A/N: Hello! How's everyone been? It's been quite long since I last posted, but I'm back with this fic. I've been wanting to share this story with you for the longest time, but I've been stuck with school (and writer's block while trying to write this). It's not exactly like the other stories that I've written, and I wanted to take the time in making it.
Originally, this was supposed to be a oneshot, but I ended up cutting it into two parts. The first part will be about Addison's point of view during their relationship till the (not really) end, and the second chapter will be about Jake's realizations. This is set in the 1950s, which caused most of the conflict in their affair. And there will be characters from Private Practice that will either be mentioned or involved in the story. It also (slightly) involves the lyrics from All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor's Version) (From the Vault) by Taylor Swift, and other various songs by Taylor.
Anyway, I'd like to thank my friends for having patience with me. Nat, Vivi and ate Zia, I adore all of you. And to you, I hope you enjoy reading!
an upstate escape
People say that the purest kind of love comes at sixteen. The culmination of one's innocence and youth overthrowing all of the dark clouds that comes with love. It's a feeling that nothing else can top. It may not be the best but it will always be there. It lingers in your soul and hunts you in your dreams. It's the kind of love that leaves you wondering, if it wasn't pure—had you suffered the battle with that person you fell in love with at that age, would have you made it together?
Addison sighed. It's been almost ten years since she met him—eight since she last saw him. She's gone through college and recently graduated med school, and yet, he's still the only person she's felt this for. She isn't even sure if he remembers her name. Or if he remembers her at all. She was sixteen and he was four years her senior. That, and he had a girlfriend-turned-wife. It's embarrassing, really. She kept telling herself that it was just a silly crush that she had when she was sixteen, but how could she minimize it when now, ten years later he's still the only person that she wants to be with? Jacob Miguel Reilly. Jake. The guy who saved her from Archer's friends and their scheming hands. He saved her and he taught her what love felt like, even if he didn't feel the same about her.
There was a certain magic in his eyes, a kind of warmth that Addison has never seen before. It was enchanting. It was I-can-never-move-on-from-you-even-if-we-were-never-together inducing. God, she could still remember him. He was tall and handsome as hell. His tan skin fit him perfectly, shining under the shine of the sun. He looked like something to come out of the romance novels that she's read.
"Jacob, it's good to see you here!" Her ears perked up as she heard her father, The Captain, call the familiar name.
She turned around and saw him walk in the banquet hall. He was wearing an Armani suit. It's been ten years and he hasn't changed. He was still as handsome as ever. His hair was slicked back. A crooked grin was plastered on his face. And his eyes—she could get lost in those eyes and she won't even complain. He looked older, but good. Time was treating him well.
"It's a pleasure to be here, Charles." He said in his usual low voice. Addison's heart fluttered. His voice always had that effect on her.
"Young man, you've been hiding for too long." Her father said in an accusing tone. "No one has ever heard from you in the past three months. We thought you left town and your wife."
"The constant attention got to me." A half-hearted chuckle escaped Jake's lips, as he shook her father's hand. "I needed a break from that. You know I was never a fan of being in the center of attention, especially the attention of people that know nothing about me."
"Ah, but you married Lily. You'll learn." The captain chuckled along, patting his back, before turning his attention to her. "By the way, you remember my daughter, right?"
"Of course." He confirmed with a smile. "How are you, Addison?" He remembered.
"Jake." She smiled, her cheeks turning red. "I'm great, how are you?"
"Fine enough." He answered primly. Brightly, almost, but Addison caught the gloom in his eyes.
"Well, since both of you are doing great," The Captain interjected, shaking the gin and tonic in his hand. "Addison, why don't you accompany Jake tonight? Take him around the banquet to meet your friends."
"What?" She asked in surprise, choking on her own drink.
"Jake is alone tonight, he's gonna need some company." He continued, gesturing towards the other side of the banquet, where her mother seems to be killing one of the servers with her WASP-y smile. "And so does your mother."
"Captain—"
"She's all yours, Reilly." He excused himself, not before giving Jake a warning look. "If anything happens to my dear kitten, I know where to find you."
"Got it, Dr. Montgomery." Jake chuckled, giving The Captain a salute.
Addison shook her head. This was not how she planned to enjoy her graduation party. It's not what she planned at all. She wanted a simple celebration with Archer and her friends. What she wanted was a few weeks all to herself before she starts her internship, and yet, this is where she ends up.
She fiddles with the uncomfortable tie at the top of her head. It was too tight and she wanted to let her hair down but she couldn't, not when Bizzy was watching her like a hawk. As if she'd even dare to do anything humiliate herself in front of her friends, Bizzy's friends from the country club—
"So, shall we get a drink?" She heard someone say abruptly. "You are allowed to drink now, right? Or am I gonna have to ask Archer for permission to let you take a sip of my wine?"
—And Jake. Right. Jake was right beside her.
"Sure." She stuttered, blushing as he offered his arm, before she looped hers around his.
"You know, you look different," He mused as they walked towards the bar. "You look nothing like the sixteen-year-old that I gave an ice cream to because I didn't know how to make her stop crying."
"Different?" She raised her eyebrow at him, as they sat down next to each other, with their drinks in hand. "Different good or different bad?"
"Different good." He grinned, his eyes crinkling. "You look gorgeous, Addison."
"You clean up pretty good as well, Reilly." She smiled her thanks. "Where is Mrs. Reilly, by the way?" She asked, feigning nonchalance. "As far as I can remember, you two were attached at the hip."
His smile faded at that. "Things change. Married people don't need to be together all the time."
"I guess." She agreed. "But I've never been married before, so I don't really have a say."
"Take it from me, that's a blessing." He said solemnly, downing his scotch.
"Jake, is there a problem?" She asked slowly, taking in the pained expression written all over his face. "I, I just, you were always there for me…when I was younger, you were always there. So you know, if you need a friend to talk to, I'm here now."
"I need a friend." He nodded. "But I don't want to talk about it here."
"I know a place." She said, getting off the barstool, and offering her hand.
Jake looked at her hesitantly, maybe in fear of The Captain, but he eventually took her hand. She smiled. His hand fit perfectly against hers. She felt some sort of spark when his fingers started toying with hers. She's not used to this, having his—or anyone's hand (she's never been in a relationship, not real ones, at least) in hers. It's a nice feeling, and she's trying her best not to enjoy this too much, as she led him in a dark and quiet place located somewhere in the hotel they were staying at.
She smiled as she saw the familiar red couch. Even after all these years, it was still there. It's been there since she was a child, comforting her when the stress of having all those people that she didn't know, those people that knew her name and not her, around her. She used to sneak out of Bizzy's galas and sit there for hours till it was time for her to go back to the room that Bizzy got for her.
Jake looked at the couch then back to Addison, she gave him an encouraging smile. They both sat there in silence for a few minutes until Jake spoke. He told her everything, from the beginning till the end (not really).
He told her about how he met Lily. They were both studying at Georgetown, but he never really had any friends until he met her. He suffered the struggle of being a Latin-American, even though his family could probably afford the entire school if they wanted to, he would still get teased for not looking like everyone else. It didn't help that he was a late bloomer. One day, a bunch of snobby college boys came together to pull a prank on him, but before he could even meet his fate of having an egg dropping on his head, their faces met Lily's fist. It's a funny story if you think about it, he said. But there was something about Lily that made me fall for her, hard and fast. Addison tried to hide the discomfort she felt when she heard him say that.
He continued to talk about how they dated after a few months. How they planned their life together in college. Addison already knew about this but she didn't stop him. He talked about what happened after Addison left DC for New York. They were happy, so happy that he couldn't get the smile off his face every time he saw Lily. They were so sure about each other that they decided to get married at twenty five, it was the right thing to do anyway. They were already starting to get settled with their careers, why not settle down together. Right?
The years they spent together were blissful. They were an unstoppable force together. With him studying medicine and her blossoming political career, they were the perfect couple that everyone wanted to be. They went from the people that everyone avoided in college to the people that everyone knew. Every time he walked out of their house, he'd hear people say how much they envy their relationship. And he used to agree with them, until he found out about Lily's secret affair.
He told Addison about how he went to visit her at the City Hall because they've both been busy and he wanted to make it up to his wife. Jake even went out of his way to wear a tux and buy a bottle of her favorite champagne. He told her how he remembers the feeling of his chest tightening when Lily's assistant tried to stop him from going to her office. He told her about how the champagne shattered on the floor when he saw her kissing another man. Tears started falling down his cheeks when he told her about how she didn't even try to stop him when he walked away—when he didn't come home for months till he received a call from his mother.
Addison wrapped her arms around him when he couldn't control the tears anymore. He clung onto her, crying on her shoulder. She murmured words in his ear to comfort him, as she stroked his hair.
"He's nothing like me. And…it-it hurts because that doesn't seem to faze her at all. He looked like one of the people that tried to run us out of Georgetown. The kind of people who look like they belong," He said after a moment, meeting Addison's eyes. "And it makes me feel like a failure. Like everything that I worked for wasn't enough. It's just…this life…It makes me feel lonely."
"Yeah, me too." She whispered, thinking about all the times that she wished she wasn't born a Forbes-Montgomery, that she wasn't raised to be pretentious.
She doesn't know how it happened. It could be the comforting feel of the darkness or the familiar feeling of loneliness. But then suddenly, he's leaning and she's leaning in. And then his lips graced hers, and Addison almost tried to pinch herself to see if she was dreaming. She's been wanting to do this since she was eighteen, when she realized that her little crush on this charming brown-eyed man turned into something more real. She's been wanting to do this since she realized that she has fallen completely and miserably in love with Jake.
It feels wrong to want this—he was still married to Lily, and he can't leave her because she begged him not to. It would be great for both of their careers. And this, if anybody saw them right now, it would ruin everything. But she can't stop, and neither can he—something about this felt right. So, when they finally pulled away, she asked him if he wanted to accompany her back to her hotel room. He said yes.
That night neither of them felt lonely. And even if they were hidden behind closed doors, enveloped by the darkness, they felt like they belonged. They belonged.
the first crack in the glass
"Do you believe in evil?"
She looked up to see the confusion written all over her lover's face. Who even asks that, right? Do you believe in evil? She expected him to laugh, to change the topic, maybe even crack a joke, but to her surprise, he took a moment to think carefully and gave her an answer.
"I believe that people do wrong things. They do selfish things. But no, I don't think evil exists. It's simply a state of mind." He said, wrapping his arms around her waist. "What made you ask me that?"
"Nothing."
"Really? Nothing is going on inside that wonderful mind of yours?" He teased, sensing the tension emanating from her.
"Nothing." She repeated, before letting out a long sigh. "It's just, I've been thinking about this whole thing and… do you think we're evil, Jake?"
"What?...sorry." A laugh escaped his lips, before Addison gave him a smack on the chest. "We're not evil, Addison."
"I know." She nodded, exasperated. "But this thing that we're doing… it's selfish and wrong. We're running around behind your wife's back." She turned to him, looking him in the eye. "Jake, we're committing adultery."
"Well, it's a good thing that we're both adults now." Jake smirked as he kissed her temple. "Besides, I think my wife could care less—as a matter of fact, I don't think she cares at all, because she's too busy committing adultery right now too."
"You don't know that." She sighed. "She probably left her mistress, and you're still my bed. In my apartment, in New York, when you should be in DC!" Addison stood up, shaking her head as she walked over to her dresser. "We shouldn't have done this. You should have gone home that night to Lily and I… I should have kept my knees closed."
"Addison." He chuckled, wrapping his arms around her shoulders as he stood behind her.
"What?" She huffed, she knew what he was doing. He was manipulating her and she didn't want to let him. He's done it multiple times before and she's memorized the way he talks, the way his body moves, the way he thinks when he wants something from her. "We can't keep doing this. You can't keep coming here on the weekends, your residency is starting next week, driving from DC to New York won't be good for you."
"So, why don't you drive there instead?" He suggested as he placed feather-light kisses on her neck.
"Because my internship program is here in New York." She reminded him, gathering all the power in her body to resist him this time.
"Then get an internship in DC. I'm sure Dr. Montgomery can put a few words in for you." Addison jerked back at this, offended that he even dared to say that. "Addison, that's not what I meant."
"And what exactly did you mean, Jacob?" She snapped. "You know how important this internship is for me. I worked hard to get this internship so I could prove to everyone that I am more than a Forbes Montgomery and you just want me to uproot my life for you?"
"No, of course not." Jake shook his head. "I shouldn't have said that. I was out of line but I just…You're the reason why I choose to get up in the morning, Addison. Every good thing that happened in my life is because of you. You motivate me to become better, you inspire me with your willpower to become the person that I thought I lost. And I just don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose you. You are the only person who can do this to me, Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery. You. All I am right now is because of you, and losing you, it's losing all of me too."
"Jake…"
"It's true, Addison." He said, caressing her cheek with his hand. "I am because of you. Because I love you."
It's not the first time he said that. He always made sure to make her hear—to make her feel his love. And it always entices her. It always makes her knees feel weak. If she could make him get up in the morning, he could make her walls crumble, he could tear her down and hold her up.
"Do you really mean that?" She asked softly.
"With all my heart." He said, giving her a slight smile.
"Okay," She grasped his hand, kissing his palm, before giving him a warm smile. "We'll make it work, okay? We're gonna survive this."
"We're gonna find a way to make this work." Jake agreed with a smile as he pulled her in for a hug. Her worries immediately faded once he wrapped his arms around her, and in that moment, all that mattered was him and her. It didn't matter that they were separated miles apart. Whether or not Lily cared, or that he's still married to her didn't matter—they were gonna find a way to be together and that's all that matters.
She loves this man—
"I love you so much."
—And that was her biggest mistake.
…
"You're late." She murmured as he kissed her neck.
"Lily made it hard for me to leave." He murmured back, before continuing his path, kissing down from her neck to her clavicle. And Addison could only let out a soft sigh.
Ding dong.
The melodious ring of the doorbell caused the two to jump in surprise, their limbs separating from each other. "I'll go get that." Addison said breathlessly as she hesitantly, but purposefully, pulled herself off of Jake's grasp.
Addison walked through the foyer, annoyed and confused as to who was waiting for her outside. It's not like she had any family in New York, they were all in DC—except Archer, who knew that weekends were special to Addison (he'd walked in unannounced a few months before, only to be met with discomfiture, that even his usual demeanor couldn't comprehend what he had just seen). And besides, Archer likes to call in preparation before his arrival.
Whoever it was, Addison wanted to get rid of them immediately.
"Well if it isn't Archer Montgomery's little sister," Addison wanted to slam the door closed as soon as she opened it. She stared wide eyed at the person on the other side, not knowing what to do or say. It was a surprise. A very unwelcome surprise. "I should've known it was you, you were always so fond of my husband."
"Lily, what are you doing here?"
"Nice question," Lily said, walking through the foyer, not bothering to check if Addison was following her. "But you know what a better question is? What is my husband doing here?"
"Me." She muttered quietly, but loud enough for both of them to hear, causing Lily to laugh.
"Oh, I don't doubt that." Lily deadpanned, motioning to Addison's red lace nightie. "Besides, I've always known that you had feelings for my husband, you've always wanted to have him, and now you have your chance. I wish I could say this was a surprise."
"Speaking of surprises," Addison cleared her throat, silently praying for Jake to save her from this uncomfortable situation. "You still haven't told me why you came to grace us with a surprise visit."
"I need to talk to my husband." Lily said. And as if on cue, Addison thanked her lucky stars as Jake chose that moment to come out of her bedroom.
"Lily, what are you doing here?" Jake asked in surprise as the bedroom door closed shut behind him.
"Well, you weren't home," Lily smiled, walking over to hug him, before whispering in his ear. "Again. So I followed you here. You really need to be more careful, you wouldn't want to get caught by someone who isn't me."
Jake pushed Lily off him. He paused to glance at Addison, giving her an apologetic smile, before giving his wife a stern look. "Tienes que irte ya."
Addison frowned as the two argued in front of her. She wasn't familiar with the Latin language, only knowing a few words that Jake taught her (and the words that she used to hear from her favorite nanny). Whatever Lily and Jake were talking about, she's sure about two things: it's about her and it's not good. What kind of wife would praise her husband's mistress anyway?
It's not surprising at all that Lily found out about them. They've been sneaking around for the most part of the year and they weren't exactly that sleek at that either (Archer can attest to that). They were lucky that neither of their parents or journalists haven't seen them somehow—that would've ended every good thing they had.
What surprised her though is what Jake said next.
"Porque estoy enamorado de Addison!" It wasn't exactly clear to her, but she knows that he just said that he was in love with her. To his wife. It's not like it's his first time saying that he's in love with her, it's definitely not. But this is different. He had just told his wife that was in love with her, and it may sound pathetic and petty, but that made her happy.
For a moment, all three of them stood there quietly. Lily looked visibly stunned after what Jake said, she opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn't seem to find the words to say. Jake was smiling though, pride was written on his face and he didn't bother to hide it. Addison felt shaken by it too, but she was hiding it well, finally deciding to step in after a few more minutes of uncomfortable silence.
"Look, Lily," She stepped in front of Jake, giving Lily a sympathetic look. "You have every right to be upset, I'm giving you the right to talk bad about me for sleeping with your husband. But I will not tolerate you coming to my house unannounced to yell at Jake and tell him what to do. You have no right to do that, especially not under my roof."
"I'm not upset that you're sleeping with my husband, Addison." Lily said, finally finding her voice.
"You're not?" Addison asked, dumbfounded.
"I've known about your affair for months." She confessed, turning to Jake. "I'm not a saint, I've been seeing Rex secretly again. And I'm actually glad that you found someone who treats you well…but what I'm upset about is that you two are not being careful. You and I made a deal, Jake."
"And I'm staying true to it." He said. "I've been quiet about your affair."
"But you haven't been quiet about yours." Lily gave the two of them a disapproving look. "People have been asking me why Jake has been leaving home every two weeks. And the first time I followed him around town, you two were by a lily pond, where anyone could have seen whatever it is that you were doing there."
"I-I don't think that's any of your concern." Addison interjected.
"Except it is." Lily insisted. "Look, if you two really love each other, I don't care. But the election is coming and journalists, competitors and the citizens of that town are going to be watching me like a hawk. And I don't need this affair to ruin my reputation, and yours." She added, looking at both of them. "So please, if you two can't find a better way to hide your affair, then one of you has to move for the other."
Addison and Jake exchanged looks. They've discussed this before. It would be easier for them, but their pride caused them to overlook the benefits it could bring to them. But right now, as Addison looked at Jake, her pride and worries seem to melt into an instance. The man just told his wife that he was in love with her, not thinking about the consequences of his revelation, he risked something for her. And she wanted to do the same for him. A lot was at risk—her career, their reputations—but knowing that Jake was gonna be with her, all of it seemed to fade into the background.
He meant more than her worries. Jake was larger than life and he was worth everything…and he loved her.
"I'll move." Addison offered, looking directly at Lily. "You can make the arrangements and I'll tell you what I like and dislike."
"Addison." She heard Jake whisper softly.
"That sounds great." Lily smiled wickedly.
"But let's get one thing straight." Addison said, glancing over at Jake and giving him a soft smile, before offering her hand to Lily. "I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing this for Jake."
"I wasn't asking but okay." Lily nodded as she shook the younger woman's hand. "And just so you know, I expected your brother to get in an entanglement like this more than you."
Addison rolled her eyes. "I bet you did." She muttered, before quietly saying. "I did too."
are you real?
"Tell me you're bluffing right now."
"Oh, honey, I'm not." Lily rolled her eyes. "I will not let you run around my town while carrying your love child."
"But do I really have to hide? I'm still in my residency for God's sake!" Addison exclaimed, caressing her still-flat stomach as she flopped down on the couch.
"If only you two were careful." Lily muttered, earning herself a glare from the younger woman.
"Lily." Jake reprimanded.
"What?" Lily snapped. "I specifically asked you two to be careful because of how sensitive our situation is and you do this! How do you think people would react when they find out that the husband of the first female mayor of this town got someone else pregnant?"
"Fuck what the people say." Addison snapped back.
"Easy for you to say."
"This baby is not their business, it's ours. Mine and Jake's." Addison said, glaring daggers at Lily's direction.
"Except it will be." Lily insisted calmly, glancing at Jake for help. "When the people find out that you're carrying a married man's child, it won't matter that I approve of your relationship, what they would care about is that you are having an affair with my husband. I know it's too much to ask, but look at it like a maternity leave… you're an OB resident, you should know about that."
"I know what a maternity leave is," Addison sighed. "But I also wanted to wait till my 3rd trimester before I started my maternity leave."
"Well, that's not going to happen." Lily said resolutely.
"I know." Addison frowned, burrowing in the leather couch.
Lily looked at the redhead sympathetically as she nudged Jake subtly. "Addison." Jake whispered softly, crouching in front of Addison. "It's okay. I will be here every step of the way. I promise."
"I don't know what I'm going to do." Addison confessed, sniffing slightly. Jake immediately wiped the tear that fell on her cheek. "How am I going to be a mom when I don't even know who to fix my own life?"
"Hey, don't put yourself down like that." Jake gave her a soft smile, cupping her face in his hands. "You are an incredible person, Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery. And you're going to be a more incredible mother. You just have to believe in yourself and you can become anything you want."
Addison nodded, wrapping her arms around Jake and holding him close.
"Except be his wife." All three people turn to Rex, who seem to be forgotten, and glared at him. "What? You two are being all lovey dovey again, it's making me uncomfortable."
…
Months passed and everything seemed to be going better than Addison had expected. Though she still missed going to work every day, she savored the moments that she has all to herself before their little angel arrives. She's pushing 24 weeks and a couple of weeks before, with the help of Lily and her team, Jake and her found out that they were having a girl. And they were absolutely ecstatic.
Juanita, their maid, not only fulfilled the job of being discreet but also became Addison's confidant. The two became close during the week when Jake was away for a medical conference, and they only had each other to lean onto. They bonded over the similarities in their life—being a prisoner of their own crimes. They both hid secrets that they would never dare to tell anyone. Addison knew she could trust her with her secrets and Juanita knew that Addison would do the same for her.
"Sweetheart?" Addison smiled as she felt Jake's arms wrap freely around her waist, his hand resting near her ribs as he waited for a customary kick to his palm.
"What are you still doing here?" Addison asked, turning in his arms. "You're supposed to be at Lily's fundraiser, she's gonna throw a fit when she doesn't see you there."
"I wanted to say goodnight to my girls before I leave." Jake smiled, pressing a kiss to her temple. "And I wanted to ask how you were doing."
Addison smiled even wider, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Better now that you're home from your conference."
"I'm sorry about that, by the way." He said softly. "I promised that I'd be here."
"And you are." She murmured, kissing him chastely. "But right now, you have to not be here or else we'd get another surprise visit from your wife."
"Alright, I'm going," He chuckled, putting his hands up in surrender. "Help me with my tie?"
"How are you going to survive without me?" She teased as she moved to fix his tie.
"I wouldn't." He whispered, smiling softly as she blushed.
She knows he's watching her fix his tie, she'd grown accustomed to that—him watching her. He does it when he thinks she's not looking. He does it when she brushes her hair, when she brushes her teeth beside him or when she attempts to help Juanita with cooking. She doesn't bring it up though, she gets why he does it. She can't help but look at him sometimes too. There's just something about watching each other live this life. The normalcy of it all entices both of them.
"All done." She announced as she smoothed his tie.
"Thank you." He grinned at her before glancing at his watch. "I should be able to get home early, but if I'm not, don't wait for me. You need all the rest that you can get."
"I know." She grinned at him.
"Well, then, goodnight to my little princess," He said, leaning down to kiss her bump. "And to you, my love." He smiled as he kissed her.
"Goodnight." She whispered as they broke apart. "And honey, if you drive past the diner, please get me some bacon cheeseburger."
"Anything for my woman." He kissed her again before turning to leave.
Addison smiled as she watched him walk away. There was a bounce in his step, one that she hoped and believes is because of her. The happiness from him always radiated even from a mile away and it always slays her. She won't lie, it's not always happy between them—there have been many times before that one of them has threatened the other to end the relationship they had, but they always end up going back to each other. There were times when she wanted to just pack up and live her old life, but Jake always found a way to stop her, and she's actually glad that he did.
She could've walked away five years ago. Maybe she'd be stressing over her residency right now. Maybe she'd be tired as hell from a blood-wrenching shift. Maybe she'd be happy…but she wouldn't be this happy. She wouldn't be living this life with Jake and their daughter. She wouldn't have this story to pass down to her, the story of how her mother and father fought all the odds so they could be together.
Addison believes in fairytales. She always has. And the beginning of their story might not be fit for a fairytale, but deep in her heart, she believes that she'll get her fairytale ending. After all of this, when the time comes, she'll be able to live her fairytale. And she'd get to share her story.
What Addison forgot is that before the fairytale ends, a crucial, reality-bending conflict must happen.
That night, instead of hearing the cheerful giggles of Addison, Juanita heard the most heart wrenching scream.
That night, Juanita didn't know what to say as she heard Addison cry.
That night, Jake didn't come home.
And that night, with one slip, the fairytale ended.
the breaking point
"He said he'd be here."
"And he will be, right Ms. Reilly?" Juanita assured her, nudging Lily slightly.
"He probably just got caught up in the hospital." Lily looked at Addison, giving the younger woman a reassuring smile. "He'll be here, he always is."
Addison shook her head. He isn't always here anymore. It's been months since that night, and ever since it happened, he avoided coming home. She can't blame him though. There were times when she'd rather take all the inquiring stares she got in the hospital than go home. She'd rather hear the gossip that gathered after Juanita brought her to the hospital than the deafening silence that would welcome her home after a long day of work.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. Their daughter was supposed to be two months old. She was supposed to become the incredible mother that Jake said she'll be. And he was supposed to become the father of their child. They were supposed to be celebrating her birthday together as a family.
When she thought about this day a few months ago, she saw herself not being able to make a wish because she'd have all she ever wanted—a family. Somewhere where she belongs and it felt like a stab in her heart when she blew her candles away. She's back to wishing and hoping.
"He could be or he could be doing something else." She looked up as Rex's voice cut through her thoughts.
"What?" She murmured the same time Lily warned. "Rex."
"Don't mind him, Addison. He's had too much to drink." Lily said, moving to take away the glass of scotch from Rex's hand.
"And you haven't had a glass of wine." Rex smirked. "Why is that? I bet your husband would know."
"I haven't had a glass of wine because one of us has to drive home." Lily said coolly.
"Cut the crap, Lily." Rex scoffed. "We live down the street, neither of us need to drive to get home."
"Rex." Lily warned.
"Why don't we just tell Addison?" Rex ignored Lily and turned to Addison. "I'm sure she'll want to hear what her boyfriend has been doing behind her back."
"What are you talking about?" Addison asked, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "Lily, do you know what Rex is talking about?"
"Addison…"
"He's doing Lily!" Rex cut off her harshly as he stood up.
Addison swore she felt her heart drop as Rex's glass hit the floor, the glass shattering as her heart slowly did the same. "You know I actually find it funny, you know, we're supposed to be the dirty mistresses and they end up cheating on us with each other. It's funny, isn't it?"
"Addison, don't listen to him." Lily turned to Addison as she gripped on Rex's arm. "He doesn't know what he's talking about."
"Addison, dear, why don't we go to your room for a second?" She felt Juanita's hand on her shoulder but she couldn't move.
"What…Lily, what is Rex talking about?" She looked at Lily, the older woman avoided her gaze. "Lily, is he lying?"
"He's wrong about some things. But Addison," Lily whispered as she released Rex and walked towards Addison. She crouched in front of her, taking Addison's hand in hers. "You have to believe me when I say that nothing happened. Jake loves you."
"Stop acting all high and mighty, Lily." Rex laughed from his place, he turned to Addison with a smirk. "Do you ever wonder why Jake didn't come home when he said he would that night?"
"Rex, enough." Lily exclaimed, standing up and gripping his arm once again. "You know nothing and you should have said nothing. I'm taking you home."
"Just one second." He wiggled out of Lily's grip before leaning down to whisper to Addison's ear. "It's a shame you couldn't be happy tonight, but I still want to greet you. Happy 31st birthday, Addison."
Addison flinched, her world seemed to freeze as Lily dragged Rex out of her house. She heard Juanita trying to console her but she couldn't move. She couldn't say anything. All she could do was stare at the blank wall in front of her. With how her life is imploding, she might as well be a part of it—a blank surface, stiff. Unmoving. Just watching as the world around her continued to move without her being able to stop before it destroys her.
She looked around the table, to where the two most important people she wanted to be with were supposed to be. And after what she thought was eternity, she moved. With tears in her eyes, she crumpled as she mourned the loss of the people she loved.
…
Hours later, Addison found herself bent down on the floor of the room she shared with Jake. She was quickly putting clothes in her luggage, ignoring the pained look Juanita was giving her. The older woman kept trying to talk her out of what she was about to do but Addison just shook her off. There was no going back from this. It was the greatest betrayal she'd ever endured and she can't help but feel pity for herself. She was beaten at her own game. She let herself see through something that she should have known from the start—traitors never win.
Jake never failed to tell her how much he loved her, never failed to make her feel loved. But right now she wasn't even sure whether to believe everything he made her feel. What if it was there all along? This hole in his heart longing for someone who isn't her. Lily was his wife, she's been the only woman in his life until she came along. Surely he'd still feel love for her. In Addison's heart of hearts, she knows that he loved her. But was it enough for him to stop loving Lily?
"Sweetheart, I'm home!" Addison looked up from her clothes as she heard the man in question's voice boom through their house.
"Up here." She beckoned him, ignoring the tears running down her face.
Home. It was a word that always brought her joy, especially when it came from him. It was her fantasy. From the moment she met him, all she wanted was to build a family with him. And she did. For a while, she was happy with the home they built. For a while, she was content with being kept in their home while he explored the world. But in that moment, all she wanted was to take everything they built down. She wanted to watch as their walls fell apart. She wanted to break free and rebuild herself and forget about the last five years.
Addison knew what she was getting herself into five years ago. Maybe if this even happened five years ago, she'd be able to give Jake a smile and ask him to start over. She'd been able to take everything in five years ago. But now was now. And she had just been torn apart by the last person she thought who would.
Gone was the Addison who stood by him in the dark. The Addison who held his hand before he left to attend to his wife. The Addison who patiently—and painfully—watched him stand next to his wife, to watch him look at her. Looking back now, she realized how naïve she was to think that she would ever have him all to herself. He never belonged to her. She shared him with another woman and all the people watching them. The night was all she had. Under the pale moon, she'd be his. He'd hold her, he'd love her. But once the sun shone, he would belong to someone else and she couldn't say anything.
"That seems to be a lot that you're packing, is there somewhere you need to be?" She turned to the sound of his voice.
He looked so innocent as he looked at her and Juanita. And she almost fell for it again. He'd always had the power to tear her apart and make her whole with a smile. Jacob Miguel Reilly. He saved her, gave her the life only to break her heart. And she can't even be mad at him. He was an amazing lover. He was everything she ever dreamed of, the one man she saw herself growing old with—he was supposed to be the father of their child.
"I do." She confirmed. "Archer is on his way and I'm going back to New York." She paused and he stared at her questioningly. "For good."
"Addison, what are you talking about?" He asked, brows furrowed in confusion.
"I called New York-Presbyterian to see if they needed a resident and they gave me a great deal." She explained, glancing at Juanita and motioning for her to leave. Once Juanita was gone, she turned her attention to the clothes in front of her. "I can continue my residency there and become a fellow under Vivian Carlsmith."
"Addison you can't just leave, we had a deal." Jake reminded her. He dared to crouch beside her, feeling her tense as he got close.
"The deal is over." Addison said coolly, finally looking at him. Jake saw the tears in her eyes and moved to wipe them but Addison slapped his hand away. "I'm done."
"You're done?" Jake asked, agitation seeping through his voice. "You can't just be done. What about us? You know I can't leave."
"You don't have to." She offered.
"What do you mean? Addison, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that we should end this." She said, hoping that he didn't hear the way her voice trembled.
"You're bluffing." Jake shook his head, unconvinced.
"I wish I was." She said quietly.
"Did something happen?" He asked quickly. "Did Lily tell you anything? I told her not to do anything, especially not today."
"Nothing happened and Lily didn't tell me anything." She paused, wiping the tears that were falling down her cheeks. "Rex may have said something but whether it's true or not, I'm tired. I just can't continue doing this anymore."
"Addison…"
"You know that I love you, Jake. I always have. And as miserable and pathetic as it sounds, I don't think I'll ever love someone else like I've loved you." She confessed, finally letting the tears run freely. "But I can't live like this anymore. I don't want to pretend like everything is fine between us. I don't want to be hidden anymore. And I don't…I can't have only half of you anymore."
"But I don't want you to go." Jake took her hand in his. "I can't lose you."
Addison considered it for a moment. "Then come to New York with me."
"Addison, I-I can't." He whispered, letting her hand drop.
"Why?" Addison asked confusedly. "I know we had a deal, but you can move your life. You can say that you needed to move to New York to become a better doctor. Why don't you want to?"
"Addison."
"Stop Addison-ing me and tell me why."
"I don't want to hurt you—"
"Oh my God."
"She's pregnant."
Addison felt herself go numb.
Lily's pregnant.
Lily's pregnant with Jake's baby.
Rex wasn't lying all along? But Lily told her that nothing happened.
She wanted to scream. She wanted to hurt him like how he just hurt him. She wanted to ask him when it happened. She wanted to know if Juanita knew about this, if everyone knew about it. She wanted to know how long everyone had been lying to her. She wanted to know a lot but she refused to hurt herself even more, so instead, she plastered a fake smile.
"I'm leaving for New York tonight." She said, mustering all the dignity she had left. "I can't bring everything back home so if I leave some things here, you can give them to Juanita or you can keep it." Addison threw one more dress in her luggage before closing it.
"Goodnight, Jake." She whispered as she stood up to leave the room.
"Addison, wait." He called after her. "I just want you to know that I love you."
"I know." She nodded without looking at him so he wouldn't see the tears flowing down her cheeks. "I love you too."
She loved him. And how she wished she didn't.
Every step she took away from him, her heart ached. She felt as if she was marching towards her own death sentence. It was incredibly hard, especially when all she wanted was to run back into his arms and forgive him—it would've probably been easier if she did, but she resisted the urge because she had to do it.
It was at that moment that Addison realized that if she couldn't have her happy ending, then she'd have to embrace a new beginning. She doesn't know what and where it could bring her, but she's hoping that this time, she'd have more than a bitter ending.
