Glancing up at the clock hanging on the kitchen wall, Mama let out a soft sigh and chewed on her bottom lip. It was well past noon and as far as she knew, Inuyasha hadn't eaten anything since his abrupt arrival a few nights ago. He'd left the guest room to relieve himself but actively avoided interaction outside of Kagome. Even when her daughter was there, Inuyasha seemed skittish even which was very much unlike him. Perhaps it was the fact that he'd broken a window but, to Mama, that non-accident was actually rather endearing. Expensive and a little annoying but endearing nonetheless. That boy had wholeheartedly believed her daughter was in danger and took the quickest steps to come to her rescue. If what Kagome said on her way to school this morning was true, Inuyasha had only been reanimated for a few minutes before he arrived.
And since being reunited with the woman he loved, from what Kagome implied and what Mama was able to hear through the walls, Inuyasha was not handling things very well. It didn't take a genius to know he was frightened because, well, people don't come back from the dead. Normally. From what Mama gleaned from her daughter's ranting, Inuyasha's former fiancé had also been reanimated and it had been quite traumatic for the poor boy. So he was very likely frightened that he too had been brought back for an evil purpose or rather, worry that he hadn't truly been brought back at all.
Glancing at the small hallway that led to where the poor boy hid while Kagome tried to attend a day of clases, Mama exhaled deeply before nodding once to herself and pushing back her chair. Inuyasha had not eaten anything in over a month. Starving himself did no one any favors and she knew all too well how one can get so lost in their own mind that taking care of oneself simply didn't seem important.
The faint sniffle she heard confirmed that secondary theory. Who wouldn't be emotionally devastated to learn they had died? Not for a few seconds or minutes but weeks. He'd been dead for weeks and by some act of god, he'd been returned to the land of the living. If Mama was in his shoes, she'd assume that this was just some cruel joke. Especially if she'd loved her whole life being told she was evil. The answer she would have come to - a slightly rational one - was that he hadn't been brought back at all. After all, as deeply as those two loved each other, they'd never been what one would call a couple. More…
Well, they shared a reciprocated love that neither of them wanted for reasons that were their own. A begrudging love that they had decided to stop fighting. Death must have put a lot into perspective for them both.
Humming, Mama knocked on the door and the soft sniffles instantly ceased.
"Inuyasha? Can I come in?" Mama asked softly before opening the door before he could answer. What she saw confirmed everything she already knew to be true. The poor boy, still so visibly young, was curled into a ball around a pillow. His posture screamed fragility and betrayed how utterly lost he felt.
He needed a mother and luckily, Mama felt her own motherly instincts flare to life.
The first thing she noticed was how poorly he was pretending to sleep. Yes, he seemed relatively relaxed but having raised two children Mama knew the signs. The breaths were too deep. His body a little too tense. The reflective slit of amber glancing at her, of course, was the most blaring sign of all.
That and Inuyasha notoriously woke up if he heard so much as a pin drop. Him acting like the door opening and someone talking to him didn't so much as cause him to stir was also a dead giveaway.
"I was wondering what you'd like for lunch," Mama hummed softly as she casually made her way over and sat on the foot of the bed, "We have ramen or I could make you a sandwich if you'd like. Or we could even go out and have lunch. There's a wonderful little restaurant. I thought of you when it first opened."
"I was asleep woman," Inuyasha grumbled hoarsely and Mama barely repressed the urge to roll her eyes.
"And now you're awake. I would really love if you joined me. It's a buffet," she offered bemusedly as she reached over to gently massage his calf and gave it a light squeeze, "Basically it's a place where you can eat as much food as you want."
Giving up his farce, Inuyasha spared her a withering glare before snuggling further under the heavy quilt and letting out a sigh to end all sighs.
"Not interested," Inuyasha mumbled - seemingly coming to terms with the fact that she was not going away.
"Well I'm very hungry and I would love it if I didn't have to go eat by myself," Mama countered and those fuzzy triangles seemed to droop.
"The old man isn't around?"
"He's at doctors appointments all day," Mama explained as she continued gently running his hand up and down his blanket-covered calf, "I know you don't know me very well but could you do me a favor and join me?"
Lifting his head incrementally, Mama saw how puffy his eyes were but didn't address this observation.
"Why?" the poor boy mumbled before clearing his throat and amended, "Why me?"
"Well because I enjoy your company, of course," Mama countered like it was obvious as she sent him a sweet smile. Those amber eyes wavered.
"No you don't," Inuyasha scoffed dejectedly before allowing his head to fall back into the pillow, "Just go by yourself."
When Mama said nothing and simply remained where she was, Inuyasha sighed.
"I said I'm not hungry…"
Again, Mama didn't reply and this seemed to bother him.
"W-why don't you just eat here?"
"Well it just seems like far too much effort to only cook for myself," Mama bluffed and Inuyasha let out another long sigh before snuggling deeper under the covers.
"You're worse than she is," Inuyasha grumbled as he closed his eyes, "I'm fine. I eat less than you humans. And I'm…I'm just tired. I'm okay. You don't need to worry about me."
Inuyasha had never struck Mama as a liar so the fact that he was flipping the script on what even she knew to be true was concerning to say the least. Still, Mama also knew enough to know he'd been alone all his life. Had to be strong all his life and muscle through every conceivable injury on his own. He was hurting and trying to go it alone.
"Well I'd very much like to feed you and I'm not taking no as an answer" Mama murmured affectionately as she sighed and stood up to move towards the head on the bed. Sitting back down on the soft mattress, Mama hesitantly reached out to stroke his hair and even though he tensed at the contact, he didn't push her away. Instead, after several minutes, he relaxed and cautiously moved his head so her fingers brushed against his right ear. Mama took him up on the cue with a adoring smile.
For the next ten minutes or so, the comfortable silence continued until Inuyasha fidgeted slightly and let out a shuddering sigh.
"I-if I ask you somethin' you won't tell Kagome, huh?" he asked thickly as he cracked one eye open and with a reassuring smile, Mama nodded.
"Why?"
Her smile faltered slightly.
"Why what, sweetheart?"
"Why…why're you being nice to me?" he mumbled awkwardly, "I…that's not my real question but…"
"Because I consider you one of my babies and it's my job to take care of my babies," she replied as she gave his ear a soft pet before adding when he looked confused and miserable, "You're my son and I love you."
"But I'm not…"
"I'm sure you know better than anyone that you can choose your family" Mama hummed, "Would you be okay choosing me to be a mother to you?"
Letting out a shaky sigh, Inuyasha closed his eyes and swallowed. As weird as that proposal was, it actually had its appeal. And was probably not worth fighting. Since this woman birthed Kagome, she was probably just as prone to adopting the broken as her daughter. In fact, that trait was probably genetic.
That wasn't to say he was opposed to the idea or that he didn't like being the broken thing being adopted but rather, he didn't see a point in fighting what had already happened. This crazy woman saw him as her son and seeing as how he planned on one day marrying her daughter, that type of affection was probably a good thing. Maybe she already saw him as a son-in-law in which case this proclamation was a very, very good thing. If that was how she saw him, it meant she definitely wouldn't have an issue with a half-breed marrying her daughter.
"I had a mom," he murmured with feigned resignation, "B-but you could be my second one. If you want."
Even though he had believed this turn of events was good, all his response accomplished was for Inuyasha to fall even further in despair. This had to be hell. As absolutely amazing and reassuring as it would be to have a parent figure again, someone to turn to for advice…for yet another someone to love him unconditionally…
"What's wrong sweetheart?" Mama murmured suddenly as she wiped something away from his cheek before resuming the petting of his ear, "Are you…"
Touching his cheek himself, Inuyasha rubbed the unwanted moisture between his fingers before deciding that maybe words should be utilized. Maybe she'd say the right thing and everything would make sense. Death had changed him. So far in just plain weird ways but it had changed him nonetheless. There seemed to be no point in blocking people out anymore. And given that he might still be…you know…what harm would it do to ask anyway.
"I…I'm just tired" Inuyasha admitted evasively before trying to become one with the mattress and coming to the conclusion that someone else needed to figure out what was wrong with him, "I…I feel so tired. All the time. I never feel like this."
Mama hummed and gave his ear a pet before running her fingers over his scalp.
"And I'm different. I can't…I can't stop it," he continued miserably - fully giving into the idea of needing a more adult adult, "I…I never…I don't…"
Unable to find the words to describe his personality shift, Inuyasha cleared his throat and stretched out one leg.
"I just feel different," he finished lamely before repeating, "And I'm tired. Everything's exhausting and I've only been…been back a few days. Why am I tired?"
Nodding in understanding, Mama dipped down to press a kiss to his temple that he didn't resist. In fact, that small gesture opened his emotional floodgates.
"Dunno if Kagome ever said but…but my fiancé got…got murdered and brought back," Inuyasha whined softly, "Eats souls to keep moving. What if…what if I'm like her and that's why I'm tired? Because I haven't eaten any souls…"
"I think you're tired because you're sad sweetheart," Mama sighed as her hand gently moved to stroke his cheek - a touch he leaned into, "And confused. And afraid. Which is a perfectly normal way to feel about what you went through."
"I've been sad before, really sad, and I wasn't tired like this," Inuyasha countered as he pressed his cheek into her palm, "I don't think it's that."
"There are different types of sad," Mama cooed and Inuyasha cracked eye open, "And…"
"I'm just so tired. I'm…this isn't real. Cant be. I'm never like this" he interrupted hoarsely as he turned onto his back and looked up at her exactly like a child needing a parent to tell them it's okay.
"I know it doesn't mean very much but I promise you I know this is very real," Mama offered as she brushed some hairs away from his puffy face, "And if this is all in your head, would that really be so bad? Being surrounded by people who love you?"
She paused and sighed, "You know, if its any consolation, I felt tired like what you're saying when Kagome's father died…"
"How did he die?" Inuyasha interrupted hoarsely before blushing furiously and amending, "N-not that's it any of my business. Just…"
"A car hit him ten years ago," Mama hummed sadly - gently stroking his cheek with the back of her hand.
"Knew I hated those things. Kagome acts like they're safe and no one ever gets hurt but they're obviously death machines," Inuyasha mumbled and Mama nodded in agreement as her own throat grew tight.
"Well, I don't think she remembers. She was only five when it happened…"
Inuyasha's brow furrowed slight at this but he didn't voice whatever thought he had.
"Sota hadn't been born yet," Mama added thickly, "And…"
"My mother died when I was five," Inuyasha suddenly offered without thinking before clearing his throat and scooting out of her reach, "I didn't mean to interrupt. I'm…"
"You don't need to apologize," Mama cut him off with a sad little smile, "That must've been very hard for you."
Pushing himself into a sitting position, Inuyasha pulled his knees into his chest and rested his chin atop his knees. Maybe that was the cutoff then. Whatever powers controlling his life giving him the answer to his question. He had an expiration date. Kagome probably did too. Together until their child turned freaking five and then the universe would…
Or maybe…
"The same thing won't happen to you," Mama hummed knowingly, "Or Kagome. You'll both be fine sweetheart. I promise."
Wrinkling his nose at the bizarre mind reading and very empty promise, Inuyasha glanced at her and absently chewed his bottom lip.
"I-if its not fine, would you take them? Not that..that it'll happen or nothing but…but, you know….if it happens," Inuyasha asked quietly and Mama felt her heart crack.
"Of course. And I'm sure your friends would make sure your babies wouldn't be alone either," Mama soothed as she reached out to rub his upper back, "But nothing is going to happen to you. Or…"
"I already died once," Inuyasha pointed out before closing his eyes and letting out a shuddering sigh, "And it's just…I keep trying to remember what it was like but…but when I'm awake…nothing. But…every time I try to sleep I just…it's like a memory almost. Just cold. And floating. Like…I'm floating up in the stars. Not knowing who I am or why I'm there. I just…"
"You dream of being in the stars?" Mama asked quietly - surprised that he was being so talkative yet grateful he was talking things out to her - and Inuyasha shrugged.
"Something like that," he replied uneasily, "Sometimes my sword…it looks like…like my dream does….so maybe…"
Inuyasha blinked and inhaled sharply.
"The meido" he repeated barely above a whisper, "I never…it's a portal."
"Inuyasha?"
He let out a terrified sounding laugh and shivered.
"That's where I was," he breathed shakily, "And…so this…this is…"
His expressive eyes widened and he laughed shakily, "Bastard really brought me back."
The strange smile on his face slowly faded as did the color in his face as he suddenly mumbled a faint 'ah shit.'
For a moment, he stared ahead in mild horror before Inuyasha let out a long groan and buried his face. That just made everything worse. Since being brought back, he'd hurt Kagome. Made her worried sick when he really should've been showing her how important and loved she'd been. Told her his hopes and dreams for the future. Made up for lost time…
What was he supposed to do now? She'd be second guessing his devotion for the rest of her life. Probably think he was just going along for the ride assuming it wasn't real…
But now he'd finally gotten his head out of his ass. Who cared that Sesshomaru showed him mercy? Stranger things had happened. But he'd fucked up their reunion and…and…what was he ever going to do…
"First, I think you need to eat," Mama interrupted before he could devolve into a panic attack, "I think you'll like the buffet and maybe while we're eating, we can plan something sweet for you to do with Kagome."
Lifting his head, Inuyasha gave his newfound maternal figure a curious yet exhausted look.
"How do you do that?" Inuyasha asked curiously, "Know what I'm thinkin'…"
"You're very easy to read sweetheart," Mama laughed softly and Inuyasha rolled his eyes with a grunt.
"Am not," he huffed and with a soft laugh, Mama shrugged. Truth was it was rather obvious where his mind went. The groan of frustration and self-loathing expression before he buried his face in context made it very clear he was remembering how he'd been acting these past few days. Even Mama had heard his acidic 'don't touch me' the first night. Inuyasha probably believed he'd made yet another blunder in his relationship with Kagome and his own doubts had ruined everything.
But nothing had been broken or ruined. Kagome would understand and she loved him just as fiercely as he loved her.
"Get ready, okay? I'll be in the kitchen," she ordered warmly and as she left, Inuyasha watched her go with the strangest expression.
It took longer than it should have for Inuyasha to mentally prepare to leave and find the energy to leave the safe feeling mattress but soon enough, he appeared in the kitchen looking disheveled but present.
And while Mama seemed pleased he had come out of the room, she did remind him very briefly of his own mother for an entirely different reason. He might not remember much about the woman who birthed him but…
"Let's run a brush through that hair. Make you look more presentable…"
Despite himself, the corner of his lips twitched upwards and with a huff, Inuyasha sank down into the kitchen chair. There really was no point fighting this. It was happening whether he liked it or not.
Collapsing to his knees, Miroku stared numbly at the unearthed grave – a faint ringing sound piercing his ear drums and blocking out all else. This was exactly why he urged Kagome to reconsider burying their dearly departed friend and taking his ashes to the modern era where they would be safe from abuse. His violet eyes drifted miserably to the ant covered cake plate and he wilted further.
Not only where they going to have to face whatever Inuyasha had become but they would undoubtedly be forced to do so without their miko sister. Since Inuyasha had left this world, there had always been the possibility that Kagome would leave it also. In a different way, of course, but…but they all knew the real reason she returned to this era and it had nothing to do with finding jewel shards. With that reason gone…and now potentially a puppet whose purpose would undoubtedly be to torture her? Kagome was lost to them forever.
It was maddening that death had come for Inuyasha and for the past month, the monk had been struggling with this development. Of all of them, the only one who should have been permitted to die was…
And it would've been better for everyone if…
After all…
Chest heaving, all the self-loathing and grief the monk had been repressing began bubbling to the surface. It was completely unjust that Inuyasha was taken before his time while he, a worthless monk who had nothing to offer, was still living off borrowed time. Why would the gods spare him and strike down the man his friends truly needed? What use was he to…
"We don't know that his body has been stolen," Sango tried as she knelt down beside the monk and hesitantly placed a hand on his shoulder, "Maybe…maybe…"
"It should've been me," Miroku hissed suddenly making the slayer startle and quickly retract her hand, "This…this never should have happened. It should've been me. I'm already not long for this world. It…"
"Look at me," Sango demanded softly and the monk violently shook his head.
"What use would I be to anyone? My ashes would've remained undisturbed," Miroku snapped hoarsely – his clenched hands sliding off his lap and latching onto the grass beside him, "Better yet, in the event of my death, likely there would be no ashes for anyone to steal and…and it would be better than…"
Completely at a loss, Sango tried to remain calm and level-headed. Of all the things she expected Miroku to do upon discovering the open grave, it was not…this.
So, she did the only thing she could think of as he continued to ramble about the unfairness of it all and his apparently very poor view of himself…
She collected him – forcibly – into her arms and held him as tightly as she could. Something which initially irked the monk as he tried to fight her off but once he realized that Sango truly was much, much stronger than him…
Miroku sagged in defeat and laughed. The sound somewhat crazed and chilling.
"My, my what an opponent you must be," he sniffled with acidic amusement as he lifted his arms and tried to hold her with all his apparently limited strength, "You could very well snap me in half if you wanted."
"Ah, if I wanted to which I don't," Sango hummed affectionately as she pressed her lips against his temple which made him sag further, "I need you to calm down, okay? Can you do that for me?"
Sniffling again, Miroku nodded and let out a controlled breath. For one minute. Two minutes…then an hour. All while Sango held him upright and gently played with tendrils of his tied hair.
"I apologize," Miroku finally breathed shakily as the slayer released him and he sat back with the most miserable expression Sango had ever seen on his face, "I simply…I was unprepared for this development and…"
Trailing off when slayer cupped his cheek, Miroku closed his eyes and leaned into her touch.
"I'll need to keep a closer eye on you from this point forward," the monk mumbled as he cracked open one eye to gaze at her affectionately, "It would appear the rest of this quest is up to us and you are a far greater threat than I could ever be. You'll be the primary target."
Sango pursed her lips and gave the monk a concerned once over.
"Miroku there's a reason Naraku cursed your family," Sango pointed out and Miroku gave her a morbidly hopeful look, "Your grandfather was most likely very close to defeating him. That means you're just as big a threat to him as I am. More even."
Miroku frowned but seemed somewhat encouraged.
"As for Inuyasha…You told me that we could save Kohaku, right?" Sango asked after a long tense moment and Miroku wilted.
"Forgive me for saying so but Inuyasha is far more likely to be beyond reach. More than once he's almost been lost to us already. A single jewel shard and…"
"Inuyasha is stronger than you give him credit for," Sango chided gently and Miroku simply allowed more of his weight to rest in her palm, "As are you. For what its worth, I'm glad you're still with me. I…I don't know what I'd do if I lost you too."
Miroku bit his lip for a moment trying to find a way to comfort or counter before something warm and soft pressed against his lips. Eyes flying open, Miroku registered the kiss for what it was a moment too late.
A situation he quickly reconciled by pulling her back for another. It seemed rather strange and completely inappropriate to share their first real kiss kneeling next to their friend's grave but neither of them choose to address that aspect of this moment. Out of the ashes of grief rose a new beginning and hopefully whatever challenges awaited them would allow them a brighter future.
Still, there were things that could not wait. Kaede must be informed if she did not already know. Probably Kikyo as well – as much as they loathed to admit it. As often as that undead corpse attempted to kill Inuyasha, no one else had ever been permitted to attack him directly. While no one else seemed to have noticed, Miroku certainly had picked up on Kikyo's retreating aura during the battle of Tsubaki and more than once, Kikyo's spiritual arrow had come flying to Inuyasha's rescue.
Yes, if Inuyasha's body was being used for improper purposes, Kikyo very likely would serve as a useful ally in the battle to get it back. Unless, of course, she was the one who stole the body in the first place.
"We should let Kaede know," Miroku muttered quietly as he pulled back and pressed his forehead against the slayer's, "And we can go from there."
Humming, Sango responded with a soft kiss against his nose.
"If it makes you feel any better, I'd steal your ashes," the slayer teased, "Use them for my own purposes."
Sniffling through a laugh, the monk rolled his eyes and shook his head.
"I know this must be shocking but no, no that admission does not improve my mood…"
