Disclaimer: Law & Order SVU/OC and its characters don't belong to me. This story has been written for fun only, not for money.

Spoilers: SVU s23e20 (Elliot met Noah on Mother's Day) & OC s2e20 (see the episode description)

Summary: Elliot and Olivia are riding in a car during a case involving a missing child.

Notes: Written before seeing the episodes

Feedback: I always love to have feedbacks on my work so I can improve my writing. Any advice, constructive comments and suggestions are welcomed.

Enjoy and please review!

Car Ride

By musical-Aven

Elliot was driving their car to meet with a potential witness. A 9-year-old child was missing and OC had teamed up with SVU on the case. Olivia sat in the passenger's seat. It felt nice, just like old times, Benson and Stabler leading the investigation together. The atmosphere in the car and their conversation were light, friendly and although they were talking about the case, it was apparent that they were getting more and more comfortable with each other.

Elliot had met Noah the week before, on Mother's Day. It had been a quick meeting, but Olivia was still feeling the butterflies in her stomach when she thought about it. It hadn't been planned at all. But it had been so natural that Olivia knew it had been the right time.

Her thoughts about Noah led Olivia back to the case. She winced thinking about the poor child.

"You know, since I got Noah, cases like this have been so much harder…"

Elliot smiled empathically.

"Yeah, that's normal." he said, referring to his own children.

Olivia continued, deciding not to overthink what she was about to say.

"I used to think about you, about how you handled those cases back in the days, to learn from it, to remind myself what I said to you in those moments. Not that it helped much, but I could at least understand my own emotions, having seen you deal with it when we were working those types of cases."

Elliot laughed a little.

"It did help." He reassured her.

It didn't seem a big deal to Olivia to share this with him, at first. But then, they both fell silent and she knew a new conversation would begin. Elliot shifted in his seat before speaking, his eyes steady on the road ahead.

"You thought about me?" it was a simple question, but with a lot of weight behind it.

The air in the car seemed to thicken. She knew what he was asking. Had she thought about him a little or a lot during those ten years? While dealing with Noah or with other stuff? A few times through the years or every week?

Olivia was surprised he risked to ask her about it. But then again, they were working on their relationship. And he was still learning about what he had missed during his absence. Not knowing how to answer him, or how much to reveal just yet, she surprised him back with her response.

"Didn't you?" she shrugged, her eyes looking out the window.

Her voice was soft, but carried a loaded admission. It had a hint of uncertainty in it too, probably caused by the vulnerability she was showing.

Elliot risked a glance towards her before returning his eyes on the road again.

"Pretty much everyday." He admitted in return, his voice carrying his guilt.

This was a big step for both of them, as it was the first time either of them made this admission to anyone.

The silence that followed was long and loaded with hurt, anger, disappointment, guilt. Olivia closed her eyes for a moment, sighing deeply. She figured that if they were opening this door between them, she might as well ask the one burning question she had been holding back since he came back.

"El, why didn't you call?"

The question was intentionally vague. Why didn't he call when he left? In the years after? Before coming back to her ceremony? Elliot guest she was asking about all of it. And she deserved the answers.

Taking a deep breath, he braced himself for the conversation. After a moment to gather his thoughts, he tried to answer as coherently as he could.

"At first I was in my head…deep…I couldn't see anything past my nose, I couldn't see I was hurting everyone around me…then it was the guilt that stopped me…guilt of how I left, why I left, the burden I was to Kathy and the kids, the burden I didn't want to be to you…" he paused, but she let him continue. "After a few years, it seemed selfish of me to reach out, reappear when I was so sure you had moved on…I didn't want to screw that up. I felt I didn't deserve to see you, talk to you, have you in my life…" he paused again, his eyes never leaving the road. "Before the award ceremony, we made the plans to come back, but I wasn't even sure I could man up enough to go. And I didn't want to make promises to you I wouldn't be able to keep. You deserved so much better than that…"

You still do, he didn't say out loud, but Olivia knew that's where he was heading. Olivia stared at the road with him, taking in his answer. Elliot gave her the time to do so. He glanced towards her face to read her expression but couldn't get much out of it. After a moment, he saw her nod her understanding in the corner of his eyes. Then, she smiled, but it was full of sadness.

"Over the years, I had to work out some things in my life…things I thought about myself, past traumas, childhood traumas, you know…" He actually did. "One thing my therapist helped me with was my balance between helping others and putting my own happiness on the forefront."

Elliot wasn't sure where she was going with this but just listened.

"It took me a while to get there, but I know I need to think about myself more, my worth, my happiness, what I *deserve*…" she referred to his previous comment. "You know what answer I finally came up with?" she turned to him.

He stopped at a red light and looked back at her, curious.

"What?" he asked softly.

"I deserve to have what I *want*." She stated.

His eyes never leaving hers, he tentatively asked.

"And what is that?"

She smiled, her eyes going over his entire face before settling back to his eyes.

"My partner." She said confidently.

They were lost in each other's eyes until they heard the honking of the car behind them. Elliot started driving again, both of them lost in their thoughts. He knew what Olivia was saying. That even though he might think she deserved more than him, she *wanted* him and no one else. He just had to step up and give her what she wanted. What she deserved.

Reaching across the console, Elliot took her hand and squeezed. He glanced towards her once more.

"I'm working to get him back to you, Liv, I swear."

She smiled and squeezed back.

"Good."

The rest of the ride was peaceful.

musical-Aven

April 2022