Groaning tiredly, Inuyasha nuzzled the soft flesh beneath his cheek and shifted to press his body closer still. For once in his life he felt safe which somehow was an even more incredible feeling than feeling loved. And he was loved. Deeply. There was no doubt in his mind.
"Inuyasha," Kagome laughed softly as her hand gently scratched the skin at the base of his skull, "If you want me to go talk to the others, you'll have to let me up."
Inhaling deeply then sighing, Inuyasha hooked one leg over hers and prepared to doze off again.
"Suns not up," he mumbled tiredly as he slid his arm up her back and held her with the perfect amount of tightness, "Got time…"
"No. It's better to do it early and get it over with," Kagome soothed against fear she thought was the issue, "I won't be long. Then we can cuddle all day."
Inuyasha did not agree or approve of this plan. If his death had managed to get everyone else killed, he'd much rather live in blissful ignorance for as long as humanly possible.
"Suns not up."
"Since when do you sleep in?" Kagome teased and in lieu of replying, Inuyasha merely doubled down his effort not to move. The leg hooked over hers tensed and he allowed more of his body weight to rest against her.
"Do you or do you not want me to go check on our friends?" Kagome huffed in frustration but again, no verbal reply. Instead, he decided to show his thoughts on the matter by pressing his body against hers and refusing to move.
"Suns not up," he countered finally, "If the sun ain't up, they ain't up. Might not even be there anyway."
"Well we need to tell Kaede at least. I'm sure she's noticed your grave is empty," Kagome pointed out with a semi-exasperated sigh and Inuyasha had to admit she was probably right there.
"I should go with you," he replied with a resigned hum, "S'not safe."
"You said you're not ready to go back. You said that," Kagome reminded him earning another soft groan. A moment passed then two and Inuyasha began to roll away from her. Stretching so fully his back arched, he tried to mentally prepare himself for the few moments he'd have to wrap his mind around what would be the shortest visit back to the time period he had been born into.
But the blissful, safe feeling was fading. His heart was pounding out of his chest. Bile began pushing it way up his throat as Memories of his own personal hell rushed to the forefront of his mind with all the force of an ogre's club. Honestly he'd be happy if he never ever went back "home". He hadn't been lying when he said he wasn't ready. Just the thought of it had tears prickling in the corners of his eyes and he not want to know whether he'd devolve into full blown tears upon exiting the well.
But even if she was only going tor a few minutes, Kagome needed protecting. A few minutes was all it took for things to go horribly wrong! He had to protect her, right? It was his job to protect her. That was his job. And it was…
Why did he agree when she said she could go by herself? What the hell was wrong with him?! What…what…just what the hell…
A brief bout of hyperventilation escaped as his thoughts continued to race which he quickly attempted to cover up by closing his mouth. This naturally forced him to rely on his nose for air which wound up making his extremities tingle and his head took an extremely awkward period of time for him to calm down enough to respond - during which time Kagome gently pet his hair and face. She always could read him so well. Not that having a panic attack was hard to read or anything but still.
"I can h-handle it," he lied - his voice cracking making his assessment seem hollow, "It'll be fine."
"Yeah, okay," Kagome snorted as she gave his cheek a light pinch which irked him, "You totally seem in control of whether you'll be fine or not."
Blushing slightly at being called out, Inuyasha found her hand and intertwined their fingers.
"I think it'll be okay if you're there," he offered hoarsely - giving her hand a gentle squeeze, "You'll…you'll make sure nothing happens to me and…and I'll make sure nothing happens to you. We protect each other."
Kagome raised herself slightly and leaned over to press a kiss against his temple earning another soft whine.
"You need time. Going back when you're not ready will only make it worse," she whispered against his skin and despite the fact this assessment would have, at one point, made him feel ashamed…
That safe feeling…
He was allowed to be vulnerable. Allowed to admit he was afraid. Allowed to just…be. If he'd known this was how love could feel, Kikyo would never have been part of the equation. She sure as hell wasn't anymore. Well, okay, he still needed to make sure Naraku didn't off her again but…but if she started in on how he had loved her…it was within the realm of possibility he'd die laughing his ass off. He didn't know what the hell that had been back then but it sure as hell hadn't been love. Not like this.
He wouldn't survive losing this.
"I need to go with you. I don't want…" Inuyasha struggled to find a way to explain how he was feeling, "I don't want you to go and…and be…I don't want the same thing to happen to you."
Gently tracing the contours of his face, Kagome watched watching as his eyes fluttered closed and he leaned into her soft touch.
"How about this…you stay by the well and I'll go the village," Kagome offered as she fully sat up, "That way you'll be there but if it's too much you can come back."
It was that exact moment that a soft knock at the door alerted them to the fact that there were indeed other people awake at this ungodly hour.
"Are you two awake? I want to hear all about the date," Mama cooed softly through the door and with a subtle cringe, Inuyasha gave Kagome an apologetic look. The quiet dinner out that had exposed how staying here in this time really wasn't an option. Sure, he could learn the rules of proper social etiquette and how the currency worked. True, wearing a hat or bandana would allow him out in public - especially if he wore his hair in a ponytail like he did. But just like people with mental illness needed medication, he needed his sword to keep him stable and carrying a sword in a public space was definitely unacceptable. Downright "illegal" according to that one asshole. They'd had to go back to the house to drop it off - at his insistence not hers - before trying to go on this modern date he wanted. They should've stayed home. That was what Mama suggested but he'd gotten it into his head that they needed to do something normal yet special. The best part of the night was when they got back and Kagome coaxed him into the bed where they talked for hours. It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever experienced.
But it had slipped out that he was afraid of dying now. Used to be he just…not that he wanted to die or anything…but it used to be that…that he just didn't think his life was important. No one had ever put any value on it and given how many people he'd seen die, he figured it wasn't that big a deal if the world lost him. He wouldn't know the difference for damn sure because he'd be dead.
Of course he did die and now he knew for a fact that death royally sucked. He was fairly confident that empty cold lonely void was where his soul ended up (which good on him for having one) and the thought of being in a place consisting of his worst nightmares was enough to bring a waterfall of anxiety down on his head. For the moment at least. He just mentally wasn't in a place where he would be able to fight or…or…
Basically you can't fight if you can't breathe and he was struggling to breathe anywhere Kagome wasn't. When she held him, it felt…it just made the hollow feeling go away. Made it better. Honestly he didn't know if he could ever be away from her again but…but with time, maybe this moment in his life would just be a bad memory. One of far too many.
Groaning softly, Inuyasha curled towards her again and draped his arm across her lap with his nose pressed against her hip.
"We're just now waking up. We'll come out in a minute," Kagome called out and Inuyasha let out a small groan.
"The fuck we are," Inuyasha mumbled tiredly as he began burrowing under the quilt until only his ears peaked out, "You're both insane. Suns not even out."
"Well you can keep sleeping if you want and when you wake up, I'll be right…"
"You go over there without me and I will put you on a leash," Inuyasha issued his semi-serious threat as his arm tightened around her waist, "You better come back and get me when the sun is up."
"To come back you'll need to let me go…"
"Says who?"
Kagome rolled her eyes.
"When Kagome returns she will either bring answers or need reassurance," Miroku insisted in the midst of sheer exhaustion - his head spinning while his eyelids kept fluttering closed, "We can't…" he yawned, "can't leave the well unattended…"
"Kaede said she witnessed Sesshomaru leave shortly before she discovered the open grave. Why else would he have been here?" Sango hummed worriedly as Miroku's eyes fluttered closed and he swayed dangerously, "You need to sleep."
Straightening up and using the well to support his body, the monk struggled to stay awake. For a full day and a half, he'd sat by the well. It was the only thing keeping him sane at the moment. Grief had hit him hard and unexpectedly. The randomness of it all a reminder of how quickly things could change. Inuyasha had always been seemingly invincible and yet his life had been snuffed out by a weak demon. Miroku had never realized how much the half-demon truly meant to him until it was too late and the regret…
Did Inuyasha ever know how irreplaceable and needed he had been? Without Inuyasha's aggressive form of reassurance, the monk knew his own life would have been over long ago. Inuyasha had been the brother Miroku never knew he needed. Without him…without him everything seemed hopeless.
Miroku's face went momentarily slack as his body wilted.
"You can't sleep like that," Sango sighed as she sat down next to him and used his body's lack of tension to coax him into her lap. The process did wake him up - momentarily - but once he was in the much more comfortable position, his body simply wouldn't allow him to get back up. As he subconsciously adjusted himself into a much more comfortable position and nuzzled her thigh, Sango gently stroked his hair and cheek while love swelled in her heart. That and genuine sympathy.
Miroku had taken Inuyasha's death almost as hard as Kagome had. The randomness of it all leaving him shell shocked and unable to breathe. It was more than being reminded how quickly things could change. So much more than that. And it was in that moment Sango decided that her unspoken plan to kill Kohaku and then herself could absolutely not come to fruition. For all his perverted antics and questionable ways of getting things done, Miroku's world revolved around them and for whatever reason, he took Inuyasha's death hard. Just like Inuyasha, this was the first time he ever felt truly accepted and had a place to belong. The first time he truly felt he could rely on anyone. Before the group, Miroku had always gone it alone.
It was clear that without the half-demon in his life Miroku floundered. He'd tried to emulate Inuyasha's abrasive but strangely effective pep talks. Tried being the operative word and as hard as Miroku tried to make up for the giant void that was Inuyasha's absence, it only made the empty place at the table seem that much more pronounced. Miroku needed Inuyasha almost as much as Kagome had needed him. More than anyone else, Inuyasha had been the one who could convince him all was not lost and they'd all make it out the quest alive.
And then Inuyasha had to go and not make it.
Feelings of inadequacy surfaced in the monk and with them, talks of needing to becoming stronger. He wasn't enough as he was. Gone were the days of jokes and laughter. Miroku had changed. What was once his greatest asset, namely the slickness of his tongue, had turned into a weapon. Not once since Inuyasha's death had he asked anyone to bear his child and his iconic perverted ways had ground to a halt. While such a thing should've been a relief, Sango found herself missing his antics and hoping that one day Miroku would find himself again.
But Miroku was not about to lose another person he loved and, unfortunately, that goal had him pushing himself to his limits. On occasion even too far. The amount of injuries he'd managed to incur was frightening and more than once, he'd talked about going on a journey of enlightenment. But thankfully, Sango had managed to talk him down off the ledge and convince him that being himself was enough. Of course he replied to her words of reassurance with a resigned "for now" but he began smiling again and that was a start.
"I hope… you are aware that…that I love you," Miroku mumbled tiredly and Sango cooed her acknowledgement.
A moment passed then two. Then his lips twitched upwards as his breathing began to even out.
"I must say I was expecting more of a response," he murmured in a warmer tone than she had heard in quite some time.
"I didn't need to say it. You know I love you," Sango sighed heavily - the words delayed and irritated but still earning a happy content sigh.
"This is true," he breathed as his face began going slack, "This is very true…"
Shushing him softly, Sango watched as he drifted off - her fingers still stroking his hair and cheek.
