Your light will terrify the dark

Dim blue lights bath her body as she leaps in the air with elegancy, a soft breeze caresses her face as she does it and brings a smile to her face, before she lands perfectly on her feet. With a swift spin, she turns to face the small audience in front of her and bows in respect, concluding her performance like that.

She hears the small audience in front of her applauding as she bows once again and dedicates a timid smile to them. Then, she walks off the stage to wait in the waiting room for the rest of performers to finish their auditions, and before the jury deliberates who was the most suited performer for the lead role.

Almost an hour later, the young dancer is called back to the stage along with the rest of performers and rivals.

Eli stands in the middle of all of them with her head high and a confident smile on her face, waiting patiently for her name to be called as the lead role due to her great performance. But much to her surprise, she hears the unexpected and unknown name of another girl coming out of the jury's representative mouth.

An evident shock and confusion settles in Eli, before the excited yells of the other girl breaks the solemn and tensed silence filling the air.

Eli can only plaster the best fake and polite smile she can muster and congratulate the girl that will be the lead role, before the spotlights turn off and she's left standing alone in the middle of the stage, plunged into the most absolute darkness wondering what could she have done wrong, what mistake took away her chance to be the lead role and shine.

She leaves the theater without any answer, finding her grandmother already waiting for her outside with a soft smile on her face.

- I... I didn't get the role.

Eli whispers quietly, almost embarrassed to have failed the audition, a concept completely foreign to her until that very day.

- Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry to hear that. But don't worry, there'll be other auditions for better roles.

Her grandma reassures her, wrapping her into a tight hug, and for the first time, Eli feels the necessity to bite her lip and hug her grandma really tight in an attempt to stop the tears that threaten to fall.

This is the first time Eli fails an audition, and she's not willing to repeat it. She's not willing to go through the same helpless feeling of knowing she wasn't the best.

She's not willing to be left standing alone in the middle of the stage, surrounded by nothing but a deafening darkness that does nothing but feed the feeling of loneliness she felt on the wide stage and that brings with it an unwanted fear.

She doesn't like the feeling in the slightest, it's... scary.

So little Elichika pushes herself harder every day, in every practice, trying to master every single dance and move so that scary feeling doesn't become a reality once again. But little she knows that even trying her hardest, that ugly and hard reality will repeat more than once.

Eli finds herself standing in the middle of the wide stage alone more than once, only silence filling the air as the spotlights are turned off and darkness quickly engulfs and consumes her into it.

She tries her best to ignore the feeling of solitude that comes with it, the irrational thoughts or even the imaginary mockery laughs plaguing her mind.

She does her best to control the inexplicable fear invading her, paralyzing her until her feet finally carry her to the nearest exit and she pushes the heavy door open to find the light of the sun blinding her momentarily before her grandma's arms are around her.

Eli feels the lump stuck in her throat disappearing, a shaky yet alleviated sigh escaping her lips as the fear and tension leaves her body and she can breathe normally once again, returning her grandma's hug tightly before she allows herself to cry on her chest.

- Shh, it's okay sweetheart. You'll get the next role, just don't worry – her grandma comforts her, and Eli can only hope she's right.

Eli wishes that the calm her grandma brings with her, with her comforting words and tight hugs, would last until night falls and she goes to sleep.

But sadly, as soon as she leaves a goodnight kiss on her mother's, grandma's and sister's cheeks, and goes to her bedroom and turns the light off to get inside her bed to sleep, fear slowly crawls under her skin taking over her.

A sudden feel of impotence and rejection settles in her, making her feel hard to breathe. She feels as if she is suffocating, gasping desperately for air.

She begins to tremble, her heart beating faster than ever before, taking her several long minutes before her hand finally and tentatively finds the small lamp on the nightstand next to her bed and she manages to turn it on.

As soon as its dim light illuminates the bedroom, erasing the darkness in which she was plunged in and that suffocated her, a shaky but alleviated sigh escapes her lips.

Eli's raged breathing steadies itself again while her heartbeat slows down.

She takes several deep breaths to calm herself down, contemplating to turn the small lamp off to sleep, before the fear of the darkness consuming her once again and the ugly thoughts that come with it begin to plague her mind, making her immediately dismiss the mere idea.

Eli lets out another shaky sigh, before she curls up and pulls the blankets up to find some comfort inside them as she closes her eyes to try and sleep in relative calm and without having to go through the trauma of recalling the feeling of cold she felt, of being rejected and left standing alone in the middle of the stage as the deafening darkness engulfed her.

But what Eli doesn't realize is that the fear of failing the auditions and the consequent fear of being left alone surrounded by nothing but darkness got under her skin so deeply to the point of being unable to sleep unless she had the dim light of her small nightstand lamp on.

She doesn't realize how bad it is until her next audition takes place.

Eli can already feel the usual nervousness that comes with the auditions and having to perform perfectly in front of the jury as soon as she begins to go up the stairs that lead to the wide stage, wanting nothing more than impress them so she could get the lead role, but this time, it somehow feels different.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath to calm herself down and concentrate one last time on her routine, before she gets out the stage.

She bows respectfully at the jury and positions herself at the center of the stage before she notices the intensity of the lights illuminating it lowering to create the perfect atmosphere for her performance and as the music begins to sound. But to her dismay, Eli can only hear the loud beating of her heart drumming loudly against her ears and see the darkness surrounding her.

She breathes shakily, forcing her body to move and follow the music but instead of cooperating with her, she gets the opposite effect, freezing briefly before she stumbles.

Eli tries to collect herself once again, making the mistake of glancing at the jury just to see the worry and disappointment written all over their faces. She can't help but overhear the muffled low whisperings shared between them as they look at her with judgmental eyes, making her be even more nervous and distracted than she was.

She tries to resume her forgotten routine, but as soon as she leaps in the air and lands on her feet, she does it in the wrong way, twisting it and ending up falling to the floor in pain.

She bites her lip trying to tough out the pain and not cry, but when she sees the darkness looming over her, menacing her with consuming her, she can't help but yell in terror and start to cry hard.

Abruptly, the music stops and the spotlights are turned on, blinding her before she notices a person kneeling next to her.

- Are you okay, little one?

The soft touch on her forearm and the kindness in the words that accompanies it, brings Eli back to reality as she looks at the woman next to her to see the expression of concern displayed on her features, contrasting with the disappointment she sported on her face and that Eli saw just a few minutes ago.

Eli can only nod at her without uttering a word, all while she tries to swallow her wounded pride and the feeling of impotence and humiliation she feels at the moment, more tears spilling down her face.

Soon enough, her grandma steps into the stage before she's taken to the hospital, and for the first time in her life, Eli feels alleviated about the diagnosis.

- You've broke a small bone in your ankle, so I'm afraid you'll need to wear a cast on for a while, and be away from the stage or any intense physical activity for some time after the cast is taken off to recover completely.

Eli hears the doctor saying, and she wishes that the relief that comes with his words upon not having to dance for an indefinite period of time, could be the same as when night falls and also does the darkness, having to sleep with her small lamp on to keep the nightmares that come with it away.

Eli soon gets used to walk everywhere around using her crutches and being helped by others. She gets used to have a normal life that doesn't imply spending long periods of time practicing and mastering her dance routines or thinking about new choreographies or outfits for her auditions, and for once, Eli is happy about it.

So when she goes back to the doctor to get her cast removed and she's told that she can go back to dance in a gradual way without forcing herself but taking it easy, Eli doesn't know how to feel about it.

She knows she should be happy of being able to go back to dance even if it's just taking it easy, but the mere thought of it only terrifies her.

Eli doesn't think she can't go back to move and leap around the room at the rhythm of a piece neither spin, afraid of doing it in the wrong way and ending up hurting herself again. She isn't ready to be engulfed by the darkness, by the cold and the lonely feeling that comes with it, and yet, she forces herself to keep dancing to not disappoint her beloved grandma.

Little Elichika turns the music on and begins to dance around the room, careful, in an easy way, warming up until she's a bit more confident to begin spinning and leaping around it. She flinches as she lands on her feet but diligently continues with her dance routine.

Her dance, even though it has its natural grace and elegance, lacks of the usual fineness that it's characterized by. It lacks of any passion or emotion in it.

The piece playing in the background comes to an abrupt stop and Eli can't help but flinch, quickly turning around startled to see her grandma with a sad smile on her face after have stopped the music.

- I'm sorry grandma, was I bothering you? – Eli quickly apologizes, walking to her grandma.

- No sweetheart, don't worry – her grandma says leaving a light caress on her cheek – I just couldn't stand watching you dancing for any longer.

Eli winces at her words, conscious that her dancing isn't the same as it was before, but that's only because she's still recovering from her injury, isn't it?

- W-was it that bad? – Eli asks her unsure, scared, seeing her grandma shaking her head.

- No sweetheart – her grandma says, giving her a soft smile as she keeps caressing her cheek in a tender way – It wasn't bad, but it didn't feel... right, natural.

Her grandma says as she exhales sadly, and Eli can't help but reflect on her words.

- You know you don't have to force yourself to dance, do you?

- But I'm not-

Eli is quickly silenced by her grandma as she presses a finger to her lips.

- I've been noticing how scared you looked in every audition you've been performing since a while. At first I thought it was because you were nervous about them and about the possibility of not getting the lead role, but when you got injured and the woman of the jury told me what happened, I understood it was because you were scared, even terrified of the stage I'd say.

Eli's breath gets caught in her throat, her eyes opening widely.

- I-I'm not!

She tries to deny it, but it's simply pointless, what her grandma said is the absolute truth.

- It's okay sweetheart. I understand it.

Eli doesn't think her grandma can understand her sudden and irrational fear to darkness, her fear to disappoint her...

- You don't have to keep forcing yourself to dance if you no longer enjoy it or you're scared of it.

- But won't you be disappointed in me if I stop?

Eli whispers quietly, breaking her grandma's heart upon noticing how small she looks saying those words, and at the burden her little grandchild had been having to bear by herself.

The old woman can only pull her grandchild into a tight hug, stroking her hair and back in a tender way.

- I could never be disappointed in you, sweetheart. I only want you to be happy, I only want you to dance if it really makes you happy.

Eli feels a weight being lifted off her shoulders, allowing herself to cry in the tight and comforting embrace of her grandma.

- T-then, it's okay if I don't go back to dance? – she asks her insecurely, and her grandma can only hug her tighter, leaving a kiss on her forehead as she pulls her away to wipe her tears.

- It's more than okay, Elichika – she says with a soft smile on her face, and Eli never felt so relieved before.

- I... I'm scared of darkness – Eli confesses in a bare whisper, a bit embarrassed to admit such a childish thing and her grandma can only hug her once again really tight.

- I know. I've been seeing you sleeping with your nightstand lamp turned on since some time ago, and it's completely fine.

Eli can't help but cry harder, feeling more at ease and relieved than she ever did in the past months.

After that talk, Eli chooses to not go back to dance. She chooses to hide every single picture, medal and trophy of her victories in a box in the depths of their attic, not wanting to think about them, neither remembering anything about them.

And even though it feels bitter, shameful not being able to take a glance at them without feeling impotent and hurt of what she achieved over the years, of what she was and could have been if she'd have continued dancing, Eli knows it's the best so she can keep moving forward and close that phase of her life forever.

Eli still has a long and hard process along the years until she can go over that phase of her life without feeling such a bitterness and shame for any longer, but instead, a feeling of sadness and nostalgia as she remembers about it.

It's a small step, she tells herself even though she wishes it was the same in other aspects, still unable to dance and much less to face the dark, terrified of it and what comes with it.

It'll still pass several years more before she's able to overcome that fear and all thanks to the unexpected help of a certain mysterious purple haired girl.

When Eli finds out that the high school to which her beloved grandma went when she was a teen, is about to close, she can't help but want to do something to prevent that from happening, even if that means to have to leave her beloved grandma behind to travel to another country and get used to a different culture.

- Are you sure this is what you want to do, sweetheart?

Her grandma asks her for the nth time before Eli has to get on the plane that will take her to Japan, wanting to be sure that it is what her grandchild really wants to do and not a decision she took because she felt pressured about it.

- I'm sure of this grandma. I want to save your precious high school – Eli tells her calmly with a smile on her face, being completely sure that it is what she really wants to do it, not something she's being forced to do it.

- Okay, then please be careful and take care.

Her grandma tells her, hugging her tightly to then leave a tender kiss on her forehead as they bid their farewells at the airport and before Eli, her mother and her sister have to board the plane to take the flight from Russia to Japan.

As soon as they land in what will be their new home, and Eli is enrolled in her grandma's old high school, she takes over the presidency of the student council and begins to do everything that is in her hands to try to get more people to enroll for the next school year so the school doesn't close.

This, and her distant and serious attitude, ends up making her being known as the foreign cold girl that nobody can approach. And even though it hurts her and makes her feel lonely, she tries her best to ignore it, telling herself that she's only there to achieve her goal of saving her beloved grandma's old high school, not to make friends.

Or that's what she likes to tell herself every day before one afternoon, after her duties in the student council, a certain purple haired girl stops her at the school's stairs.

- E-excuse me!

The girl yells, causing Eli to stop dead on her tracks and look up at her with a scowl on her face.

What she sees next, just takes her breath away.

At the top of the stairs is a timid but smiling purple haired girl with the most mesmerizing emerald eyes she ever saw, and even though Eli knows they're classmates, she never noticed the girl per se, but now… now it is hard not to do it.

Right there, in that very moment, looking so dazzling and so angelic, Eli can't help but be unknowingly scared of her.

- What do you want? – she asks her as sternly and coldly as she can muster, trying to push her away with her rude attitude.

- I-I'm Tojo Nozomi. We're classmates and I was... I was wondering if you wanted us to go back home together – Nozomi says so amicably, so kindly with such a dazzling smile, that Eli can't help but feel her heart pounding hard against her chest, happy at the fact of somebody wanting to talk to her and spend time with her, and yet, she chuckles and shakes her head.

- No, thank you – she says rudely, turning her invitation down before she turns around to almost start running out of the building, scared of such a radiant girl.

But her cold attitude, far from pushing Nozomi away and stopping her from coming back to try to befriend her, only fuels her to try harder.

Nozomi decides to be part of the student council to be with Eli, wanting nothing than help her, get to know her more and spend more time together as they come up with new ideas to get more and new students to enroll the school for the next school year.

Nozomi easily and begrudgingly ends up becoming Eli's best friend and even though it scares the blonde to no end, to feel so close to somebody to the point that Nozomi knows all her secrets and her most childish fears, she is grateful for it and for the purple haired girl in her life.

She's grateful that Nozomi tried so hard to befriend her despite her constant insolences.

Over the years, and with the invaluable help of Nozomi in the student council and in her life as her best friend, Eli manages to keep the school open.

She also slowly begins to tolerate the darkness.

Eli doesn't know when, or how it happened, but Nozomi's smiles, her gentle touch and her dazzling light... the things she makes her feel, slowly helps her to become less and less scared of the darkness, slowly forgetting about the feeling of coldness and loneliness that comes with it as it engulfs her.

Back to the present, Eli is looking through the window of the student council room unable to look at Nozomi, trying to hold the tears that threaten to fall.

- Nozomi, you know very well that I can't go back to dance. I can't be part of µ's – Eli says sternly, looking at the blue sky trying to calm herself down.

She can't go back to dance. She doesn't want to go back to the dark, to be engulfed into it once again as she was years ago, especially not when it took her so much time to get out of that hell and all thanks to the same girl that is now asking her to consider be part of the group.

Nozomi can only look at her with nothing but understanding and fondness in her eyes, before she lets out a heavy sigh and steps closer to hug the blonde from behind, surprising her.

She feels the other girl tensing in her embrace, before she leaves a kiss on Eli's cheek, seeing her blushing while she relaxes in her arms.

- I know Elichi, but don't be afraid of it, we're here. I'm here, always – Nozomi says reassuringly, tightening her embrace as she says the last part, a promise she won't leave Eli standing alone in the middle of the dark to feel as it's engulfing her and consuming her once again, and Eli can't help but break down in tears, turning around to bury herself in Nozomi's chest while the purple haired girl hugs her even tighter than before.

For the first time in what it feels like an eternity, Eli feels safe.

- So what do you say? Will you be part of µ's with me? – Nozomi asks her softly, extending her hand out to her as they pull slightly away.

The way in which she extends her hand out to her with a calm but encouraging smile adorning her face as she waits patiently for her to take it, it's enough for Eli to take a step forward and grab it tightly. As soon as their hands touch, Nozomi smiles even wider if possible and pulls her into a tight hug, making Eli giggle while she unknowingly helps her to overcome her fear of going back to dance.

Next time Eli stands again on a stage, she's not alone, there're eight girls more beside her, but especially, a purple haired girl looking at her tenderly and with a caring smile on her face as her soft hand holds hers really tight, supporting her and helping her to overcome her fears.

As the lights begin to lower in intensity and they start to sing, Eli can no longer see the darkness looming over her, but the dazzling and warm light of a certain stubborn and kind purple haired girl wrapping her in.

Her light terrifying the dark that used to surround her and paralyze her, making her be able to dance again and enjoy it as she used to do.