The AIs were standing around, waiting for the game to begin. Each dressed in garb the color of their country, the excitement could barely be contained. The bets of who would sit out for the player were being taken, the countries who weren't there at the start date were consoling each other, giving each other hope that they'd be able to be in this campaign. Overall, it was looking like a normal day, that's what the Ottomans was hoping for. Normal days are when he got to beat up the Byzantines, nothing he hated more than that pest. She would parade around as an empire despite being so small, and always got on his nerves.
As if a curse spelled out upon the land, something had to go and make this day not normal. Apparently the player was up to something, because when the game started, South America was where Africa should've been, and Chimu appeared to be completely missing. Nonetheless, the Ottomans began with his plan. Go right for the Byzantines and wipe her off the map, nothing would stop him. Little did he know things wouldn't be so simple, for meanwhile.
Athens stood with the biggest grin on her face, stars in her eyes at hearing the plan.
Byzantium really was a genius, Athens hoped to be like her when she grew up into an empire. Full of intelligence and hatred towards The Ottomans. Now if only her overlord would show emotion once in a while. The Ottomans declared war and their armies linked up, a ship blocking the path between Ottoman territories. soon the allies. would be here and it'd be over. However, to signal things have gone horribly wrong, she heard a sigh from her overlord. "Mfw I forgot straight blocking was changed." Athens could never quite tell what face Byzantium was referring to, given that face of her's is always stoic.
The Ottomans frowned, the pest really did get Hungary and Albania to join, this was going to be an annoying war, it was a good thing the continent switch happened or he'd have to be careful about the Mamluks declaring war. His armies closed in on the allied forces, he should be able to win this one. He moved in, the fear on Hungary's face giving him a wicked smile. On the downside, of course, moving his armies in close meant he had to hear Byzantium talk. "We're all ."
The Ottomans sighed, "Could you be tolerable for two minutes, there's a reason you're meant to be eliminated in the first 10 years." They did say that cutting out the reason for your stress was the best way to deal with it, at least he'd be free of her for good until the next game.
The fight began, Albania was an ok guy outside the game, but that general could really be a thorn in his side. With Skanderbeg joining the opposing side, it was close. The battle was all going to depend on luck, and it seemed to be tipping in their favor. The climax of the battle was beginning, and his men had really started pushing back. "This is it!" He yelled out, his wicked smile growing larger.
Whatever "it" was, it was not going to happen. The wind picked up strength, peculiar wind in fact, that was pulling towards the southeast strong enough to sweep them all up, starting with the small countries. The Ottomans felt himself flying through the air as they all got closer to where the wind was taking them. What he saw horrified him, there was a huge tear in reality itself, a black void over where Chimu once was, pulling in all the countries like a whirlpool and making them disappear.
The Ottomans sighed, so much for a normal day. As he was dragged around, he began to reflect on the times he had with the others, but it would be cut short, he saw Byzantium coming towards him fast. "That'd be because she has height to resist the pull with." He chuckled to himself before colliding with her and passing out.
Much to his shock, the Ottomans woke up. As he was awaking a message pierced the blackness of his closed eyes, telling him that this was a hardcore game, and he only had one life. A quick glance around told him this was a completely different world. Everything, including him, were made out of blocks, and some bar in the corner of his vision was telling him to go punch a tree. Spain had told him about weird bars like these, a tutorial to teach the game to new players. Panic began to set in, this wasn't EU4, this wasn't anything familiar with what he was familiar with. "This is bad, this is really bad." He began repeating.
A sleepy voice behind him brought him back to reality, "OT panicking, too loud. Calm down, it's just a 5.". Annoyance crept in, out of every country he could've been stuck with, it had to be her didn't it. As she stood up, dread began setting into his face. "Same height, now I'm stronger." Not only was she here, but now the most gaudily dressed country had to mention that she was the same height as him, about 2 cubes in this game.
He sighed as he got a better look around. They were in a plains biome with a lot of animals around, he could see the tree that the tutorial was talking about in the distance, so he started walking towards it. Just then he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder, Byzantium punched him. She ran off ahead, laughing. "Duly noted pest." He murmured under his breath. If punches dealt damage, he could kill her and get some peace and quiet.
It seemed as if the universe had reached a deal with him, because he couldn't see Byzantium when he got to the forest. And so The Ottomans began with the tasks laid out before him. Gather wood, make tools, everything was going fine. He went and killed some chicken for food, since the pigs in the plains were food he would never touch. As the sun set on his exhausting day, The Ottomans wiped sweat from his brow. He had to admit, this was a nice change of pace from his constant conquests. He wanted to get back to the exciting life of vanilla EU4, but he chuckled to himself, not minding to stay here a few more days. Maybe he could hunt down and kill Byzantium before that happened. He closed his eyes,
A hit on his shoulder woke him up. It was the dead of night, and a zombie punching him woke him up. A purple blur then passed his vision, shouting out in that annoying bland voice, "He tastes .". It was Byzantium, running past him, followed by a host of frightening creatures. Of course she would reappear just to give him more troubles. The worst part, is he had to start moving towards her, there was no other safe way to run.
These creatures were spawning everywhere, out of thin air. This was looking like the end of it all, but then, Byzantium jumped in the air, going out of sight as she landed in a partially open water cave. "One night with the devil, or the rest of them dead." He sighed as he jumped in with her. They both filled in the narrow openings with dirt, finally safe from the threat. Or, at least he hoped he was safe. Hopefully those creatures didn't have a way to get to them.
"Let there be ." The watery room was lit by Byzantium carefully placing a torch on the wall. Silence dragged on after that statement. It was clear both of them hated to be in this situation, but relatively it was the best one they had. They just sat there, on opposite sides of the room, both looking at the wall to avoid having to even see each other.
The Ottomans had been weighing the options he had in his head, and finally decided to go with the one that maximized his odds of success, but, sadly, also the most annoying decision he'd ever had to make. He turned to Byzantium and started talking "Listen, I know we're enemies, but from what we just saw our time here will likely be brutal. I know you don't either, but I propose a truce for the moment, let's find a way out of this crazy place."
Byzantium turned and stared at The Ottomans, not saying a word for what felt like an eternity, until finally. " "
"Why do you even talk like that, it's so, forget it. What's up with this game anyways, it pretends to be calm and friendly, and then tries to murder you. What kind of person plays this anyways."
Archduck sneezed, "Must be from all this smoke, last time I test mod compatibility. Oh well, if my computer isn't working tomorrow morning I'll just send it to the shop" The bird nobility let out a large stretch before heading to bed, pondering what happened.
Byzantium just shrugged before putting some wood down and laying back against the wall of the cave. The Ottomans did the same, and though he hated being near her, at least she was being quiet for the rest of the night. He'd never admit, but the night was tolerable. It would probably be safe to leave once it was day, so the ottomans let in a block of moonlight in, and sat back, closing his eyes to let this awful night pass.
Bonus Story:
Dang wasn't the brightest of the Nepal minors, but he sure knew that something was off. He had woken up from whatever dang nonsense had occurred in that game, and found himself here, surrounded by a stone cave that went deeper, grass under his feet, and the only light source a stream of lava. This was pretty dang odd. He let out a long "Dang.". Wherever those dang trees were, he certainly is not getting to punch them. He swatted that dang tutorial in the top of his vision but it would not go away. As if this dang day wasn't enough, he saw a green creature emerge from the darkness. This dang creature had no arms, a frown, and moved towards him with the only sound being its footsteps. It was then he finally figured it out, this was a horror movie, and he was the first victim. There was nothing more embarrassing than being the first dang person to die. He backed up to the edge of the lava, and let out a loud scream "Oh Dang!", as the green creature sizzled and exploded in front of him.
