Rage pounded through Anakin's veins. He hated Obi-wan with every fibre of his being. Why could he never be good enough? He'd tried so hard, nearly died too many times to count, just to be the man Obi-wan wanted him to be, and still Obi-wan didn't love him.
At least, not the way Anakin wanted to be loved. Obi-wan had never seen Anakin as anything more than a brother, and now, he never would.
There was no coming back from this.
"It's over, Anakin. I have the high ground… Don't try it."
Anakin had to try it. He leaped. The next thing he knew was pain. He screamed as he slid down the slope. He tried to move his arms and legs, but only his prosthetic arm responded. He might have panicked if he wasn't so consumed by the violent rage that took up his every thought.
Obi-wan was crying. "You were the love of my life, Anakin! I would have died for you! I would have left the Order to be with you, and you – you –"
Obi-wan turned away, his shoulders shaking.
What?
Anakin played Obi-wan's words over in his head again. You were the love of my life, Anakin.
The world abruptly came crashing down around Anakin's ears.
What had he done?
He'd had Obi-wan's love all along. All he had needed to do was ask for it.
Anakin had been driven mad by longing. He'd become a Sith. He'd murdered people – children! All for what? He lost Obi-wan's love before he'd even realized he had it.
Obi-wan was walking away.
"Wait! Obi-wan, I'm sorry – please, don't leave me."
Obi-wan turned back to him, a tentative but bright hope shining in his eyes. "Anakin?"
"Please, help me," Anakin whispered. "I don't know what to do."
Obi-wan knelt down by Anakin's side. "I'll always help you, dearest. Are you back with me?"
Anakin nodded miserably. Whatever madness had come over him, Obi-wan's love had washed it away.
Right when it was too late for anything else to matter.
Obi-wan was lifting him, carrying him away. Anakin closed his eyes, leaning his head against his master's chest.
"I love you too," he mumbled. "I should have told you before. Now – now it's too late."
Obi-wan's breath hitched. "It's never too late, Anakin. We'll get through this, together."
The next few hours were a blur. Anakin went into surgery to get prosthetics for the limbs Obi-wan had cut off. Then, Obi-wan was bundling him into a long-distance transport ship. "We need to go into hiding," he explained. "I may forgive you, but the council will not, nor will your Sith master simply let you abandon him without some kind of retaliation."
"They're right." Anakin squeezed his eyes shut. They were all right about him. He was a monster. He could still hear the screams of the younglings in the Temple. He was a murderer.
He should have died on Mustafar. He should have kept quiet and left Obi-wan walk away. But he was too selfish. Obi-wan was in love with him. How could Anakin have let himself be parted from his master after finding out that all his wildest hopes and dreams were true?
"No, they aren't," Obi-wan said quietly. Anakin didn't bother to correct him.
They settled on a distant planet. Anakin learned to walk and function with his new prostheses – not that he used them much. He barely got out of bed. All of his energy was turned inward, fuelling his self-hatred. Again and again, he saw the children he had killed. If you could die of hatred alone, Anakin would be dead a thousand times over already. He deserved to be dead.
"Anakin, please, you need to eat."
Anakin turned his head away from the bowl Obi-wan was holding out to him. He couldn't summon the energy to speak right now.
Obi-wan sighed and put the bowl aside, sitting on the edge of Anakin's bed. "I'm worried about you. Please, talk to me."
Anakin forced himself to dig deep and summon the will to form words. "I don't know what there is to talk about, Obi-wan."
"There are a million things to talk about! You can't go bottling all this up inside you, Anakin. It will eat you alive."
It was already eating him alive. Anakin closed his eyes. Obi-wan just didn't understand.
Life went on – for weeks. Every day, Anakin's guilt grew. Not only had he ended so many lives, but here he was ruining Obi-wan's life too. Obi-wan was doing everything he could to care for Anakin, wasting his valuable time on Anakin. He could see Obi-wan's suffering and he couldn't bear it.
He had to do something about it.
So, Anakin slipped out of their humble home while Obi-wan was on a supply run. The world they had settled on was beautiful, and Anakin was grateful for it.
It would be a good place to die.
He walked through lush forests, heading steadily upward. He finally reached his goal – the top of a tall cliff.
Anakin sat down on the edge, dangling his legs over the side. He closed his eyes, wishing that his head would be quiet for just a moment. He just wanted one moment of peace before he went.
Anakin didn't know how long he sat there for. It could be minutes or hours. The next thing he was aware of was harsh breathing behind him.
Anakin leaped to his feet and spun around. Obi-wan looked like he'd run all the way here from the local village.
Kark. Anakin must have been projecting his distress strongly into the Force for Obi-wan to have heard him.
Anakin hesitated, waiting for Obi-wan to speak. Perhaps hearing Obi-wan's voice one last time would be the peace he needed before he ended his miserable life.
"Anakin. Step away from the edge. Please, my love. Just step back."
Anakin's heart reared into his throat. Obi-wan still loved him, even after everything Anakin had put him through.
A sob wrenched its way from his throat. "I can't keep hurting you anymore."
"And you think this won't hurt me? I don't want to live without you!"
"I'm only causing your more pain. You'll grieve, but you'll be better off in the end."
"That's bantha shit and you know it! I love you more than the galaxy itself! I'd never get over you, never."
Obi-wan took a step toward him, his voice softer now. "Please, Anakin. Just come here. We can talk about this."
Anakin should jump, now, before Obi-wan got close enough to stop him. "I'm too broken to fix."
"Let me try," Obi-wan begged. "Please, you have to try. For me, Anakin."
He eased himself a step closer to Anakin. Anakin knew he should jump now, before it was too late.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I love you."
Then he jumped.
The fall Anakin was expecting didn't come. Instead, he was violently yanked back by the Force.
He flew through the air and landed flat on his back, the wind knocked out of him.
If he had any sense of decency, he'd crawl back to that cliff face and use the Force to prevent Obi-wan from stopping him this time, but Anakin felt like he had used every ounce of energy he had. He lay flat and empty on the ground.
"Anakin! Speak to me. Are you ok?"
Anakin started crying weakly, bitter tears that Obi-wan frantically tried to wipe away.
"It's ok. It'll all be ok," Obi-wan told him.
"It's NOT!" Anakin roared. "Nothing will ever be ok again! I can't take back what I've done, Obi-wan! I deserve to die – just let me die!"
He started struggling toward the cliff edge, but Obi-wan was suddenly on top of him, pinning him down.
"Stop this, Anakin! Please, for me. I can't bear to lose you. I know you can't take back the past, but we can try to forge a future, together."
"Why are you even here? You know what I've done!"
"Because I love you," Obi-wan said simply. "I'd forgive you anything."
"You shouldn't. I don't deserve it."
Obi-wan pressed his forest to Anakin's. "Oh sweetheart, you deserve the world. I know you, Anakin, and you are good. You may have made some mistakes – terrible ones – but nothing could ever stop me loving you. Maybe that makes me a fool, but then a fool I shall be. I know this is going to be a long journey, but please, promise me you will try."
How could Anakin say no to those wide, tear-stained eyes?
"I'll try," he said softly. "But you can't fix me, Obi-wan."
"Let me be the judge of that."
So, Anakin tried.
First, they went into town to get Anakin some medication. Obi-wan insisted that Anakin was depressed, and no matter how much he tried to deny it, the pills did help.
Then, they trained. Obi-wan kept Anakin's mind and body busy, and it helped him to forget what he'd done at times. When they weren't training, Obi-wan kept Anakin busy with any number of chores around the house.
Some days, when Anakin woke too exhausted to get out of bed, Obi-wan would read to him before dragging him into the shower.
For the first several weeks, Obi-wan was too afraid to leave Anakin alone. He slept in Anakin's bed, keeping a tight grip on him even in sleep, jerking awake every time Anakin shifted.
Anakin hated that haunted look Obi-wan got in his eyes when he remembered that day at the cliff, and wished he could reassure him, but the fact was Obi-wan was right. If he got half a chance, Anakin would try to finish what he had started that day.
Progress was glacially slow. Anakin could barely track from one day to the next, but Obi-wan insisted on pointing things out to him. How he had gotten out of bed without Obi-wan coaxing him. How he had showered two days in a row, or the one time he made a joke and even smiled.
Months passed.
Anakin and Obi-wan got into a pattern. Chores, training, eating together, even laughing together over time. The guilt never really went away, but Anakin pushed it to the back of his mind. As Obi-wan was constantly telling him, there was no point living in the past. There was only the future.
"You know, tomorrow will be a year since we came here."
Anakin tilted his head up to look at Obi-wan from its position on Obi-wan's lap. "Really? It feels like we've been here forever."
"It does, doesn't' it?"
"I like our life here."
Obi-wan's eyes widened for a moment before his face split into the widest grin Anakin had ever seen. Obi-wan leaned down and kissed him lightly on the lips. "You have no idea how glad I am to hear you say that. For a time there, I thought you were lost to me."
"I very nearly was," Anakin admitted. "You never gave up on me, though."
"I never will, Anakin."
"I know. Thank you, Obi-wan."
"No need to thank me, dearest. It's what you do when you love someone."
Anakin supposed that it was.
