-Paternity episode-
Just a little time
Kathy looked at me. She knew. We both did. I had no chance. I could feel the blood oozing out of my head injury. She put pressure on it, holding a rolled up cardigan against it. I smiled softly.
-Kathy… I whispered.
She looked into my eyes and I could see the panic she was trying to contain in hers.
-Save your energy Olivia. We need you to use that energy to stay awake. Alright ?
I knew she did not believe I would stay awake before I made it out. But I appreciated that she tried to reassure me. My legs were stuck in the mess the car had become. I was losing so much blood from my head, my back was awfully painful and my breathing complicated.
-Kathy… I tried again. I am sorry.
-What for Olivia ?
-For loving him. I fought the feelings all these years. Nothing ever happened…
-But you wished it did.
Her tone was certain. She knew. There was no denying. She smiled to me, tears forming in her eyes.
-I knew. I know. She corrected herself. And I know he loves you back.
-Kathy…
-It is fine Olivia. Trust me. I have known since the day we met.
She wiped off a tear that had started rolling down her cheek.
-The way he looks at you… He doesn't look at me that way.
-Of course he…
-Please. At least give me some credit. I'm not blind or stupid. I see it. I still see it. I feel it in the way he talks about you too.
She looked around as we could finally hear sirens approaching.
-I'm sorry Kathy.
-When we get out of here, I think… I think you should tell him. Tell him you've loved him all those years Olivia.
I looked at her, unable to answer. Why would she let me do this ? Was it a way to admit her marriage had failed ? Or a way to have me scare him away and get rid of any risk of something happening between El and I ? Or… Or was I such a desperate case that she felt the need to give me something to look forward to ? I couldn't tell.
The paramedics rushed out of the ambulance, running towards us.
-I am fine. But my friend needs help here.
Kathy shouted. She turned back to me smiling.
-They're here. You'll be fine.
-El… I murmured.
-I called him, Olivia. Don't you remember ?
I shook my head. I didn't remember at all. She grabbed my hand with her free one.
-You'll see him. She promised.
My head was getting so painful. I wanted to close my eyes.
-I… I don't think I can stay awake.
-Yes you can. She commanded. Keep your eyes open. Look at me. Elliot is coming. You need to stay awake. Please.
Just as she finished her sentence, a car stopped and two men ran out to ours. I would have recognised him anywhere, no matter what.
-El… I sighed.
He arrived next to the car and helped Kathy out.
-Are you okay ? The baby ?
He sounded completely panicked. He touched her bump quickly as she pushed him in the car.
-We're fine Elliot. But Olivia…. Olivia needs you. Now.
I could not see his face as she said that. But he froze for a couple of seconds. Tears were running down my cheeks. A paramedic was trying to find me a way out, another was holding the cardigan on my head injury.
Finally, Elliot sat next to me, and turned to look at me.
-Liv… He breathed out.
I looked into his eyes, and smiled softly.
-You're here.
My voice had no strength. My body was running out of energy… and time. He grabbed my hand, holding it firmly.
-You'll be okay. They will get you out of here soon.
-El…
Kathy was talking to a paramedic, probably answering questions about the baby when she looked at me, and pointed at Elliot.
-El.. I looked back at him. I need to tell you something.
He stayed quiet, waiting for me to talk.
-I love you. I never planned on telling you. But…
-Liv…
-But things are not looking good, are they ?
I found some strength to squeeze his hand.
-It's okay.
-It's not okay Liv. You're not about to die. This is not what's happening. He almost screamed. We are getting you out of there, then you'll go to the hospital and everything will be just fine.
-Alright. But just in case then. Just in case the ambulance crashes too. I chuckled. Just in case the car burst into flames and I burn to death.
He gave me a death stare. Alright. Not the best time for humour I suppose.
-I love you. I have loved you for years.
I noticed him glancing at Kathy.
-El… She told me to tell you. She knows.
He seemed torn between finally facing the truth and admitting he both had grew feelings beyond friendship, and being the man he always had been, faithful and loyal to his wife. No matter how badly they were struggling in their marriage. He glanced at her once more, his face growing paler and paler with time. He must have caught something I did not because suddenly, his hand was caressing my cheek. I leaned into his touch, realising what this was meaning. Kathy was giving us a chance to know what it would have felt like. And if I had doubted it, then I knew. I had no chance to get out of there alive. The minutes were passing, and my body felt more and more tired. I couldn't feel my legs anymore.
-I love you too Liv.
Elliot was sobbing. He tried to hide it, but his voice betrayed him. I caressed his cheek, wiping the tears at the same time. Things were happening around us, and I knew that soon, I'd be out of the car. Alive or dead. But I did not want this moment to end.
-When…
It was hard to focus on words.
-When we are out of the car, please thank Kathy. For everything. For trying to save me.
I saw him freeze. As much as I wanted to have more time with him, I knew it wouldn't happen. For so many reasons. It was time to face the truth. This was it. It was time for goodbyes.
-Liv… He started.
-Thank her. Thank her for this. Okay ? And tell everyone that I thank them for all these years of friendship and partnership and support. I couldn't have hoped for a better family.
I gulped back the tears.
-No. This is not happening. Stop…
-Elliot. Please. I breathed out. I just…
I couldn't finish my sentence. Exhaustion and pain took over, and now I was just staring at him, the tears threatening to finally escape.
He put his head on my shoulder, his hand against my cheek.
-I love you Olivia.
I heard him repeat multiple times.
-El…
I tried to tell him time had run out, that I could feel the end coming but I decided to keep that small energy I had left to see his face.
He looked up to me, tears running freely on his face now. I admired him once more, drowning myself in these deep blue eyes. I smiled. God he always had been such a handsome man. It felt like hours since he had sat next to me. I grabbed his hand as I suddenly felt like I ran out of energy. He must have seen something change on my face because his tears started flowing even more. He softly kissed my lips, and rested his head back on my shoulder after he whispered to my ear.
-You're everything to me.
I closed my eyes, feeling the last tears I would ever shed wet my skin. It was almost perfect. Him by my side, the taste of his lips still on mine, the feel of his skin on mine. And then it was all over.
Her heartbeat slowed down and a minute later, she stopped breathing. And just like that, it was over. She was gone and I was there, staring into space, not wanting to let go of her just yet. Her body was still warm. I could smell the odour of her shampoo, I could feel her soft skin as I laced my fingers with hers. I think Kathy was watching us form a far, but I didn't care. Olivia was gone.
I felt this deep pain and then emptiness. Like a piece of me was missing. I wanted to beg her to open her eyes, to keep breathing, I wanted to call for help. I could see myself pleading. Asking for just a little more time with her. I wanted to hear her voice just once more. Let my hand linger on her cheek. But it was too late now.
After a while, paramedics made me step out of the car and covered her with a white sheet. I walked to Kathy who welcomed me in the most recomforting hug she had ever given me.
-I'm so sorry for your loss El. She whispered to me.
I could see she had cried. Our marriage was over, we both knew it. But it was okay. She had given me the biggest gift I could have ever asked for. For a little while, I had Olivia.
-I asked the paramedic to wait. She admitted.
She saw my confusion.
-I studied nursing El. It was hopeless. She would have died from the blood loss anyway. I thought… I thought you deserved that time. Alone. Say goodbye. Say…
-That we love each other. I finished. Thank you Kathy.
She waved at the paramedic who walked to her. They were waiting for us to finally go to the hospital.
Kathy and the baby were all fine as she told them. The car was hit on Olivia's side and somehow, Kathy only ended up with a little scratch on her forehead.
As our marriage ended, a strong friendship emerged. I owed her for that day. I owed her for giving me time.
