the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break
by Rose Thorne
Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with The Untamed, and make no money writing fanfiction.
Chapter Three
Wen Qionglin brings dinner, largely comprised of radish-based dishes. From Wen Qing's comment regarding Wei Ying's dislike of the vegetable, Lan Wangji decides they should absolutely purchase something else in Yiling tomorrow.
Though it is nearly time to sleep, Lan Wangji focuses on writing the letter to Xichen. He dares not include too much information, as letters can be intercepted.
Xichen,
The situation in Yiling is not what was claimed. Lan principles dictate it is our duty to embrace the entirety of the world and to uphold the value of justice. Failure to protect the weak enables bullying of the weak. In failing to uphold these, I have forgotten the grace of our forefathers, who believed in righteousness.
Thus I have decided to stay at Burial Mounds to atone and make right my wrongs. You may visit if you wish to confirm the situation, but I am well.
Wangji
Despite the letter being addressed to his brother, rather than to him as his role as sect leader, Lan Wangji has outlined four of the principles he feels have been violated regarding the Wen remnants and reminded Xichen of the Gusu Lan sect creed. This would be more befitting such a letter, but he feels he must justify his decision.
He sets the letter aside to reread in the morning and take to Yiling, then rummages in his qiankun pouch for his bedroll, intending to sleep on the cave floor.
Before he can, Wei Ying sits up with a gasp, his eyes wild. His breath comes in short pants, and even in the dim light of the talisman he set up to write the letter, he can see the sheen of sweat on his skin. When Lan Wangji moves toward him, his hand comes up, Chenqing held clenched as a shield.
"Don't!" His voice is pure panic as he scoots back, and he's dangerously close to falling off the makeshift bed.
Lan Wangji settles, moving slowly. He pulls out his guqin and starts "Cleansing," reaching out with his spiritual energy through the music. The tension and panic start to ease from Wei Ying, and he idly wonders how long he has suffered like this, nightmares drenching him in cold sweat.
Wei Ying never seeks help, only shoulders his burdens with a smile. But there have been times when that smile has been a ghost of what it should be; when Wei Ying returned from being missing, a tight, careful smirk, something broken Lan Wangji didn't know how to fix. Wasn't allowed to fix.
Somehow Wei Ying never asks for help, regardless of how obvious it is he needs it, wouldn't accept it when it was offered. He has, somewhere in his life, been taught he isn't allowed help, is the only thing Lan Wangji can think.
He runs his hands over the strings to still them as "Cleansing" comes to an end, pleased to see that Wei Ying's breathing has calmed.
"Thank you," Wei Ying murmurs, not looking at him. "Sorry… for earlier."
Lan Wangji isn't sure what he's referring to entirely, but knowing Wei Ying it's for his emotional distress, as though he isn't permitted such.
"You have nothing to apologize for," he tells him honestly.
Wei Ying picks at his robes, then seems to realize their state and stands to straighten them, finding his belt. Lan Wangji is oddly reminded of the opposite—him stripping in the cave of the Xuanwu of Slaughter, pulling off his belt and sodden robes to induce him to expel bad blood. Now, his robes are another way for him to hide.
"I still don't think you should stay," Wei Ying says when he's done.
Stubborn. But Lan Wangji is stubborn as well.
"I will stay as long as you are here."
"That'll be awhile." Wei Ying sighs. "Well, you already know I can't force you out."
"Mn. You could."
The power he wields through Chenqing, and he knows Wei Ying also is aware by the scowl on his face.
"I wouldn't use resentful energy on you," he mutters, sounding a bit offended.
"I know you would not. But you could and choose not to. I trust you not to."
"You're probably the only one who trusts me," Wei Ying murmurs, almost too soft to hear.
Lan Wangji could tell him that the rest of the cultivation world are fools, but instead he starts plucking the strings of the guqin again, this time falling into a familiar song, "WuJi."
He wonders if Wei Ying will ask him the name again. Wonders if he has the courage again now to tell him.
Wei Ying's empty, bitter smile, his return like a ghost after having disappeared for months, telling Lan Wangji his heart was not his business…
The memory brings with it hesitation and fear; he had taken it as rejection, resolved painfully to endure unrequited love.
"You have nightmares," he says as he stills the strings again, moving the conversation away from what he may not be able to say.
Wei Ying shrugs. "Memories, sometimes. The resentful energy comes from restless spirits. Sometimes I see what they regret, or how they died. Like a sort of Empathy, I guess. Sometimes after I dream, they're able to move on."
"Wei Ying."
He isn't able to keep the concern from his voice. This is more information than he's ever given, though, and he's honored by the confession.
"If it brings them peace, it's okay."
Lan Wangji sighs, frustrated. This is, again, Wei Ying's sacrificial nature. He's willing to forego restful sleep to put spirits to rest. That anyone could consider him evil is obscene.
"And tonight?" he asks, putting his guqin away and standing.
A shudder runs through Wei Ying, and he immediately knows the nightmare tonight was his own. Lan Wangji approaches, and though he knows the tremble isn't from chill, he gathers the heavy robe from the makeshift bed and carefully wraps it around Wei Ying's shoulders. It is far too large for him. He has always been slender, but nearly as tall as Lan WangJi. Now he is so emaciated the robes hang, dragging on the ground.
Wei Ying doesn't look at him, and he simply waits, unmoving.
"Being thrown into, well, here. Before."
His voice is soft, vulnerable, and cracks at 'here.' Lan Wangji is close enough to see his Adam's apple bob as he swallows hard.
"They threw me from their swords, right into the center. The resentful energy of this place caught me. Broke my fall and pulled me in."
He says nothing further, and Lan Wangji senses he won't from the haunted look in his eyes. Some things cannot be spoken or shared, too traumatic. This place is eerie now, partially cleansed of resentful energy, but all of China knows what this place had been before Wei Ying made it livable.
"You survived," he finally says. "Achieved the impossible."
Wei Ying only shrugs, crossing his arms and pulling the robe more tightly around him, his posture defensive, as though he too wonders if he truly survived Burial Mounds.
He can do nothing to change what has happened to Wei Ying, but he can work to improve the future. Perhaps starting with his health.
"Wen Qionglin requested to cook for you when you woke."
Wei Ying pulls a face. "I ate earlier, in town."
Lan Wangji frowns at him. "Wei Ying, you are starving yourself. You cannot help these people if you do not take care of yourself. You can no longer practice inedia."
"I know that!" He glares, clearly displeased at the reminder. "I went without as a kid. A-Yuan deserves better."
"As do you," he counters. "I brought money. We will go to Yiling for supplies tomorrow. No one need go hungry."
Wei Ying, he realizes, might be even more susceptible to starvation-related illnesses, having gone through it once before. He reaches forward, only for Wei Ying to jerk back, the reaction one of engrained trauma. Though he knows it doesn't necessarily represent a lack of trust, the thought that it could is painful.
He has done little these months after the war to earn his trust, but Wei Ying's rain-soaked face, telling him he trusts him to end his life if it comes to it, springs unbidden to mind. Lan Wangji hopes that isn't all he trusts him to do, that perhaps Wei Ying can trust him to save his life instead...
"Fine, fine," Wei Ying says, brushing past him. "Let's go find Wen Ning."
Lan Wangji follows him, wondering if the only reason he acquiesced was to ignore his own reaction. Wei Ying tries to hide his pain, always, and this pain is no different. He wants to address it, but getting him to eat is, for the moment, more important.
The rest can be addressed later. He only hopes he can earn Wei Ying's trust moving forward.
This is more an introspective chapter, but I guess they all have been. At some point action will happen, but obviously there's a lot of trauma and shit to deal with as well.
