The grass was always greener somewhere else, Dedede thought, but he'd always been the jealous type.
Out in the castle courtyard, he could see the Cappy children playing a rudimentary game of soccer, Kirby trailing behind them trying to keep up.
Without much else to do but read the same magazines he always had lying out on his balcony (he hadn't bothered putting new ones out, too much effort) he watched them make nuisances out of themselves.
On the corner of their improvised field sat Tiff, sitting on the sidelines, only looking up now and again to give a word of encouragement or keep the younger kids from breaking any clear rules. the bookworm brat at least pushed her nose into her books more often than she did into his business these days. Next to her was Meta Knight, watching the game play out with a weird intensity. The days of battling monsters may have been over, but he never stopped being his old, inscrutable self. All the kids had grown a little taller over the last winter following those couple of nights on the Halberd, they played a little faster and with less tripping over each other than they had some months ago. They were getting older and tougher, he noted, with some envy.
There was a sudden squeal, and he looked to see Kirby fall face-first in the dirt and skid a few inches, scraping mud down his face and part of his belly, having tripped fantastically over the ball trying to kick it. The other kids snorted, trying to stifle laughter, while Tiff rushed over to his side, fussing. Dedede huffed a bitter chuckle.
Most of the kids in town were getting older, but Kirby always seemed to be lagging far behind. He was just as clumsy and fumbling as he'd been when he'd first inserted himself into everyone's lives. Not to mention that even after almost two years of living in Dreamland, he barely spoke a word of plain english.
How a toddling little dope ever managed to be a hero of his scale was beyond the King, especially when there were people far more worthy of that kind of power right here on Popstar, thank you. He'd be the first to admit that he was a tight-fisted grouch and a tad selfish, but he'd at least put that ability to good use. Kirby only ever used his own power to scrape through life by the simplest means.
Having Nightmare around hadn't turned out to be a huge benefit, but at least it forced the resident hero to improve himself. He might even argue that if it weren't for him ordering monsters from NME, Kirby would have never been ready for his last fight with their creepy CEO. He was too humble to take that argument out in front of anyone, of course.
He scowled at the little freeloader where he pulled himself awkwardly to his feet, wishing he could somehow beam this gratitude into his tiny baby brain.
Meta Knight had strolled over to the scene as Tiff was failing to scrub his puffy cheeks clean with just her thumb, and held the corner of his cape out. Dedede raised an eyebrow. Kirby looked at Meta Knight's offering with a typical, baffled look before squeaking joyously and rushing into his side. Meta gave little reaction, gently wiping Kirby down as he snuggled into the cape and Meta's side, rubbing his face into the cloth and beaming. When he was clean, Meta drew the cape back, rubbed the last dirty spot off Kirby's cheek with his glove, and gave him a single pat before returning to his spot under the tree with Tiff, who smiled (a bit curiously). The game was on again, and Kirby leaped back into it with enthusiasm.
Dedede stared at the knight where he sat, still watching with that unreadable stare. He'd always been an odd one, to be sure, and Dedede tried not to bother himself with keeping up with all his weird moods and schemes, sure that anyone would have run themselves in circles trying to. That was weird even for Meta though. Here was a guy with no personal stakes in anything, and now he was all buddy-buddy with Kirby? Now that he thought about it, he wasn't sure that was the first time something like that had happened in the last six months.
He knew that he'd occasionally throw Kirby a weapon and had once given some underhanded sword fighting tips to him, but the majority of the time last year he'd spent out of the way. Dedede had always assumed that Meta's fight with NME had been his priority, Kirby simply his best weapon against them. Now it seemed like he was seeing them together kinda often. He was busy with his own life, but he was pretty sure he'd seen Meta walking through town a little behind Kirby. He hadn't thought much at the time, but now that he thought about it he rarely saw Meta within a hundred feet of someone else if he could help it.
He watched the Cappy kids pack up their ball, blabbering about how the sun would start to set soon. Though anyone watching could suspect that they were hoping to make an excuse to go find a spot to play without Kirby, who had fallen again and brought the game to another halt when Tiff had to brush him off and lecture the kids about playing nicer. Meta had even moved to Kirby's side again, much to Dedede's suspicion. As King, he had a nose for things out of their place, and Meta was always a suspicious character.
Tuff and the other kids slunk out of the courtyard, Tiff bid them all a spiteful farewell, saying she wasn't going to referee for them if they snuck off to start a new game, and Kirby stayed behind, turning between them all as they walked away. Meta Knight approached his side, saying something that was too soft for Dedede to catch, and walking in a separate direction. Dedede expected Kirby to go with Tiff but was surprised when Kirby made another delighted sound and ran behind Meta. He took out his binoculars, this was getting interesting.
The two of them made for the top of the hill beyond the castle, Dedede watching closely. The two figures grew smaller and smaller, but just as they were cresting the hill and about to disappear behind the grass, he saw Kirby take Meta's gloved hand in his, like a child about to cross the street with their parent. As far as he could see, Meta didn't pull it back.
Dedede put the binoculars aside. Finally, something to put his authority to good use. Meta and Kirby both had a spotty history in the eyes of the law, after all. They could even be conspirators. Best to keep an eye on them.
Following them was more difficult than he'd originally thought. Meta never let them stay in one place for long, letting Kirby rest or poke at flowers and butterflies intermittently before moving them along again across the plains. Dedede had to keep a fair distance just to keep the car from alerting them. Whatever the case, he'd been watching their walk from the castle, through town, and towards the edge of the village, until they were on the hill approaching Kirby's house. The sun was beginning to skim lower over the ocean behind them.
"As riveting as this is," Escargoon said, one hand on the wheel and one on his chin, "why, again, are we stalking these two around all over Dreamland?"
"Because I know trouble when I smell it," Dedede said. He kept the binoculars to his eyes, watching Kirby skip up the hill, Meta strolling behind. "And this here situation stinks, Meta Knight never acts this cuddly unless he's got some kind of plan with someone. I aim to find out what that is."
Through the window, he could see Kirby climb into his bed and Meta sit on a stool by the opposite wall. Kirby looked across at him expectantly as Meta pulled something from under his cape. Dedede snickered triumphantly, he'd have his conspirators behind bars before the night even fell. From under the heavy fabric, Meta produced a thin, hardcover book and opened it.
"What are they doing now," Escargoon said, yawning.
"Hush up," Dedede said.
With his mask on, it was difficult to gather what exactly the knight was doing, but Kirby's expression would change and Meta would glance between him and the page.
"Let me see," Escargoon said, snatching the binoculars, exasperated.
"Hey!-"
"Shush, Majesty. You drag me all the way out here, the least I deserve is to find out why."
There was a pause as Escargoon squinted through the lenses. "Oh, I don't believe it," he said.
"What are they doin'?"
Escargoon stuffed his hands over his mouth, giggling.
"What? What they plottin?"
Escargoon tried to stifle his laughter.
"They're not plotting, that metalhead's reading the plot of a bedtime story."
Just saying it threatened to make him burst into a new fit of giggles.
Dedede couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"That iron-face is nothing but cold-hearted, there ain't no way," he said, "give me that." He snatched the binoculars back.
Kirby was asleep in his bed, his little body rising and falling slightly. Meta replaced the book under his cape and hopped from the stool, disappearing from the view of the window. Dedede turned the lenses back and forth, searching. He heard the door squeak and swung them towards it. When he'd managed to get the focus right on it, he saw Meta standing outside. He shut the door quietly behind him and turned to look directly at Dedede.
He jumped, dropping the binoculars, startling Escargoon next to him into letting out a yelp.
"Good evening, your highness," Meta Knight said coolly.
"Good evening, my tail," Dedede barked, trying to save his composure. "Explain what it is you've been doing all day. You work for me you know, or you forgot that?"
"I have forgotten nothing, sire. As for what I have been doing, nothing more than continuing to ensure the protection of my majesty's kingdom by its hero."
"Don't you butter me up, explain."
He may not have been everyone's most beloved leader, but when he got serious Meta Knight could hardly argue.
"I apologize if I've alarmed you, sire. To be plain, though, with Nightmare defeated, there is still work for Kirby ahead. He must learn to read and write like the other children. He still struggles to form even basic words."
"You tellin' me you've been spending all day workin' a babysittin' job?" On any other day he would have been laughing (Escargoon certainly was) but he was tired and irritated and despite how earnest Meta's explanation sounded the idea irked him even more. Even Meta Knight was making the little gumball into the center of the universe.
"I'm teaching him an important skill, sir. He may be an infant now, but imagine Dreamland's hero, many years in the future, if he cannot even communicate with the people he saves."
"Does teaching him mean you gotta be all soft on him?"
Meta Knight didn't respond.
"You keep this baby school business outta the way of your knightly duties, hear?"
"Yes, sir."
"Good, finally someone's listening to me."
He sat back down on the seat and gestured to Escargoon to take them home. He gave the King an uncertain look, as if he was about to say something, then he thought better of it and put the car in gear.
Only after the castle garage doors were shuttering open did he speak up. "Sire, what duties is Meta Knight supposed to be doing for you now, I mean, now that Nightmare's been beaten?"
Dedede glared at him and he shrunk over the wheel. "He's a knight, not a babysitter, and I'm the King. If he wants to so much as takes a step it oughta be because I say so."
Escargoon parked the car silently, but he looked unconvinced.
"Don't you worry 'bout his duties. I'll find something for him. I think I got me an idea."
After Kirby's adventure on the Halberd and fighting Nightmare, Meta Knight had started to spend lots of time with him. The mysterious warrior was always busy during Kirby's first year on Popstar and had only taught him a few new tricks in all that time. Now, though, he dropped by to see Kirby almost every day.
Together, they would do lots of different things, one for each day of the week. Monday was coloring sheets, though sometimes Meta would help him draw some letters of the alphabet with him. Tuesday was a play day, where they would jump and race each other in the grass to test how fast each one could go. Wednesday was counting. Thursday they would have a picnic and play a game where Kirby would try to repeat the sounds that Meta Knight made. Friday, the best day, Meta Knight would read him a bedtime story so he could get plenty of rest over the weekend. And Monday they would start all over. Most of the time they would just talk, Meta Knight would ask him some questions and talk about the weather and Kirby would respond as best as he could. Talking was still hard and he was usually too nervous about making a mistake to do it for very long, but Meta said he was getting better all the time.
Sometimes, Tiff would help him learn his letters and numbers, but Meta had been around a long time and he knew lots of big, interesting words. Plus, he had always hoped that Meta could become his friend after he'd taught him to use his sword beam. He liked having lots of friends like Tiff and Tuff and Meta and all the cappies.
Yesterday, Meta told him that King Dedede was jealous of how many friends Kirby had and was following them. He was hoping Dedede would play with him if he visited him in the castle, so he had grabbed his colors and a peach from the tree nearby and was making his way through the village, waving hurriedly at the cappies as they went by.
Dedede was a weird guy, and he played a little rough with Kirby, but he had never seriously hurt him. Even most of those monsters he'd been so fond of weren't all that bad. He liked to make jokes (though Kirby didn't understand all of them) and laugh and he always had good food around. He wasn't sure if Dedede liked him all the way, but there had been times when he had been pretty nice to him. He must have liked him, at least, some of the way. During the times that Dedede had made him mad, Tiff and Meta would remind him that a hero forgave people like him because it was the right thing to do. Even if he had done those things, Kirby didn't want Dedede to be jealous or sad because he didn't have as many friends as Kirby did.
At the castle gates were a number of waddle guards who jumped to their feet and barred the entrance with their spears. This wasn't a surprise to Kirby, as he usually wasn't supposed to be inside since the King was so busy. He hoped to explain himself though.
"Eee!" He took his crayons in his hands demonstratively and showed them to the guards. "Dee Dee," he explained.
The waddle guards looked at one another curiously but didn't budge. Kirby thought hard, Meta's lessons helped, but the guards didn't seem to understand.
"See! Cool!" He'd meant to say 'color' but his tongue had stumbled. The waddle dees only looked more at a loss, standing firm. Kirby sighed, he was going to have to take the usual way in.
Leaving the guards at their post, he dashed to the far wall out of their sight and took to the air, floating up along the side of the wall until he could hop through the window cutouts of the open-air corridor and land neatly inside. The backup plan in his gut made floating a bit harder, but he was well practiced with this secret route by now. He took off down the halls for Dedede's chamber, shouting for the king.
"Dee! Dee! Deeeeeeee!" He was usually busy, but he rarely had anyone to meet with since Nightmare had gone away. Poor Dedede! He must have been so bored and lonely. Kirby wasted no time, running straight for the chamber door so fast, that even when Waddle Doo jumped in the way of the doorway and shouted or him to "halt! No Kirby!" he jumped right over him in his excitement.
"Dee-Deeee! Poyo!" The king was watching his usual fill of television when he heard the offensive squeal, spinning in his chair only to be sucker-punched by a small weight that dropped into his lap. "Prii!"
Kirby beamed up at him, waving a fistful of crayons in his paw. "Haiii!"
"What in blazes- oh, get off me you little parasite!" Dedede pushed him off his robes rather forcefully and Kirby bounced harmlessly off the floor. Taking this small setback in stride, Kirby collected his crayons back up and hopped back onto his feet before the King's chair.
"What are you doin' here, you menace?"
"Sire, I apologize, I tried to stop him," Waddle Doo butted in to explain. Dedede only scowled at him.
Kirby didn't know what a 'menace' was, he'd have to ask Meta, but he was glad that Dedede was at least asking him questions and not immediately throwing him out.
"Cool!" He waved the crayons in his paws. "Papri! Papper?" Some paper to share would have been excellent, if he only knew where it was. He still had his backup plan stored away, but he preferred to share some coloring time with Dedede before he tried that.
"Don't you talk that gibberish at me, ain't you know any words after two years in decent society?"
Kirby dropped his paws, hanging his head. He was really trying, but Dedede was right, he should know his words better by now. "Ah," he said simply.
"Uh-huh, now get this trash outta here, would ya? Doo, get' im outta my sight!"
Kirby waved his paws in protest. No, no! He couldn't go now, not when he hadn't even cheered the King up or made friends at all.
"That will not be necessary, Waddle Doo."
King Dedede whipped around in his chair to the doorway. "Don't everybody come in all at once!"
Meta Knight approached the chair calmly. "I will escort Kirby out, your highness."
"Mehn-da. Noo! Fee," Kirby whined, knowing it was no good, time for his backup plan. Kirby squeezed his eyes shut, drawing what he needed out from the little space far inside him, and puffed up. Dedede looked at him in alarm and Kirby spat out a heap of papers that went fluttering over the carpet in front of the chair, drool staining some of their corners and splashes of blue and red and yellow all over them.
Dedede made a sound of disgust. "Now look what you done! Doo, get someone to clean up this mess!"
"Kirby, I don't think that was wise," Meta said carefully.
Kirby was too focused on pawing through his pages to hear them. He bounced up proudly to his feet once he'd selected one, too focused on his task to notice Waddles Dees entering the room behind him.
"Dee!" He twirled before the King's chair, shoving the sheet of paper in Dedede's face, across which had been scrawled a blue and yellow circle. Kirby pointed to it with one paw, "Dee-Dee!"
"Waddle Dees! Over here!" He looked back at Kirby, thrusting n accusing finger in his round face. "You! You got some nerve spittin' this junk all over my floor. Now, you spit it out and so as far as I see's it you can shove it back down or you can get packin'!"
Kirby pointed desperately, sure that Dedede didn't understand. "Dee-Dee." Kirby poked at his cheek, and then at the scribble of blue dominating the page, "Byu!" Kirby patted at his angry beak and then at the fringe of yellow around the edges, "Ye-oh!" Kirby smiled proudly, he was very good at his colors.
Dedede tore the page from his paw, which Kirby allowed without protest. He glared at it, wishing it would immolate in his hands. "How dare you represent your King with these little chicken scratches," he hissed. Kirby's face fell in shock. "Dees! Get this scrap outta here and trash it! And you!-" he pointed at Meta Knight, who had his arms out of his cape and was gently taking Kirby's hand in his, "get that no-good, little crayon-cruncher out-out-out! I'll deal with you later."
"Of course, Majesty." Meta took Kirby's hand and guided him away from the scene, gently, but with a firm grip.
"Poyo…" He didn't have words for it yet, but Kirby could tell he'd made a mistake.
