61
Confession
Gaara was sitting down behind his desk, reading reports. Kankuro entered the office and waited for his brother to stop reading.
Three days had passed from the wedding ceremony and he was feeling like a bird in a cage in Suna. The lack of actual work was making him too tense. But since he didn't really have a honeymoon, Gaara had insisted for him to lay low for the next 2-3 days.
"There is a problem on the East border." Gara said suddenly.
Kankuro was silent, but was smiling innerly.
"I think you should go."
"If I must."
"This is mission rank A, possibly S, so I want you to be extra careful." The Kazekage raised his head and looked at him. "I don't want my brother in a coma as well. Remember that."
Kankuro stared back - he never had heard Gaara saying something like that. He guessed what happened with Temari had shaken him deeply, more than he realised.
"Of course I am going to be careful. You know me."
"Yes, I know you." Gaara sighed. "That's why I am saying this. I know you rarely make mistakes, but those shinobies are very dangerous."
"I know that." Kankuro nodded, frowning.
"Do not forget to say goodbye to your wife."
"I won't."
"Go now." Gaara looked down at the report he was reading.
The big brother looked at him for a few seconds. There was a time he thought it would be wonderful if Gaara wasn't his brother, but instead to have more… normal one. But recently he was able to value the man his little brother has turned to. Now he was sure he wouldn't change that weird brother for anyone else…
…
"Can't I come with you?" Tenten asked while Kankuro was packing his things.
"Nope. Godaime wants you back in one piece. We can't risk your life," he sighed.
"The boredom will finish me first."
"This is not a walk for fun." He turned to her, almost scolding. "You are shinobi, you know all of this, damn it!"
"Exactly! I know all of this!" She frowned. "I need to do something, to train, to complete missions. I can't possibly sit here all day long for months. If I do, Tsunade-sama will get back the most useless shinobi ever lived."
Kankuro stopped dealing with the packing and looked at her. He really looked at her and heard her. He realised she is right that she can't possibly be good at something she doesn't practice at all. It wasn't possible. He sighed:
"Look, talk with Gaara." he said seriously. "I am sure he would figure something out about your training. But I am a jounin and I am home. Temari is fighting for her life and can do any missions, so I will be taking part of hers as well." Tenten had her head down, so he went over her and lifted her chin with his thumb. "I have my tasks and I am completing them. Everything else depends on the Kazekage."
"Right, I got you." She nodded slightly and moved away from his hand.
"It is about time to leave." He said quietly and felt his chest hurt for a spare moment.
"Yes," said the girl, looking away.
"I hope you are not angry at me." Kankuro smiled slightly.
Then she looked at him and no, there was no trace of anger on her face, it was sadness all over it. Tenten took a good look at his face, whole painted - she hated that makeup. It was like his face faded away and she hardly could recognise his true features. He was just like another person, she didn't know that well and she felt more lonely…
"I know it is not up to you," she said eventually.
He stretched his arms towards her, sighing quietly:
"Come…" he said, inviting her with a gesture.
She approached him hesitantly and let him hug her. He wrapped his hands around her and pressed her to his body for a moment, placing his cheek on her head. Tenten really needed that hug - it was more of a friend's hug, no passion included, just with a lot of carrying and concern.
"I really should go. My team is waiting for me."
She nodded with cheek still pressed to his chest.
"You are going to be ok here." He said, releasing her.
He headed to the door and she stood in the middle of the room. When he attempted to close the door, it was as if something was going to tear his chest in two… Then she called him. The man opened again and looked at her with a silent question.
"You keep yourself safe, ok?" she whispered and he smiled.
"All right, I will."
"I really don't want a husband with a missing appendage," she explained, putting in some irony to avoid this moment turning into a total drama.
Kankuro laughed out loud.
"Especially, protect the head…" she added seriously.
"All right then. I will be protecting all of my appendages, especially this one…" he demonstratively took off his hat, bowed theatrically to the girl, and put it back on his tousled hair.
Then he exited, leaving Tenhen alone in the room, staring at the closed door.
…
"So our work here is done?" asked Neji.
"Yes." Godaime nodded. "We can leave tomorrow. The medics here are capable of more than enough to handle it."
"I understand," he said.
"Tenten," exclaimed the Hokage to the girl, coming down the hall.
She was dressed in her ordinary training clothes - white top and crimson bottom. But her hair was a bit different. Instead of two buns, she had it up in a ponytail. Neji silently noted it suits her more.
"Good afternoon, Godaime-sama," she said, smiling and turned to the man, nodding. "Hello, Neji."
"I was just going to look for you." The older woman spoke.
"What is going on, Godaime-sama?"
"You know that Temari's going to survive."
"Yes, Kankuro already told me," she smiled again.
"That means our mission here is complete. So we are leaving for Konoha tomorrow morning."
Tenten looked at Godaime and barely swallowed her urge to cry.
"It is so… soon." she said quietly.
"I am sorry…" Tsunade put a hand on her shoulder encouragely. "I will try and send out a familiar face here once every one-two weeks."
The girl smiled with gratitude.
But she still was going to be alone most of the time. Kankuro was going to be away often. Temari was probably not going to be a suitable company for quite some time. And honestly, she had never communicated with her that much before. Having a familiar face once every week or two sounded really wonderful. It would be a relief.
"Now I have a talk with the Kazekage before we leave."
"Tsunade-sama…" Tenten called quietly. "Could you talk with Gaara-sama about letting me train and including me in a team?"
Godaime looked at her a bit critically, but nodded.
"I could ask him, yes. But this is his village and the decision is his. I can't really meddle."
"I know." Tenten sighed.
The woman smiled kindly and headed down the hallway to Gaara's office.
"Tenten…" said Neji.
The girl turned to look at him and smiled, but he yet, for the third time, didn't return the smile back. She again felt as if he hit her.
"We need to talk…" he continued quietly.
"All right," she nodded. In her head appeared a hurricane of questions, which she couldn't wait to get answers to. But she knew him… She should keep up with his pace and not push too hard. If she wanted any information, she should have kept a peaceful appearance.
Tenten picked a path to one of the inner gardens, suddenly needing fresh air. They walked silently next to each other. She felt almost normal. To walk slowly shoulder to shoulder with Neji or Lee was one of the most normal things she knew. And she missed it. The girl glanced at her teammate a few times but he didn't return any of her glances. His jaw was clenched, which meant he was tense way beyond the usual. But one should have known him really well to even notice. For someone, not knowing the pale-eyed man really well, he will appear peaceful and calm as ever. Tenten decided it would be wiser to wait for him to speak first whenever he was ready.
In ten minutes slowly walking, they reached the inner garden, which the girl was aiming for. They sat down on one of the benches.
Neji continued to be silent for a few more minutes. His chest was tightened untypically with a weird tension. He was well aware that the time of prolonging and waiting ended now. Or he should say something, or he should keep silent about it until Tenten comes back home to Konoha… If she came back home…
"Neji…?" She asked carefully in another minute of wait.
"I would like to know…" he spoke quietly, looking straight ahead. "Tenten, what do you feel towards me?"
Her eyes widened. Where did that come from? And why now? And why here? She blinked a few times, opening and closing her mouth. She didn't have an idea what he was aiming for, what he wanted to hear. And also what she was feeling towards him as a what: a person, a teammate, a friend… or something else? Helpless, she seeked some help in his eyes.
"What are you exactly… asking?" she frowned.
"I…" he now turned to her. "I want to know how you feel towards me," he repeated.
"Neji… You are one of my very best friends and one of my closest people altogether. I feel very strong fondness and trust…"
He nodded as if he was happy with the answer.
"I am also very fond of you, Tenten," he said slowly. "And I trust you."
"All right…" She continued looking at his eyes, trying to guess where this all was going. "And we are talking about this now, because…?"
"Because I've recently found something that troubled me very deeply…" He replied whispering.
"And what would that be?" She also started to whisper and leaned a bit to him.
"When you got assigned to this mission, I saw you struggle within it. I was determined to help you not only because I was ordered to, but because you are my dear friend, even though you may not feel it.…"
"Neji…" She smiled kindly. "I have known you since we were 12. I know all of your friends and I know exactly how close you are with each of them. I also know I am your only female friend."
He nodded with something that looked like relief.
"That's right. But it is all about something else…" He took a breath as if he was preparing to say something very important, causing Tenten to tense. "I didn't really realise how close to me you were until you started to drift away. At one moment you have started to avoid me due to reasons I really don't want to know about."
The girl nodded more to herself than to him.
"I also realised I needed to talk with you more and spend more time with you than I was allowed to during the last few weeks." He took another breath. "I wanted to say I feel lonelier when you are not beside me. Then I thought I miss you because you are my close friend. But…" He closed his eyes for a moment, struggling. "Then a strange sensation appeared in me. It was really unpleasant and I couldn't recognise it in the beginning. Can you guess what this sensation was?"
Tenten shook her head, speechless.
"It was jealousy."
She straightened her back as if someone hit her. Her eyes widened and she looked at him with disbelief. He couldn't have said that…
"I was forced to see how you are getting closer with another man and I couldn't do anything, say anything."
"Neji…" She attempted to interrupt him, but he lifted his hand with a gesture, asking her to stay silent and let him talk.
"I see how you look at him sometimes… Maybe you don't even realise it… But I also see how he looks at you, he is not bothered by his feelings as I am. He is not hiding them…"
"Neji… please… What are you saying? What feelings are you talking about?"
"The affection you develop for each other." He said simply.
She was even more shocked… She hasn't given it much thought… but it may turn out he could be right… at least till some extent.
"Then it came to me that if I don't do anything, or say anything now, by the time you will have to come back home, it may be too late. I will not stand a chance…" He said, accenting every word of his last sentence.
Tenten couldn't react properly. Hell, she couldn't react at all. She couldn't help but think this is some kind of really cruel joke someone was pulling on her. And this actually was not Neji at all, but a shinobi, mastering delusions…
"I understand what you just heard is a lot…" He said whispering. "I also know that I have never expressed any kind of desire for a deeper relationship whatsoever. It is a bit out of nowhere, I know…"
He looked at her eyes almost apologetically.
"And I don't want you to promise me anything. It would be too selfish of me, if I did. I want you to know, if you come back to Konoha, I am going to be there, waiting." He got up and turned to her. "Also I would like to ask you to come back…"
Neji bowed to honour her. Then he looked into her eyes and he headed away with slow steps.
She just sat there, on the bench, and couldn't comprehend the new information. She had been dreaming of something like that for years. But now, when it was happening, she was forked and almost angry. She wasn't well aware of what she was feeling right now. Being with Neji was something huge… But there were many months laying ahead and she didn't know how her feelings would stay or turn. In fact, there was no guarantee she would be alive when it was about time to go home.
Tenten shook her head and decided she was going to think this over again later, when the shock was gone.
