Newkirk

You are, without a doubt, the biggest bundle of contradictions I've ever met.

Somber, but funny. Quiet, but outspoken. Coarse, yet sophisticated. Uneducated, but smart as a whip. Cool on the outside, but blazing with purpose inside. And the bravest coward I've ever known.

No member of this team, myself included, has better instincts for blending into the shadows. No one would have an easier time disappearing. But you stay. You choose to stay.

I see the cogs turning. One thing motivates you: The belief that you can and should and must and will protect everyone.

All right, another thing motivates you: The belief that you can't and shouldn't and mustn't and won't be protected yourself.

You not only expect to be sacrificed, thrown to the wolves, grassed on, every single time; you think you deserve to be, because everyone else is worth more than you. And you're shocked when anyone turns up to help you.

And yet.

I've never been sure how it came to be so, but only one man can subdue you, and that man's LeBeau.

I see you're gentle and on rare occasions actually a bit needy. When LeBeau hands you a cup of coffee or pats your arm, your face softens with the warmth and comfort of home. He is the one man who has your complete trust, the one person with whom you have ever been vulnerable. There is a reason that no one, ever, ever, calls you by your first name but LeBeau. And there's a reason he can kiss you on the cheek or hop up on your back like two kids playing in a schoolyard. It's called connection. I might even say love, but I don't want you to punch me.

And by the way, I can see you understand French perfectly well and can speak it better than you let on. You actually DO have an ear for languages, despite what I said in the Swedes' farmhouse that time.

I see you go where you're needed. Before we got Baker into the rotation, you were the only one who could back up Kinch on the radio.

Alone among us, you'd never met a black man in your life. But when you looked at Kinch, you never saw anything but a man. And unlike almost everyone else, you sized him up and decided instantly that he was better than you.

I see you're patient. You make it look like you're long suffering, but you are the one who listens to all of Carter's stories and spends the most time just being his friend.

You are the best friend. There's a reason no one can decide if you're closest to LeBeau or Carter. The friendships are both deep, but they are different. Carter is your best mate; LeBeau is your soul mate.

Most of all, I see you're no coward. You throw the word around enough to make us all think you might be hesitant to risk your neck. But you're not hesitating. While everyone else is thinking of reasons to say yes, you're trying to think of reasons to say no, and coming up empty handed again.

Your loyalty is undying and it's deeply, deeply personal. And therefore, so is everyone's.

You're the heart of this operation, Peter. Not that I'd ever call you Peter. Not here, not now. But someday, if we get through this alive, I'd like to just be your friend.


Thank you for reading. I am no longer active in this wonderful fandom but two friends asked me to re-post this story and I wanted to do it for them. It contains minor changes from the earlier versions.