Running her teeth over her lip a few times, Kagome tried to hold back a sob as she stood before the small headstone with a plate of cake in hand. Today would've marked a year in which she'd known him. And she knew the whole idea was stupid- well, Sota had called it stupid anyway shortly before Mama dragged him away by the ear – but she wanted to share her birthday with him. Just him. So, while their friends were still off searching for shards on their own – mercifully giving her a month to recover from, well, what happened - she'd come back here when she knew no one would be watching.

Shifting her weight, Kagome tried to hold back tears at the reminder that she'd had all these ideas for what to do on her first birthday in the feudal era. She'd hoped to share it with everyone but the others probably didn't even know it was her birthday anyway. Wasn't like she'd ever told them and wasn't like birthdays were even celebrated here. Not really. She wouldn't've been able to tell you when Sango's birthday was or Miroku's….or when Inuyasha's birthday had been…

Stretching her jaw a few times, Kagome pushed that thought to the back of her mind, forced a smile on her face and knelt down to place the small paper plate onto the dirt – even making a show of pushing it closer to the headstone. For the span of a few heartbeats, she struggled against the tears that wanted to fall before she finally shakily down and drew her knees to her chest.

This was going to be therapeutic. She needed to face facts head-on instead of hiding from them. Stop being so weak and do...things. Productive things. Well, maybe not productive but something other than curl up in a ball in her room. This was the first time she'd even ventured out of the house...

Which, in hindsight, seemed simultaneously like too much too little but she was already here and hadn't...hadn't visited the grave she'd literally fought for Inuyasha to receive.

Burning him had felt...wrong and while she would admit burying him was dangerous decision to be sure with Kagura around, she just couldn't…the image alone

Shaking her head, Kagome let out a long controlled breath before forcing a smile back on her face. This would be good. This was going to be good.

"I j-just thought t-that t-this would've been your birthday t-too," she tried to tease – her voice cracking from the effort of holding back tears, "A r-rebirthday. G-get i-it? B-because I…I w-woke y-you up?"

The silence that followed was deafening and she let out a shuddering breath as she mumbled, "W-well I t-thought i-it'd be a c-cute i-idea. K-know y-you think…"

She had to pause for a moment before she amended, "T-that you w-would h-have t-thought i-it was s-stupid b-but I b-brought y-you c-cake a-anyw-way."

At the image of him gobbling down the piece of cake, she made a mental note to bring him some ramen tomorrow. Or later. Seeing as it was his birthday too, he deserved a present.

A tear slid down her cheek as she closed her eyes and swallowed convulsively to prevent herself from devolving into full-blown sobs. She couldn't do this. She couldn't stay here. Not just here in this place. In this era. She couldn't….

"W-well g-guess…g-guess I'll l-let you eat your c-cake," Kagome managed as she shakily got to her feet and began walking, then sprinting, back to the well unable to be here a moment longer. Yes, she'd feel bad for her friends but this…this was too much. It just…she didn't want to be in this world without him in it. She wasn't that strong.

It wasn't until midnight that she stopped sobbing but that was only because her body reminded her that she was very much still alive and bathrooms were indeed needed. That wasn't to say she was calm and collected on her way to or in the bathroom. Tears still streamed down her cheeks and it felt more like a dramatic pause before the action started picking back up again.

She couldn't even say she missed him because that word wasn't strong enough to convey how badly she needed him in her life or how empty each day was without him. In so many ways, she cursed the well for ever letting her through. If it hadn't, if she'd never met him, she wouldn't have to feel this way. As she reached for the doorknob, her vision blurred and she lost the strength to stand – sinking to her knees and burying her face into her hands. It was impossible to move much less focus on the world around her – everything sounded like she was drowning under water and in so many ways she hoped that was the case. What was she supposed to do now?

Startling, a loud crash from somewhere nearby had her already numb mind flatlining and on instinct, she scrambled back towards the tub – her brain lacking the power to reason away what had happened. Shakily wiping away tears, Kagome looked around with watery eyes until she barely repressed a scream at the sound of rapidly approaching footsteps and when someone ripped the doorknob straight off the door itself before kicking said door off its hinges, she lost the battle to keep silent.

For so many reasons.

Someone had clearly reanimated Inuyasha's dirt-covered corpse – his hair partially plastered to his face by brown sticky mud, his clothing absolutely coated in dirt as was every inch of his body that she could see.

"Nonononono," Kagome breathed hoarsely as she scrambled over the edge of the tub and pressed her back against the tile – clenching her eyes shut and trying to mentally prepare for the pain she was sure was incoming.

"Oh, um, sorry," came his voice – thick from disuse as his amber eyes glanced back at the largely ruined door and he cringed, "T-thought…thought you w-were hurt and...and it was locked so..."

Trailing off, above the ringing in her ears, Kagome could hear his slightly panicked breathing and then a tiny gasp which had her trying to become one with the shower. What confused her - and thus made her terror increase exponentially - were the sounds of someone fiddling with a faucet followed by the sound of running water and someone splashing water on their face. And the softly spoken mumbling she was fairly certain he didn't mean for her to hear.

"Of course she screamed. Just look at me. So much for…I should've just waited. Just waited and cleaned up but oh no, of course not. It's me. Always out here ruining all things good…"

Hesitantly opening her eyes, Kagome pressed herself harder against the cold tile as she watched the reanimated corpse try to wash the mud out of his hair and clean up – occasionally glancing over apologetically before going back to his task.

"Sorry. I just…I just…you were the first thing I thought of and I wanted…" he tried to salvage the situation as he reached for the towel and attempted to wipe away the stubborn caked on dirt that refused to budge, "I needed to see you. I never…never expected…"

Letting out a shuddering breath, Kagome's mind raced to find a good way to escape. This was a trick. A trap. Or her mind officially shattered. Not that it mattered whether it was a trick or whether she was insane. It wasn't real.

"D-do…d-do you want t-to shower?" Kagome interrupted in a small voice – wanting nothing more than an escape path and quick access to the bow in her room, "I c-can s-show you h-how it w-works."

Pausing in his task of cleaning up, the look of relief in his eyes made her physically ill and slowly, very slowly, she got out of the tub before clumsily fiddling with the faucet to get the water running.

"Y-you r-remember s-soap?"

His slightly hopeful smile faded at the look of repressed terror on her face and it clicked why she was so scared. Well, aside from the fact that he just smashed through her window and broke down the door while covered in graveyard soil but what was he supposed to do? It smelled like…like she might be dying or injured but…

But maybe she'd just been sad

How the hell did he mistake sad for pain?! God he was rusty…

"I think...I think I know...just listen, I'm not like Kikyo or...or I don't think I am anyway," he replied very, very slowly, "Sesshomaru brought me back. Dunno why but he did. I…I saw him."

That response, if anything, made the look of terror increase exponentially and Inuyasha sagged slightly in defeat. That reaction he could also understand. It sure as hell confused the shit out of him. Sesshomaru hadn't exactly been subtle about his hatred and even now, Inuyasha's mind was still scrambling for a nice clean explanation for why the bastard decided to show him mercy. He'd be the first to admit it made absolutely no sense.

One ear flicked towards the stairs signaling the two adults in the house were coming to Kagome's rescue and it was hard not to scream himself. Everything was ruined now. All because he stepped on a freaking bug demon. He'd died. Pretty much broken Kagome. She was terrified of him and that look alone felt like a thousand daggers had just stabbed him in the heart. Somehow being the recipient of Kagome's hatred was endlessly more painful than anything he'd experienced with Kikyo. He loved her. Really loved her. The first thing he thought to do was find her and confess how he felt about her in return and make damn sure they were together from now on because he'd wasted so much potential and was given a second chance. To be loved. To be different. To have a future. Marriage. Brats. Normalcy.

But now she was staring at him like he was some horrifying monstrous beast. The same look most people had when they saw him. What he loved most about her was she saw him. Knew him. Being a half-demon didn't matter to her. She didn't love him despite who he was. It simply didn't matter to her. She loved him. Or…she had loved him. Now she looked like she'd purify him in an instant. A look he'd never expected her to direct at him. A horde they were fighting, yes, but never him…

He imagined the others' reactions would be similar and no amount of begging would ever have Sesshomaru owning up to it. To make things worse, Naraku would probably just on the band wagon and sew seeds of doubt in his friends' minds even if they gave him a chance.

He'd been brought back just to die again.

"I'm sorry," he breathed in a heartbroken tone as he slowly backed up before rushing past the two adults and damn near vaulting out the window…

Before coming to a halt just outside the well and sagging in defeat. What would the point even be in going back? At least in this time period, he could just hide who he was and no one would know the difference. No one would be trying to kill him because no one even knew someone like him existed. Dead or undead. Demon or no demon. All he'd have to do was cover his ears and everyone would assume he was normal. Going back meant a life on the run. Going back to how things were before he'd met Kikyo and he wasn't entirely sure he'd survive like he once had. He'd learned, if just for a moment, how the other side lived. What it felt like. Most likely, there, he'd spend the rest of his - most likely short - life trying to recapture that feeling. Find a place to belong. Because if he'd managed it once, surely he could do it again. Or at least die trying.

Playing anxiously with his hands, Inuyasha glanced towards the stairs before looking back to the wellhouse. There was a distinct possibility that he wouldn't have a choice in the matter. One that had him hopelessly torn. What if Sesshomaru really had been lying and he was like Kikyo? That would actually make way more sense than the bastard showing him any amount of kindness or mercy. In fact, lying to him was exactly the type of manipulative bullshit Sesshomaru would pull. Did that mean he should go back and just find some soul collectors? Except living off souls felt…wrong to him. He'd literally rather die than do that...

Shifting his weight, his arms wrapped around his stomach as he mulled over that unwanted thought. Especially considering he'd previously defended Kikyo for doing that same thing and acted like it was no big deal. Now that the tables had turned, he couldn't figure out how she could be so cavalier about the whole thing. How she justified it. Just the thought that he might consume someone and they'd never have the chance to be reincarnated made him sick to his stomach. What…what if he accidentally ate someone's soul mate and broken the cycle? Destroyed lives. Destroyed someone's happiness? It made him physically ill to eat a soul anyway. Even when he was starving he refused to resort to cannibalism and eating a soul, to him, was just that. So, if that was the case and he was like Kikyo, he should stay here. Wait for this body to give out and die on his own terms. Break a different cycle. One of his selfishness. Going back…going back, he might not get a choice in the matter and the souls might just find him…

Either way, seemed like he couldn't go back to the feudal era.

Glancing over his shoulder at the broken window, Inuyasha visibly sagged in defeat before swallowing and looking towards the stairs that led into the city. If he was going to make it to the countryside – assuming one existed – he'd need something to cover his ears. He'd heard enough screams for one day.

Trembling fingers began untucking his robe before he got to his undershirt and used his claws to cut the fabric. The disguise wouldn't be pretty but it wasn't going to be long term and…

"W-what are you d-doing?" Kagome's trembling voice asked and he nearly jumped out of his skin – his entire body swirling on the spot before he could react in a more normal manner.

"I…I…," he tried to explain hoarsely – too frazzled and emotionally drained to brush her off. And of course, a part of him was desperately hoping for reassurance and mercy as he finished lamely, "I j-just…you know, think I might…might be like her so…so I was gunna…I don't want…"

Trailing off, Inuyasha shook his head as he realized how pathetic he sounded and how being open was probably making the situation worse. So, with a dejected sigh, he went back to his original task.

"Doesn't matter. Don't w-worry about it," he ordered hoarsely – ripping the fabric and clumsily trying to tie it around his head, "I won't be here much longer."

"Just stop whatever you're doing and come b-back i-inside," Kagome sighed as she quickly crossed the distance between them and looked up at him with heartbroken eyes, "I-I'm sorry if I….look. W-why don't you take a shower and then w-we'll figure out what h-happened, okay? You don't h-have to f-figure it out your…yourself."

Nodding slowly, Inuyasha's heart shattered when she gently took his hand and began to lead him back towards the house where a rather frazzled looking Mama and a very angry looking Grandfather stood in the kitchen looking like they were going to scream or resort to violence respectively.

But both of them seemed to back down when they saw his expression and took in his general appearance.

"Sorry about the…the things," Inuyahsa mumbled hoarsely as he passed by the two stunned adults, "I'll t-try to fix it."

Mama mumbled something along the lines of 'of course dear' but otherwise the two adults seemed to be in too deep of shock to react more than to just stare.

Sniffling a little himself, the half-demon followed Kagome up the stairs, down the short hall and to the bathroom where he watched the woman he loved clumsily put together shower supplies and adjust the water to an appropriate level before giving him a somewhat strained smile and leaving to give him some privacy.

"S-stay," he asked quietly – grabbing her wrist, "J-just stay here. Please?"

"I-Inuyasha?"

"I saw your bow. In your room," he tried to explain with no lack of shame and Kagome's eyes widened at what he was implying, "I j-just….I'd feel better if I k-know where you are. Until w-we know..."

"I'm not going to kill you. Don't you…" Kagome began - bristling at the implication before trailing off when he gave her an apologetic and pleading look. Releasing her wrist so she didn't feel trapped, Inuyasha waited for her to make a decision before sighing in relief when she gave one curt nod.

"Would you close your eyes though?" he asked with a faint blush and Kagome's eyes widened incrementally when his blush deepened to a dark crimson, "You know, so I can…"

Breath catching when Kagome suddenly pressed her hand over his heart, Inuyasha had to remind himself how to breathe.

"What are you…"

"Shhh," she ordered as her palm pressed a little harder and just as she'd hoped there it was. A strong, steady heartbeat. Well, maybe not steady. It felt like he'd just run a marathon but the point was he had a pulse. Having touched Kikyo far too many times, Kagome knew for a fact that the undead miko lacked one and thus…

"Well we can rule out clay body," she joked weakly and Inuyasha furrowed his brow in confusion so she explained, "You have a heartbeat Inuyasha. Why did you think that was a possibility?"

"I dunno what Kikyo feels and I've seen her bleed," he mumbled awkwardly, "She could feel a heartbeat. We don't…"

Inuyasha didn't entirely know how to react when Kagome suddenly threw her arms around his neck and pressed her lips against his. Not at first anyway but his mind refreshed just in time to press back with a soft moan.

When she pulled back, he almost wanted to cry and that scared him even more than the idea of him being a walking corpse. He never cried unless someone….well, he didn't want to cry normally was the point. But underneath the momentary flash of fear was something he didn't quite have words to explain. Like a laugh was bubbling in his gut and a need to smile or else he'd explode.

"Why don't you take a shower and I'll get you something else to wear," Kagome offered as she traced his jaw earning a shy smile and soft hum, "We c-can talk after that."

Nodding, Inuyasha let out a relived sigh before his eyes lifted to look at her still open bedroom door, "Where are you going to sleep? I...I don't think you can in your room."

"Don't worry about that. We have a guest room," Kagome offered dismissively and Inuyasha immediately gasped in mock offense - seeming to go from lost and confused to...something positive quicker than the blink of an eye. Eyes bright and open, a sheepish almost adoring smirk played on his lips while he shifted slightly like he was holding back the urge to giggle. The poor miko almost got whiplash just watching it play out on his face and the extreme shift made absolutely no sense.

"All that time you had me sleeping on the floor and there was an extra room?!" he accused - a playful twinkle in his eye and full blown grin that made Kagome... uncomfortable.

"I...I didn't think to ask," she mumbled - looking mortified for more reasons than one before adding in a confused tone, "W-would you have u-used it?"

"No," he hummed playfully before making a face and laughing once as his thumb gave her cheek a gentle caress which ended in a feather light pinch, "I mean I only ever came here to be with you, right? Why would I want to be somewhere else?"

"O-okay then," Kagome replied awkwardly as she tried to get over this strangely…strange Inuyasha reaction, "Well, why don't you shower then and I'll see if maybe we have something to wear while we, um, wash your clothes and yeah…"

Inuyasha's borderline manic smile faded as he realized Kagome's weird reaction was because he was being weird. But his sudden rush of euphoria was hard to reign in. It'd been a weird month. From a very unexpected and sudden death to finding out the love he felt was reciprocated at the twelfth hour when he could do nothing about it and now he was on the cusp of having everything he had ever dreamed about. For whatever reason….

He felt…

Happy. So much so that, for the first time in his life, he felt giddy and the sensation hit him with so much force he mentally staggered. Especially considering a few moments ago he'd been in the depths of despair.

And he honestly didn't know how to handle this new emotion or himself or anything so he was just rolling with it. Unfortunately though, with all the anger out of the way, his primary trait turned out to be awkwardness. Not a great start to his second chance at life and with his deficiencies in mind, his insecurity began bubbling to the surface. What if Kagome didn't love him like this? And what about his friends? Maybe they only liked him when he was angry and snarky and depressed. Would they find him annoying? Or worse would they all decide he wasn't worth their time anymore? Believed he couldn't possibly be useful…

But maybe he was getting ahead of himself. This strange feeling could go away. This beautiful, amazing, warm feeling that was completely foreign but utterly welcome. He sure as hell didn't want to go back to feeling like he used to but maybe it'd be better for everyone else. More appealing.

"F-fine then" Inuyasha breathed - trying his best to be the emotionally distant and dismissive person he'd been up until…you know, dying.

Cringing subtly, the unwanted thought that dying and being brought back after a certain period of time might flip the script on someone's personality crossed his mind. After all, Kikyo had been relatively sweet in life and when she came back she was batshit crazy. Oh god what if he was sweet now? He didn't know how to be sweet! What if being sweet was the worst version of himself? After all, who the hell pinches someone else's cheek? Kagome didn't even do things like that but for whatever reason, he'd gotten that same impulsive urge he used to get before picking a fight and he'd….

Seeing the sudden fear in his eyes, Kagome forced herself to relax and focused on trying to express through body language how deeply he was still loved. Which was much harder than she thought it would be. Grieving for a month was hard to snap out of on such short notice. Her mind struggling to keep up. It would be she messed this up when it mattered most. Almost a full year - most of which she'd been in love - and finally when he returned the favor, she broke his heart.

But instead he sighed and gave her a relieved smile. He saw what she was trying to convey. Found the reassurance he needed. And then he shooed her towards the door.

"Fine. You can go. Which is good anyway because I won't lie. Still too early for you to watch me strip," he teased over her shoulder before getting a mischievous look in his eye and nibbling gently at her earlobe earning an involuntary shiver, "But soon maybe?"

"Down boy," Kagome mumbled and he laughed, truly laughed, which was the most beautiful sound she'd ever heard.

Walking to the stairs, she listened to the water running as the surreal ramifications of what just occurred finally caught up with her and a slow smile began playing on her lips.

Inuyasha was alive and the first thing he thought to do - before even bathing the graveyard soil off his clothes - was to find her. Being with her was his number one priority. Because he loved her. Given his weird behavior, he was happy - truly happy - for the first time in his life and didn't even know what to do with himself. Which, now that she was a little removed, had been absolutely precious. Weird but precious.

He was smiling. He was happy. He laughed over something that didn't involve murder or being possessed. All because of her.

As Inuyasha continued washing and Kagome headed down the stairs, for the first time in a month, both could breathe again and that surreal sensation was the best birthday present either of them ever received.