Harry Potter as written by Rod Serling
by Technomad
Rod Serling introduces us: "There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone."
Harry Potter was at a loss. He'd lost his beloved godfather, Sirius Black, and had been told that he had to kill Lord Voldemort or be killed himself. "What am I to do?" he puzzled. "I don't want to die or be a murderer!" He cudgeled his brain, but nothing came to him. Then he had an idea. "I'll go talk to Hermione! She'll have a brilliant idea!"
When appealed to, Hermione said: "Let me think about this for a minute, Harry." She visibly withdrew into herself, and then her face lit up with a huge smile. A rather un-reassuring smile. "I've got it! Do you remember that Time-Turner I was using in our third year, Harry?" "All too well," Harry said. He had not enjoyed his one taste of time travel and had no desire to go through that again.
"Are you thinking of sending Lord Thingy back in time a few hours?"
"Oh, that'd never do," Hermione said. She pulled out a thick book. Harry looked at the title, Theory and Practice of Thaumatological Time Travel, and rapidly decided that Hermione was welcome to this one. "There's a lot you can do that the Ministry doesn't allow." She winked. "Pity that the Ministry doesn't control the whole world, isn't it?"
"Do you have an idea?"
"I do. You remember Portkeys, I'm sure." Hermione pulled out a sheet of parchment, making arcane notes as she paged through her book, and Harry left her to it.
Some weeks later, through the good offices of his trusted spy at Hogwarts, Severus Snape, Lord Voldemort received a wonderful gift. "It says that it's a Portkey that'll take me right to where Harry Potter is!" he gloated to his Death Eaters.
"My Lord, shouldn't some of us come along with you?" asked Alecto Carrow.
"Do you doubt my ability to deal with one pestilential brat all by myself?" asked Voldemort. Carrow stepped back, raising his hands. "No, my lord! Never for a second!"
"Now that we've got that straight, I must be off!" Holding the Portkey firmly, Lord Voldemort said the triggering word to set off the spells that powered the Portkey. "Portare!"
The world whirled around Voldemort, and he felt himself being pulled along, much farther than he had ever gone with a Portkey. When the world came back into existence, he looked around himself curiously. Instead of the Muggle home he had expected, or a wizarding residence, or Hogwarts, he was standing in a forest. He was startled to realize that he didn't recognize a lot of the plants he saw. He had got an "O" in his Herbology NEWT, and was used to being able to name any plant he came across.
He looked suspiciously at the Portkey, wondering if it had somehow malfunctioned. At that moment, it crumbled into dust, and the dust formed into a very familiar face. The face of Harry Potter. Harry said: "Hello, Tom. You've just arrived in the Mesozoic Era. To be perfectly honest, we aren't sure just when you've arrived, but we know it's more than 66 million years before our time. You've always wanted to rule the world, and to be superior to all. We decided to grant your wish."
A pause, and then Harry went on: "Hermione tells me that a lot of the things you'd need to make a Portkey that'd take you through time back to our own time won't be around for millions of years yet. But I'm sure that you're patient enough to wait. After all, you've done so much to make yourself immortal! What's a few dozen million years to such as you?"
The dust swirled, and reformed into another face, that of a bushy-haired girl. "Hello, Tom. My name is Hermione Granger. I'm what your ignorant followers call a 'Mudblood.' I'm the one who built the device that's put you into the Mesozoic." She smiled. "I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun ruling the local fauna. Of course, some of them may well want to eat...er, I mean meet...you, but I'm sure you can handle them." Hermione looked pensive for a second. "We aren't sure how you've managed to proof yourself against death, and we aren't sure at all whether those precautions will still work with you so far separated from them by time. If you ever do get back, do please let us know. I've already got an article about this accepted at the Journal of Theoretical Thaumturgy, and I'd love to have material for another."
Then the dust swirled and became Harry and Hermione's disembodied heads. "Goodbye, Tom. We're the last human voices you'll hearuntil the human race re-evolves. You're a very long way from where that'll happen, but if you survive, sooner or later you'll see people again. Have fun!"
As the dust heads dissolved, Voldemort heard an ominous coughing noise behind him. Turning, his blood froze at the sight that awaited him. Towering over him, a bipedal monster stared down at him. Its eyes were lit with inhuman hunger. It opened its mouth, revealing a mouthful of sharp, sharp teeth, and leaned down to engulf him in one bite. "Avada Kedavra!" At the flash of green light, the monster toppled over, obviously dead. But behind it, there were several others of its sort, and Voldemort turned and ran. He ran, looking for a place of safety, where he could at least sleep in peace. Food could wait until he'd found shelter.
Rod Serling: And there we leave Lord Voldemort. He wanted to live forever. He wanted to rule the world, and be superior to all others. And he got his wish. In the Twilight Zone.
