Response to Noth-lyv: Appreciated, Noth, glad to see another person craving for a Re: Zero and BB crossover story. I hope to see another fanfic author is willing to do the same in the future.
Response to Piero: Meeting the witches sounds a lot more desirable than coming face-to-face with any of the Outer Gods.
Response to Tourist: Sorry about the purple prose! I've noticed that too during halfway writing chapter two, but then, I just like, screw it. I'll try my best to tone it down. It's just that, personally, Bloodborne is one of those games that I will always remember being gorgeous in-game photography and its gothic environment. You get me? So I tend to get lost a bit in my writing, and I'm doing so while playing the game as I'm imagining scenarios to use as reference. Whoops. Only if you want, don't hesitate to point out any mistakes I make in the future. Thanks for reading, my dude.
Response to BigSmokeYeet: In case you haven't seen my reply yet, or for whatever reason, I'll just put it here for you to see: Nah. Appreciate your review.
Response to TheGentleman4530: Thank you so much! Even though Re: Zero Forgotten facets basis and parcel of it is incorporated into the story, the main focus here is Subaru's journey. I hope to meet your expectation! Thank you for your time.
Quick question for you all, what are the characters in Bloodborne accent? I know one for a fact that Father Gascoigne communicates with a southern Irish accent. I've heard that Gehrman, along with Eileen, have a cockney beat in their tone; not sure if this is true. And others such as Gilbert, Doll, Chapel Dweller, where do they all fall under? Can anybody pinpoint their accent?
The moon in her dappled beauty, in eternal stoic grace, takes her place in the wispy woolen grey shawl heavens, while the fog soothes and grows, sweeping her sultry perfume deep into her subject's lungs and filling their noses. Conveying her grey glaze through the landscape, her foggy breath, her opaque gloom, as she veils her otherworldly sight, under whose unseeing eyes, the reality of existence is buried and stifled.
The mists cloak all, its still gray haze is without reflection, it's being weighed down with the breathless air, it is caressing cold caressing touch.
The fog is colder than the raging wind, it creeps around the periphery of the eye, the ear, the nose, the taste buds, the heart. Feeling its weight on skin and the chill of the earth, one is caught in a blanket of solemnity and silence, while the howling, the braying of the wind, or the muttering of the mind are distant echoes.
Howbeit, he feels none of it. Felt not the chill air, the insipid breeze, nor the chill of this world, the grey mists, nor the gusts that ever how to begin inauspiciously. The heart does not speak of loss or despair, of the knowledge of is past that emotion, it is a thing of the past, so he lives a life beyond loss.
He does not feel, he is neither touched nor marred by the mists, by the quixotic winds, or even by the nature. His heart never feels the wind for there is no life beyond it. His breath is beyond the fleeting gust itself. It never quickens, nor pulses. He feels nothing besides the deep, eternal life of his being, which this world never touches.
In this eternal realm though, there is no end, no horizon, there are no divisions. There is only one wind, one breath, one living warmth, one being.
As a result, the concepts of time and space come as confusing nonsense. Past, present, future, no divisions that matter. It is the same in every place, always, everywhere, always the same. In the endless expanse of the soothe feels not any sway of fortune, nor any breath of fortune to come. Past, present, and future are meaningless concepts. The future is as certain as the past, the present is as certain as the past, and as present as the future.
While being submerged in the confines of his eternal dwelling, he is beyond comprehension. To him, there is no one else but him, only him, and no not another.
He waits, for time stands still, for eternity awaits, he waits for the wisps of fogs to peel back and escape his peripheral vision, slowly begin to lift away, slowly and coldly above the land. He watches as the haze, vapors, and sky begins to dim his view of the world.
Giving attention to the sound of moaning, chilliness groans, wet weeping, wailing, and sobbing.
The weeping of the inhabitants, the whines of a world gone mad. The moans of the world fade to nothing as all that remains is a weary and unfortunate shadow. His presence faded as if the sun had been stolen from the land. The mist that once glazed the eye now goes unwillingly in its final light fading from the sky.
In this old world of antiquity, that lost man sits, his eyes gazing wide into the sky. His heart feels a pulse, a flutter, of life, as if the wind itself had taken over his body and pulse and caused it to beat with the same frequency, the same beat, as this dream.
"The 'unt begins again."
[OoO]
If death were to be in the form of a living person with flesh instead of a cloak-wearing entity who's all bones as many of the folklores and ingenuity stereotypically illustrated the manifestation of demise, or ostensively inferred as the grim reaper knew by the masses. Likewise, if one ensues to know and were to voice the name Natsuki Subaru, come and have a sit-down.
First, to understand since the beginning of human life, one question has bothered mankind more than anything else.
The one question, as easiest as it might sound, is a question that had driven humanity more and more toward new ideas, new inventions, and new perspectives while trying to give an answer to it, has defined species: from reasonable to unreasonable, from the most intelligent creation that has ever walked on the face of the earth, by nature, is a curious being, always wondering, always asking, and always searching for one thing that he does not have, for one thing, that he does not know.
The concept of the afterlife.
Whether a person is a doubter or a believer based on their beliefs, views, or conducted reasons according to strict principles of validity. Without a single shred of doubt, many can come to an agreement that it is frightening, yet a fascinating topic to dive deep into. The life after goes on four legs in the morning, on two legs at noon, and on three legs in the evening? A man. As people crawl on four legs, walk on two feet, and then walk with a cane.
Birth. Life. Death
What happens then? After a human being grows and thoroughly lives stage by stage of the circle of life as any man should do so as more and more infants are born into the world, live it to the fullest, and then die of old age.
Death has an unavoidable and unpredictable nature. The conceptualization of death and what happens to a person when they die is perplexing to understand.
Humans tend to fear things that they cannot begin to explain. No one person exactly knows for sure what to expect once they leave this world.
So established religion and science in an attempt to allow us to wrap our heads around this idea. Eventually, all living things must come to an end; this notion that death will occur has been the most constant perception throughout time.
Death is inevitable, yet inconceivable. Even though there's no way of articulating it, you know it's going to happen.
Mortality is defined synonymously with humanity. On a constant strive to find the purpose of existence based on the choices are made and how one lives with them. Yet, another concept befalls humanity: The end.
Everything has an end.
All of its existence comes to an end, because everything, sooner or later concludes definitively. Everything in life is temporary and expecting things to be "eternal" sparks great frustrations that are difficult to overcome. And when it does, death draws near. Old, familiar death where Subaru meets cessation.
In a place taken to a gloaming, lonesome, riddle site.
In the darkness, the whole world could have blown away in a freak storm. He can smell the earth as if it's wiped clean as might be all the plant life is gone. Feet are bare, evidently knowing the ground is still there.
Everything else has dissolved like it was never there at all, like the universe hasn't even begun, or perhaps it never was. In the darkness, the boy can't get a sense that anything is important at all.
Desiring for dawn to come and kiss the land. In there, all Subaru had at his disposal was this endless, stretched pitch void that completely obscures his entire vision; he was as blind in such a way that his eyes had been gouged. Intimidating and nerve-racking as it is for the faint of hearts to undergo, considering how it surrounded everything. It ate up everything in its path. It did not give him any mercy.
Darkness suffocates his body like a damp, musty, thick veil, clinging to every inch of his skin. It almost feels like an impression of being buried in a box deep.
The darkness that shrouded the teenage boy's whole being was far more than just the absence of light. It was wide and hefty, interlaced with the stench of lonesome, but regardless of that fact, despite appearances of that lingering silence laced with a sentimental vibe that elevates the feeling of loneliness was interestingly comfortable.
The silence between two long-time friends. It seems as though both the silence itself and Subaru enjoyed the warmth of companionship.
The two of them.
Into that world of dark, tears and woe, and a very slight presence of acceptance and appreciation. Though, the peace of harmony continues to withstand. Like all things in life; all must come to an end. As it seems, however, there is no end. For him, at the very least so far. In the mold of departure, the two will meet again without a shred of doubt.
Both death and Natsuki Subaru part ways yet again. Blackness broadens as strong protective arms come to be a blanket of exemption, a place for a young heart to thump quietly in flat momentum. Strained out from the utter dusk, Subaru's breathing rate was beginning to steady.
When the visage was all clear, out of all conceivable possibilities, the greeting Subaru's vision could be described as surrealism. Something which can be in a dreamland hoarding ideas born of snugness is transformed from pure imagination into real magic, the gift of the divine.
Nothing of the likes of what Subaru's eyes are used to seeing. As opposed to the nameless darkness that stifles his conception after death, it was a stunning heavenly stage brought about by assorted tones and smog.
The view that was fully relieved of unnameable, inhumane subjects. The aroma of smoke mingled with the thump of an air conditioner, a color-of-day's changing hue unlike the first time he was introduced to that of the heaven he has never touched before.
The air began to feel lighter, a layer of warmth draped itself around his posterior in the lull of the current atmosphere.
The temperature would rise again, and his arms would be extended, when a voice soothed by a breeze invaded Subaru's eardrums and cut off the last hope of him to extend his arms to take the warmth he could not comprehend.
The lightness of his breath condensed into a formless vapor, resulting in him strutting alone in an empty, surreal paradise; the aura from the center of the stage cleared his sight and it met him with a life of its own like he was a ghost who was standing on the celestial stage.
A stage where he would have never imagined himself to be.
"...Ah-hah, our new 'unter." In between the empty spaces of air, when gums flapped by an interloper, each syllable presented was slow and gentle, paused in the midst of their speech. Vocal cords lose some elasticity with age, like most tissue.
"—?!" Subaru, caught flat-footed, has fancied himself choking on air upon an unforeseen entity's words, which hit him like an arrow to the chest, completely taken by surprise by the latter's varying degrees of croak in their voice.
In a quick round-about motion on his heels, Subaru turns his sight to follow the voice. The boy in a tracksuit's eyelids peeled back. Subaru felt his face flicker between different variations of bewilderment, wariness, and horror.
"—!" Subaru's brain stutters for a moment, and his malicious-looking eyes take in more light than expected. While every part of him goes on pause, while thoughts catch up. After a wash of cold, the teen steps from the shadows.
"Hah?" Subaru's face is still the same as always, his breathing is more fixed, though with a face twisted and drained, lips moving in a frown, and then he topples, his voice hushed, almost worn.
"A rather yo'ng one at that." A map of wrinkles for a face that tells many tales. Perhaps eye lines told of laughter, warm smiles, and affection. Forehead spoke of worries past and present. But they were mostly so deeply ingrained that they told of a man who had traveled through eight decades to stand here as an aged, battered, and forlorn man.
"Let's see 'ere." Everything about the man, a stranger who is far from young, it is difficult to determine his age, as life left a deep imprint on their face.
From their posture to their speech to their mobility to their overall appearance, they appear to be an old man. To be dismissed as "old" when he was so much more than the sum of his parts. What Subaru can infer in front of him is a wheelchair-bound elderly man.
The man seemed to be in good health, but not top-of-the-world health. He needed a wheelchair as he moved very slowly, but other than that, he didn't seem to be suffering from illness. His features and mannerisms were those of an aged man.
The face he presented was full of wrinkles and bags. Perhaps it was something that made him feel comfortable, as the wheelchair senior seemed very relaxed in his posture.
There were a few stuttering movements in him, which would be the most obvious sign that the man was suffering from a variety of ailments such as back pain, arthritis, and so on. However, the elderly lingers on, and so the problem is less serious.
The wheels of the chair creak and come to a halt. "Tell me, enlighten dis geezer, 'ow may I address you?"
"..." The one on the receiving end of the question blinked, peering owlishly down at the elderly man like he was looking at a broken machine he didn't know how to fix it. "...I..." Subaru mumbles feebly with partially locked lips, his voice with a softer rim.
A question so universally used in greetings, upon asking whoever wishes to sponge up a name. This was not one of those lukewarm circumstances in which someone asks under the regular procedure of basic socialization.
The question itself begs loud and clear for a simple answer.
Uncomfortably small and large beads of sweat gather between the growing teen's skin and attire. No sense of self-preservation, no sense of a straight, clear guide. With no self-preservation or guidance to guide this conversation, nor an ounce of foresight to see where this would all lead, in all honesty, it didn't matter.
"...Am...I..." Somehow or other, whatever spat forth from his lips, its consonant remained unfulfilled as it tumbled down his tongue like little pebbles onto the sand.
Subaru was barely able to get a word out and couldn't hear what his voice was supposed to convey. The old man gave him a wry look of deep curiosity. Hence, everything said shot straight through one ear and out the other for him.
"Mhm?" The old man's throat rumbled at a much gentler volume. Beneath the hat, his withered brow crinkles into a painful piqued question.
No smile ever appeared on his wrinkled face, though this time a glimpse of it is shown on the edges of his aged and slightly cracked lips. A minuscule closed-lip smile was constructed in such a way that, one could say, to commiserate with the boy's jitteriness.
Even so, it trickled into Subaru's chest like a dagger stabbed into his breast.
"Am...I..." Subaru doesn't realize how much strength and effort he used up in uttering that feeble sentence. It may even have been the most he could muster. After a moment, his lips parted slightly again. "In heaven?" He breathes and lets the final word linger in the air with such a withering effect that he couldn't go on any further.
"'eaven?" That was all that the old man said. That single sentence was enough to stir Subaru's heart. "Hmhmhmhm—hehehehehehe~!"
Huffing and puffing out a quite rasped, thick timber slither with clever, mortal laughter ignited inside of the man's lungs. Nonetheless, in distinction to its jovial membrane laugh on the surface, their breathy merriment, and expression all seemed deep-set basin for Subaru's likeness, for reasons that will be cataloged as a closed book on Subaru's part.
That wizened, banal complexion peered out beneath the brims of his murky headdress. Their eyes were so heavily lidded and saddled with folds of surplus than they had been compared to before, that it was almost like talking to someone asleep, moreover fairly attentive as the senior is.
Nonetheless, Subaru had no idea how to even react to the old man's response to laughter. Confusion is the scattering of thoughts, as if a flower is scattering seeds in a strong wind, hoping that they will find soil and grow well. Subaru is that flower scattered without a single thought being tossed in various directions by the wind of the senior's incapacitated chortle.
At the sight of it, Subaru's heart rate and breathing were both slowed, and in fact, in that split second after hearing the elder's weeny laugh brush against his ears, Subaru's sense of hearing was in a state of emergency, in complete overload.
"I right much doubt that such a place could be called 'eaven." Having said so by punctuating the sentence through the medium of a humorless chuckle.
"Ha-Hah?" There, Subaru's words came out as a choked whimper. As gently as his limbs were stirring or he was about to become immobile, his lungs held fortitude and his heart was also made to double in its rhythm.
On all sides of Subaru's perspective, there's a pungent fragrance of root and wand, its scent nearly as though in harmony with the smell of the ground amid each green leaf, glossy in appearance, and six-tepal flowers in a variety of shapes and sizes dominating the scenery to the eyes of anyone who might view it.
The scurries, and subtle movements of lilies are their mouthpieces, much like a melody.
Their ballad of the terrace is for those who listen with more than their ears. The fort construction was so glamorous, that it's difficult for anyone whose eyesight isn't enhanced to not become enraptured by its visual splendor. The land in which the teen found himself radiates true haven, almost like someone made sure to grain and conserve the kind of flora that did the same for mother nature.
Its pigments were so to speak painted from those of the moonlight above and below in aspect and color. And the moderately mild climate was more aromatic than any bouquet could ever be. This is a perfect niche for anyone to withhold in the hopes of discovering peace, as the serenity of this place is akin to that of Heaven.
So, how could it not be? If not for his presence alone, Subaru believes, there would be nothing that can counteract all of the hallmarks of perfection and beauty. As he casts glances all around, the first word that sprung into his mind was, 'Heaven'.
If not for practicality, it's almost guaranteed that the old man beside him could have been declared as the reincarnation of the ancient classics. Certainly, this place was the quintessence of an idealistic manifestation meant to make the world more sanctuary, and perhaps it would appear to be quite fanciful to describe in simpler terms.
Although Subaru toiled to infer the sensitivities that flitted through his heart, for there was not only an army of easter lily flowers encompassing around every corner that his eyes passed upon the neatly kept blossoms, upon which the elongated flight of cobblestone steps leading up.
On the side of the stairway sat headstones, each different from its counterparts in elevation and contour, as they all stood apart from one another. Altogether four headstones coiled downwards in precise threads to the bottom of the stairs. This all brings to escorting Subaru's hazardous eyes to snap sight of them.
As if that wasn't enough, bombarded with the phenomenon he was witnessing, boosting further additional questions. A sight for him to see, with the wind beginning to play with Subaru's clothes ever so slightly, atop its nook post, fixed at the bottom of the slope of stairs on the right side of it was a questioning appearance of a porcelain figure furnished in a gown with a matching shawl and bonnet as its accessories.
For Subaru to not doubt its equivalence, of course, was a life-size knockout of a human woman with its expression frozen in a state of emptiness, perching in its lonesome confided solitary corner.
"Wh-Wha?" Faint mumbles were all Subaru could respond to as his mind was filled with questions and thoughts rushing through at a high speed, all together dissembling their thoughts of clarity in another manner than the mind. Nevertheless, no words appeared to be expressable from his lips which were, and unknowing of his condition, continually sponged up by many breaths every few seconds like his lips were a sponge inside of its garment.
"...Where am I?..." Subaru's having difficulty carrying out the full semantics of those words and understanding his surroundings. At the same time, his consciousness was staggering up against its natural course.
There was upon him a feeling that it was something he could understand, or maybe not something that was purely for lack of understanding, and this was all about that feeling, of which he wasn't exactly certain about its source.
Even his whole body trembled from the density of questions and thoughts that were tearing inside his head while at the same time, it trembled having had to quandary out loud for its consciousness to have taken hold of sufficient air in his lungs to keep on saying its question.
If that wasn't enough, his heartbeat has such a sternly squinted he has more in common with a clock rather than with a person, that it could be audibly voiced to anyone near him to listen.
"Why, yor in the ['unter's Dream]." With a tone completely free of any indication of uncertainty, he gave a short, simple answer. If a question contained even a smidgeon of uncertainty, the man in the wheelchair had no mercy and did everything he could to cut right through it with a clean slice. This must-have happened due to the sheer fact of what was being asked for.
"[Hunter's Dream]?" By all means, in the first round of questions and answers already have vacated the poor dazed youth doing a double-take.
Subaru's brows join in the middle of the forehead in his line of questioning, leaving the lower eyelids of his eyes also in an upward straining position. His petite mouth contorted to a small gape of bafflement, the expression on Subaru's face belies the young boy's thoughts.
"...But...I'm...dead?..." Being unable to comprehend such a thing, Subaru's brows were still firmly in the middle of the top of his forehead, he furrowed his nostrils in a puzzling manner from trying to understand what was going on.
It was as if the bright illumination in his eyes was already set to fade away in a blink of the eye, or perhaps if its very soul were enmeshed into a sliver of a white needle that would sooner rip through that very soul.
"Dead?" The man cocked his head left and right at Subaru. He could tell that the youth didn't understand the issue at all.
That was about to change.
Subaru did not know if it was the simple pronunciation of the word that sent him into such a state, but rather the "dead", that sat so perplexingly at the end of the word.
Subaru was not yet fazed by the true meaning of the word; rather, it was the exact meaning of the word. The impact of the word's exact meaning smashed him in the face, striking his consciousness in the briefcase of words, or the form of an unknown keyword belonging inside his head.
From the subconscious flows a stream of ideas that had in it a bit more meaning. Mixed with the rising color of his thoughts was the realization of the emptiness Subaru felt like the ground beneath him being erased from his physical existence.
It seemed as though that solid ground beneath his location now had a new beginning. At the beginning of his new existence, Subaru stood on his feet.
"No, yor most certainly not dead." The old man had been watching with an inexplicable expression of placidity and an unflinching eye, however, the utterance rattled through Subaru. "Ah, right, well." Fumbled the old man in between two pleats of his lips.
"Anywho, aside from matters o' life and death, tell me, what is yor name?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...I'm alive?..." It was pathetic in the matter how Subaru whimpered a miserable "I'm alive" sorta like a lament, murmured by the near hopelessness of a person who has lost their true self to the sordid side of existence. This was his reality for the moment.
"...Aha..." Subaru turned the palms of his hands, grabbing both sides of his head. He'd kept a stifled croaked hum of laughter that wracked his throat like gulping blood out of his bottom-gum area, after he finally managed to release a tight, guttural, and vital laugh, his heart turned into its kind of water. That one small change, like if that one little "Aha" alone was enough to transform him into a different person, from the one he is.
There was hope before. In those bygone days, just a tiny flicker against the wind. With the open eyes of a child, a battered arm reached out, fingers extended. At that moment, fate had a choice of kindness or cruelty; it took no time at all for them to decide. For his drab orbs bore witness to that dying ember, bringing the wind to a cold howl.
Breaking all the links that bind all traces of sanity. Immersing himself in this familiar confectionery blue funk flavor that wiggles and snakes its way to the core of his soul.
The streaks on his adolescent face inscribed a tale of the affliction of life. Those gravity-drawn shoulders paint a picture of his spirit as if neither it nor the soul would welcome a beat. Subaru's legs quiver in subservient to the sheer load lumping on the back of his shoulders. Profound black furrows beneath his eyelids told of a lass in question, cast behind spiritual apathy like they were wishes.
In the space that should be filled with love and content — at the foundations, keeping Subaru's soul aloft — there is a void so black that no light can penetrate. What was left of his soul was swallowed up into a sea of blue devils and lost hearts. A dam broke, and all that was left was the tiniest flicker. A flicker that had been slowly dying all the while. For a second, there was a single last, lonesome, and shaky laughter, quickly swept away by the wafts of its haze.
Then the cold, the chill that doesn't care about the past and present, it simply knows that one doesn't deserve a future that will never be. The cold that only cares about the result. Its glacial power only has power over those who are already lost. And that's exactly what happened: he was arrested and fled into the gloom of the night. The coolness, its wintry anima comprises no trace of compassion.
"Dear oh dear." Every word the man spouted out sounded nothing but a clear lack of understanding via vocal cords of heavy sandpaper, low and dry. A tone that was almost as dry as Subaru's mind.
"—Ha?" Laughter stopped. A gruff and weathered, like fine-grit sandpaper, dexterous and skilled, yet brutish and battered, sturdiest by hard labor, their hands were all the right things to provide an elude for the cackling teen, allowing their very presence to settle in Subaru's heart.
In those earthy hues belonging to Subaru, which had long become accustomed to the darkness that dwelled in a cellar for countless days, travels to pinpoint the rough source. As they did, entering into their field of sight were hands that knew how to hold on and yet simultaneously set one free.
For it is those ripe hands wrapped around his own that set him free from the shackles of his marbles.
"Ah?" The utterances that escaped him were the most inane and ineloquent that one could be capable of.
"What says yer, yo'ngin? Should we start from scratch?" The way in which the senior would reach out, grasping the youngster's idle hands, was akin to the way one might reach out to catch a falling leaf fluttering about the winds.
"...Ha-Huh?" Subaru's voice twirled as he felt a touch on his hands.
Though he couldn't quite understand the meaning behind the hand that had patted him, he still decided to react like the dupe that he was and assert, "What?" Subaru vocalized those dreary words more clearly than earlier.
Cultivating the tiniest quantity of strength, they draw onward upon their cheekbones, motivating at least the corner of their lips to reach towards the end of their eyes.
An old man, confined to a wheelchair, would stretch a frail arm out, ending up establishing a free hand gently parked on top of the youth's shoulder blade.
"Allow me to keep the ball rollin'." The geriatric affirmed this with what could have very well been characterized as a glimpse of pure, profound conception on his lined complexion.
In this strange wooden and cobblestone scenery surrounding the young and old, one is immobilized, the other standing in a crooked posture, when a set of eyes assume the shade of acorns, set against a pair of blood-flecked eyes that could not quite be said to be a smile.
"My name is..." The aging voice began in earnest as his previous voice faded before his own. The words spoken, seemed to crackle with an unappeasable fire, the crinkles of his mug seeming to curl out of place, coming into being what looked to be an invalid beam. And yet, troubled.
"...Ge—Gehrman..." The man, Gehrman, whose words are charitable and tender, akin to a grandfather, is as quiet as the snow. "Now, 'ow do yer call yorself?"
"...Ah..." Subaru's voice is like glass, shattered, and it seems he must've been struck by something.
How those brought-out words reverberated like a crater, the voice of a caved-in tunnel with a broken passageway, and even the squall comes across as having frosted in a noiseless state that he's unfit to conquer.
This is the only time where he seems to eventually disclose the answer agitating around the tip of his tongue without having it be a broken-up stone.
The switch from reaction to reflection, to process, to arriving at a good response was signaled by a whiff.
"...S-Su-Su—baru." Snatching a gulf of air seemed to stutter in Subaru's lungs before releasing, feeling the pressure drain from his gut.
Attending the basic techniques of gaining back control of breathing, soon, his control over his breath returned to normal, more or less.
"Subaru." Gehrman, despite Subaru's involuntary repetition messing with his words, clawed the young newcomer's name, then whispered it to himself, testing the taste of it on his tongue.
A quick downward motion of the head was deliberately made to show his acknowledgment. Craggy lips pulled into a half-grin as the old man's head tilted to the right. Gehrman sucked in a breath. He appeared if he was contemplating something just seconds ago.
"Yor sure ter be in a fine 'aze 'bout now." Saying so while uplifting his gentle hold of Subaru's hand and shoulder. Vibrating with the kind of words that no eyes can make out, one can sense something of discomfort in Gehrman. It showed as the number of levels in his complexion is lit out.
"I 'ave questions o' mine own ter ask o' yer, my boy, but from the looks o' it, it would be best if yer took the chuffin' time ter recuperate. In the meantime, roam 'round. 'Ave a moment or two ter cop yor bearings. Reacquaint yorself wiv the atmosphere." Gehrman rectified his posture so that it would be a prosperous pad for a grown man, seizing a hold on the hand rims near the front of his device of stability, permitting his fingers to easily grip and slide the metal bars in reverse motion.
"And right after that, I'll be there ter take on yor questions as much as yer want, or w'enever yer feel like yor clear-'eaded. Once that 'appens, yor 'ome-stay in the ['unter's Dream] will be a rather grand affair." Though Gehrman's voice and manner of speech, both careful and kindly, conveyed nothing but a disquieting stance, his true intentions of conveyance may not have changed; rather than Subaru's likely say of this matter, Gehrman appeared to say this quite simply to grant Subaru a clean truth, it seemed as if this "truth" was no more than solace to quiet the nerves of a worried lass.
"…" While Gehrman took his leave with measured rolls wheeling his chair device to an alternative convenient pathway, in contrast to the stairway, presumably heading inside the sole property that sprawled itself in the center of the [Hunter's Dream].
All was quiet, save for the inner workings of Gehrman's wheel device.
"...Nn." There, words came out as a choked whimper. If this was all some farcical play for the second party, then it was too much. But even then, his tone spoke of a boy who was still in a state of mental confusion.
"...Wait..." Subaru's murmurs were quiet, like those of a child. That is to say, it is more distant than those of adults. Natsuki Subaru comes out as a person who was still trying to form words to express their feelings and befuddlement. But even he felt as though the wariness was too strong.
However, Subaru's whirr helped in interrupting Gehrman's wheel tracks from pressing forward, and instead, remain in his spot motionless. Never bothered to even turn his chair around to face the tracksuit boy.
"Oh?" Gehrman, giving the impression of a small act of reluctance.
Subaru then took on the mental burden of showing it.
"What do you mean?" Fidgeting with his hands as said words felt like they were dug into his body. That blood-rush of shivers had his mind galloping with uncertainty over what this whole circumstance meant; throwing Subaru into a kind of vortex.
"Grand affair? What are you..." The mind almost aligns with wild imaginings. The overwhelming and traumatizing nerves alone sent him into flying. Eyes clinging to the ground like a scared animal, he could feel his world under a loosed grip.
Subaru then took on the mental burden of showing it.
"Why am I—"
"Per'aps takin' a small stroll 'round the garden and admirin' its scenery should certainly put yer at ease." Gehrman budgeted this with no manner of uncertainty, just straight talk. "We 'ave all the bloomin' time in the world."
Bestowing a brief nod of assertion, but no more to it, and even though it was given, there was no real vestige of his acceptance of the answer. It only seemed to give the sense that he was ready to let the subject drop.
The closing remark took place in that same sense, as Gehrman firmly plowed forward with his departure.
"..." But nothing else was uttered. The final remark came to a screeching halt as it hung on the tip of Subaru's tongue, darkly foreboding phrases that clung to his intellect in the slightest of ways, and only added to the already brewing misgiving.
Silent until only then, utterances sloshed roughly in his chops, even though it never made a sound.
Subaru remained suspended, the same could not be said for his thoughts as they were abysmal; the overwhelming of his emotions fed into a source, just like geysers from the bottom of the sleeping lake. He was caught in, entangled between them.
Without another glance, Gehrman vanished. Without even a sound. He just was gone.
"Why am I here?" The fearful young implored, just as though hanging in the air, drifting in an infinite circle. The thoughts that they were never supposed to be bound by; being floated around in the air. A bottomless pond.
Being choked by that endless, ever-pressing chasm of concern, as he remained standing for a certain amount of time.
It all felt as though it was all going so slowly. As though he would remain standing at this spot forever, and that thought somehow sank deeper into him, and more and more entrenched itself. Just how great was this ravine between his heart and his mind, that so considerable was his ordeal, yet no one was there to care for or comfort him?
From where he is now, onwards, treading the paths alone.
"Eeeeuugghhh!"
"—!" For perhaps a split second, there was a delicious moment where Subaru's exterior washed blank with uproar, the brain cogs couldn't turn fast enough to take in the surprise, all those thoughts collapsed into a single source: A presence so small, so monstrous-looking shook Subaru from within.
In the span of a single instant was the distinct sorts of shock revamp that made up a significant portion of his cognition into one swell tide. With so much to take in that Subaru was authorized not to digest but to fear.
A minor skin-furrowed face of an abnormal critter — a gnarled, beyond pale featureless scrawn with a pair of voided sockets, a spiny excommunicate spine littered atop, two excessively skinny long arms.
And in between the head and torso, the body was flayed to the bare bone and covered with thin strips of a skin-colored stretchy fabric, the body becoming one soft cylinder that was itchily covered with skin.
A shaggy back. An arm that crunched like a rotten pumpkin. Its hands stretched into the air as if it were clawing at the air.
It was not a cartoon of any degree. It was a real, undeniably ghoulish take of vile, horrifically demented manifestation. A deformed humanoid amalgamation that straddled the realm of horror and the reality of being ridiculous.
Like a grotesque, horrific malformation, made to look away from the law that man has set. But still, the laws remained.
An ageless, unrelenting terror to the senses, was the will of reality.
"Aaa...Haa…" A true, boggle-filled, brain-jammed reflex to fully realize what's in front of Subaru's eyes at this moment, even with being paralyzed by the shock of the appearance of this being looks, a noise was found to escape.
Subaru could turn, and with some small shreds of thought and perception, he could look. At the origin of the terror, Subaru's stupefied gazes were trained to one point in front of the creature.
The sight of which sent fresh panic sweeping into him, jolting his thinking. Taking a step back, legs quivering from the apprehension, a sound was let out, a word without any sound, but a word was formed nonetheless.
A word with no phonemes, formed from the maw of the colorless varmint, the thin atrociousness entity enunciated, "Hrrhrraauughh!" Followed by a wiggle of its jaw, its lips being a knobby, squashed appearance.
"Ahh, ah..." Subaru could only let out, while his body's shaking, he continued peddling away, step by step, from the bizarre wretch. Every step eaten up a small bit of fear that craved to overtake him.
Unfortunately, terror stuck around the legs; tumbling headlong onto the ground, Subaru dropped a neat half step and slumped, violently releasing his body's tension on the cobblestone surface. Whimpering, incoherent pitch exited from his mug.
"Get away..." Inquisitive to his surroundings, a feeble whisper to himself. Subaru's gasping in the cold floor, his body mewling from being nervous. His mind was attempting to grasp the situation, unsure what he should be doing. A pathetically timid, quake figure he is, subsiding into the cold surface of the ground.
Giving in to his conditions, Subaru made another attempt to flee the monster before him, but that very attempt brought about another reaction from the creature.
"Hrrrhruuaahh!"
"Ah!" Scuttling backward, Subaru dove away, pushing against the cold stone. Away from the tiny horror that stood close to him. The flat surface afforded him better escape but in the context of more cowardice and dread.
Fleeing and huddled himself back into the corner as he could. Scrabbling himself into a fetal position, Subaru leaned back against the wall, face slipping into the palms of his hands. His forehead is still hot with fright.
"Get away! Go away! From me! Why me?! Why me?! Why me?! Why me?!" The 'reason' for the predicament resonated within his head. He tried to clear his thoughts, to bring reason into his head. But, all that did was set Subaru back into panicked circles, when his mind's path to putting things in context was cut off.
Uncompromising horror came from the side of him, stopping his sanity at its path, closing off his path to information. Closing his eyes, Subaru lost all form of sight.
The monster chipped into his visual territory — The shape it bore was bizarre, a shape formed to frighten. And from a fear that may be inherent in the human psyche, was no more insight.
Utterly fearful, Subaru continued his escape, constantly heaving in his ribs and gasping for air. Shuffling back and forth, unsure of what his body should do. Pulling in some short breaths of air, Subaru couldn't bring his breathing under his control, only letting it slip into his lungs randomly.
Fragments didn't come in, they barely came out, he inhaled and exhaled in the same smooth breaths that spewed out.
"It's coming, it's coming, it's coming, it's coming, it's coming, it's coming!" The horrifying sentence came out from within Subaru's head. Channeling through his teeth and lips, the same thing continued to echo through Subaru's body. His blood-chilling in his body.
In no form of haste, the sensation of nervousness tickled his stomach, it moved along his chest, his backbone, and down into his legs and feet. With the force of a tripwire.
"No more, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more!" A voice that screamed out in terror, a voice that drowned out everything else. It was not only about the mental pain, that was only half of it, the other half was the physical punishment, the hunger, the inevitable punishment that'll come for him.
"Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please!" With all the cries that filled his heart and mind, the sound dissipated into the air around them, freezing his heart into an untimely ice sculpture. Moving desperately away from the threat, the sharp force of the cold air only acted to amplify the effect on him.
Wheezing harsh breaths of air into his throat, gurgling and gasping away at a rapid pace, Subaru let in more air into his lungs in a desperate attempt to keep some kind of control over his breathing. Lips closed to stop the noise from coming out, mouth opened with no sounds.
"Mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, mercy, merc—" He halted at the end of his words, he stopped breathing in his throat before being consumed with silence. The shrieks that poured out of Subaru stopped, only silence poured out.
"...Nnneuugh..."
"—Mer...cy..." A frantic request of another being, of another emotion, of another person who wants and sees comfort and mercy in others. So much more emotion than just his own, an emotion which could echo no more on in him. Mercy was the only thing left to hold any kind of good in his body, he lay sited along the floor and called to it. To heal him and quiet the terror that tried to escape his body.
"Uuegh..." A mewl echoed in the courtyard before Subaru let out a faint cry of shock. Inhaling and exhaling, Subaru continued to breathe outwards and inwards into his mouth, the effort to keep in control of his body caused a hiss of discomfort. He still heave and gasp, but slowly, he pulled more air into his body.
"Nnngrrhr..." Whimpering from somewhere out of sight, a scraping noise started to tickle and on into his ears. Abruptly, it went silent, leaving the immediate area dead silent, with not even the slightest of background noises. Regardless, it was still there. He knows. Subaru can feel it.
"—!?" Its tiny hands plopped themselves on Subaru's legs, that of a clammy handprint. A set of digits gently without any haste, finding its hands moving with a single swept motion up his knees back and forth. This gesture was clumsy, and the oddest of all, it wasn't hasty or quick, there was a bit of grace to it. Subaru could feel the faint heat from its hand.
"Nuueh..." With Subaru's eyes remaining closed, a mangled rasp grumbled, wheezing from the critter's throat. The hands stopped on his leg and the slight warmth and trembles faded. Its entire body was still as Subaru lay there.
"Aw..." Subaru breathed, heaving and inhaling deeper to relieve the little feet padders, the handprints on his leg still retained their heat but then they fizzled away, becoming less noticeable. Subaru opened his eyes and saw a smaller shape entity, as the size was perfectly equivalent to an action figure. Its head was more than half again the size of its skinny body.
"Nuuaaah..." Its tiny voice was small and very timid. There were no words for it but what it did say was incomprehensible.
Subaru had no doubt it was talking to him but had no idea what it was saying, or what it wanted from him. What it wanted from Subaru was unknown. What is asked of him was something he didn't have in his mind to give. All of what it did from moment to moment was something Subaru wasn't even certain of.
The important matter here was that he felt this creature's relief, a fleeting emotion he didn't even know existed. Its shortage of facial normality; eyebrows, a set of eyes, and a pair of fleshy parts of an opening of the mouth earns drawback to discern this abhorrent complexion.
It suddenly brought Subaru out of the surreal haze that was his thoughts and he rose after the encounter.
"Ah..." Unable to put any force behind anything besides a deep sigh leaving his lungs. Subaru thought how outrageous this was, that a portable abominable thing was bidding him a hand of comfort.
A hand is so light that it was next to nothing which eased the pain in his chest like nothing else could do. Not even words to convey what it felt like. No fluttering heart to tell him it was done, the relief was entirely in his head.
"Muuah..." Without any outside noise to distract the small cute monster, it leaned down with its hands clasped on Subaru's knees and it seemed as if he'd understand its communication. It simply spoke, with the words and vowel sounds at random. Whizzing along like the wind, a stream of sounds, which would be without doubt the first words Subaru had ever heard it speak.
"..." Subaru wasn't sure how to interpret this gibberish dialect and a lot of nonsense that flowed out of its mouth. They made absolutely no sense to him. The absolute only way he could think of to interpret what it said was by using the key to decipher its random sounds.
"It's trying to comfort me?" Subaru's internal statement came with quite a bit of confusion, but this little creature seemed quite all right with what it was doing. It was quite jubilant for this small being. It seemed quite relieved and cheerful for Subaru.
"Nnng-rr~!" Its voice chimed in on Subaru, it sounded like a tiny munchkin singing about some happy news. However, to Subaru, it seemed to have no rhyme or reason to the sound. Its meaning was quite cryptic to him.
The abominable monster faced Subaru and bobbed slightly up and down, Subaru presumed that this was some kind of encouragement.
All the while, Subaru came to his knees reaching out with his hand slowly, which oddly were numb and were not in pain again. Subaru had no idea why he was feeling so cold, but that wasn't something that concerned him.
He was more interested in the strange feelings he had for this thin, decolorize little one. It was more a fascination than anything, but it was quite strange.
Just what it was he was seeing wasn't something he could readily put a finger on. Watching the thing, this grey matter whose legs are nonexistent 'floating' through the surface with white smoke mobs around it, seemed odd at best.
"Th—" Subaru commenced to wobbly say. "...Thank...you..." His words came slowly and labored. He looked at the abominable creature which was quite alright with itself, in the eyes of Subaru.
As the abominable creature was sure it had conveyed its feelings, it bobbed ever so slightly. Although this small creature, which he thought he couldn't place a name to, was happy.
All the while, Subaru found it quite hard to look at the mouth-gaping creature's face, and seeing it seem so happy wasn't something he was accustomed to. That feeling of being afraid to look at the faces of such hideous beings suddenly struck a funny cord within Subaru.
Ever so less than certain, Subaru stopped his attempts to analyze this small creature.
There are other matters to take care of, besides being able to figure out this strange new creature. It was this rapturous panorama Subaru is now seeing, that kept him away from questioning what was going on around him, but more so his present predicament and this strange existence.
Subaru only held a vacant expression on his face as he stared at the creature. He didn't know what to think of it at all, and so he didn't say a word. Once Subaru was certain his legs were steady enough, he slowly and carefully stood up to his feet.
As for the little one, it seemed quite relieved and hadn't moved from the 'maternal' sight it had with Subaru for a bit now. He felt that that gaze could be a strange sentiment, but there was one thing he found somewhat reassuring.
A more terrifying one if anything.
"Uueeehhh!" On the spur of the moment in a manner that encourages one to remain calm and not react out of fear and panic, but, out of sheer fright, this unknown creature groans using its mouth to its greatest capacity, it lets out an urgent groan.
It's more of a grunt than a groan, but with a strangely pleasant, optimistic tone to it. Seeing that unfamiliar, the thing, peered up at Subaru. It motioned its toothpick hand into a human-themed gesture that, to Subaru, even if the form of nonverbal communication itself was something familiar still felt so alien that he was forced to pay heed to it.
So when it motioned its disturbing hands in such a way as to convey its instruction, there is not much more to add about this charade. As with this fellow it seemed to be seeking for the poor boy to follow.
[oOo]
A fireplace brought a dancing sheen into the heart of the hut. It brought the most welcome of solaces, it carried the sort of warmth that felt satisfactory on his husk.
But it did not bring peace. It did not extensively fetch Subaru harmony. The fireplace, while it retained its pleasant feel of a hearth, could not wash away the pervasive chaos. He felt no single moment of spiritual peace, only perpetual anxiety. There was, instead, a lingering ache, a frostiness wound into a hole he had become accustomed to.
It was all of him and none — there was no more feeling to any part of himself. His emotions remained locked in his head, he could see no warmth for them to leak into his skull. His eyes were strained, seeing everything from behind half-closed eyelids.
Subaru's consciousness was disordered. And he did not know how to bring it under control.
The room had grown quiet, apart from the sound of his breath.
"Hrrrnn~!" As well coupled with the unfriendly-looking pallid organism that 'stood' alongside Subaru, both hands remain in one place in the air before the golden glow and heat of the fireplace. As usual, its hand was of gaunt, inelegant shape, lacking any meat on the bones. And its voice was ragged, lacking the smooth tune of a human, it was instead a gruff relaxed mumble.
Be that as it may, the voice itself didn't bother Subaru. In truth, the thing's presence scarcely perpetrates anything of remark to Subaru. Hardly acknowledge it at all. It may have just moaned something to Subaru but would have had just as effortlessly as not given attention to it. None of it matters. Even the insignificant declaration that this thing was here dismayed him no more than the room's acoustics did.
In a room crammed with innumerable bunched books emitting their slow chemical decomposing odor of old books. In a room coated with the dust of an age long past, a workbench was placed next to the far wall. It sat there, grand and unconcerned, never giving it a second thought. None of it matters. None of this matters. Subaru's lack of concern for the entirety of the room's appearances is unique.
The room had no other inhabitant aside from Subaru himself and the little one. It was a space where Subaru was led.
To a space that Subaru barely registered as soon as when after trudging in, to which Subaru is a stranger. The space was a husk, devoid of any life to call it even breathing. A space that, save for the few appearances, it could also be said that none had ever returned to.
Why did Subaru find himself in such a space? What else was there to know about it.
It doesn't matter. For Subaru, it is of no concern in regards to its apparent nature. Or whether there would be any significance to it or not. Whether it is a space of any genuine functionality. It is neither here nor there.
Subaru was simply thrown into the midst of it, that was the current situation.
Subaru exhaled his breath and shut the air from his mouth. Then, as a natural reaction, his mind wandered off with thoughts. He remembered the past, he let his mind wander with the past, he let his mind wander and wonder with it. He let his mind wander without giving any attention to the place where he now finds himself.
His mind, off in its dimension, was wandering away in a vacuum.
The room was silent. At that moment Subaru had no suspicion of it being silent. Long it had sunken into a quiescent state. For a room to be silent, it can't ever be. Nothing can be said about the silence that is the very entirety of it.
It is not like hearing the silence of the air or a breeze, it is a type of unheard-of deafness, a silence that knew nothing of any sound, a silence devoid of any meaning or sense. At the very least, he was safe. Safe from the outside world, safe from the countless voices that probably once seemed never-ending. Secured away from that everlasting darkness of a cell. Securely tucked away, any threat from any external source would not affect him any further.
Subaru was safe in a warm embrace of flames.
If a single thing could be said about this state of silence, it would be that it was at that moment he felt in peace. A peace that was only dictated by the warmth of the fire. It was also a peace that existed only in his mind.
A warm, yet unadulterated peace. It was for now.
A/U: Alright, listen, I wanna let you guys know that I'm serious, like really, REALLY, itching to just begin Subaru's journey through Yharnam, the violence, the madness, fights, all major changes within Barusu's character development, huge revelation between the world of Re: Zero and Bloodborne, existential crisis, and all the good stuff! But before we can get right into it, I can't just skip right on over when there's a problem we have in our hands at this moment: Subaru.
Since I have integrated Re: Zero Forgotten-verse into this story, some elements from it must be taken into consideration and serve as our first obstacle, and that obstacle is the current mental state of Subaru. Not only our poor sanpaku-eyes protagonist was not so long ago subjected to the most disastrous, soul-wrenching experience he'd cope with.
Undergoing through abandonment, torture, isolation, and then, to make matters worse now finds himself in an entirely unfamiliar area. In which said unfamiliar area, he dies in it, but then wakes up once more this time in another alienated place that could easily be mistaken for a safe haven in paradise.
That's not even the end of it. Just wait until as soon as Gehrman drops the bomb on Subaru, and how he is going to react to it all. Will he even be up for it? At the very least, he found a new friend, right?
Until then. Gotta pick up the pace with the story moving forward.
