Letting out a pleased moan, Inuyasha's eyes rolled back in his head as Kagome finished up her magic trick. Whether or not this was hell no longer a question because nothing he had ever experienced had brought him so much relief nor felt quite this wonderful. Heat and pleasure made better by modern luxuries like spring mattresses and cotton sheets. The one and only thing that could make this moment better was to know for certain it was real.
"So," Kagome hummed affectionately as she gently lifted his head to better place the final steaming bag beneath his neck and move his hair out of the way, "We'll just leave these on for thirty minutes or so and then see how you feel."
Nodding absently, Inuyasha was too distracted to even focus on anything other than the shocking realization that his default setting was being sore. Every single fiber of his being that didn't have a heating pad on it begged for relief or something else to move the blood a little better.
"Thanks," Inuyasha mumbled - his voice still somewhat gravely from that morning's meltdown. One Kagome handled with surprising grace and calm. Even when the purple marks started blooming on his cheeks at the same time a cold sweat broke out. It hadn't even been anything she did. Just a nightmare that wasn't even that bad. Just…
Just darkness. A cold endless abyss where he was alone. Floating aimlessly in deafening silence.
Swallowing thickly, Inuyasha tore his thoughts away from the memory and tried to force his focus back on the warmth on his back, his neck, his hands…
"What's in these anyway?" Inuyasha mumbled distractedly as he absently kneaded the hot cloth bag between his palms before pushing god's gift to humanity against his suddenly tight sternum, "Smells like rice."
"Well, they're filled with rice so I would hope they do," Kagome laughed softly as she tossed the latest hot bag from one hand to the other and licked her lips, "Anywhere else hurt?"
Groaning at the thought of him being literally smothered alive by these 'hot packs', Inuyasha accepted that wasn't an option - although a beautiful dream - and decided that there was one other place he wouldn't mind tending to.
"How many more you got?" Inuyasha asked curiously before wrinkling his nose at the smell of her concern, "Not because I'm hurting that bad. More…more these are nice. Do they heat up by themselves?"
"Well I normally put them in the microwave, " Kagome began to explain, "But I mean, if you really like them so much maybe we can find a way to heat them up over there."
At the idea of going back to the feudal era with all its danger, a surge of anxiety rushed through Inuyasha's system which escalated into nauseating degrees when he realized they had to go back eventually.
"What if we just….well, I mean, w-we could stay here a while," Inuyasha mumbled hoarsely as he closed his eyes and pressed the heated bag a little closer to his suddenly tight chest, "Y-you probably need to go to school, right?"
"I guess," Kagome sighed as she gently brushed a few hairs away from his face, " I should probably do that actually. I...I didn't really go to school these past few weeks."
Cracking one eye open, Inuyasha searched his woman's face and regretted the action immediately. Lost in his own despair and worry, he hadn't really looked closely. Before he died, Kagome had looked every bit the 15 year old she was but now that he really paid attention, she had aged a few years. There were dark circles seemingly permanently embedded beneath her somewhat dull blue eyes. Her skin looked sallow and taut. Her hair a little more brittle than he was used to seeing. And her face looked thinner. Her body too. Had she not been eating?
Lip trembling, Inuyasha tried to give her a reassuring smile as he realized he was, in fact, being a dick about the whole 'is this real' situation. Sure, Sesshomaru could've explained his reasons but there was a snowball's chance in hell that would ever happen. No, instead he'd just stood barely in range just staring at him with his hand on his sword like a serial killer. No words. No real reaction. And, at first, his only thought had been 'well that was weird' followed shortly by 'I need to find Kagome.' It wasn't until he actually found Kagome that the reality of the situation hit him and the rest was history. Not once though had it actually occurred to him that Kagome suffered way worse than he ever did. Probably because he was the most selfish being to ever have existed. Even now, he wanted to say screw you to his friends, his obligations, and the world in favor of just staying here where he felt safe and loved. He didn't want to wait to start his own happy ending. He didn't want to risk not getting one at all. All he wanted was to jump start his life and as that thought crossed his head, he completely understood why Kagome had been a little handsy.
She had those same fears and desires. She wanted nothing more than to spend every second of every day by his side and never let him slip through her fingers again.
Reluctantly releasing the small bean bag, one hand reached up to gently brush against her cheek.
"Hey. Listen. I'm sorry about last night and…and every moment after," he tried to apologize and she gave him an all too understanding smile, "S'not an excuse…"
"Inuyasha nothing you could ever do will make me stop loving you. Of course I forgive you," she soothed and he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Lowering his hand back onto the heaven sent warmth, he kneaded the bag a few times before mumbling an awkward 'thanks'. A reply that made him subtly cringe and want to sink into the mattress. Why did he have to be so bad at words and talking? How the hell did he ever convince her to love him? Looking back, it was a miracle he hadn't insulted her to death. He needed to do better. Take better care of her. That was the only thing he had to offer her after all. Protection and love.
The only thing he had to offer.
If they did get married one day, how was he going to provide for her? No one was going to hire him without someone more reputable by his side and…and if they did have babies, which he realized he very much wanted, she couldn't come with him. Miroku was an option but without his wind tunnel, assuming they defeated Naraku, he'd be pretty much useless. Where they'd live wasn't really an issue. The village would let them shack up there. Maybe they'd…they'd hire him as the village protector? But then the only reason anyone ever attacked that village was because of the jewel so…so would they even need a set protector? They already had Kaede…
Heart crumpling up and dying, Inuyasha's lip continued trembling as he realized probably the best thing to do for her was not be with her at all. Except he was too selfish to let her go. He was going to ruin her life. While he could survive on mud and sticks or sleeping in the open, Kagome sure as hell couldn't.
But neither of them would survive without each other so what was he supposed to do? It was too late. The beginning of the end and there was nothing he could do – short of breaking her which he refused to do – to put a stop to it.
And more disgustingly still, he suddenly had the overwhelming and crippling need to be held. Normally when this happened, he could ignore it but right now, he still didn't feel like himself. In all his time on this earth, he'd never felt so lost or afraid or…or just downright weird.
"Can you lay down with me? Just for a minute. Not…not lay lay with me, ya know, not…not that. Just…you know, can you hold me or…or I mean, you know just, um, cuddle?" he asked in the world's most awkward fashion - the words feeling foreign and wrong on his tongue, "Before you go?"
Kagome blinked at him which made him feel infinitely worse. Technically, it'd only been one day but it might as well have been a lifetime. Even if he tried, which he didn't want to, he wouldn't know how to go back to the reserved, bitter person he'd been. Something broke – or healed – and…and…
Ugh, he couldn't even say what happened to him because he sure as shit died. It had to be getting brought back changed your personality. Had to be. Kikyo turned into a bitch who wanted to destroy the world and he turned into a total soft hearted weakling who literally begged for physical tokens of affection. Yet another reason they should never go back to the feudal era but alas…
"I'd love to," she finally replied as she crawled into the bed next to him and draped her arm across his stomach, "I'll hold you whenever you want."
Tipping his head so his cheek rested on her temple, Inuyasha closed his eyes and let her scent slow the chaos going through his mind. Moment by moment, his mind went through the events that had molded him into the person he had been and who he now felt like he was. Brushing up against every painful moment that taught him how to survive. Punching through the moments that had nearly broken him. Navigating the familiar faces that had shaped him. The ones whose images caused him pain. Ones that had caused him pain. The ones he had loved and the ones he had lost.
And, of course, the one who loved him the most.
Inhaling and exhaling deeply, Inuyasha smiled softly as a tear slid down his cheek unnoticed. There was no point worrying about what was to come or what was happening to him. He'd already died once and come out the other side. There wasn't a single god damn thing the world could do to him that hadn't already been done. This was going to be a good life. A happy life.
All he had to do was not fuck it up and everything would be fine.
"I love you," Inuyasha mumbled then before humming when Kagome pressed a soft kiss against his shoulder and whispered the sentiment right back.
