It It all started when Anakin was seventeen.

He and Obi-wan were on a routine mission that went sideways. Obi-wan was badly hurt and Anakin barely got him back to Coruscant in time.

He was ashamed to admit that he had screamed at the healers and had a complete breakdown as they loaded Obi-wan into the bacta tank. They eventually sedated him before he hurt himself or someone else in his hysteria.

When Anakin woke, it was to the knowledge of just how badly he had messed up.

He knew that this was the very reason attachments were not the Jedi way. He loved Obi-wan, and he shouldn't.

Up until now, Anakin had seen his love for Obi-wan as brotherly and excused it as a master-padawan bond. Many masters were close with their padawans. It was nothing unusual.

Now, he was questioning everything. This didn't feel like brotherly love anymore. It took Obi-wan nearly dying for Anakin to see that. He didn't know how long it had been changing for without his notice, but now that he examined his own feelings, the realization was as obvious as a slap in the face.

He didn't just love Obi-wan. He was in love with Obi-wan.

Anakin stumbled out of bed and barely made it to the trash can as he threw up violently.

He felt sick with himself. How could he let this happen? Being a Jedi was all he'd ever wanted, and here he was, flouting the code with his untamable emotions.

He had to do something. He couldn't allow this to stand. There must be some way to purge himself of his love for Obi-wan.

When the healers brought him food, Anakin turned it away. He didn't deserve food. He was a horrible excuse for a Jedi, and it was eating him up inside.

He ignored the aching in his stomach. It felt right, somehow. As if his empty stomach could help to empty him of his love for Obi-wan.

Anakin was released from the medical ward not long after that, but he returned every day to watch Obi-wan in the bacta tank. The healers assured him that Obi-wan would be ok, but Anakin still spent hours watching the tank, his eyes roving over his master's beloved face.

He continued to skip meals. Anakin quickly learned that training on an empty stomach was a bad idea. It made him dizzy, and he couldn't afford to be collapsing in public. So, he ate a small meal before he trained, but refused food at all other times.

It was a strange coping method, but it was working. He felt like if he denied himself food, it made up for the unforgivable transgression of loving Obi-wan.

Of course, he started to lose weight rapidly. Anakin vehemently refused to see the healers whenever Obi-wan suggested it. He was fine, after all. He was dealing with his feelings in the best way he knew how. He started to feel weird when his stomach wasn't empty, and made it up for it by training for hours on end, burning off all the food he had eaten.

He made excuses as to why he wasn't eating whenever Obi-wan commented on it. Anakin suspected that Obi-wan wasn't taken in by his lies, but he thankfully didn't push the issue.

This went on for six months before Obi-wan had finally had enough.

"Anakin, come with me, please. We need to talk."

Those were never words that preceded a pleasant conversation. Anakin reluctantly followed Obi-wan to his room.

"Sit," Obi-wan said curtly. Anakin wondered what he had done wrong this time. He sat down on the couch, and Obi-wan sat next to him.

To his surprise, Obi-wan took both of Anakin's hands in his. "Anakin, I know you're not eating."

"I am! You saw me eat earlier today."

"You're not eating nearly enough," Obi-wan corrected. "I'm very worried about you, Ani. Please, tell me what is wrong. I can help you."

"There's nothing wrong. I'm fine."

It's not like he could tell the truth. Obi-wan would be disgusted if he knew. He'd turn Anakin in to the council, and they would expel him from the order. Not only would he not be a Jedi, but he would lose Obi-wan.

"You are not fine!" Obi-wan took a deep breath and moderated the volume of his voice. "Dearest, I know you are suffering. I need to know what is causing your distress if I am to help you."

This wasn't right. It felt too dangerous. If Obi-wan kept looking at him like that, with such concern and tenderness in his eyes, Anakin feared his shameful secret would come spilling out.

He forced himself to stand up. "I'm fine, Obi-wan. I'll eat, ok?"

Obi-wan nodded sadly. "I wish you could talk to me, Ani."

Anakin shrugged. Obi-wan sighed in resignation. "Come on, let's go to lunch."

Anakin trailed reluctantly after his master. Obi-wan dished him a large helping of food. Anakin stared at it as though it might bite him.

"Eat, Anakin," Obi-wan urged. "Please."

So, Anakin ate. He finished the whole plate and felt disgusted with himself. At least Obi-wan was pleased. He gave Anakin a smile filled with such relief that Anakin was filled with guilt at how much he had been worrying his master.

"Excuse me." Anakin hurried to his rooms. He paced around, his mind spinning frantically. No amount of training would be able to make up for the horrendous amount of food he'd just eaten. He had to get rid of it some other way.

Anakin dashed to the fresher and leaned over the toilet, sticking his fingers down his throat. He threw up violently and did it again and again until all he was throwing up was bile.

Anakin smiled in relief. This was the answer. He could satisfy Obi-wan by eating and still fill his need for emptiness by purging the food afterward.

So, Anakin continued to lose weight, and Obi-wan now had no idea why.

Another six months passed. Anakin turned eighteen. And he continued to purge.

It was pure bad luck that was his downfall. Obi-wan came into his rooms to talk to him about something, Anakin never found out what. When he heard the sound of vomiting, he rushed to the fresher and caught Anakin with his fingers down his throat.

"Anakin!"

Obi-wan knelt down next to him, tugging Anakin's hand out of his mouth. Anakin found he couldn't look at his master.

"This is why you've still been losing weight," Obi-wan breathed. "Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry I didn't see it."

"It's not your fault," Anakin mumbled. "It's mine, all mine."

"You need to see the healers. This isn't healthy, Anakin. You're dangerously underweight as it is."

"I don't want to see the healers."

"I'm not giving you a choice this time, not unless you tell me what is wrong."

Anakin knew that he couldn't allow himself to be taken to the healers. They would force him to eat and stop purging. It would be a nightmare he would not survive.

But telling Obi-wan the truth was almost as bad. "I can't lose you," Anakin whispered.

"You won't, Ani, I promise you. Nothing you can say will ever make me love you less."

Anakin's eyes jerked up to Obi-wan's. Obi-wan seemed to realize what he had said and went red under his beard. "I didn't mean to tell you that way," he mumbled.

"Tell me what?"

Obi-wan sighed. "I'm afraid I haven't been completely honest with you, Anakin. I… my feelings for you run deeper than a mere master-padawan bond. I – I'm in love with you, Ani. I know you don't feel the same, but you deserve to know. I promise, this doesn't need to change anything between us. We can just keep –"

His voice was cut off as Anakin pressed his hand to Obi-wan's mouth. "You love me?" he whispered.

Obi-wan nodded.

"But it's against the code!"

Obi-wan gently removed Anakin's hand. "I know, Ani. I swear, I'm not going to let it get in the way of what we have, but I can't help my feelings."

"Me neither," Anakin admitted.

"What do you mean?" Obi-wan asked sharply, something a lot like hope shining in his eyes.

It all came spilling out. Anakin told Obi-wan everything, from when he had realized he was in love with his master to how he had learned to cope with the forbidden feelings. By the end of it, he was crying and Obi-wan was holding him in the way Anakin had always dreamed he would.

"I love you, Ani," Obi-wan whispered in his ear. "I love you so much. You don't need to punish yourself for loving me back."

"But I do! I have to. How else can I be a proper Jedi?"

"We are proper Jedi, Ani. We're just different. Not everyone agrees with the council's view on attachments. We're hardly the first Jedi to have secret relationships. As long as we keep it quiet, the council turns a blind eye."

Anakin was shocked. He'd never heard a hint of anything like that. "Are you sure?"

"Of course, I'm sure. Now, come on. I want you to eat something, and I'm going to sit with you until we're sure it's digested and you can't throw it up."

Anakin flinched. "I don't want to."

"Why not? I thought you were doing this to purge yourself of love for me. You now know that you don't have to."

"I know, but I still… I feel better when I'm empty."

"Please, try for me, sweetheart. I can't stand to see you doing this to yourself."

For Obi-wan, Anakin would try. "Ok."

So, Anakin tried. At first, he tried to negate the food by training excessively, but when he started getting injuries from over training, Obi-wan put a stop to that.

In the beginning, it was utter hell, but Obi-wan always managed to make Anakin feel better with kisses and sweet words. He got into a pattern of eating regularly, closely supervised by Obi-wan.

Anakin started to put on weight. He hated it. He hated the feeling of being full, of having his body fill out into a form that he felt sure was disgustingly fat.

Obi-wan was comforting him after yet another meal – why did people need to eat three times a day anyway? What kind of torture was that? – when he snapped.

"Just stop it, Obi-wan! I'm disgusting. I don't know how you can stand to look at me."

Obi-wan's eyes widened. "Is that what you think?"

"Of course, it is."

"Anakin, you're… you know what? I can't find the words. Maybe it's better if I show you."

Obi-wan kissed him. Anakin eagerly returned the kiss, but froze when Obi-wan's fingers reached for his tunic.

"It's ok, sweetheart. Let me do this."

Anakin squeezed his eyes shut as his tunic came off, not wanting to look at his body.

"You're beautiful, Ani." Obi-wan took one of Anakin's hands and brought it to his groin. Anakin could clearly feel his erection through his pants. "You still think I find you disgusting?"

Anakin didn't understand. Obi-wan was clearly aroused by the sight of him. How? It didn't make any sense.

"You're beautiful," Obi-wan repeated. "I love you. I want you, if you'll have me."

They had never gone beyond kissing. Anakin had fantasized about it, of course, but he'd always felt too disgusting in his body to ever take the first step.

Anakin nodded hesitantly. "I want you too."

"We can stop at any time. Just say the word."

Anakin nodded nervously, and Obi-wan kissed him again. Anakin soon forgot his nerves as he allowed himself to become immersed in his master's touch. Obi-wan brought a hand to Anakin's cock, rubbing it through his pants. Anakin groaned, bucking his hips into Obi-wan's touch.

Obi-wan pulled Anakin's pants down, and Anakin was too distracted to focus on how he must look. He undressed Obi-wan quickly, his hands running across every inch of bare skin as it was revealed.

"I want to be inside you," Obi-wan breathed in Anakin's ear.

"I want that too," Anakin practically whined, tilting his head to give Obi-wan better access as Obi-wan started kissing his neck.

Obi-wan held a hand out and a bottle zoomed out of the drawer right into his palm.

"Lie back, dearest. Let me take care of you."

Anakin did so, trembling in anticipation. Obi-wan was looking at him with such obvious desire in his eyes that it was hard to hate his body right now.

Obi-wan lubed up one finger and pressed it slowly into Anakin's ass. It felt strange, but not bad. Then Obi-wan twisted his finger inward, hitting Anakin's prostate and sending sparks of pleasure tingling all through his body. His cock was twitching and leaking as Obi-wan added another finger, scissoring them back and forth, hitting his prostate with every movement.

"I'm ready, master. Take me."

Obi-wan groaned and lined himself up. Ever so slowly, he pressed into Anakin. It hurt, but Obi-wan effectively distracted him from the pain by taking Anakin's cock in hand and starting to pump slowly.

The pain soon melted away into blinding pleasure. Obi-wan pulled one of Anakin's legs onto his shoulder, causing his cock to his Anakin's prostate with every stroke.

Anakin was overwhelmed with pleasure battering him on all sides. "Master, I'm going to come!"

"Then come, Anakin," Obi-wan said with a sexy growl in his voice.

Anakin needed no further encouragement than that. He came hard, his ass clenching around Obi-wan's cock as he did so.

Obi-wan groaned loudly as he came too, shooting hot come deep inside Anakin.

Obi-wan stilled over him and kissed him gently. Anakin realized that he was grinning like an idiot.

"I'm pulling out."

Anakin felt strangely empty when Obi-wan pulled back, and not in a way he enjoyed. He settled for lying with his back pressed up against Obi-wan's chest, sighing in contentment.

The two of them dozed off for a while. When they woke, Obi-wan went to bring dinner for the two of them. He knew that Anakin preferred not to have an audience while he ate.

Anakin swallowed the food more easily than usual.

For the first time in a long while, he didn't hate himself after eating.

Weeks turned into months and into years, and Anakin's eating problems slowly became a thing of the past. He still had the occasional flare up, but Obi-wan was always there to help him through it. Anakin even started to enjoy food again, and hardly ever worried about how his body looked anymore.

Feeling better when he was empty was a thing of the past. On the contrary, he was full – full of love for Obi-wan, of joy for their life together, and more often than not, filled up with Obi-wan's cock.

Anakin loved every moment of it.