The first time it happened was two weeks after moving to California. Addison was with her many bottles of wine, kneading through her lonely night by softening the edges of her consciousness.

Her phone rang, making her clumsily reach out. She'll have a conversation with anyone over the deafening silence of her house, that's why she did not check the caller ID.

"Addison." Wherever she could be in the world, a state, a country, or a continent away from her ex-husband, 11 plus years of being together made her memorize everything about him, even just the sound of his voice muffled by the miles between them.

"...Derek?" She asked hesitantly, despite being certain it was him on the other end.

"I miss you—"

"You don't." She hung up, breathing heavily over the sudden spike she felt when she heard those three words.

He never called again, and she thanked the heavens that he didn't, as he would have known immediately that she was crying…

Not that she'd answer again if he calls.


The second time was night time once again, when she was staring at the candlelights littering her house. It was a huge slap on her ego that a man stood her up. Addison knows she's a catch and normally, she's the one doing the leaving—

Yes, except that one time when her now ex-husband packed and literally placed almost a whole continent between them.

She was staring at nowhere, vision only lit up by the candles she has yet to kill. She should let the embarrassment and slight hurt linger, some feeling to channel at tomorrow, when facing Pete would inevitably happen… unless he takes the day off, which is quite impossible.

Her phone rang, making her scramble to answer it. Her hopes were all up again, thinking it was Pete calling.

"Hi."

It wasn't.

"Addison, hear me out… I…"

"Why'd you keep calling, Derek?" No, he doesn't really call frequently. But, he's calling more than an ex-husband should—which should be never.

"I just… I find it weird to not see you here." He was obviously drunk, and she can literally hear the crickets all the way to California, letting her assume that he was in his trailer.

Huh, not in Meredith's house.

"You don't. You went two months not thinking about me, remember? And it's only been…"

"A bit more than a month." He finished for her, making her realize just how long she's been living this… sunny life.

Sunny life that fucking messes with her head, especially Pete Wilder, and how she wants nothing but to kill him for standing her up.

"Whenever I page OB, and you don't appear… sometimes, I hear the residents or the nurses talk about how the people in your department—"

"Not my department anymore. I don't work there now, remember?" She said quietly, fearing where he was going.

"I know. I'm reminded everyday when I hear about how you're such a huge loss—"

"Damn right I am," She cut off, hoping to stop the probably detrimental words Derek was about to say, impeding her little progress of moving on.

"Yeah, you are." He chuckled and she heard him drink whatever he was drinking.

"Why are you calling, Derek?" She asked, finally standing up and going around, blowing off the lights.

"I wanna hear your voice," He admitted quietly.

"Don't you wanna hear Meredith's? Hers is much easier, what with how you're together everyday." She hates the bitterness in her voice, knowing full well Derek heard it. And now she fears that he's going to rub it on her face.

"I want to hear yours." They were quiet for a moment. Addison's mind was half processing his words, and half processing her dim living room, both causing bitterness to grow instantaneously inside her.

"Well, at least someone wants to hear from me," She spat out, obvious that her spite wasn't directed at Derek anymore.

"What do you mean? What are you doing right now?"

She contemplated for a moment, sitting down once again on her couch.

"I was supposed to have someone over… but then he stood me up." She knew full well he was going to laugh at her, because that's how she's making sense of this sudden call from Derek—a shot to salvage at least their friendship.

But he didn't, as it was suddenly quiet on the other end, with only his breathing audible.

"Oh. I… I gotta go, Addison. Good night." The line went dead, making Addison frown at how abrupt everything happened.

She did nothing but sigh, going to her pantry and pulling out a half bottle of wine.


The third time she received a call from him was right after her plane landed, all the way from Seattle.

Discoveries in her little trip were made, and she can't help but think of Derek's two drunk calls when she was speaking to Meredith Grey about some bullshit of not letting him go.

She's the bigger person and it's supposed to stay that way for a very long time.

Yet when she saw the caller ID, she immediately answered it.

"Derek."

"Addie." She drew a sharp breath at his name for her. Everyone close to her calls her that but, it's still different when it's Derek. Probably because after hearing Addison throughout her younger years only said with either slight affection or WASPy stiffness, Derek came through with his charming smile calling her "Addie" the first time, making up for all the lack of affection the Montgomeries gave her.

"You broke up."

"You left again."

There was silence between them, but neither had the heart to drop the call.

When Addison reached her car, she sat for a while on the driver's seat, just listening to Derek's breaths on the other end.

"I… I was hoping you'd stay," He said quietly, making her feel the ice creep up inside her. She grimaced, holding her steering wheel tightly, fighting the urge to slam her fist on it as Derek will hear it for sure.

"There was no reason for me to stay."

When he didn't say anything for 10 minutes, she dropped the call, feeling heavier than she did after her talk with Derek.

She should stop answering his calls.


The fourth one came after a long time of silence between the two.

And she was the one who called.

For Archer.

She told him she needs him, a moment of vulnerability on her part. And he agreed, voice softer than ever.

It was brief, and when she saw him in person, she melted in his arms, the first time she felt safe for a long time.

"It will be okay, Addie." She heard him whisper, and she let a few tears fall.

She hopes so.


A year of silence followed, with her finding out he got married to Meredith. She did not need to know how, or any of the details. It was a cold reality slapped on her face, and when she found out, she could never admit to anyone that she almost killed herself with the unhealthy amount of alcohol she drank that night.

But she received their fifth call when she was lying on her bed, staring at nothing for days now.

She could not move, the events of what happened in the cliff scaring the life out of her, more than she's willing to admit.

Addison planned to not answer the call, but on the fifth one she just snapped, answering it aggressively.

"Stop calling me." While she was harsh, it came out weak-sounding, as it had been days since she last talked to somebody.

Everyone in the practice tried to drag her out of the house, but no one was able to get through her.

"Addie." That one word broke her, making her sob for the first time since it happened.

"Addie, I'm at the back… Sam let me in." She stopped her cries, removing her phone from her ear and staring at the caller ID.

She hesitantly got off her bed, legs a bit shaky from not being used for days. She slowly went to her balcony and there he was, looking up at her, with a small smile on his face.

Her body wants to go back to bed, unwilling to see someone at all, especially her ex-husband, who tends to drain all her energy.

Yet out of the courtesy and the must-dos of a good hostess growing up in snobby Connecticut taught her, she went down and opened her doors.

She did not wait to see whether he followed her back upstairs, or what he did next. She just went to her bedroom and lied down, chest heaving from the sobs she was desperately trying to stop.

She felt his warm hand rest on her back, a kiss landing on her temple.

It calmed her immediately.

"I'm here, Addie." He hugged her from the back, and she let him, all questions of how appropriate this was gone out of the window.

This was the only safe place in the world and now that she can't seem to find light, maybe a moment of selfishness would be okay.


The sixth one broke her broken heart.

When she answered, it was loud, making her frown.

"Addie. Addison." He was drunk—again—but judging by his slur, he was just starting.

"It's… midnight, Derek. Why the hell are you calling?"

"I'm getting married tomorrow, officially."

Oh.

Somehow, there was a hope inside her she did not know, that Derek and Meredith's proof of marriage would just be through a destructible post-it forever

She stared at the drink in front of her, having gone out alone to drink away the pain of losing Pete and Lucas.

"That's… that's great. I'm… happy for you, Derek," She said half-heartedly, feeling the need to bolt out of the bar but not to her house… and in just a millisecond she was faced with the third tragedy of the night: the realization that she couldn't go anywhere to feel even slightly safe from everything the world could throw at her.

"Tell me not to go."

"What?" She asked breathlessly, not letting herself jump to conclusions.

"Tell me not to go to my wedding and I won't, Addie. Just… a word from you and I'll call it off." With all her loneliness, it was tempting.

Yet, there's the fact that their ill-patched peace was now in her hands, and she could shatter worlds with what she could say.

"No. Go have your happy ending with Meredith, Derek."

She chose to shatter hers.


The seventh call came from her.

She kept calling him, and she promised on the 10th try she would stop.

But on the seventh one, he answered.

"Addison."

"I'm outside."

The ceremony was already starting. The groom was about to walk down the aisle.

"No."

The call was dropped.

She stayed at the hidden part outside the small chapel her ex-husband and his soon-to-be-wife chose, a stark contrast from the grand wedding Bizzy planned for them almost 15 years ago.

She stayed for about half an hour, and she could literally hear the officiator's voice from where she was standing.

She's been married once, enough to know perfectly the moment she's been waiting for.

She opened the doors right when the officiator said her cue.

Everyone turned to her and she swore she could hear sharp breaths.

And she swore she would have been dead now, as she can literally feel daggers directed at her.

From whom, she dared not find out, as her eyes were only on the man that once had been hers.

She saw him mouth her name, and if it had a sound, she didn't hear him, as she could only hear her pounding heart. There's a war raging inside her head and she hopes he could understand what she's trying to convey despite not uttering a single word.

Before she knew it she's being dragged to her car, her trembling hand held by someone.

Tears blurred her vision as the gravity of what she did finally caught up with her, and she couldn't make sense of everything. Her car sped down the road as her gasps only filled the silence inside.

"Next time, no dramatics, alright?"

Derek's hand kept holding her trembling one, and she stared at him with tears in her eyes.

Their last chance to make it right.


Note: Yup, this was inspired by Taylor Swift's "Speak Now" :)