am for you? This was a joint effort. We both knew it would happen eventually."
"Maybe," Olivia agreed, though she didn't want to. It made her anger about Adrienne illegitimate. Olivia knew deep down that Alexandra was nearly fully wrapped around her finger.
"What can I say to make you feel better about this? Is there even anything I can say?"
"Tell me what you want from me," Olivia answered quickly, "You're off the case, and there's nothing holding us back anymore. What do you want?"
"In a perfect world?" Alex asked.
"Yes," Olivia responded, "In your perfect world, what comes next?"
"Well, if I had things my way," Alex started, taking a moment to think about exactly what she wanted, "If I had things my way, we'd give this…" She paused and corrected herself, "We'd give us a go."
"I thought you don't do relationships?" Olivia asked, recalling the multiple times it had been reiterated to her by not only Alexandra herself, but Marla as well.
"I don't," Alex confirmed, "But you're not just anyone."
"You barely know me," Olivia said softly. While it was true that they had a ton to learn about one another, Alexandra knew enough to know that Olivia was different.
"Isn't that the point of giving it a go?" Alex asked, "Look – we may have only just met, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that there is something electric between us… and if I was stupid enough to jeopardize my entire future over you… the universe knows something we don't."
Olivia didn't respond, clearly caught up in the emotions Alexandra had just elicited from her.
"Everything I've seen… I like… a lot," Alex continued, "I don't know what the future will bring – but I kinda like the idea of you being in it."
"I have a son," Olivia reminded her.
"If only you knew how often I daydream about falling asleep with you both in my arms," Alex responded, "How often I think about waking up early to make Noah breakfast before school… How often I think about how empty my apartment is without you two there…. Of course my perfect vision of a future with you incudes your son, Liv."
Olivia struggled for a moment to contain herself as she felt the tears start to well in her eyes. While she knew Alexandra loved her son, she wasn't aware that the thirty-year-old woman was okay with the idea of building a life with someone with a child. She had no idea that Alex had thought about a future with Noah, too.
"Can we put all of this behind us?" Olivia finally asked.
"I mean I'd rather not pretend that last night didn't happen," Alexandra responded with a knowing smile.
"I meant Adrienne," Olivia replied, "Can we put that behind us?"
"I've been trying," Alex said with a laugh, "You're the one who keeps making me tell you more."
"Shut up," Olivia chastised softly, "I needed to know."
"What do you want from me these next few weeks?" Alex asked, changing the subject back.
"It's not fair for me to tell you what to do," Olivia replied, hanging her head.
"In your perfect world, what do you want from me?" Alexandra asked, using Olivia's own line against her.
"I'd want you to not have sex with anyone else," Olivia responded, "I'd want you to keep doing this with me – talking, learning about each other… I'd want what happened last night to keep happening."
"Okay," Alex responded, "I think that's fair."
"We can repeat last night?" Olivia asked, raising her eyebrows.
"As long as my answers to have you had sex with your client or have you touched or been intimately touched by your client can continue to be no, I don't see how we couldn't continue – if I'm going to get in trouble, the one interaction already did it – I'd be in no worse shit for continuing," Alexandra said after taking a moment to reason with herself, "But one slip up in public and I'm withdrawing."
"But your ethics," Olivia responded, unable to wipe the smile from her face. She wasn't complaining.
Alexandra paused for a moment again, taking a long deep breath, "Screw them," Alex answered softly, "You're worth the risk." She'd expected her voice to come out shaky, nervous, unsure, anything. But instead, she'd sounded confident as ever.
"It's extremely hard not to kiss you right now," Olivia admitted.
"Make a tally and you can give me them all the moment I'm withdrawn," Alex responded.
"Deal," Olivia told her happily, taking her phone out of her pocket, opening a new note and making a couple tally marks.
"Hey, that was more than one," Alex laughed, watching Olivia type in multiple marks onto her phone.
"I've got a few on reserve I needed to add," Olivia answered, putting her phone away, "And we should go… I want to get this over with."
"Let's go," Alex told her with a smile, "The quicker we're done, the faster I can get an email out to Trevor."
"I'll call the Uber."
Note: Just a side note, the term "Id." in the "memo" is a citation, it essentially means you're citing the same exact citation was the one before it. Sorry, I got a little carried away with the memo. Those are real cases, with real citations if you're interested. Again, none of that is legal advice, just a little informational memo.
Hope you guys enjoy this one :).
