"Unacceptable! Absolutely unacceptable! What were you thinking Sylver? Did you think this would just slide?" Kingsley slapped a heavy packet of paper against the decaying marble desk in the room, sending an odd silver contraption on the edge that I did not recognize spinning.
"Poors and Dreadfuls in nearly all of your subjects! Defense against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, and Charms? A Troll in Divination? Merlin's beard, you only passed three classes- and barely that at Herbology-"
The damning letter quivered in his hand- followed by stacks of remedial homework and my supply list for my 5th year at Hogwarts.
To Guardian of Sylver Bones. Enclosed, you will find your student's grades for the Spring Semester. Have a magical summer. -AD
Care of Magical Creatures- A
Charms- P
Divination- T
Defense Against the Dark Art- P
Herbology- A
History of Magic- D
Potions- O
Transfiguration- D
My head hung low in the dark office I found myself trapped in. Even with the curtains open on the rather singular window, a window I might add that appeared to have not been cleaned in 10 years at least, the room was terribly depressing, even in light of … well the light.
I knew this was coming. I had prayed to a nameless god of the sea that my grades would somehow be sent to the wrong house. By my own dreadful luck-or rather the skills of our Owl post, they had still found their way to Grimmauld place No. 12, our new temporary residence during Kingsley's frequent Order of the Phoenix meetings.
"Your grades weren't this bad at Christmas Break! Voldemort's return does not excuse you from taking your studies for granted! You have your OWLs this year and if you perform badly, you won't be able to take NEWTs level classes, and if you don't take your NEWTS-"
Kingsley had never been this angry with me- not even when I accidentally broke his favorite Greek vase by twirling in the living room. I'd never heard him ever yell before. I suspected the Ministry's denial of Voldemort's return had influenced his recently foul mood. That combined with my grades and the stress from the Order.
"I buy you a dress, I give you everything you need- So what's the reason for all of this? What's the thinking?!"
Oh I knew exactly what caused all of this. I swallowed, flinching, refusing to go back to that memory.
I glanced away from the inch-thick paper stack towards the spinning metal ornament. Barely, I could see my own distorted reflection in the orb. There were heavy bags under my eyes from lack of sleep. The normal bright silver of my eyes was tarnished, like an iron metal that had been left too long in the elements. I was worn out. Even my skin suffered, pale and dry from lack of swimming and sunlight.
Distinctly, I remembered one of my Uncle's warnings about Sirens. A siren can only love once- so my mother had once told him. All merfolk of the sea know this- and know the truth well. Though we are vain and beautiful by nature, our downfall was always love. Heartbreak reduces a siren to mere foam on the ocean shore. However, I wasn't fully mer.
Lucky me . I thought cynically.
Since that tortured night, my siren half had abandoned me. No longer could I feel her stirring in my soul- she was mute. Absent.
Broken.
I felt like an empty cup, drained and left to dry till my skin became parchment. I would rather be foam than feel this numb and cold.
"I'm sorry uncle," I whispered miserably, "I-I have no excuses."
He looked at me harshly, "You know, I put up with your lies at Christmas. Thought you needed some teenage space or whatever, but we both know that's not true. Something happened to you. What is it? Girl drama? Boy drama? Bullying? What's going on with you?"
I swallowed the bile rising in my throat, "I don't want to talk about it."
Kingsley's cheeks narrowed as he sucked them in, biting on them from the inside.
"This is my only warning Sylver, whatever is happening, you need to straighten it out. I love you and I care for you- but I cannot help when you won't let me in. If you ever need to confide in me, I am here, always. However, Voldemort or not, if you fail your classes again, I will pull you from Hogwarts. Understood?"
"Yes sir." I replied bitterly.
Kingsley nodded, frowning as he left the room. I staggered and collapsed to the ground, wrapping my arms around my legs. My hips felt uncomfortable on the carpet floor. I was too thin. These days, I had no appetite. I wore my baggiest clothing to conceal the boniness of ribs protruding from my stomach. My eyes remained dry in spite of the wrenching sorrow tearing through my body.
It could have been minutes. It could have been hours. I sat, blinking slowly, watching the gold dust swirl in circular patterns in the streaming sunlight. What month was it again? Was it June? July? Early August?
There was a tentative knock on the door followed by a questioning voice, "Sylver? Are you in there?"
I grunted in response. I stood, dusting off grey fuzz from some sort of animal from my sweatpants as the door swung open, "Yes?"
Ginny strode into the room, her red hair pulled into a smart ponytail wearing a loose pair of shorts with a fan t-shirt from the Hollyhead Harpies, "Mum told me to come find you. Dinner's ready."
"Oh."
Ginny started to retreat, then seemed to decide against it. She turned towards me with a quizzical expression, "You are coming right?"
"I'm not particularly hungry today." I said bleakly.
She raised a single eyebrow disbelievingly, placing her hands on her hips in a Mrs. Weasley-ish fashion.
"Sylver, I'm going to be honest. You look really awful. When was the last time you've had a full meal? Or even combed your hair? You've really let yourself go this summer."
I paused, thinking. I had breakfast yesterday I believe, or maybe it was the day before that. For my hair? Maybe a week…
"Not sure really." I said, leaning against the desk as my legs started trembling from weakness.
"That settles it then- you're coming with me."
"I'm really quite good-"
Ginny ignored me, threading her arm through mine before dragging me down the stairs, near colliding with Harry and Ron who were heading down from their room.
"Evening." Ginny said coolly, nodding at Harry first, then at her brother, still pulling me down towards the kitchen.
" Ginny." Ron sounded concerned, "What are you doing with her ?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You know what I mean, I don't think she's a good influence for you to be around."
I tried to disengage my arm from hers as my cheeks flushed hot with embarrassment. Ginny held my arm even tighter.
"No, I don't know what you mean Ronald." Ginny retorted rather fiercely, "Oh, let me guess, you've been listening to all those rumors. Luna told me about them- how they're all rubbish."
"Well excuse me for looking out for your own good!" Ron snipped.
"I can look out for myself thank you very much. Don't be such a git Ron." She tilted her chin haughtily before catching my eye, "Ignore him Sylver, you don't get much more thick than that." She jerked her head in his direction.
Ron swore and made a rude hand gesture just as Mrs. Weasley rounded the corner.
"If I ever see you do that again to your sister, I'll be hexing your hand closed for a week!" Molly said.
Ron mumbled a feeble apology.
"Are you four ready for dinner then? Well come on! Have a seat- I've got some butternut squash soup, some beef roast and my homemade bread. We've got some more company tonight, but we'll make do."
The long table was crowded with bodies, mismatched chairs of all shapes and sizes crammed around the long oval table. There was Dumbledore, sitting next to Kingsley and Mad-Eye, across from Professor Snape (the seat next to him was of course empty). There were the twins and Lupin (who apparently was a professor at Hogwarts during my year of absence) who sat next to a girl with bubblegum pink hair. I didn't know her name, but she was probably an Auror. Dinner was already being served, large dishes passed around the table with joy and glasses clinking as ice cubes were dropped into them.
There were only three open seats apart from the one next to Snape. Harry and Ron exchanged looks briefly before dashing to claim the ones next to each others, away from the adult side of the table. Ginny groaned.
"I'll take the other seat, you go sit next to my siblings." She said glumly.
"No- it's fine. I don't mind. Honest." Before she could reply, I found my legs carrying me reluctantly over to the lone chair. Of course, that statement was a complete and total lie. Ever since last year, when he had looked into my mind- our relationship, the smallness that might have been, soured completely. My private lessons with him ceased. I had avoided him for nearly the entire semester, save for the occasional comment about my classwork. Stupidly, I had later realized that my success in doing so meant that he had also avoided me too, when he had never let me miss a single private lesson with him before.
The chair screeched as I dragged it out from the table. Snape winced at the sound, but otherwise ignored my presence. Good. It was easier that way.
I peered into my soup bowl. It was filled to the brim with a rich sunset color. Several dark roasted seeds swirled like little boats on the surface. I inhaled. It smelled amazing. My stomach lurched in a nauseating way that reminded me I was actually hungry for once.
I almost moaned as the warm liquid ran down my throat. Delicious.
Someone had also put three rolls on my plate. I imagined it was Kingsley's not so subtle cue that I needed to eat more. I ripped off a small part of it, dunking it deeply in the soup.
Within three minutes, I had managed to woof down my entire soup and bread. A marvel considering the last meal, I couldn't handle five bites of oatmeal with becoming ill. I leaned back in my chair, wrapping my arms around my full stomach, sighing. I glanced at one of the windows nearest me. The sun was still up in the summertime, even though it was nearing 8:00pm.
I found myself thinking about 'what ifs' and 'how comes,' wondering if somehow my disconnect with my siren-half was due to the lack of time in the water. I hadn't swam since late December. I imagined if I were back at our Ocean paradise, I would have gone into the ocean again. Perhaps if I went for a swim in the English Channel. There was some hope there, not much, but the faintest trace edging me forward.
"Uncle?" I asked.
"Hmmm?" His mouth was full of the roast Molly had served the table. He chewed rapidly and swallowed, a bulbous bump rippling down his throat.
"I was wondering if I might be able to go swimming tonight."
"Only if someone goes with you. You know the drill. It's not safe to be alone."
I didn't want to ask Kingsley, not after the row we'd just had. I glanced around the table. Ginny seemed the safest option- she was always kind to me. I had barely talked to Harry and Ron, well,...Ron would be my very last choice if everyone else were dead. There were the Twins of course, but I had the feeling if I asked them, I'd end in a world full of trouble.
"Ginny might want to come." I said nervously.
"Absolutely not." Molly said firmly, "It's far too late for that, not to mention dangerous at this time of night."
"Rightly so." Lupin added, "You girls are far too young to be traveling alone."
"I'm almost 16." I retorted.
Kingsley snorted, "Not for 5 more months."
"I understand." I said, standing up, "Night Uncle, night everyone else."
"It's only 7:50." Kingsley said, shocked to see me go up so late.
I shrugged, "I'm tired."
That was my second lie of the night. Regardless of what any of the adults had said, I was going out tonight. I needed it- to be free, unleashed in the water. It called to me though my siren remained speechless. I was awake, more awake than I had been all summer. I slipped into the shower, washing my hair and body clean. It might seem strange to bathe before swimming. For me, I hated to enter the water dirty. It was sacrilegious, to come to a river so pure unclean in my body.
I slipped on my bikini swimsuit beneath a hoodie and knee length shorts. I glanced down to my wand, resting on the edge of my nightstand. I briefly touched the handle before deciding against bringing it. No one would suspect I would be outside without my wand. The handle almost hummed, pleading for me to take it. I faltered, then steeled my resolve, abandoning it in my room.
The stairs squeaked softly as I crept downwards. I edged around the corner, peeking to see if the coast was clear. I exhaled relief, the dining room was deserted, though I could hear voices coming from the living room. The Order I realized, engaged in a lengthy discussion that was muffled beyond a closed door.
I smiled, quickly walking towards the entrance. My hand was reaching out- grabbing the gold knob- twisting-
Someone coughed from the adjacent room. I froze, stealing a glance towards the darkened room.
Shit!
I flinched as we made eye contact. Why of all people did it have to be him?
"I thought you'd gone to bed." He drawled in his seductive slow tone, "Clearly not. I suggest you do what you told Kingsley Miss Bones. Go to bed. "
His eyes narrowed as they bore into my dull, sleep-deprived eyes, trailing downwards to my skin and bone hand gripping the handle. He frowned, deep lines creasing in his forehead.
He noticed. I was sure of it. The gauntness to my appearance. The cynicism in my face. All of it.
I glared at him.
"I didn't ask for your advice, Professor . I don't even care if you tell him. I'm going."
"I don't think that's-"
I didn't catch the last thing he said because I opened the door and ran, harder than I ever had before, till my lungs burned and my legs ached from the fiery inferno in my calves. Panting loudly, I slowed to a halt down an unfamiliar street lined with identical homes and well pruned hedges, looking around in all directions. There was no sign of him, or anyone else for that matter.
I was alone.
Finally.
