I find myself in the search of our young Slytherin prodigy who has just joined my ranks, I know he is probably lonely as usual, he is not like the others, he is more like myself. He is unsociable and prefers solitude, I must say I can understand him far better than he imagines himself, for we are equally damaged by this world, broken.
We both grew up without love or care, having to depend on ourselves from a very young age in a cruel and merciless world, we knew the wickedness of men at a very young age and we suffered it without being able to do anything while we were being filled with resentment and hatred, which led us to where we are now, seeking revenge for what we suffered, so it is not surprising that he ended up at the mercy of someone like me, he couldn't help it I now what he desires but even more what he desperately needs.
I saw his memories, I know his story and at some point in my own life I could feel those familiar emotions, when we link our minds at the moment of his initiation I recognize them, desolation, anger, fear, frustration, hurt and a growing darkness absorbing everything else, blinding our existence and guiding our destinies.
I must confess I never thought I would meet someone so like myself, someone who understands the true motivations of my crusade not the ones I sell to those so narcissistic as to not realise they are being used, I am not cleansing the world to make it more "pure" but to remove that which destroyed my own purity and to take revenge on those creatures who do not deserve to exist. He lived through the yells of angry voices screaming "abnormal", "freak", "monster" and of course he knows the desire to destroy that which once destroyed you.
From the moment I heard of him I knew he had great potential, Malfoy even told me about how a small half-blood had created his own spells and improved his potions while still at Hogwarts, something not common for many wizards to achieve even in a lifetime no matter how "pure" they are, obviously I was attracted to those great feats without thinking that when I finally met him I would not only find a good pawn for my fight but also an equal, a reflection of my past, a remider.
Certainly he is still young and has a strong temperament but I can see the great potential within him and that burning desire to be on the top, that same desire that has consumed me since my childhood and led me to start one of the most terrible wars in the magical world, desire and the pursuit of power are a great motivator for both of us. I continue my search until I reach the laboratory of the mansion and I see him stirring the cauldron in front of him with fervour, he is completely lost in perfecting his new creation and I must say that I find myself attracted by the passion that overflows as he moves in perfect synchronicity at every step of the preparation.
It's a shame, he really is admirable and I know he could be great, perhaps as great as I am and that's why I have to break him, I can't risk losing everything I've fought for, he could be a threat, I know it will be difficult to achieve. He, like me, has lost his fear of ordinary pain, he is one of the few Death Eaters who will not allow himself to scream as the cruciatus surrounds and consumes him, surely because he has had more than enough experience with pain as it has been a constant in his life that something as simple as that is unlikely to make him buckle. His ambition drives him and he will not stop himself from getting what he wants for something as low as the fear of 'punishment', I know that because even though he is part of my followers he is also using me and my cause to get what he wants, we are Slytherins after all.
I look at him again and even though he has that reflection of me in him I also know that there is a world of difference between us. Even though he repress himself I know he is not yet strong enough to do some of the tasks I give my servants, he still has a conscience and feels remorse when harming others, he feels empathy even for some of them and sometimes remorse, that makes him weak in comparison to me, not to mention his lack of connections to other wizards as he is not as good as me at wrapping people up and making them do his bidding for him, on the contrary he is rather clumsy and rought when relating to others, always on the defensive and with an insult on the tip of his poisonous tongue, he is good with words yes but he does not know the mind of the commoners he does not know how to manipulate others, maybe he will never learn but I cannot risk it, the potential is there it has only been the lack of experience and learning that has prevented him from entering the world of politics as a player and not as a pawn.
Eventually I will have to get rid of him, but for now I will take advantage of his talent and until that time comes I will keep him company because despite everything we understand each other as we are still equally damaged.
